party-rules

this is a story about a sorcerer and a knight. well, a knight-in-training. they go by KiT, a nickname for their title, but a perfectly good name for anyone. kit’s a good squire, for the most part, but they have a knack for getting into trouble.

this time the trouble is they just fuckin decked another knight in the middle of the tavern.

“keep your hands off my friend,” kit tells the shocked personification of grossness, now sitting on his ass on the ground. kit’s pretty sure the message was already sent though the ass-kicking, but it doesn’t hurt to be thorough.

the man splutters for a minute before finding his tongue. “you— you— you piece of shit, you’ll pay for this. i have powerful friends.”

“bring it on,” kit retorts. they’re feeling pretty confident right now.

they’re feeling significantly less confident as two other men step up behind the first guy.

“outside,” the first growls.

“we’re zit and wedge, and we’re going to kick your ass,” the second one clarifies. 

zit nods. “but we don’t want to make a mess of you on mal’s floor, since it was just scrubbed and all.”

kit glances at mal, who they rather thought was a friend, to find her nodding appreciatively. “brawlers these days are so polite. out you three go.”

kit wilts. “but… there’s just one of me.”

it’s around this time, when the two other guys are starting to crack their knuckles and look like they’re going to drag kit outside whether they like it or not, that someone else pushes their way through the small crowd that’s forming.

“’scuse me, pardon me. hello. what’s going on here?”

she’s got bright blue hair, of the kind that you get from mucking around with magic too much. everyone immediately reassesses the situation, and watches her warily. a sorcerer can quickly change the way a brawl plays out, if they feel like intervening. kit sincerely hopes she does.

“miss,” zit jumps in before kit can get a word in, “this young… person, here, just brutally attacked my poor friend, and me and wedge think we ought to be able to teach them a lesson in manners.”

the sorcerer studies him for a moment, as if considering his statement, and kit grabs their chance.

“pimple here is completely leaving out the fact that their friend wouldn’t leave my friend alone, after she asked him to go away twice!”

zit bristles, and looks to the sorcerer for her judgment.

she considers for while. “can anyone vouch for this knight’s statement?”

“i was the one getting hit on!” tea shouts from behind kit’s shoulder.

the sorcerer digests the witness’s statement. “hm. i’m inclined to see this as a case of self-defense, through the channel of someone who was not the self being hit on. i would suggest that all the parties involved accept the ruling of “he who gets their ass kicked probably deserves it”, and move on.”

“fat chance,” wedge growls. “the pack sticks together. we have to defend our leader.”

werewolves, kit sighs internally. it just figured.

there’s a dramatic pause, then the sorcerer says cooly, “you try it, and you’ll get your asses kicked too.”

zit and wedge eye her warily. kit eyes all three of them, which is hard with only two eyes.

“i reckon we could take a sorcerer,” wedge hypothesizes— an idea that would be quickly proven false in any laboratory experiment.

but this is a tavern, and the sorcerer has a delayed reaction, only raising her hands when zit charges at her. kit flinches back, sure she’s about to be crushed, but the next moment flames explode in the small space between the sorcerer and zit. there’s a yelp, and mad scrambling back from the sorcerer.

“i have nowhere to be until book club at midnight,” the sorcerer informs them calmly, her hands still out, palms up and ready to summon more flame. kit squints at them. “so i have plenty of time to teach you a lesson.”

apparently rescinding their hypothesis, all three werewolves make a mad dash for the door and disappear into the night.

the sorcerer smiles victoriously, and shakes her bright hair out of her face. kit squints at her scalp as she turns to them. “all good?”

“yes, thank you,” tea says, sounding impressed. “wow… a fire summoner. i didn’t know there were any teenagers powerful enough.”

kit has no other specific places to squint, so they just stare hard at the sorcerer’s face. “yeah… thanks. that was really cool.”

she waves their thanks off with one hand, a few strands of smoke issuing from her sleeves. “all in a day’s work. i’ll be off now.”

kit leaves tea with mal, though they frankly no longer trust her so much, and follows the sorcerer out the door. “hey, wait! you, blue hair magic person. what are you?”

