Coming the following Christmas, I knew what
gift I’d hope for. What I’d wish for, with all my heart, as I stepped ahead
with my right foot, crossing the threshold as my ancestors did countless times
before, Hogmanay blooming in the mantle clock and in the sparkling of
I wanted to walk
inside her dreams.
Because her dreams took her away from me. Every
night she went a little more, a little further – until I have started to fear
I’d lose her altogether, to that strange land where past becomes present, where
every outcome is again possible.
In her dreams Claire was shot every night –
again, again, again. She cried out
and I held her against me, as powerless awake as she was sleeping. Doomed to
pay witness to the woman I loved being hurt by her own mind, replaying the
events of that fatidic day, trapped inside it like a mouse in a deadly trap.
Sometimes I wondered if the phantom bullet would go straight through her heart,
if she would bleed out through those invisible wounds, robbing her of all rest
and peace of mind.
Once the ghosts vanished with the rising sun,
ebbing away in waves of darkness, she blatantly refused to talk about it – as if
her fears were successfully compartmentalized, existing only in the wee hours
between sundown and sunrise, never to be spoken about in broad daylight. Every
attempt on my part to start a conversation on the subject, would end with her
leaving hurriedly to an appointment with Denzel or to check the mail in her own
apartment. Defeated, I would spare my strength, and resignedly prepared to the
Under my careful supervision, her body had
healed – but I suspected her mind had not. Once the relentless war to
reconstruct skin, muscle and organ was well on its way, something inside her
had found the space to be properly broken.
“Talk about it?” I brushed a curl away from her
face, slightly damp with sweat – God,
please, let it not be from tears.
“It was only a dream.” Claire whispered on the
other side of the bed, her voice so cracked I had a hard time understanding her.
“Let’s go back to sleep.”
I didn’t mention how she had woken me with her
screams. How I had to restrain her inside my arms, when she tried to blindly fight
me off, clawing and screeching – her nightmares didn’t seem to recognize that
she loved me.
We stayed awake that night, both pretending to
be asleep, grasping each other – to keep the rising tide, threatening to cast us
away, at bay for one more night.
I taught my classes and supervised a test
feeling as if I was still roaming on the waves, the roar of wind somewhere in
the distance. I was a coward – the worst
kind, a coward in love. Claire had been lost to me more than once and I refused
to believe I could be losing her, while she dwelled in my own bed.
Denzel Hunter had told her that she needed to
gain weight, to reacquire some muscle, before he could even consider deeming
her fit to work again. But despite my best efforts – researching recipes which
I thought might appeal to her and even calling Jenny to ask for some cooking
tips -, she had barely gained an ounce. When I caressed her body, my hands
still found the spaces between her ribs, the too-deep hollows in her hips. I
longed to trap her in those moments of liberation, of dissolution, when she
would be entirely free for a multitude of heartbeats after our joining.
I entered my apartment rushing, slightly
shaking my drenched umbrella, after being caught by an afternoon shower.
“Sassenach!” I called out, undressing my
overcoat. I had called Denzel earlier and he finally had allowed Claire to
drink a glass of wine, so I was intent on serving her one of Lallybroch’s finest vintages in order to
work her appetite for some fragrant mushroom risotto.
As I entered the living room, I immediately saw
her, sitting on the couch like a marble statue. Her eyes were glazed, her hands
shaking; a fine tremor that sent a chill down my spine, as if a powerful draft had
suddenly hit the both of us.
“What happened?” I swiftly knelt in front of
her, grabbing her hands – so cold. “Mo nighean donn?” I added more softly, as she didn’t seem to
have noticed me. I touched her cheek, my eyes coming within inches of hers,
blocking everything else from her sight. “Claire?”
“There has been a robbery.” She blurted and
from the corner of my eye I noticed the television, the colours of the news
channel shining bright and alarming. “Another jewellery store. They – they killed a woman.” Her voice wavered. I
squeezed her fingers, until I could almost feel the blood pumping in her small
vessels. Alive, still. Thank God, alive.
“I’m here.” I said foolishly. I had been there on that day and had prevented
nothing – we were both heartbreakingly aware of our frailty, of how quickly blood
could run away, how a smile – and all promise of laughter to come – could die
in a second.
“They were caught. The getaway car hit a truck
on the crossroad.” Claire stared at me, her eyes darkened to well-aged brandy,
just the colour of the last Autumn leaves. “The detective in charge of my case
called me just before you arrived. They want me to go in and do an identity parade.”
