(part 1) I have a tutor who was also my friend, and I had spoken with her many times about how I was being emotionally abused and the anxiety and depression I had. She acted like she understood. Recently I had a panic attack right before an appointment with her, and we talked about what had cumulated to it. It seemed to have been going somewhat fine until the end, when she dismissed my problems as common teen angst (curse that concept!) told me that I don't want depression at my age, and....
(Part 2) ….And that I’d feel better if I just took a bath. She said that she’d gone through the exact same thing, but it was obvious that if she did, then she wouldn’t have treated it like it was nothing. My family will be mad if I don’t go back, but I can’t even face her for how hurt I am, let alone continue classes. I tried explaining to her and to my family, only for them to assert that she’s right. I’m not very assertive myself, especially to people I know.
That’s quite a difficult situation you got there friend, and I’m sorry you have to go through it. In this situation I’m afraid you have to be assertive if you want it to work out, as it seems like your family hasn’t got your back in this situation. (Also, curse her for using baths. I love baths, now you probarbly have a bad association with baths. Great.)
You can either (A) Tell you family or (B) tell your tutor.
I’m not sure telling your family would be a good idea, especially since it seems like they aren’t supportive in this matter. (That and I’m not sure if they’re the ones doing the emotional abuse?) But still, in case I’m wrong:
“Hey, I know you don’t agree with what I said earlier but I feel really uncomfortable with talking to them now. The way they told me my feelings weren’t true really hurt me, so did you guys agreeing with them.”
If they ridicule you or disagree or act condescending they’re probarbly not understanding the problem, or just plain wrong.
“The way you phrased your reply is really cond
condescending, and not really helping me in any way. I hope you’ll try not to do it in the future, as it really makes it hard for me to ask for help.”
Say this if they do react in a
condescending way, so that at least you can give them something to think about.
As for plan B:
“Hey, you know the way you acted before about things really made me feel bad. I also disagree with your opinion, this isn’t something that will go away with a bath. And saying so is not only hurtful, but harmful.”
This is the blunt way, the angry way. And you have the right to be angry, they disregarded everything you told them,you trusted them. And they broke that trust. Still, if you want to do so gently you can say:
“I disagree with what you said before, and it really hurt me when you acted like it was no big deal. For me it is, and I told you those things because I trusted you. I don’t really feel like I can trust you the same anymore.”
I know you don’t want to face them, and I get it. But if your family isn’t helping you and you’re currently udnerage, I don’t think there’s a lot you can do about it. I don’t know your country or the way its system works when it comes to this, so you can try and research if you can cancel/change a tutor.
If you feel up for it it might be a good idea to confront them, at least if you leave they’ll know why. And maybe you can resolve it, get them to take you seriously.
My boyfriend (23) has a very controlling father and I have a suspicion that he is lying to my bf about his meds after a hospital stay for "brief psychotic disorder". His father claims that legally, HE must be the one to administer my bf's medication. This means that my bf is not allowed to leave the house passed a certain time and he also can't go on vacation with me for our 2yr anni because according to his dad, my bf wouldn't be allowed to take his medicine with him. Is this a real policy?
As someone who has dealt with clients in regards to taking medication, I can tell you that what your boyfriend’s father is doing is NOT a legal policy. Not unless, he is your boyfriend’s conservator of person. But even then, there would have been some sort of legal action, and both a doctor and judge would have to determine if your boyfriend is incompetent to make medical decisions. But this does not sound like that’s the current situation.
If your boyfriend has been known to not take his medication consistently or incorrectly, then his father could help him in this regard, but not in a legal sense. I know that when I was taking one of my meds incorrectly, my parents kept my medications out of my sight and would give them to me in the morning(and also as needed if I was dealing with fibro pain). I didn’t like this set up, but obviously I was able to prove to my parents that I can take my medications appropriately and independently.
But in this situation, it seems like your instinct may be right and that your boyfriend’s father is controlling your boyfriend. The only thing that you can do is to have a discussion with your boyfriend and what his perspective his. He is an adult, and should be able to make his own decisions in life. And if he feels that this is not happening and agrees with you, he should talk to his father. I would not get involved with that and talk to the father directly, because that might cause more issues at this point. But support your boyfriend; give him feedback and help him the best that you can with this situation. It sounds like you care about him very much, and that you want the best for him. His father may not be on his side, but you are; and that can only help him long term.