“a masked vigilante,” she says, after a pause. “without the mask, because magic.”

kit blinks at that, before realizing she’s perfectly right. besides the definite ideas that she’s female and blue-haired, kit seems to forget what she looks like one moment to the next. kinda neat, honestly, though disconcerting.

they shake their head. “no, i mean… you’re not a sorcerer. i’ve seen people summon fire, and it comes from a loosely closed fist, not an open hand. also, your hair is dyed, not magically changed.”

she doesn’t answer for a moment, then looks stumped, and continues to not answer.

“well?” kit asks.

“fine,” she admits. “i’m a sorcerer in training, but the fake mask is about the most complicated magic i can do. the hair is so people will take me seriously when i do masked vigilante stuff.”

“and the fire?” kit persists.

after a moment, she shakes out her sleeve, sending a tiny purple dragon tumbling into her other hand. “my helper. my fire aid, if you will. you’re the first person to notice, you know?”

“just logic and being awesome,” kit says with a shrug, feeling pleased. neither are skills they get to show off a lot. they kinda feel like they’ve earned something for it. “hey, can i ask you a question?”

after a pause, the sorcerer in training says, “go for it.”

“why do you wait a second before responding to anything?”

their question is punctuated by a pause before she answers.

then the sorcerer motions kit closer, and tucks her hair behind her ears. the knight-in-training leans in, gaping. there’s a green dragon no longer than the length of one finger perched behind her ear, claws holding onto her piercings for balance. it unwedges one tiny wing to wave at them.

“what the fuck,” kit says, unable to find a reason for this from logic or being awesome.

“what the fuck,” the dragon repeats, pushing its snoot practically inside the sorcerer’s ear.

“this is peep,” she says. “my hearing is shit, so it helps me out. i call it my hearing aid.”

the draconian hearing aid preens under the knight-in-training’s stare.

“shit,” kit mumbles, for lack of better words.

“shit!” the dragon crows, gleefully.

#buymelodramaonitunes

  • the reason melodrama is so complex is that it simultaneously celebrates and criticises parties as a place where the rules no longer apply 
  • parties give us an illusion of control? confined in the world of the party it’s all ‘our rules, our dreams’ and we are ‘kings and queens’
  • homemade dynamite is such a call to arms for our generation okay it feels like a metaphor for the potential we all have to create change 
  • but equally could be a metaphor for our self-destructive tendencies??? 
  • the louvre is beautiful because it glorifies the tiny beautiful moments, relationships that don’t last forever but are still beautiful and priceless and are still works of art - masterpieces and still good enough for the louvre
  • also this is a song about writing a love song? ‘broadcast the boom boom boom and make ‘em all dance to it’ that is literally the conventional role of pop music? 
  • okay but hear me out i think liability/hard feelings are two versions of the same story, liability immediately after the split and hard feelings in retrospect!!!!! there are so many parallels!!!
  • let go of this endless summer afternoon vs. every endless summer’s eating me alive 
  • well i guess i should go vs. well i guess i’ll go home 
  • big mistake of dancing in my storm vs.  how you’d dance for me 
  • i am obsessed with how sober ii explores the performance of being a young adult like ‘oh how fast the evening passes’ and the references to ‘champagne’ suggests some form of performed sophistication 
  • ‘we told you this was melodrama’ could play on this idea of performing a role, or alternatively could play on the way society views the lives of millennials - melodramatic and ridiculous!!!
  • ‘they’ll talk about us, all the lovers, how we kissed and killed each other’  reminds us that this is our legacy, this is how we live forever - it’s super self-reflective and seems to call on us to consider the mark we are leaving on the world BUT also ‘romanticises us making us the stuff of myth and legend, we are immortalised forever in our scandal 
  • writer in the dark!!!!! so like to begin with that double meaning - kissing her literally in the dark / kissing her while he kept her in the dark about how he really felt 
  • this is lorde’s ‘blank space’ revenge song okay fight me on this 
  • her secret power is being able to keep him forever bc she ‘locks him in her heart’ he’ll rue the day he kissed her because in doing so he sealed his fate!!!
  • this is actually REALLY CREEPY I WANT A CREEPY MUSIC VIDEO!!!!
  • okay so love of my life supercut: every chorus is like the actual supercut playing back all the good parts back - that sunny pre-chorus with the repetition, mirroring the idea of a highlights reel playing over and over again
  • but it’s also a metaphor for seeing a past relationship through rose-tinted glasses/the way nostalgia makes things beautiful - she is only remembering the beautiful parts
  • okay but the ultimate storyline of the album seems to be from green light, sober, homemade dynamite we get the impression that ‘all there is, is the party’, whereas liability reprise suggests that ‘maybe all this is the party’ which is such a beautiful and hopeful discovery for the album to make - leading straight into perfect places, which celebrates life with all it’s imperfections and flaws!!!
A Rogue with a fear of treasure chests and a Pokemon walk into a dungeon

