parents and punishments

  • <p> <b>Adult:</b> Wow! You're so respectful and mature for your age!<p/><b>Me, whispering under my breath:</b> It's because I'm scared you'll punish me if I don't act respectful<p/><b>Adults:</b> What.<p/><b>Me:</b> What.<p/></p>

I’m really sick of hearing “children need to be disciplined” and abusers passing up abuse for discipline because for who exactly do children need to be disciplined? what is a disciplined child? one who does what they’re told, that’s a child who doesn’t make noise, doesn’t complain or ask for anything, does things according to rules adults set for them, doesn’t require anything except what adults give them, basically, not a human being, not someone who is free, not someone with human rights, not someone who has the right to do what they want or to say what they need. Disciplining is taking freedom away in return for nothing, discipline is not for the sake or benefit or children but for their caretakers, so they don’t have to deal or spend any time or energy on the said children, and even have children do shit for them. 

For children it’s good to try out everything, to ask for everything, to make a mess, to make noise, to enjoy themselves, to test all their limits and figure out what makes them feel good and what doesn’t, to figure out which kind of work they enjoy, eating when they feel like it, sleeping when they feel like it. Taking this away will never ever benefit the child, it will only benefit the caretakers. It’s not the child’s fault that this society isn’t safe or accepting for child’s development, that their freedom means nothing if they can instead be tucked away and forced to be silent and get shit done if they wanna live. Children aren’t here to please everyone else or to get stuff done, and forcing them to be “disciplined” by punishments will absolutely not lead them to a balanced and productive adult life, it will make them feel guilty, scared, anxious and ashamed if they don’t manage to fulfill impossible schedules and thousands of chores. 

A child can benefit from fair and structured environment where they know what the rules are and what they’re allowed to do, what the rewards are, and what are the consequences if they do wrong, provided they actually have enough freedom to explore and do what they want and the rules don’t change continually based on adult’s moods. But only thing that is truly wrong is hurting others, so they should not suffer consequences for anything but that. But somehow that’s one thing everyone easily gets away with, and they’re instead getting punished whenever adults perceive them as a nuisance or just wanna lash out and find an excuse for it. So whatever is being passed up as “good for the child” is anything but. Before you claim any abuse is “discipline”, remember that they’re in most cases one and the same thing, and never benefit the child.

*slams head into a pillow*

Gosh - OK - first sorry for the random absence! Just suddenly got busy within life o-o

And not just that… but I got a question on my Wall on UT Amino about if there was a Fell!PJ, and if PJ is a jerk - is Fell!PJ more of a jerk?

And while I know there are Fell!PJ’s out there already that answer this as a ‘yes’ - I just… I suddenly thought how he WOULDN’T be a bigger jerk and in fact… would be TERRIFIED constantly. 

Just first - I never really think that Fell versions of out code characters can exist. Just due to how the multiverse is. 

But IF there was a Fell!Error and Fell!Ink - THIS is what Fell!PJ would be like:

Gosh - not much difference at first glance - but:

  • He is on edge all the time - Scared constantly. Always in fear. Hence why his left eye default is a circle - not a diamond like the original.
  • Instead of marching off angerly at 15 like his main counterpart - he runs away in a panic at 10. 
  • His fell parents? Both took him under their watch - altering between one, the other, or both. They saw PJ as an opportunity to craft him into what they needed - and used different tactics to do it. 
    (Again - honestly I doubt Error and Ink could have a Fell version anyway so I was just going on a huge idea burst with that one)
  • Fell!PJ moves from AU to AU - not to judge, but to hide. He feels more comfort in a solid world than the white void. Still - can’t stay for too long - he knows he leaves tracks behind. 
  • When and if he gets to know someone kind and is able to calm down - he will be more like original PJ - except he will catch himself on what he said and will apologize for it over and over. He doesn’t want to be anything like his parents - yet he still got that sarcastic yet straight forward attitude one of them has…
  • His splat mark on his cheek spreads out like a slap mark. It’s due to having been hit on that side too many times that the colored marks is just his way of ‘bandaging it up’

And well - his face colors look like this:

His hoodie is magenta/black, with the long sleeves below being purple/blue like his side pack. He would have orange and blue specks on his shorts and no ‘leggings’ like the original. 