I will keep both of you in my thoughts. Dealing with controlling parents can be tricky, especially if they aren’t your parents. But I believe that the both of you can get through this together and improve your relationship during this time.
Some Thoughts on Lars, his family, and his relationship with Sadie
This is Lars’s house. His parents are very into handmade crafts they saw on Pinterest. On the other hand, the room they let their son stay in still looks like and has the objects of an attic (Christmas lights, boxes, coats). Knowing Lars, he probably didn’t want knick-knacks and rainbows in his room.
His parents clearly care about him, though. They don’t suppress his personality. His mother even bought him the heart plugs.
I feel their family is one that’s stopped being on the same page some time ago. It’s a sharp contrast to Sour Cream’s family, who regularly communicates even though they don’t always agree. Lars’s family doesn’t seem to engage with each other on a level that both parties are comfortable with or understand. Can you imagine the breakfast scene but with Lars sitting there instead of Steven?
His parents see Lars as the person Lars wants to be, not as the real Lars. They see the tough, cool guy. They believe this so much that they’re not surprised he’s breaking into people’s houses as a burglar.
Lars is starved for the affirmation of his peers. With parents who see their son in town and immediately saying, “Let’s follow him!” you can sort of see how most of his childhood was. And we look back at the handicrafts and the general aesthetic of his house and his parents and we know that’s not the image he himself wants to project.
I’m not defending Lars, just trying to explain why he doesn’t want people to know about his parents, and why we’ve never seen them before.Their personalities just clash, most families do. The problem here is that they’re not making efforts to reach each other, or those efforts are taken at face value.
When Steven gave Lars’s parents the answer they wanted to hear, that was that. They didn’t question him or ask what was wrong or anything. In the same way, I can imagine that when Lars’s parents got him what he wanted, that was it as well.
Because neither are terrible people. Lars’s parents are concerned enough to talk about his grades and his education after Lars moved out. They didn’t give him one shot and then leave him on his own.
But what are their conversations like? His father remarks it’s great that Lars didn’t even swear this time. They both are incredibly surprised by how the conversation went.
His parents know him, but don’t know him well enough. I have friends, who will immediately lash out when their parents confront them with something they’ve done “wrong” or when it’s something they don’t want to do. They sort of clam up and just stop listening to anything, even reasonable things. And from experience, it’s because deep down, they know they’re not doing well. They’re upset with themselves but also don’t want to change.
Lars knows his responsibilities and what he’s supposed to do for school, but did you see all those F’s? He’d have to change a lot about his habits and his lifestyle, and it frustrates him because he wants to do better but doesn’t want to make all those changes and everyone suddenly feels up on his case and he doesn’t know how to answer them because they’re right but he wants to put it away.
The very intentional running sentence shows that approaching it the way, I think, most parents would approach it, “What on Earth happened? Is there something wrong at school?” would make him explode. It’s a personality thing. So they take the opposite direction. Someone like Lars probably acts like he doesn’t hear anything, and then fights about it, but when he’s alone these words weigh on him and he starts to feel bad for himself, and the cycle starts again.
In the show, who actually gets Lars to do things? His peers. The way his parents address Lars, talking about his education and his decisions don’t really matter to him, because he cares very little about himself. Time after time we see Lars pretending to be someone he’s not for the validation he gets from other people means way more. If his parents addressed him from an angle that involved peers, it may help a little more.
At his core, who was Lars? He was best friends with Ronaldo, until he started letting people’s opinions dictate whom he should be friends with. Sadie says it best when she called him out (as Steven) for acting completely different in public and in private. He’s not a terrible person, but he ends up doing terrible things for the sake of that validation.
Because Lars is short-tempered, impulsive, at times violent. He throws things and rips things up and yells a lot. But what’s he doing it all for? It’s when someone messes with how he wants to be perceived, and being cool is something he thinks he’s got down but doesn’t actually understand. He wants to be like the Cool Kids, and not care about anyone, except the Cool Kids care about their friends and family more than they’d like to admit.