From a customized DND session based on 5e rules. Party consists of a Paladin (the tank of the group), a Fighter (the heavy hitter), a Monk (heavy hitter no.2), a Rogue (shared character between the Fighter and Monk players, in this session the Rogue was controlled by the Fighter’s player and I - co-DM and NPC player - controlled the Fighter), a Cleric (usually very quiet), a Ranger (has two packs worth of wolves following her thanks to some great Animal Handling rolls in earlier sessions), a Bard (flirts with the Paladin all the time except in this quote, Paladin player and Bard player are in a relationship irl), a Druid (somehow the best at perception checks), and a Warlock (played by the DM, more of a deus-ex-machina character than a permanent party member).

Situation: DM and I decided to step away from our usual semi-open world gameplay and make a puzzle dungeon. It didn’t go too well. First room, no one rolled Perception so they walked straight into an encounter they could easily have avoided. Didn’t heal after the battle even though Rogue, Monk and Fighter were all below 60% health. DM decided to teach them a lesson.

DM: …and now that you’re not distracted by imps trying to attack you, you notice there’s a treasure chest you couldn’t see before in the far corner of the room.

Rogue: I open the treasure chest!!

DM: The treasure chest turns out to be a Mimic and it bites you for… (rolls) 5 points of damage. Everyone else, roll initiative.

Rogue: AW GOT DONUT!! Someone heal me please.

Monk: You got to be kidding, I’m way too low on HP to fight!

DM: Lessons learned. 1, always roll Perception. 2, always heal after combat. 3, (grins at Rogue) the Rogue is supposed to check for traps before opening a treasure chest, so do your job next time.

Next room has a fairly easy puzzle. Paladin and Druid are good at puzzles so they solve it pretty quickly.

DM: The decorated wall moves aside to reveal a treasure chest and a hallway.

Ranger: Oooooooh, treasure!!

Rogue: I’m not going near that chest, it could be another Mimic.

Bard: (trying not to laugh) Are you scared of treasure chests now?

Rogue: We’re making that a thing, the Rogue is scared of treasure chests thanks to that Mimic earlier.

Monk: (laughing) Sure, why not. Mimicphobia? Treasurephobia? What do we call this?

DM: Mimicphobia.

Druid: Back to the game, guys. Do we want this treasure chest?

Cleric: Yes, I want to know what’s in it.

Paladin: I roll perception to see if it’s a Mimikyu- A Mimikyu, yes, that makes sense. That’s a completely different game. That’s your fault, *me and Monk*, for talking about Pokemon earlier.

Ranger: If it is a Mimikyu, can we catch it?

Bard: Throw a Pokeball! Wait, do we have Pokeballs?

Cleric: I don’t think those exist in this world.

DM: …You know what, just for the fun of it, I’ll allow you to catch the next Mimic you encounter, but only if you have a creature cage.

Druid: ….I have a Bag of Holding?

DM: I’m not allowing that, that’s animal cruelty. And no, *Ranger*, you cannot roll Animal Handling to tame the Mimic. This is not a Mimic, by the way, it’s a normal treasure chest, but if you do encounter a Mimic you cannot tame it with Animal Handling.

They didn’t catch a Mimic that dungeon, but the Druid did buy a creature cage so he can try to catch the next Mimic we encounter. We already decided we’re going to name it Mimikyu and it will be our party mascot. I feel sorry for the Rogue.

Also, the Paladin now refers to all treasure chests as Mimikyus.