As you can see - I thought WAY TOO MUCH INTO THIS GOODNESS.
(yet still don’t know what the parents would have done to make him that scared all the time… heh… hard for me to think of how a fell Ink and Error would be like I guess…)

I’m gonna shit on everything everyone believes but I don’t believe that disciplining a child is a human right. You don’t have the right to “discipline” your friend, your neighbor, your teacher, boss, parents, or relationship partner, so why the hell would you have the right to discipline a child? Only way these people face discipline is if they committed a fucking crime. It would take a criminal act to be disciplined, and even then it’s not one person who decides it, it’s the entire group of people whose decision must be approved.

So why is it just widely accepted that in child’s case, parents can be the law, the jury, the judge and the disciplinarian? It’s because we still strongly believe that the child is parent’s personal property and they can do whatever they please with them. They’re not. Human beings are nobody’s property. And children in most majority do not commit crimes, the biggest excuse parents hurt children for is because they’re being annoying or resistant. Can you fucking imagine having the right to use punishment that would only be fit for a criminal act to someone who merely annoyed you or didn’t do as you said?

As soon as you let parents decide what is for their child a crime and what is not, soon you’ll have them declaring that any kind of displeasure and annoyance they face is a crime and deserves to be punished, then they’ll declare that child not being everything they wanted and expected is also a crime, then it’s a crime if they don’t do adult’s amount of work in chores and mimic perfect mature behaviour and emotional maturity, then it’s crime to be loud and have needs and demands and it goes on until a crime worth punishment is mere existing. They will forever be able to use the lie that “it’s not abuse, it’s discipline” and it’s because the line between abuse and discipline is non existent! Literally any kind of abuse can look like a discipline if they have the right to decide what in ther book is a crime, as long as they believe children are their property and completely at mercy of their nonexistent morals! Unless a child has commited an actual criminal act there is no fucking reason to discipline them. Existing, being loud, annoying, having needs, wanting to play and rest and scream and be free and do things their way, those are human rights! And abusive parents will take a chance to punish children for every single one of these!

If you believe discipline exists so children could learn right from wrong consider that abusive parents raising them have absolutely no idea what is right and what is wrong! For those parents, wrong is anything that doesn’t feel good for them! And it’s not even consistent, it changes by the hour, with their mood! Instead of defending parent’s right to impose brainwashing type of morals on their child, how about defending children’s right to not be subjected to twisted and cruel treatment of a parent who believes they’re property and not a person.

And no, children do not grow up to be monsters from lack of discipline, they grow up brainwashed and traumatized due to lack of human rights given to them. They can grow up to be monsters if all they get to do is wait their entire life to get a turn to traumatize someone just how their parents traumatized them. And I see a lot of adults doing just that, and defending their right to traumatize children to the ends of hell, just so they wouldn’t ever have to face their own abuse, and make it better for themselves.

An Ask Meme I Just Made Up

I wanted to make one, so here you go. Drop a number in my askbox. Or reblog it and steal it for your own.

1. Are you a side, back, or front sleeper?

2. When you hum random music what song is it?

3. Explain your username

4: Explain my username

5: How did you fall into the tumblr hellpit?

6: What fan interest of yours would you least prefer to explain in your workplace?

7: What fan interest or yours would you most enjoy explaining in your workplace?

8: Last song you listened to?

9: Weirdest thing on your dash today?

10: In a perfect world, what animal would you most like to adopt?

11: What animal would you most like someone else to adopt?

12: What’s something trivial you have strong opinions about?

13: What would your super-villain finishing move be?

14: Explain your icon.

15: You meet your true love(s) today. Possibly again. Describe your ideal hilarious romcom meetcute. (can be aromantic)

16: Your comfort food, and why.

17: What type of mad science will you Show Them All with? (ex: mad chemical engineer, mad library scientist, mad linguist). Which of your creations will probably turn on you?

18: Favorite cheesy trope?

19: Favorite trope nobody writes enough of?

20: Rec me a book, comic, or anime, or other piece of media you wish there were more like.

21: Wierdest tumblr drama you’ve been a part of or stumbled across.

22: You know those things from a million years ago your brain suddenly reminds you to feel embarrased/guilty/bad about in full technicolor? Tell me one of them.

23: What is something you collect?