Lars does all these things but he’s capable of a lot of good. Sadie points out in Joking Victim that when they played video games together, Lars brought her favourite food. That’s a thoughtful thing. And the events of Horror Club show that he’s not completely awful.
He’s done a lot of mean things, though. This episode, for me, is only the start of addressing that. Because at the end, it seems as though it’s a good thing Lars is mean again. Everyone liked the new Lars better, but his meanness is validated because Sadie prefers the original Lars. I don’t think this is the case.
Taken with a grain of salt, the ending makes sense. It’s not that Lars should be mean. Sadie likes having a friend who is cynical, and complains, and makes use of dark humour. Just look at the kind of movies she watches, and how she says things like, “I’d rather have my organs pickled,” in the same way Lars says, “I’d rather eat poop.” They do have a lot in common in terms of interests and humour and stuff like that. So why aren’t they acting like it?
Someone asked me:
Anonymous said: I don’t know if you’ve talked about this before, but how do you feel about Sadie and Lars relationship? To me they could work as friends, but they’ve both got a lot of growing to do before they approach anything resembling a romance. Because whenever they try, someone gets hurt. Sadie was willing to hold both Lars and Steven (a minor) on an island just so she could be with him and Lars was selfish enough to take advantage of Sadie and fake a back injury to sneak out of work. Sadie puts (cont.)
…way too much faith in him when he hurts her SO badly (I mean, she was crying really hard out of betrayal and anger when he went and did that sleezeball thing, and THEN to hang out with some other girl too?) but Sadie’s no angel either if she’s willing to KIDNAP people and strand them from friends, family, and supplies just for her own personal gain. But Steven Universe, for all their progress, is still doing the Good Girls Love Bad Boys trope that is so damn eye-rolling. Real life ain’t so.
When a New Jersey 17-year-old named
Kinsey came out to her parents, they
threw a surprise PRIDE Party in her
honor, complete with rainbow foods,
rainbow decorations, and a “vegan gay
cake” that her aunt made. SourceSource 2Source 3
“I love being a part of such a caring and awesome community,” she told Buzzfeed. “The best part is seeing how happy the party has made everyone.”
“Especially in light of the Pulse shootings this past Pride Month, our community needs a little joy and hope and I’m glad to say my family has helped contribute to that.”
She also came out on Instagram, in the most adorable way possible:
Stand-up comedian Tig Notaro is best known for her hilarious comedic bit about being diagnosed with breast cancer which eventually led to a double mastectomy. Since then, she’s been nominated for an Emmy and sometimes performs topless to raise awareness for breast cancer.
With so much success in her past, Notaro can add another life goal to her list — to be a mom. On June 26, Tig Notaro and her wife Stephanie Allynne, became mothers to twins via surrogacy. In a post on Facebook yesterday, Notaro shared a photo of her children for the first time. She also did so in a way that did not hide her mastectomy scars.
With the caption, “This is my life,” it’s clear how happy Notaro is as a mom. Congrats to Notaro and her wife Allynne on their beautiful babies and we wish them all the luck in life.
13 Signs Of A Toxic Parent That Many People Don’t Realize
Most parents genuinely do their best to provide their children with a happy and healthy upbringing, but even these individuals can accidentally make mistakes that may result in future therapy appointments.
Unfortunately, some parents go beyond the occasional mistake and veer into the toxic category. Regardless of whether or not a parent is purposefully being toxic, there are several behaviors that can cause so much emotional and mental damage to a child that it ends up greatly affecting them even after they have grown up.
If you experienced any of the following situations as a child, the odds are high that one or both of your parents were at least slightly toxic.
When I was in fourth grade my parents divorced. I was so young and scared and really disappointed by the reality that we would never be a family again. At recess the next day I sat underneath a desk and cried. Two friends of mine sat with me and talked to me about their parents’ relationships and while things were changing it wasn’t necessarily for the worse. To this day I am surprised by the thoughtfulness and compassion from these two girls. We were just kids and I’m sure they would’ve been much happier playing at recess but their kindness changed my life forever.
You may be saying that about your student’s parent
Content note: This post is mostly intended for k-12 classroom teachers, but probably applies to other groups as well.
When you teach, it’s really important to be mindful of the fact that people from all walks of life have children.