“Alright.” I started to get up, prepared to get
her coat and shoes from the bedroom. “It’s close enough, do ye want to walk
“What do you mean?” She looked at me,
surprised, as if I had just suggested a roadtrip to the moon for the weekend. “I’m
“What?” I stared at her, dumbfounded. Her
eyebrows were furrowed, her lips pursed – her face was a mask of barely
supressed anger and I should tread lightly for both our sakes – but I had tried gentleness and had seemingly achieved
“You heard me.” Claire repeated heatedly,
crossing her arms. “I won’t go. I – I have nothing to say.” She got up from the
couch and nervously walked to the window. “He was wearing a ski mask, so I
never saw him. I have nothing else to tell the police.”
I strived for patience and empathy, even if somewhere
within me an irrational anger – fear –
was building up. “I ken ye’re afraid, but I –“
“I’m not afraid!” She hissed, almost biting her
lip in fury. “I just don’t see the point of going there to tell them I know
nothing. And don’t you dare pretending you have the smallest clue of what I
“Dare?” I snarled, blood thrumming in my ears
like demons possessing me, whispering profanities in my head. “Dare? Must I remind ye that the first time we saw each other as adults, I had been
laying in a hospital for weeks after being blown up in my own bed?” I tried to
breathe and calm myself, reaching to touch her arms, but she stepped away from
me. “I ken fine how it is to feel so vulnerable, so afraid that ye could weep
just from thinking of it, every memory as raw as the scars on yer body, ready
to bleed again at the smallest probing.”
your feelings and experiences – not mine.”
I could hear the echo of tears in her voice, as coming rain forming on grey and
heavy clouds. “I have been fine, I
just don’t want to –“
“Ye are not fine!”
I pointed an accusing finger at her. “Ye might pretend during the day, but yer
dreams ken the truth of it. I share a bed every night with ye, Claire, and
there ye canna lie to me.” There was a clear plea in my voice, but the look she
gave me revealed how cornered – terrorized
– she felt, that we were finally addressing the subject.
“I won’t be ordered around – not again.” I immediately knew she was
mentioning Frank and his inability to accept her as she was. The mere
comparison between us made me pale in dismay. “If you don’t enjoy sharing a bed
with me, perhaps I should sleep elsewhere.”
“I dinna say that!” I brushed my knuckles
against my eyes, exhausted and defeated. “Ye won’t talk to me, Claire, and you’re
not healing properly. Perhaps ye should see someone – a therapist or a support
group - “
“That is ridiculous!” Her hair was
escaping her bun and she looked lost, frazzled, burdened. “I think it’s best if
I go back to my apartment tomorrow – I can take care of myself now, so you can
have your rest.” She tried to soften the blow, but I felt it in my gut, a
dagger only she could yield to wound me as deeply. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed
“Fine.” I replied mechanically, turning
my back on her.
She didn’t kiss me goodnight and I
didn’t go into the room to speak to her. I improvised a bed on the couch and
wallowed in misery, always a welcoming companion.
I stared at the shadows on the wall
and waited for her dreams to come.
I was already on my feet when I
heard her sobs, the soft wailing that made her sound like a scared girl, the
curly and lovely creature she had been in the graveyard, when love had found me
never to leave again.
I padded softly, feeling the
coldness of the tiles on my naked feet, trying not to frighten her. She was
trashing against the sheets, her body contorting in a physical fight against
unseen things, her mouth slightly open to breathe heavily.
I crawled to a position next to her
and touched her forehead. “Claire.”
Claire opened her eyelids, her eyes
rolling, following distant images. I repeated her name and grabbed her hands,
avoiding her masterful attempts to hit me. She seemed to finally awoke, her
eyes still glassy, restless.
“Fight back.” I whispered against
her ear. “Fight me.”
“What?” She babbled, shaking her
arms to try to free herself from my hands, like vines around hers.
“The gun is pointed at you. You can
see his eyes in that ski mask. He is going to kill you.” I continued in a
dangerous tone, applying more pressure to keep her in place. “Are you going to
“Get off me!” She trashed like a
wild beast, her knee coming ever closer to my groin. I escaped with a faint
groan of relief.
“You won’t fight.” I accused her, as
she hissed in my face. “You’re afraid, and rightfully so - but he is coming and
ye’ll just pretend to be dead?”