JUNE 8TH UK SNAP ELECTION

This is not a drill

The Tories are planning to carry out a snap election to determine leadership for the next four years. It has been almost 40 years since we last had one and they are often called by the ruling party in a time that they believe is best for them in order to galvanize their position in government.

This is based on their own interpretation of public opinions and chances of victory. In other words, they are very confident of 4 more years of Tory oppression.

But we CAN prove them wrong!

Please, make sure to spread the word, make sure people are registered to vote and keep up to date with policies and mandates that will be put forward.
Its only day one and already things are firing up, so lets keep that momentum and bring about some goddamn change for the better here.

independent.co.uk
France is bringing back compulsory military service for all young people
French President Emmanuel Macron has vowed to plough ahead with a campaign promise to reintroduce compulsory military service to France nearly two decades after it was scrapped. During his election campaign Mr Macron pledged to give all young people “a direct experience of military life with its know-how and demands” and said restoring national service would inspire patriotism and social cohesion.

I think it was Trotsky (or someone erroneously quoting Trotsky in something else) that said that Heinrich Bruning’s Centre Party government (characterised by rule by decree and self described as “authoritarian democracy”) was the preparatory regime for Hitler’s. That’s pretty much what we’re seeing here. Macron’s government is giving a future Le Penn government all the institutional tools it could possible want.

The thing that pure winds me up about independence is English people saying “but why do you want to leave??” Like if it was the other way round, if the uk government was based in Scotland and the ruling party predominantly only cared about Scottish interests and treated England and the rest of the uk like an afterthought, wouldn’t you be fed up? Wouldn’t you be frustrated that your voice and opinion counted for nothing? Wouldn’t you be crying out for a parliament that represented your country and views and values? Wouldn’t you want independence?

It’s so easy to forget what it’s like to have no agency when you have all the power.

Perfect Critical

Context: We are trying to put out a fire in an underground city’s superstructure. As we’re putting it out, a Choker appears in the fires.

It tries to attack our Grippli rogue, nearly killing him. After it drops him, it says something in undercommon. Only our Android Duelist understood it. It then fled, only for our Grippli’s turn to roll around.

Grippli: I throw my dagger at it. *Nat 20, then another Nat 20 to confirm.*

The whole party freaks out. House rule was that a Nat 20 to hit and a Nat 20 to confirm does maximum damage without rolling.

Grippli: I have a penalty to Strength, so I only did 4 damage.

Party loses it again, since he only used d3s for damage.

DM: That drops him.

Once more, the party goes nuts, until the Android speaks up.

Android: “He said he was friendly! He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time!”

Needless to says, we are having a fantastic time.

Playtime » BamBam

Pairing: BamBam X Reader

 Summary: BamBam and you had always done things to spice up your sex life. You found out some interesting things when you both started experimenting. Like that he hates teasing and likes being called daddy. 

❝You’ve always been a slut haven’t you?❞

❝ Did you just squirt?

❝ You wanted me to catch you didn’t you? Playing with yourself to turn me on?

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Dom!BamBam, Sub!Reader, Daddy kink, masturbation, oral (receiving), overstimulation

Word Count: 3.7k 

Keep reading

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BIALOWIEZA, Poland (Reuters) - When Poland sought to ease tensions with the European Union by declaring a halt to logging in the ancient Bialowieza forest, it did not announce how many trees it had already cut down. 

In fact, logging quotas to 2021 had already been reached and in one part of the forest an expanded quota, declared illegal by the European Commission, had been more than half fulfilled despite an injunction, official forestry data shows.

State Forests, the state-run body in charge of harvesting timber and protecting woodland, also confirmed that the forest’s two remaining administrative units were aiming to increase the quota of wood that they can harvest by 2021.

The woodland, a UNESCO World Heritage site that is home to the largest roaming population of European bison and some of the continent’s oldest trees, is emblematic of the rift between the EU executive and the nationalist party ruling Poland since 2015.

At the beginning of this year, a reshuffled Law and Justice government in Warsaw said it had complied with an order from the European Court of Justice, first issued in July, to stop logging in Bialowieza, setting a new tone it wants Brussels to match.

Environmentalists said the announcement came too late to prevent irreparable damage, albeit to a limited area.