24: Pens. Do you know where the one closest to you came from? Would you be distressed if someone took it?

25: The last game you played is crossed with the zombie apocalypse and now going down outside your window. How boned are you?

26: What was the last thing that made you cry?

27: Most embarrassing/weird/personal body thing you’re willing to talk about.

28: Your icon is now the voice of your inner therapist. How is this gonna go?

29: Name a kink you only like hypothetically.

30: Name a kink you find bewildering.

31: You have acquired: a mouse, a lizard, a rabbit, a spider, a domestic fox. Name them! Who gets to sleep on the bed?

32: What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it?

33: Hit “shuffle” on your media player and tell me your favorite lyric from the song that comes up.

34: What fan media (of yours or someone else’s) would you most like to see art/fic for?

35: What do you ship that you think would be hard to explain convincingly to other people? Attempt an explanation.

36: What meme gets on your nerves?

37: Showers or baths?

38: Who was your biggest childhood nemesis and why?

39: First writing prompt that comes to your head.

40: Least favorite color.

41: What was the last thing you got really obsessed with?

42: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve ever had on a mind-altering substance? (prescription, recreational, otc, or food)

43: Shuffle up a random song on your media player. Now tell me what ship/story goes with it.

44: What’s making you happiest recently? :)

45: What’s scaring you these days? :(

46: Post a funny video for me.

47: Did you ever have a dream/nightmare that stuck with you for years?

48: What’s a movie you thought you’d hate but you turned out to love?

49: Tell me a really obscure fact you know.

50: Hot or cold?

51: How did your parent(s) punish you as a kid? What do you think of that?

52: What’s something you thought was true about yourself that your feelings have changed on over the years?

53: Write a story in seven words.

54: What is your favorite curse word?

55: Favorite food for every color of the rainbow.

56: If you were a poltergeist where would you haunt and what would be your preferred style of prank?

57: What is an art style, craft, or skill that you can’t do, but you really admire in others?

58: What is a skill you have that people probably don’t know about?

59: Name a pet peeve you have, and something you do that is probably a pet peeve for others.

60: Dragons, dinosaurs, or aliens?

61: What was the last big fight you had with someone about?

62: Insult the asker of this question creatively.

63: In an ideal world, what would you like done with your body after you die?

64: Find me a weird stock photo and post it.

65: What was your bedtime ritual as a kid? Did you have one?

66: What are the three traits you value the most in others?

67: What are the three most interesting wild animals you’ve encountered in your life?

68: What is a word you really enjoy saying?

69: Answer number 60 like it was a “fuck, marry, kill” rhetorical.

70: Describe something that happened to you today as if you were a narrator in a film noir, nature documentary, or 50s teaching video.

71: Create five new nicknames for yourself as quickly as you can.

72: Shorts, pants, skirts, or other?

73: What’s a song you hate and why?

74: If you were a superhero, what would be your one weakness?

75: Describe a weird encounter you had with a bug.

npr.org
The Perils And False Rewards Of Parenting In The Era Of 'Digi-Discipline'
In a society where black people have power, beating children and posting it on social media is just as much about performing respectability as it is punishing wrongdoing.

The videos are an infamous genre unto themselves: “Mother Punches Her Daughter Dead in the Face for Having Sex in the House!” “Dad Whups Daughter for Dressing Like Beyonce.” “Son Left In Bloody Mess as Father Forces Him to ‘Fight.’” Their images stream from Facebook timelines and across YouTube channels, alternately horrifying and arresting: burly fathers, angry mothers, lips curled, curses flying, hands wrapped around electrical chords, tree branches, belts, slashing down on legs, arms, buttocks and flesh as children cry and plead and scream out in agony.

Tens of millions have clicked “play,” becoming voyeurs of this new form of child punishment — what some observers call “digi-discipline.”

Rather than sticking to the time-honored tradition of physically disciplining their children behind closed doors, parents, many of them black, buoyed by the instant gratification and viral fame that social media provides, are increasingly uploading videos of the corporal punishment they mete out on their kids, sparking intense debate on the usefulness of this particular form of public shaming.

thoughts from sociology class

so we were talking about how kids today are given trophies for everything and praised for everything (I know, yikes) and I was thinking about my experience in school and working with little kids.

none of this is true.

teachers are generally tired of kids messing around and will scream at them until they’re too scared to move. it even made me uncomfortable when I was in high school volunteering to teach them.

it’s very strange that people see this as the ideal form of parenting and punishing kids, and everything else is “too laid back” or whatever, because it’s completely untrue.