“I lost!” She sobbed in earnest,
tears now streaming down her face, glistening in the silver light of the witching
hour - the hour when I had come to evoke her demons, a modern warlock, so she
could begin to fight them. “I don’t want to fight anymore!”
“You’re alive!” I said between
teeth, having trouble keeping her underneath me – she was remarkably strong for
such a scrawny thing and I didn’t intend to hurt her. “Fight back! Tell me you’re
afraid and then fight me!”
“I’m afraid!” She roared and, as her
eyes seem to blaze with renewed fire, she rolled and managed to get on top of me,
trapping me with her thighs. “Damn you, James Fraser! Damn you!”
“Fight, Claire!” I urged her,
feeling the pressure of her nails on my wrists. “Tell me what you see!”
“I’m bleeding.” She looked up as if
she was struggling to breathe, tendons and muscles on her neck taut to the
point of breaking. “Your hands are on me. They are warm, I can feel you
shaking. I don’t want to let go of you. I
just found you.”
“Good.” I lightly pushed her and my
arms locked around her, so she was straddling me like a spider. “Keep going. Fight.”
“I – I’m cold.” Claire swallowed
hard. “I hear sirens, people screaming. You’re saying my name and I know you
love me just from the way you say it.”
“Yes, I do.” I breathed out,
slightly brushing her back as I hugged her tightly. “What else?”
“He laughed.” She whimpered, trying
to get away from the memory, but I held her there, forcing her to see. “His
eyes – they were green. But there’s something strange about them.” Claire
grimaced and I pressed my forehead against hers, steadying her. “His right eye –
has a brown spot on its iris. It must be there since he was a child.”
“Ye did good. So good, mo ghraidh.” I soothed her, as her body
was wrecked by urgent sobs, that broke my heart while hers started to mend. “Ye’re
so brave. You fought. You fought, Claire.”
I lost all sense of time, as our
entwined bodies – our battle positions turned into comfort – sought refuge in
each other. Eventually she was calm, spent, almost peaceful and I laid her down
“I’ll go to the police tomorrow.”
She said in a hoarse voice, her fingers tracing the line of my jaw. “I’m still
afraid – but now I know that I can identify him.”
“Aye, ye can.” I kissed her temple, afraid
that if I stopped touching her something we had conquered, so fragile and
breakable, would slip away through our fingers. “Do ye want me to go with ye?”
I asked cautiously.
“Yes.” Claire played with the curls
on my nape. “Thank you for fighting for me, too.”
“It’s the only battle my heart truly
kens.” I held her face between my hands. “I’ve known fear and loss and despair –
but I’ve known love, too, through you. It will always bring me back when I need
it. I hope mine can do the same for ye.”
“One day, I hope to tell our child
our story.” She said softly, tenderness in her eyes.
“Including this?” I kissed her lips,
savouring their moistness, the words she had just told me. A child. Our child, one day.
“Including this.” Claire nodded. “I
think I hoped you would come, when we fought earlier.”
“You found me”. She had told me once. “I think I
had been calling out for you”. Had I heard it again? Those silent calls her
heart seemed to send into mine, luring me to her, a beacon guiding me home to
“I’ll always follow you, wherever ye
need to go, mo nighean donn. I’ll always
walk after you, no matter the risk or the cost.”
“And when you’re not following me?”
Claire asked with a small smile, her hand sliding on my chest to push me
against the mattress. “Where will you be?”
“By your side – always.” I said in a husky voice. “Or inside ye, whenever ye want
It’s been a long, exhausting day. Between the flight, check-in, the press junket, the photo ops, all Eric wants is to get a little bit drunk with the guys, grab some dinner, and fool around in Jack’s hotel room. Hopefully in that order, but he’s open to fooling around whenever.
He must have a dopey smile on his face thinking about the debauchery he’s been looking forward to all week when he realizes someone is watching him from across the bar.
Tall, nice hair, professional, and he’s looking at Eric, no, at the empty chair next to him. And he’s walking over.
Bangtan is one of the most vicious mafias on the west coast. Only six members are known by name though, with a mysterious seventh member dubbed only as ‘the shadow.’ When you become indebted to the worst of the worst
how, exactly can you find a way out?
Neil and Snapchat 01
(Part IX of my aftg Snapchat serie)
Ok neil is my fave so there is a part two of this with like only 3 snaps but idc. Basically he posts about Andrew 90% of the time. He’s just in loooveee. The rest is of Matt or Allison or his cats lmao. I love him. Oh and also he posts about Exy bc yeah he’s obsessed. Now I’m done.
