Joker x Harley Quinn: Bye, Bye Birdie
Harley Quinn sat in the Joker’s lap. They both had their arms linked around each other’s bodies, still addicted to the other as Harley was only a week old. They were in the Joker’s office, across from Mr. J was a giant crocodile man and Harley was told to be quiet while he worked. She had tuned out the conversation and instead was admiring the Joker’s fit body.
“Boys,” Mr. J called to his henchmen suddenly, “Would you kindly escort Mr. Croc out? He looks a little clammy he might need to return to his swamp.” Joker laughed, wrapping his other arm around Harley’s waist and pulling her closer. The henchmen left the room with crocodile man, as soon as the door shut Joker angled his face up towards Harley.
“You were so good during my meeting.” He purred close to her lips, “Daddy’s so proud.”
“Thank you, puddin.” Harley blushed, “Can we go back to bed now?”
He purred her name, “My baby is so eager for me.”
“Can you blame me?” She opened her mouth and bit down into a smile right to his lips.
“No, but there is something that I want to talk to you about.” He said pausing to kiss her neck. “Harley, baby,” The Joker purred after his lips left her skin, “I have an important mission for us. It’s something I’ve been planning for months and daddy decided that it would be the perfect way to introduce you to the world! To the Bat!” He laughed, running his hands over her legs.
“What is it puddin?” Harley bounced in his lap, excited to finally meet the Bat. She had heard great things.
Harley fastened the brunette wig and took a few steps back to look at her outfit in the full length mirror, scowling. Black pants, a long-sleeved purple blouse, and black combat boot heels. Harley gagged, it was so normal. Mr. J wouldn’t notice her in a crowd with this on. She had to turn away from the mirror. Disgusted by her boring outfit, she walked into the bathroom to put bronzer on her exposed chalk white skin. She had to make it look like she hadn’t fallen into ace chemicals. She was just getting done with her makeup when the Joker walked into the bathroom.
“How’s it going, baby?” Mr. J asked, energy radiated off of him. He was so excited for this day.
“Puddin, these clothes are so boring!” She pouted, motioning to her outfit. “And look at my skin! I don’t even look like I belong to you!”
Joker looked her over, walking closer and placing his hands on her shoulders.
“No tantrums. This is a very important day. I will not let it be ruined by your fits.” He hissed at her, “Listen, I don’t like them either. But you want to make daddy proud, right baby?”
She sighed, “Yes, puddin.”
“Good girl.” Joker looked down at her clothes again, “After this is all done,” He leant in to speak in her ear, “I never want to see you in these plain clothes again.”
Harley giggled, throwing her arms around him, and kissed him, “I second that.”
“Remember, my dear,” Joker purred in her ear, “This is your introduction to the world. So scream loud and make daddy proud.” He laughed in her ear at his rhyme.
An hour later, Harley walked through the crowd. There was a celebration today, at Gotham town square. The city was thanking Batman and Robin for their years of bravery with a life-size statue of both of them that would live outside of town hall. How nice of Gotham. Harley grinned from ear-to-ear as she saw that there was already a large crowd when she walked up to the middle of the city. She saw news reporters and paparazzi, get your cameras ready, they’d be getting much more than they originally thought. Harley pushed and flirted her way up towards the front of the crowd, ending up in one of the best spots for the action she would soon join in on.
A few minutes later, the mayor of Gotham stood up to speak. The crowd was lined with policemen, crime was very common in Gotham and with such a special day for the Joker’s most favored play toy the police weren’t taking any chances. The mayor went on and on about Batsy and his sidekick for minutes and minutes of painfully dragged out minute. Harley checked her watch many times, the Joker would show up in five minutes. Batman was supposed to show up in ten, but Batman would be a ‘no show’ today, he was too busy fighting off crocodile man in Midway City, Batman was not apart of Joker’s plan. Not yet, at least.
The guest of honor today was Robin.
Harley was exciting. Knowing she was the only one that knew what was going to happen today. She looked at the people around her, men, women, kids, all would be dead by the end of the hour.
The chaos started quick. One second the mayor was still talking and the next gunshots rang out, people were ducking, the mayor and the other men on stage were dead. It took all of Harley’s concentration not to explode with laughter. She knew exactly what just happened. The Joker’s henchmen had replaced the police officers and were shooting everyone in sight. A bullet hit the man next to Harley and he fell to the floor, blood splattering on his kids faces. Screaming. Crying. Bullets whizzing through the air. Harley felt so alive.
A familiar creepy laugh sounded and the Joker was on stage, brilliant purple suit shining, holding his own fancy white and gold gun.
“Good afternoon, citizens of Gotham! I have an important presentation for you today!” Joker announced, speaking over the bullets from his henchmen. “Would anyone like to volunteer to join me on stage?”