The standoff over the forest is one of several flashpoints between Warsaw and Brussels that include pan-European migration quotas and judicial reform plans.

At stake is not only the unique biodiversity of the woodland but also, some lawyers and environmentalists say, the future of European institutions and the rule of law.

The European Court of Justice ordered a halt to logging in July last year while it looked into the Commission’s case that the sharp increase in the logging target for the southeastern Bialowieza Forest section broke European environment law.

Warsaw refused to comply and four months later, the court threatened to fine Poland $100,000 for each day it felled trees for sale.

It was the first time an EU state had publicly said it would ignore an order of the court, said Laurent Pech, professor of European Law at Middlesex University London, calling it “a direct threat to the very functioning of the EU legal order”.

The cessation of logging was “a cosmetic concession, Pech said. “The EU… cannot simply let the Polish government get away with this, as this behavior if unsanctioned would render the EU legal system totally ineffective.”

For a nationalist government, Poland failed to preserve the heritage of Europe.’

Białowieża was preserved by incident resulting from medieval policy outlawing the hunting and human encroachment of these tracts to protect the hunting grounds for local kings. It is through incidental environmental policy that Białowieża survived into the 21st century as the largest tract of primeval old growth forest in Europe, providing a glimpse into how the forests looked before human civilization came to Europe. The forests that terrified Roman soldiers and were host to celtic Nemetons.

It was in the nearby forest surrounding Jaktorów (since cleared) that the last Aurochs, the near-mythical animal from which cattle were domesticated from, was found living in the wild. A female. It died in 1627.

Today Białowieża hosts the largest population of European Bison, the heaviest surviving land mammal in Europe. which was nearly hunted to extinction in the 20th century with the last wild specimen shot in Białowieża forest in 1921. It has since been reintroduced from stock found in captivity.

Forests like these used to stretch across most of europe and were host to many legendarily sized trees revered by pre-christian germanic pagans such as Donar’s Oak

and the the one beside the great temple at Uppsala

These sacred trees hearkening to the holiest of holy trees, Yggdrasil, the immense mythical tree at the centre of the cosmos.

The value of these perpetual old growth forests from a heritage and national interest stand point should be obvious. Especially to neopagan loving nationalists.

Less than 3% of Europe’s virgin or primeval forests remain.

But the Nationalist government of Poland couldn’t give a shit, evidently.

This is Freedom

Understand as well, and with perfect clarity, that America is truly still the greatest nation on Earth in that we can hear Emma Gonzalez’s speech so clearly, and have it commemorated and publicized and discussed without fear of it being forgotten or silenced.

And know that the tiny shred of fear that you now have as you consider that reality is a sign of where we are in history today.

The footage exists thanks to CNN, a studio that has been attacked and slandered repeatedly by our own president. He has made it expressly clear, on multiple occasions, that if he had the power to silence them and dismantle  them, he would. The footage has been witnessed because American innovation, technology, and free and open access to the internet (barring device purchase and network charges, but that’s a hill we’re still climbing) is permitted and encouraged, and not policed. The footage can be captured because a free media and a technologically-advanced people have created channels of communication and transportation, enabling reporters to move between cities within hours, and enabling people in California to hear and pay attention to happenings in Florida within seconds. A young woman, a girl, not even graduated from high school, is able to stand and speak and be taken seriously because of the efforts of women who came before her in history, women who were silenced by brute strength or stigmas, but who kept pushing so that one day, a girl like her could not only speak her mind, but reach the minds of others. She has been educated in a public school, funded by the government, taught by teachers, given books and training and everything she needed to reach this point, all because we live in a land of freedom.

This would not be possible in the Soviet Union. Or Nazi Germany. Probably not even in modern-day China. And it certainly would not have been allowed in the United States in the past. Powerful figures would have been able to silence her one way or another. They could discredit her. Have “experts” rebut her words, lean on journalists to parse her quotes, simply bump her story to the back page of the newspaper. Even television could have seen her silenced or taken out of context. I guarantee people are already attempting to discredit her, and I assure you, no fewer than three threats have been made against her. I fear for her safety, in fact, because this is the land we live in. This is the world we live in.

But that’s where her courage comes in. 