Continuation of my Humans Are Weird: Women Edition that no one asked for! What aspect of women in society will this entail? I do not know. Vallion will be telling the story, so let’s see what they have to tell.
Several Earthen moon cycles had passed since the porn incident and Vallion sensed their crew had settled into a dormant state. They did not like the feeling. It had been proven time and time again by the humans that, when things became quiet and calm, it was only a precursor for chaos and mayhem. They shared their thoughts with Lt. Gen. Noriko Murakami and Brig. Gen. Lillian Balogh during their refreshment break, termed “coffee break”, in the mess hall (though coffee could kill a H’hish within an hour if medical action was not taken, humans had no problem consuming the beverage. A H’hish could only consume it if the coffee was decaffeinated). Needless to say, the human women were far from helpful. Instead of easing their doubts and worries, the two multiplied it ten-fold.
The three of them were reclined in their chairs when Vallion brought up the subject. “I feel that something…ominous will happen soon; and I do not believe it is because of that awful movie I and the other H’hish were made to watch by your fellow humans.” Vallion was firm in their belief and gave the two women, one their superior officer and the other their subordinate, a stern, pointed look he often saw other humans direct toward each other in such situations.
So if you haven’t read my Sastiel hc’s/fic (Rowaelin x Feysand’s children), I’ve made an easy to follow master post which includes the sequel, Moon of Fire!
Seraphine has never known what it feels like to feel her mother, The Queen of Flame and Shadow’s fire. Ever since she was born, she was living in darkness. Though Seraphine would have never thought that the night—the very thing she was running away from—would set her free.
“Seraphine lost track of time in the darkness surrounding her. The feel of her fire, red, bright, alive seemed like a life time ago. Sweet kisses shared between her and the Prince of Night almost like a dream.”
“Kastiel’s heart stopped. It felt as if he was filled up with light as his mate came down the stairs. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He couldn’t believe it—how lucky he was to find her.”
Aures had been at the City of Orynth plenty of times. It’s white and green background was a constant in her mind whenever she thought of Terrasen’s capital. Though now, it was practically unrecognisable.
Links to All of My A Court of Thorns and Roses/Mist and Fury Stories
I decided to make a post with ALL OF MY PERSONAL FANFICTIONS ON IT because it’s difficult for you guys to find them. This way, they’re all collected in one nice, easy post that I will update periodically whenever I have written a new story or have updated one that is listed below. I will also post this in my bio so it’s easy for everyone, new and old followers, to find!
• Best Friends (After the merge with Luke and Jo’s wedding. Kai never goes to Hell.) Kai & Reader have feelings for each other but none of them would admit it , Kai doesn’t even know what those feelings mean yet.
• I Missed That Smile Reader breaks up with her boyfriend and Kai is there for her , in a way she didn’t expect.
• Say Something - Part II Kai and Reader are in a relationship ; One night Reader sees Kai kissing someone else at the Grill and shuts him out , but he is determined to get her forgiveness
• Little Sister (ft. Damon / Stefan Salvatore) Damon hurts reader when his humanity is off and Kai comforts her.
• Midnight Visits After 6.22 / Elena and Jeremy have a cousin (reader) who is a witch, currently living with them (more like with Jeremy since Elena is currently taking a magical nap) Kai has feelings for Reader but doesn’t know how to tell her so he sneaks into her room just to watch her sleep.
• Heights Kai takes Reader on surprise walk in the forest (with an even more surprising end
• An Old Friend (ft. Kol Mikaelson / Rebekah Mikaelson) (After TVD 8.16 and right after TO 4.02) Kai and Reader are having fun at the Mystic Grill when some old friends of Reader show up. Kai gets jealous and …
• Anger Reader and Kai have a fight , Kai ending up scaring Reader like never before.
• Twins Kai kidnaps Elena’s twin sister thinking she is Elena so he can practice magic on her.
• Meet The Parents - Part II AU :Klaus is still a hybrid , Caroline is born from a werewolf bloodline and they have a child together. Caroline dies in childbirth breaking Klaus’ heart but just when everyone think she is dead , Caroline wakes up and they realise that she had died with the baby’s blood (who has Klaus’ vampire blood) in her system. Later on she turns into a vampire. Years go by and Reader grows up into a young woman. After Kai gets out of the Prison world , he meets Reader and falls in love with her.
• Thanksgiving Reader and Kai celebrate Thanksgiving in the Prison World.