Harley was to busy watching her boyfriend in his natural element to see if anyone volunteered.
“What? Stage freight? That’s too bad! Looks like we’ll have to play a game! Eeny meenie miny mo.” Joker looked through the crowd and pointed at Harley, “You. Come up here, beautiful!”
“No, please!” Harley remembered her role, she shook her head and backed up a few steps. Trying to cover her smile with her hands on her face.
Two henchmen appeared on either side of her, each of them grabbed on of her arms and lifted her up off her feet walking her to the stage. Harley watched Joker’s eyes as he glared at the henchmen’s hands on her arms. But the glare was gone as Harley was brought close to him, Joker’s smile was bright as he held a hand out for Harley.
Joker wrapped an arm around Harley’s waist, holding her towards the crowd and against him. Harley managed to work a few fake tears out of her eyes. Joker was laughing, shooting bullets in every direction.
Joker moved his lips to her ear, whispering only for her, “Scream louder, baby. You’re a hostage.” Harley screamed and tried to shake him off feebly, “Yes, that’s it.” He purred in her ear.
Harley was having trouble focusing on her hostage act as she felt his warm, fit body behind her. His purrs in her ear and his words of encouragement. His heavy breathing and the way his hand on her waist had moved to the exposed skin at her waist and his callused fingers were lightly stroking her skin inconspicuously. Harley tried to make a moan sound like a terrified sound.
“It fills my heart when I get such a willing volunteer!” Joker spoke loud enough for the steadily dying crowd to hear. Joker kept laughing.
Harley looked over the dying crowd. The henchmen were spraying bullets like febreze and the crowd was a bad smell. Blood was everywhere, pooling in the streets and on the stage. All Harley could hear was the Joker’s laughter. The violence, the screaming, the chaos, everything was perfect. Harley looked up at Joker’s face through her fake tears. She’d never seen him so happy.
“Ah, there he is!” Joker laughed harder, shooting his giant gun at the figure swinging from the top of a building from a grappling gun. “The guest of honor!”
Robin landed on the street, punching and kicking the henchmen as he worked his way to the stage. Robin was an expert fighter, he was clearly prepared in his red, black, and yellow armored suit. His giant, muscled arms and legs made his job with the henchmen much easier and quickly he was on the stage with Joker and Harley. The henchmen all on the ground and twitching. Harley improved on her sad face as Joker turned them to face Robin.
Joker’s laugh and smile had grown since the caped man flipped onto the stage.
“Joker, let her go!” Robin demanded in a deep commanding voice.
“No, no, no!” Joker laughed quickly, moving his fingers to Harley’s chin and shaking her head, “I admit I was jealous when I heard you and Batsy were getting honored today. I just had to drop by and file a complaint!” Joker laughed loudly again.
“Joker! This is between me and you. Let her go!” Robin yelled, slowly inching forward.
“I don’t think so, birdie. This is my welcome back party. Haven’t you missed me? I’ve certainly been missing you alone in those cold cells at Arkham!” Harley screamed again, “Isn’t she beautiful?” Joker moved his head to look at Harley, “I think I might keep her!”
Harley let out another scream, trying to squeeze a few more tears out.
“Oh the screams, I love it!” Joker laughed, “She has perfect creamy skin and smells so good too.” Joker purred in her ear. Harley tried to make her scream sound terrified and not excited.
Robin locked eyes with Harley, “Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.” It took all of Harley’s concentration not to laugh, it won’t be for you.
At once, Harley realized that Robin had been slowly inching towards Joker and ‘his hostage’. Robin was now in arms length of them and with a move that only a trained warrior could achieve Harley was out of the Joker’s arms and Joker’s gun had been knocked away. Robin punched Joker’s smiling face and Joker responded by elbowing Robin in the neck. The fight escalated until they were just a matter of flying limbs.
Harley watched horrified as Robin punched her boyfriend’s nose and it started to bleed. She looked around, forgetting all about her damsel in distress act, and saw Joker’s discarded gun. She dashed towards it.
“Get off of him!” Harley yelled pointing the gun at them both.
She had to yell a few times for them to even hear her, but then both of their heads snapped toward her comically. Joker laughed as he saw her with the gun. To anyone looking, Harley with her brunette wig and her plain clothes seemed to be pointing the gun at the Joker. But she was really trying to hold her anger in to not kill Robin right there. Mr. J had a longer, shorter death for Robin planned.
“Get off!” She yelled again. Joker, who was on top of Robin, still smiling stood up and rose both of his hands to his head as if he were being arrested. Once Joker was out of the way, Harley pointed the gun at Robin. Robin’s face, who had been etched in appreciation at Harley’s help, morphed into confusion.
“Gotcha!” Harley giggled as she shot Robin in the stomach.
Thanks for reading!