youtube

Two nights ago, I was a guest on the Late Late Show with James Corden alongside Jason Derulo and Mary Elizabeth Winstead and a lot was covered. Above you will find the truth about the Jean-Ralphio/Steve Harrington Stranger things theory.

Then I found out James had a button that plays Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It.”

A video posted by Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) on Aug 24, 2016 at 5:50am PDT

And finally we gave America the threesome they have been dreading.

youtube

Strangerer Things with Ben Schwartz – Is Jean-Ralphio’s Real Father Steve from Stranger Things?

  • jaebum:who broke it... i'm not mad, i just wanna know
  • jackson:i did it, i broke it, i'll pay–
  • jaebum:no, no you didn't.
  • bambam:don't look at me! look at jinyoung!
  • jinyoung:what? i didn't break it.
  • bambam:huh, that's weird. how'd you even know it was broken?
  • jinyoung:because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.
  • bambam:suspicious...
  • jinyoung:no! it's not!
  • youngjae:if it matters, probably not, but mark was the last one to use it.
  • mark:liar! i don't even drink that crap.
  • youngjae:oh yeah? then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
  • mark:i use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, youngjae!
  • jackson:okay, let's not fight, let me pay for it, i broke it–
  • jaebum:no... who broke it!
  • jinyoung:jaebum... yugyeom's been awfully quiet–
  • yugyeom:REALLY?
  • jinyoung:yeah, really!
  • everyone:(bickering over a broken coffee machine)
  • jaebum in the other room:i broke it, it burned my hand, so i punched it. (looks back at the group who's still fighting) good... it was getting a little to chummy in here.

What Ron Swanson would be doing at his job for the Parks Department in real-life:

1. Training bark rangers. AKA: puppy rangers.
2. Removing lint from caves.
3. Acting as a poet laureate.
4. Running a kennel. 
5. Coordinate film permits & delivering mail.
6. Taking photos.
7. Volunteering to collect coyote scat.
8. Chatting up people on Amtrak trains.