• Family (Bonkai) Bonnie and Kai are a couple , its been a few years since they had gotten together and now … someone has a surprise ;)
• Give Me A Chance (Bonkai) (after Damon leaves 1994) Kai has feelings for Bonnie and she has some feelings for him too , but she keeps trying to deny them. • Switch (Bonkai) Bonnie and Kai do a spell , ending up switching bodies accidentally.
• Come Back Kai is being distant and reader moves away ; When Kai finds out he goes to find her , begging her to come back.)
• Back From Hell Reader is a witch and a friend of Kai. She helps him get out of Hell and control his vampirism because she is in love with him.
• Forgiven Kai falls in love with Reader who has no idea about his past. Kai’s father kidnaps reader to hurt him.
• Birthday It’s Reader’s birthday and Kai has a surprise …
• Making You Laugh Reader has to ‘babysit’ Kai all day so he doesn’t do something stupid and Kai spends the entire day trying to get Reader to laugh…
• Hold On Both Kai and Reader have feelings for each other but none of them is willing to admit it to the other until Reader gets injured.
• Friends Reader is a witch and her friends try to hide her existence from Kai , but he finds out about her and shows up unannounced at her house.
• Magic Reader is a witch who lost all her power , Kai comforts her and tries to help get her power back
• I’ll Be There For You Reader has suffered a loss and Kai is there for her when she had pushed everyone else away.
• You’ll Never Be Alone story begins before the merge , when Kai moves in reader’s apartment building , the second half of the story happens after the merge
• Scary Movies Kai and Reader are best friends , but both of them are keeping something from the other
• Comets Kai shows up in the middle of the night at reader’s house and they go to see a passing comet.
•Forever (takes place after 6.22 where nothing happens to Kai except him turning into a heretic) Reader and Kai are best friends , but both are keeping a secret from the other
• Just Breath Y/N and Kai ‘borrow’ Damon’s car for a ride. • Don’t Let Me Go Kai and Reader break up and Reader tried to go on with her life even tho she is hurting. Months later she goes out on a date with someone who she thinks is the ideal guy , but things do not work out quite as she had hoped …
• Together reader is sick and kai takes care of her
• First Kiss - Part II(contains smut) Reader saves Kai’s life and he can’t stop thinking about her afterwards.
• Nightmares Kai is out of town for a few days and when he comes back he finds Reader having a nightmare.
• Coffee [slight smut] Kai is summoned at the Salvatore Boarding house by Damon , but Reader is also there and Kai has some feelings for her , unsure what they are.
• Little Things Reader has a bad social anxiety and Kai helps her out of her shell. •In Secret AU / Reader is a heretic and the Mikaelson’s little sister. Reader and Kai are dating in secret.
• Father Kai comes back from Hell and finds out he is a father.
• Fearless - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI(on going) Kai and Reader meet in NYC during the summer vacation. He falls in love with her but never tells her , and he is even more surprised at the end when he figures out who she really is.
• War of Hearts - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI [smut] - Part VII Reader is a Trybrid (witch , werewolf and vampire) and very close with Klaus (like a daughter to him). She ends up in the Prison World where Kai is accidentally , trying to help a friend. (ft. Kol Mikaelson)
• Congratulations Reader and Kai are dating. One day she passes out and nothing Kai tries heals her / wake her up so he brings her to Jo.
•Storm Y/N and Kai are dating and one day he sees her in the arms of another. (or so he thinks)
• Roomies Reader and Kai live together ; Reader has feelings for him and one day Kai brings home a girl.
• Elena’s Little Sister Reader is Elena’s little sister ; Kai and Reader are dating and Elena finds out. (plot change : Kai never links Bonnie and Elena together , but still turns into a vampire hybrid)
• Kiss Me Reader gets out Kai of the new Prison World.
• Daydream - (working on chapter two) Reader has a crush on Kai , and Kai has some feelings for her but he doesn’t understand what they are and later on he finds out Reader is different than any other girl he has ever set eyes on.
• Baby Sister- Part II Reader is Kai’s little sister , also a siphoner. She is about 4-5 years old when Kai gets send in the Prison World and 18 years later they reunite.
• Monthly Troubles [slight smut] Reader is on her period and Kai is trying to be cute which only ends up annoying her but she is too shy to tell him whats happening , but he figures it out on his own.
• Little Witch Reader (a witch) and Kai work together on a spell and Kai is in love with the reader but he doesn’t understand his feelings.