Miss Gonzalez knows what this means. She’s seen it all. She watched a woman dare to run for president and be mocked and slandered consistently from all sides. She’s watched a mayor explode in fury against a President for failing to send aid, and seen the President work to slander her and insult her. Miss Gonzalez is clearly intelligent, and has done her homework, and knows what the consequences of this speech are.

Nevertheless, she persisted:

“If the President wants to come up to me and tell me to my face that it was a terrible tragedy and how it should never have happened and maintain telling us how nothing is going to be done about it, I’m going to happily ask him how much money he received from the National Rifle Association.”

She stood up there, a seventeen-year-old girl, and called out the President of the United States and the ruling parties of Congress with fire that would earn the envy of men such as Thomas Paine or Benjamin Franklin. Cowards on the internet may twiddle their thumbs to respond to her with fire and irritation, but Miss Gonzalez stood on a podium, surrounded by hundreds of onlookers, and has now been seen by millions of eyes. Some watch with rage, others dispassion, perhaps even a few with fear, but most–mine included–are certainly watching with pride and awe.

This is the America we live in.

A nation that has come this far, and yet still has further to go, a place where heroes are found not only in war, fire, or flood, but in the open light of day. The crowd could have booed, could have murmured, could have rushed forward and thrown her to the ground, but she had confidence and trusted that she was saying the right thing:

“The people in the government who were voted into power are lying to us. And us kids seem to be the only ones who notice and our parents to call BS. Companies trying to make caricatures of the teenagers these days, saying that all we are self-involved and trend-obsessed and they hush us into submission when our message doesn’t reach the ears of the nation, we are prepared to call BS. Politicians who sit in their gilded House and Senate seats funded by the NRA telling us nothing could have been done to prevent this, we call BS. They say tougher guns laws do not decrease gun violence. We call BS. They say a good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a gun. We call BS. They say guns are just tools like knives and are as dangerous as cars. We call BS. They say no laws could have prevented the hundreds of senseless tragedies that have occurred. We call BS. That us kids don’t know what we’re talking about, that we’re too young to understand how the government works. We call BS.

If you agree, register to vote. Contact your local congresspeople. Give them a piece of your mind.”  –Emma Gonzalez, 2018

10.06.2017 Last night a headquarters of Grupa Stonewall, an LGBTQ organisation based in Poznań, Poland, has been broken in and demolished. Rainbow flags that hanged in front of the building were torn. This is yet another attack on LGBTQ community centre in Poland, an occurrence that has become increasingly common ever since PiS (Law and Justice), a conservative christian party, came to rule in 2015. So far no one was hurt.

UPDATE: THIS POST HAD TWO IMPORTANT UPDATES PLEASE REBLOG THAT VERSION INSTEAD OF THIS ONE!

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These are Poles in front of Sejm after information about outvoted Law about Supreme Court by parliment. After law being signed by president Andrzej Duda, all judges of Supreme Court will be choosed by ruling party. One party will be able to punish every citizen and do whatever they want.
This is the end of democracy in Poland…
I have no words to describe how I feel right now..

2

April 14 2018 - An estimated 100k people took to the streets in Budapest to protest against the unfair election system that gave Viktor Orban a landslide victory at the polls after a hate campaign against immigrants.

Saturday’s protest came after the prime minister won a third straight term in power in Sunday’s elections. Orban’s ruling Fidesz party secured a majority in parliament, giving him two-thirds of seats based on preliminary results.

In a Facebook post before the rally, organisers called for a recount of ballots, free media, a new election law, as well as more efficient cooperation among opposition parties instead of the bickering seen in the run-up to the vote. The protest was among the biggest in Hungary in recent years. [video]/[video]

Draco's Bachelor Party. (Part 1)
  • Harry: You mean you didn't invite Colin?
  • Blaise: That kid who always had the camera? Hell no.
  • Harry: What does is his camera have anything to do with it?
  • Draco: Rule number one of Bachelor parties: Any man who brings a camera may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party-goers.
  • Blaise: Exactly!
  • Draco: and You know as fun as gang murder is, I feel like a bout into Cannibalism would just bring down the mood of the whole weekend.
  • Blaise: Hell, you're lucky Weaslebee made the cut.
  • Ron: Hey!!