parent manipulation

Listen.

It’s not okay to have your child be scared of you. That isn’t respect. That’s control. 

It’s not okay to have your child obey you at all times in order for you to love them. That isn’t high standards. That’s manipulation.

It’s not okay to force your child become what you wanted to become. That isn’t wanting the best for them. That’s living vicariously through them.

It’s not okay to take away your child’s basic needs as a punishment. That isn’t teaching them. That’s hindering them. 

It’s not okay to dictate your child’s sexuality or gender. That isn’t normalizing them. That’s repressing them.

It’s not okay to berate your child’s appearance or intelligence for being what you think is sub-par. That isn’t toughening them. That’s bullying them.

It’s not okay to take out your stress on your child. That isn’t parenting. That is abusing.

It’s completely okay to distance yourself from your parents. That’s not unloving. That, sometimes, is self care.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

it’s time to shut down the lie that children who don’t grow up being hit, humiliated, and scared into obedience will grow up into spoiled, entitled, selfish monsters. there is zero truth to that. children grown in a healthy and nurturing environment will get a chance to grow up healthy. children who are raised by monsters who try to pretend that abuse is for the child’s sake and that the child would become a monster if not abused will be stripped of their health and will be denied an actual start in life and will be forced to fight for survival. I’ve had enough of abusers pretending they’re helping the child while they’re just taking and taking more and more away from them and leaving them permanently traumatized and emotionally injured. Don’t let them get away with it.

hey let’s stop reblogging and praising the independence day clothing line ie the clothing line designed for autistic children. after hearing a disturbing rumor about ID clothing i looked up some more about them and it’s true.

independence day clothing is designed with hidden gps trackers to enable parents to “keep tabs” on their autistic children

just look up “independence day clothing trackers” and you’ll find lots more sources about it. in case it isn’t obvious, the idea of parents tagging their kids against their will and often without their knowledge in order to track their every mood is disgusting and abusive and especially so with autistic kids and teens who are already more vulnerable to abuse.

multiple articles praise these gps enabled articles of clothing for having such discreet trackers for the specific purpose of keeping the wearer from pulling them out. this alone should be a huge red flag. the creator, an allistic parent of an autistic child, has made multiple statements on the tracker and all are absolutely disturbing.

as an autistic person and a sufferer of ableist parental abuse and manipulation, please please please do not support independence day clothing

Your kid shouldn’t be relieved to know you’re not home. Your kid shouldn’t have to double lock all of their stuff up because they’re scared you might go through it. Your kid shouldn’t have to think “Here comes the screaming” or brace themselves for the worse because you’re angry or stressed. Your kid shouldn’t have a genuine fear of you even being close to touching them. Your kid shouldn’t be afraid of you; your kid shouldn’t be afraid of the thought of you.

10 Signs you have/had toxic parents/been abused/childhood trauma

-you’re passive aggressive towards yourself
-“it’s my fault, I didn’t do it but it has be my fault somehow.”
-self-harm because you deserve it.
-if my parents hate me, I shall hate myself as well.
- I’m not being abused, I’m just trying to make myself believe that I’m not a nuisance to my parents.
- I shouldn’t bother my parents/abusers with my feelings.
-if I deserved love and affection, I should’ve got it a long time ago.
- If I’m not good enough to them, I’ll never be good enough to anyone.
- they’re always right, I’m the one who’s wrong.
-“we’re the best parents, but you don’t deserve how kind and compassionate we are”

“Emotionally abusive or manipulative parents often make a practice of constantly questioning their child’s reality and experiences. Our childhoods were full of moments of being told that problematic parental behavior “never happened,” that a problem our parent created doesn’t matter because they “did the best they could,” or that an event that traumatized us “didn’t happen like that.” -Gabrielle Moss (Why You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About Not Talking to Your Toxic Parent)

Abusive parents not only lie to their children a lot, but the entire foundation of their relationship with children is based on lies.

They lie about who they are. They lie about who the children are. They tell lies about what the world is like. They lie about what you’re responsible for, and what you have no control over. They lie to make you feel guilty. They lie about their feelings. They lie about their intentions. They lie about what you deserved. They lie about what happened. They lie about what they said. They lie about what others said. They lie about how they think and act and most of the words coming out of their mouths are manipulative lies. Ones that will make you feel like they’re in the absolute right to do whatever they feel like doing, like they have the right to dictate your identity, the right to punish you, the right to “show you your place”. They lie about how much they’re capable of, they lie about what hurts and doesn’t hurt them, they lie about how much they care, and they lie about loving you.

Being raised in abusive environment means having all of your perceptions based on a tangle of lies, and only painstakingly unwrapping every single one thruout your whole life will help you gain more proper idea of what is true and what isn’t, but abusive parents make even uncovering the truth ultimately terrifying, because they make it seem like if what they’re saying to you is a lie, then the truth must be much, much worse. Well it isn’t. Their lies are made to get you where they want you. To make your behaviour convenient and useful to them. To create an asset out of you. Out of a human being.

Abusive parents wont ever forgive if their child lies to them. While they lie to them their entire life, about everything. They still expect the truth. They still expect you make it easier for them to read you, to manipulate you, to know where to push you and what lie to tell to get you to obey, to bow down and to admit that you’re wrong, you’re guilty, and you’ll do as they say. This isn’t parenting. This is brainwashing.

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Clexa Family Portrait AU Manip

 Good Morning You All!

I couldn’t resist! Aren’t they a Beautiful Family?

What do You think? @effortlessly-opulent @clexa-hsau @ecfandom 

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PART TWOhttps://skyline0000.tumblr.com/post/166614095898/clexa-family-portrait-pt-2 

your parents don’t have to starve you and beat you constantly to be physically abusive.

some parents manipulate their kids into starving themselves. “you need to diet. you look awful. you’re getting fat. you aren’t going to get a date looking like that.”

some parents scare their kids by threatening violence. “I’d beat you if you acted like that. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and slap you.”

some parents are physically abusive without hitting or punching. some parents pull hair and pinch and grab throats. some shove and push and spank. 

though a lot of these behaviors are common, that doesn’t mean they’re normal and you are valid if these behaviors caused you fear. physical abuse is more than the movies show.

Be wary of those who claim if you don’t trust them, you’re hurting them.

Be wary of those who insist you are obliged to give them more than they offer in return, and if you fail to do so, you’re not doing enough.

Be wary of those who accuse you of being cruel if you don’t give them everything they want.

Be wary of those who lure you into comforting them after they’ve hurt you.

Be wary of those who demand forgiveness without ever admitting they hurt you.

Be wary of those who claim to not remember their actions that scarred you.

Be wary of those who insist they’re “human” after you confront them on their cruelty.

Be wary of those who’ll use your empathy against you, who see your compassion as a toy for them to play with.

Those do not care about your well being. They don’t care how much they’re hurting you. They wont care if they scar you permanently. They’ll take as much as they can for you, and abandon you when you need them the most.