• Don’t Forget - Part II Reader goes back to Mystic Falls for Tyler’s funeral and returns home to Kai , finding a very unexpected scene happening in their living room.
Reader (aka ‘crazy vampire’) is called back to town by the Salvatore’s to help them deal with their Heretic problem where she meets Kai.
• Smile Reader is feeling down and Kai cheers her up.
• Frozen in Time After May 9th 1994, Reader – Kai’s cousin and his only friend, is frozen with a spell by his father to use as leverage in case he ever got out of the Prison World.
• Loved Reader’s parents are giving her hard time /treating her like trash and Kai makes her feel better/loved.
• A Bird In A Gilded Cage - (Part II coming soon 😉)
Reader (has dreams/feelings about the future) tags along with Kai on the trip to the 1903 Prison World.
• Truth or Dare Reader and Kai both live in at the Salvatore Boarding House and he keeps playing pranks on her, specially when her friends are around, and one night after a get-together they play ‘Truth or Dare’ until somehow every turn starts involving the two of them.
We last left off with Vallion and Fatima working their way to the engine room after the ship’s main lights went out. The mystery behind this is still to be discovered, so let’s dive into the story, shall we?
“Okay, we’re almost to the engine room,” Fatima announced as she flicked off her map of the ship.
Vallion sighed, relieved. “Thank Saolo the Great.” Fatima gave them a sideways look. Vallion put their arms up in surrender. “I just mean we’ll solve this mystery soon.”
She did not appear impressed. “The ship’s rocked three times within the last five minutes, Vallion. Something’s up.”
“Maybe it’s space pirates.”
“What?” She stopped at stared at them, slack jawed.
Vallion shrugged. “Murakami and Balogh were making up stories of space pirates earlier. I thought that might humor you.”
Now Fatima smiled. “Now that makes sense.” Again, Vallion felt their chest tighten. They needed to see the H’hishian doctor soon. “But I doubt it’s pirates. They wouldn’t be so stupid as to attack an A.F. vessel.”
“I know,” said Vallion. “They were only fancying the idea to frighten me.”
“Did it work?” asked Fatima.
Vallion shuttered. “Too well. Humans are weird.” Fatima started to laugh before the ship rocked again. “We better hurry,” they said.
She nodded, and they sprinted down the last stretch of the way.
Summary: You work at JYP as an analyst and are assigned to help a group of idols with their new collaboration song. Both Jinyoung and JB are assigned to the project, which is distracting since you bias Jinyoung. All of this would be fine though - if only Im Jaebeom weren’t such a pain in your ass.
“I wanted to do that with you,” I sighed, nestling my bottom back against his hips, “for a very long time.”
“Oh, aye?” I could hear the grin in his voice as he kissed my shoulder and nipped kisses down my arm. “How did ye ken I’d be any good at it?”
“Who’s saying you were?”
He heard the obvious teasing in my voice —calling a spade a spade: he’d been pretty bloody fantastic—and he gave it right back to me as he tsked with a mock-wounded, “Och, but she’s a vicious, cruel thing.” He slipped his arm under my head and brought the hand around to hold me close, whispering, grinning, “Cruel, cruel, cruel,” as he nipped his way up my still-flushed neck.
I hummed a happy laugh. “I didn’t know. But…” I turned my head back toward him, and right on cue, he brought his ear down near my mouth, so that hot breath moved against him as I finished, “…I knew I wanted you inside me.”
I felt him shiver at that, and he moved his hips ever-so-slightly against me, tracing a slow, warm hand up and down my hip and abdomen. A devilish grin still in his voice, he murmured, “Have I married a wanton, then?”
“You’re going to have your hands quite full with me in your bed,” I laughed, giving ‘devilish’ right back to him, “whatever rude name you wish you assign to it.”
“It’s wonderful, mo nighean donn,” he said, his voice suddenly soft. “I never dreamed—I—I didna even ken what it could be like.” I melted as he kissed my shoulder, my neck, my jaw. “How….perfectly happy a person could feel.”
I had known—
but to feel it with him…
Itwas a new kind of perfection.
“When I’m inside ye, Sassenach….” My husband pulled me tighter, seeming to fix his entire being on surrounding me, pulling me into him. “….I feel like….God himself.”
The laughter fizzed out of me before I could suppress it, which startled Jamie, but another moment, and the both of us were giggling uncontrollably. I had trouble getting the words out. “Is—that why you—took his name in vain so much??”