I have no experience parenting, but drawing from my own experience in an abusive household, I didn’t yell at them. what I did was really simple: if they were misbehaving, i’d tell them that if they didn’t stop they couldn’t have/do [thing]. like this one girl needs help getting on a swing because she’s short, so I said “if you want to go on the swing you have to stop throwing your food around”, and she listened. no yelling or threat of physical harm involved. kids have thoughts, feelings, and wants just like everyone else. I can guarantee you this is extremely easy.

so to hear this discussion about ‘kids these days’ was kind of upsetting, because the other kind of abusive parenting actually does harm.

when I was little, my dad would scream at me if I kept getting math problems wrong on my homework. you know what that did? make me not want to ask adults for help. it made me scared to communicate my feelings. all these things do are make children afraid to express why they feel the way they do and work things out.

the fact that I as a 17-18 year old, with no parenting experience, could get kids to behave without abuse, says a fucking lot about how entitled and abusive parents can be. “don’t abuse children” is apparently a very controversial opinion for some reason!

anyway, kids aren’t annoying objects, there are reasons why they behave the way they do and abuse isn’t the way to tell them what they’re doing is inappropriate and get them to follow rules.

Trigger Warning : Mentions of Miscarriage

Imagine that as a punishment, Loki must listen to every person who as affected by the attack of New York. At the beginning, he doesn’t mind but bit by bit all the horror stories of what happened that day, the loss and the consequences, start to mark him. Then one day you appear but you don’t talk at all. Captain America, who is there to supervise the meetings, tells Loki that you lost everything, your parents and sister, friends, your fiancé and you suffered a miscarriage. You were celebrating the baby shower when the building collapsed over you, and you survived cause your fiancé protected you with his body. While Captain America is talking, you stared at Loki, with your lifeless eyes not even cold, just empty. And that’s what marks Loki because he had the same look while he was tortured by Thanos.

After your visit, Loki can’t help but think of you and imagine what happened that futile day, having even nightmares about it. He requires to see you again, which surprises everyone. You accept it and once you are again there, Loki kneels in front of you to beg your forgiveness. The Avengers are in awe of seeing the god of mischief crying and bowing his head to you while apologizing. You just put your hand over his head and leave the room without saying a word.

P.S.A

It’s not normal to be afraid of your parents. For any reason.

It’s not normal to feel like you have to tiptoe around your parents because of a reaction they might have to what you’re doing, especially if what you’re doing isn’t even wrong.

It’s not normal to feel unsafe in your own house. For any reason, in any way.

It’s not normal for your parents to scream at you or call you names and cuss at you, even if you’re arguing with them.

It’s not normal for your parents to escalate things and punish you unfairly because they can.

It’s not normal for parents to invade your privacy in any way like taking your door away, demanding passwords / reading private messages / stalking your facebook or tumblr, ect.

It’s not normal for your parents to constantly belittle you, mock you, or bully you in any way.

“Because I said so” as a reason to make you do something that makes you uncomfortable, ect. almost daily is not normal.

It’s not normal for your parents to brush you off if you say something is wrong or is upsetting you.

It’s not normal for your parents to isolate you as punishment.

It’s not normal for your parents to deny you a therapist, counselor, doctor, meds or anything regarding your mental or physical health for any reason. 

It’s not normal for your parents to tell you to “suck it up” or say “that’s how the real world is” if you’re having issues or have a disability / illness that makes things difficult for you.

It’s not normal for parents to constantly shoot you down, especially if they’re trying to be nice about it and say “It’s for your own good” or “I’m just trying to help”

None of this is normal for parents to do. This is abuse.
If you feel, for any reason, that you might be being abused, if you think that something is wrong with the way your parents treat you, listen to your gut. Look into abuse. Don’t ignore it. Don’t tell yourself that you’re overreacting. Listen to yourself, because something is probably wrong.
If you’re being abused by your parents, i’m sorry. I know how you feel. But remember, you are wonderful. You didn’t make your parents abuse you. None of this is your fault.
Take care of yourself. Please. You’ll be out of there soon.