When you say something about a particular group of people, you may be saying it about a student’s mother, father, or parent. It’s important to keep that in mind when making decisions about how to discuss things. (Including things that it’s 100% your job to teach your class about).
When you express an opinion about a group of people, your student may hear it as “I think this about your mother”, “I think this about your father”, or “I think this about you and your family.” Don’t forget that, and don’t assume that you will always know who is in the room.
It’s worth speaking with the assumption that there are people in the room who know a member of the group you’re talking about personally. When you’re working with kids, it’s worth speaking with the assumption that this person might be their parent or someone in a parental role.
This is important whether what you’re saying is positive, negative, or neutral. If you speak in a way that assumes that what you’re saying is theoretical for everyone, it can make it very hard for a child to whom it is personal to trust you. And you can’t assume that you will always know a child’s family situation, or that you will always know how a child feels about it.
Many parents are in prison, have been imprisoned in the past, are facing trial, are on probation, have been arrested, have been accused of crimes, have been convicted, are on house arrest, are facing some other kind of court-ordered punishment or similar.
Many parents are police officers, prison guards, judges, prosecutors, probation officers, or in a related role.
Many parents (and children) have been the victims of violent crimes. (Including crimes committed by police officers.) Some children may have lost parents this way.
All of these people are parents, and most of their children go to school.
Some of their kids may be in your class, and you may not know this.
Even if you do know about the situation, you probably don’t know how they feel about it.
Kids have all kinds of feelings about all of these things (including, often, complicated mixed feelings).
If you want to talk about prison issues, crime, justice, legal reform, or any of that, it’s important to keep in mind that whatever you say about one of these groups of people, you may be saying it about a student’s parent.
And that you don’t know how they feel.
Speak in a way that gives them space to have opinions, and to be both personally affected and part of the class.
If you say “we” and mean “people who aren’t personally connected to this issue”, kids are likely to feel that you are distancing yourself from them and their parents.
It’s better to speak with the assumption that what you’re saying applies to the parents of one of your students, and that they may have complicated thoughts and feelings about this.
People of all races have children of all races. When you say something about a racial group, you may be saying it about a student’s parent.
People with all kinds of disabilities have children. When you say things about disabled people or disabilities, you may be saying it about a student’s parent.
(Including blind people, deaf people, autistic people, people with intellectual disabilities, wheelchair users, people with conditions that usually shorten lifespan, and every other kind of disability).
When you talk about teenage pregnancy, keep in mind that some students may have parents who were teenagers when they were born.
People of all political opinions, including abhorrent opinions, have children. When you say something about members of a political group, you may be saying it about a student’s parent.
People who work at McDonalds have children. When you talk about McDonalds workers and people in similar roles, it’s extremely likely that you’re talking about a student’s parent. (Especially if you teach in a public school).
Many people who do sex work have children. If you say something about strippers, porn stars, escorts, phone sex operators, dominatrixes, or whoever else, you may be saying it about someone’s mother, father, or parent.
People of all faiths and ethnicities have children (who may or may not be raised in their faith). If you say something about a religion or its followers, you may be saying it about the parent of one of your students.
And so on.
Being more abstract again:
People from all walks of life have kids, and you may be teaching some of their kids.
Keep that in mind.
Whatever you say about a group of people, you may be saying it about your student’s mother, father, or parent.
If you speak about it like it’s an abstract issue that couldn’t apply to anyone in the room, it’s likely to be really alienating.
This is true even if what you say is positive or sympathetic.
Kids need to be seen and acknowledged. If you speak as though they’re not there, it gets harder for them to trust you.
When you speak about a group of people, speak with the assumption that at least one student in the room has a parent who is a member of that group.
(To be clear: I’m not saying don’t talk about these issues. Sometimes it’s 100% your job to talk about these issues. What I am saying is, keep in mind that it may be personal, that you may be talking about a student’s parent, and that you won’t always know that this is the case. Taking this into account makes it possible to teach everyone in the room.)
tl;dr When you’re teaching, keep in mind that the kids in your class probably have parents, and that you don’t know everything about their parents. Their parents may come from any and every walk of life. Keep this in mind when you talk about issues and groups. You may well be talking about a student’s mother, father, family, or parent.