“While you’re already laughing at me—” Jamie choked out, the whole of him quaking behind me “—shall I tell ye that I didna ken there—was more than one position for coupling?”
“No!!!!” I gasped, feeling my cheeks would break from delight. “WHICH ONE??”
“The—back way—” he groaned, his voice wobbling as absurdly as his belly against my back, teetering on the edge of hysterics, “—like HORSES—”
“Jamie—” I moaned, coughing, a full two minutes later, “…hhhhhhhhORSES!!!”
“So YOU’RE—” Jamie gasped between veritable sobs of laughter, “—a—w—wanton, and I’m—a daft—LOON—”
More giggles. And hacking and coughing and still more giggles, until we were little more than a quivering puddle of flesh, our muscles absolutely spent from laughter.
I sighed a huge, deep sigh, exhausted from all the love and happiness. He did, too, and we settled back into each other, spooning close, snuggled under his plaid.
“So, what will we do, now, love? Make for Lallybroch?”
“Aye,” he said, “taking a verra indirect route, so as to stay off MacKenzie lands, but we’ll begin heading that way, to be sure.”
“And…we’ll stay there? Indefinitely?”
I hoped the raw eagerness didn’t show too obviously in my voice. I’d never had a real home, before—a place on the earth that was mine in some lasting way; and I’d never truly acknowledged to myself just how much something in my soul yearned for such a thing—a place to settle and grow—to fill with love and good food and memories. From what Jamie had said to me of his home, I knew Lallybroch could be that place; but I didn’t want to get my hopes up if we were going to be uprooted again.
“Well,” he said, shifting at my back and sounding nervous. “I suppose it’s—something we must decide together, aye?”
I smiled, touched. He was acknowledging my choice. That it might always be together.
“’Tis naught but a humble farm estate, ken?” he was saying, his words rushed and clumsy. “If ye—think you’d be happier someplace more–”
“No, I didn’t mean—!” I rolled to face him and let the truth of it show in my eyes. “It’s only that I don’t want to fall in love with a place we might have to leave.”
Happy relief flooded his face. “I dinna ever wish to leave, truthfully. I do think you’ll love it, Sassenach.” A flicker of doubt. “But do ye truly think ye can be happy? It’s no’ an easy life, a farm. We’ve servants and laborers, but there shall still—”
“I know I can, Jamie. I know it.”
And just as I vowed it, just as I savored the happy joy radiating from him, from me, the weight of history came crashing down around my shoulders.
My face must have fallen, for he was turning it up to him. “Mo nighean donn?”
And though it threatened to crush my heart into dust, I told him. About the war to come; the ‘45, and Bonnie Prince Charlie. The doomed cause. The famines. The Clearances. The endless upheavals and hardships that would all but destroy the Scotland he knew in just a few short years. How our life together would almost certainly be shaped—friends and family destroyed, if not ourselves, and that only by the grace of God— by an utterly doomed cause.
He said not a word while I spoke, but I watched his face harden into a mask of control, a sign of just how deeply he, too, felt the fear and dread of the devastation that loomed so close at hand. He had come to lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling of stars as I prophesied doom over the perfect happiness of this night, our life.
“Is there…” he said, long after I’d fallen silent, “…anything we can do against this?” I turned onto my side to face him, though he still stared at the sky. “Mightn’t we—” He ran a hand backward through his hair. “Since we ken what’s to come, might we take steps to change things?” The desperate hope in his eyes… “Prevent some of this tragedy before it can run its course?”
My mind reeled. Intentionally change the future?
“I don’t know how much two people could do, Jamie,” I said, giving him honesty.
He set his jaw and nodded, closing his eyes for a moment as though committing some prayer upward. I brought an arm up and across his chest, half-laying on him as I put a soft hand on his cheek. “But we will do what we can. We’ll take measures to keep Lallybroch safe, at the very least; to keep our family safe. I promise.”
A sigh escaped him, something like relief, and he pulled me close, my cheek on his chest. “Then lead us, wise woman,” he murmured, “and keep us from harm.”
There was no laughter in his voice—only feeling, and genuine supplication. “Perhaps, Claire….Maybe ye were brought back to this time no’ just to save me, but many in these troubles to come.”
God, the weight of those words upon me—the burden of knowledge of what was to come.
“I don’t—It still might not be enough—”
He put a gentle finger to my lips. “I trust ye, mo nighean donn. And whatever must be done, we’ll face it together.”
I kissed him, long, soft, and deep. Together.
A long time later, my parched throat overcame coziness and I stood, at which he made the most adorable little needy sound of protest. “I’m only going to get the canteen, you animal!”
Still, I made a little show of sauntering over to our bags by the adjacent wall, bending luxuriously over, and taking a long swallow with my back to him, nearly spitting out the water to hear his sounds of distress all the while. “You do know how to make a girl feel gratified, Jamie. Positively got it down to an ART!”
“No’ art. Sheer. *animal*. weakness.”
We both laughed, but when I turned back to face him, on his side watching me, his expression was serious, sweet with love. “Ye ken…I loved you, Sassenach, since I held you in my arms, that first day we arrived at Leoch.”
I could only beam with happiness at the memory. God, that fireside…
(…and given the evident solemnity in what he was about to say, I refrained from mentioning the rather vivid association in my mind between that encounter and HORSES.)
“I loved you, then…” he went on, grinning, “—but Christ, when you fell into that river–”
“Pushed,” I couldn’t keep from correcting with a playful grimace.
“Oh aye, when Ned Gowan—may he be sainted for it—pushed ye into the river,” he amended with a flash of a grin before continuing, quiet once more “—and ye let me carry ye… undress ye… hold ye… Christ….” He sat up and stared at me, shaking his head. “Claire, mo chridhe: my entire life just—rearranged around me.”
“I wanted it to be you.” My throat was so tight, it came out in a pitifully flimsy whisper.
“What was that, lass?” he asked eagerly, standing and crossing to me where I stood leaning against the cool stones of the wall.
“When you set me down by the fire, that night, I knew I needed body heat.” I splayed my hands across his broad, smooth chest, tracing the beautiful outline of him. “I was so far gone I couldn’t get the words out, and Murtagh, bless him, he was on the right track, so I just curled up and let things take their course, but—Jamie, I so badly ached for it to be you. I wanted….I kept trying to pluck up the courage to just say it.”
He brushed a curl back from my face. “Say what?”
“‘Jamie! You. Me. Warmth Cuddles! Spit spot!’”
We both laughed, but I felt my belly clutch in memory. “But I was afraid, for so many reasons.”
He pressed me gently back against the wall and kissed me, giving me the gift of not having to speak aloud the main reason for my fear and shame over my feelings that night. “Well, if you were afraid, Sassenach,” he said against my lips, “I was fairly shitting myself.”
Memory, sadness, shame: banished. I chortled rather gracelessly into his mouth. “Oh, yes, that was quite apparent, love.”
He rolled his eyes as he smiled, sheepishly. “Christ, I wanted ye so badly I could scarcely breathe. A green, virgin lad handed a naked goddess and asked to mind her through the cold, dark night??“
“I wasn’t naked, you oaf!!”
“Ye should have told that to my cock. It couldna seem to tell the difference.” We nearly dissolved into another fit of giggles before he groaned ruefully. “Had to say my hail marys to keep from embarrassing myself. WELL, I did embarrass myself, did I not?—to keep from doing something lecherous.” He stepped a pace back from me, shaking his head with a kind of dark awe as he surveyed me from head to toe. “It certainly felt as if it should be a sin….to behold you, so.”
I gave a dramatic look backward at my posterior, then another conspicuously between his legs, raising my eyebrows in pleasant surprise at what I found there. “Makes one wonder whether sin is half so bad, after all.”
THAT fast. Fire burned in his eyes as he closed the distance between us, jerked me off my feet, and pressed me against the wall—NOT gently. I came alive for him, wrapped my legs around him in visceral, lightning-fast permission, and he entered me with a sharp thrust that sent a deep gasp wrenching from my throat. And he was moving deep, deep, deeper inside me as he growled into my ear:
“Then give me my sin again, Sassenach.”
Thank you all SO MUCH for your support of this story!
I’m leaving things open-ended on purpose, just in case there comes a prompt that fits nicely with this AU that compels me to open it back up (just like I did with this renewal!).
But for the time being, I’m perfectly happy to leave the Frasers to ride off into the sunset. Thank you all again :)
I hope you guys enjoy this next part of Sastiel’s story! Don’t forget I’m running a Sastiel competition with amazing prizes. All you have to do is make an edit/fanart based on my Sastiel fic to be in the draw to win!
Usin’ some of my designated Saturday free time to start something I’ve wanted to do for a while! Let’s Play FF9! Obviously I’m not a… Professional Let’s PlayPerson… but I love FFIX and I wanted to share the replay experience with people >:0