paralyzer

If somebody asks me what executive dysfunction is, I’m gonna point them to a web article or suchlike that explains it better than I can. 

If somebody asks me what executive dysfunctions feels like, though, I’d say that it’s like waiting for a video stream to buffer or for a web page to load. You could do so many other things, except you’ve only got a few minutes at most to wait, so most of them aren’t worth starting. So instead you read a few lines of an article or check out your tumblr dash or go get a glass of water. You fill time, because most people don’t like to stare at a loading bar for several minutes if they have other options. Sure, you’re doing things, but if anyone asked what you were up to you’d probably just say “waiting,” because you’re really just doing whatever you can to make the time go faster. 

Now just imagine that instead of doing this for a couple minutes, you’re stuck in this state for hours on end. You’re waiting for the thing to finish, but every time you check it’s still not done so you just keep waiting, breaking your day down into chunks too small to do anything with. You think about playing a game, but you don’t actually start it up. You get a drink, but you don’t make lunch. You open your word processor, but you don’t actually start writing. You’re stuck in a holding pattern, killing time minute by minute, and by the time you realize you don’t actually know what you’re waiting for, the day is already gone. 

It isn’t a matter of being lazy or undisciplined, or a case of making bad decisions. Executive dysfunction is a problem with the organ responsible for making decisions in the first place. When it stops working properly, stops being able to decide between doing this or doing that or doing nothing at all, you end up just going with what comes naturally. You fidget. You kill time. You wait, in expectation of a decision to wait no longer. It may be a long time coming. 
 

but it’s fun while it lasts. [ep 102 spoilers]

title: ​but it’s fun while it lasts
relationship: vax’ildan/scanlan (if you squint) pike/scanlan (if you squint)
words: 1.1k
summary: you can’t save everyone. no matter how hard you try.
notes: I had to write something to get out the Scanlan related emotions that Episode 102 gave me. I polished and fluffed this up from a quick drabble I wrote over on my roleplay blog. *crosses fingers* Forward unto, 103.

The sight of Vax, paralyzed against the stone floor, leaves him with a sinking feeling. A lot of unspoken animosity had been built up between them and it still remained even after their quiet talk that night in the mansion but none of that matters now. Not here in the midst of battle. They have each other’s backs. Even if Scanlan felt he’d been let down. That’s the rule. So, Scanlan watches as Delilah turns on Vax, noticing the beginning of a spell forming on her thin lips. He acts— practically spitting out the words of a counter spell.

“Hey you! You know what the problem with your face is?” And though his voice is booming, the waiver of nervousness is unmistakable. “I can see it!”

Their magics collide. A vibrant purple against a sickly green. They swallow each other whole and Vax’s body— though, crumpled in a heap— remains intact. Delilah’s mismatched eyes meet his. They’re cold and angry. Scanlan allows her to see the breath of relief that he exhales and lets her fester in that anger as Percy takes a shot.

The battle wages on. Spells fly past him and dissipate against their adversaries’ bodies to seemingly no avail. He tries his damnedest to be of use; a cutting word here, song of inspiration there. It’s not enough. Before he even realizes, Vecna sets his sight on Vax’ildan and goes in for the kill.

[ao3]

My Final PLL Theory

Well, the show’s coming to an end. After 7 years of so many theories and twists, we’re finally reaching the end. My final guess for A.D?

Charlotte.

Going back to the last episode, we NEVER saw Mona throw Charlotte off the top of the bell tower. I think Charlotte was injured and after Mona left, she woke up and staged her death with her lying on the grass below, using the drug that she used on Mona and Jason to paralyze herself and make her appear dead. With the help from the incompetent police and hospital workers, Charlotte was pronounced dead. I believe that at the funeral, Charlotte used another body and used one of those realistic masks to make it look like her. (It could have been her still under the drug but they must have introduced those masks for a reason, right?). So I think Charlotte has been A.D the entire time (A.D standing for After Death). Plus, in the bonus clip from the last episode we see A.D in the tractor thing ready to dig up a grave. I believe that it is Charlotte digging up her metaphorical grave for Charles, as another hint that she is digging herself up, AKA she is alive.

Killua needs more hugs!!

Tower of Dawn

     So I think it’s time this fandom had a sit-down and talked some things out. Today’s topic: ableism. Before all of y’all start jumping on me and dismissing me and trying to say I have no right to talk about this, let me tell you a bit about myself.

     I was born with spina bifida. For those of you that don’t know that is, it’s when a baby’s spinal chord and nerves don’t develop properly. I had my first surgery to help this condition when I was eight days old. The excess amount of scar tissue in my lower back had begun to wrap around my spinal chord, which for obvious reasons is dangerous. I had the same surgery when I was four years old, and that’s when my life changed forever. I’d been able to walk before using a leg brace, but due to a mistake by the surgeon, my left leg was left paralyzed. I was a normal (and I hate using the word normal here, normal is an absolutely useless construct of society, but for lack of a better word at the moment, bear with me) kid, mobile and able to move around as I pleased, and then I couldn’t. I’ve been using a wheelchair since then. I’m not telling you guys this because I want pity. I don’t. I’ve accepted it as part of my life, and I love myself just the way I am. This little explanation is here so you guys can understand exactly where I’m coming from when you read the rest of this post. So with all this in mind, here goes my not-so-little rant.

     DISCLAIMER: I will be calling people out in this post and tagging them because I am done. 1000%, completely fucking done with this fandom. And if this causes a shitstorm, fuck it, because this needs to be said and this fandom needs to learn to stop being hypocritical pieces of crap.

     I love these books. I love Sarah’s writing in general,  and I would read literally anything she wrote. These books, Aelin’s story, Feyre’s story, are so important to me. I don’t have words to describe how much they mean to me. I love talking about them and healthy and constructive conversations about them. And some of the jokes that have been made  by the fandom are some of favorites. I’ve made some of them myself. I’ll joke alongside all of you about wingspans and gold nightgowns for as long as you want.

     I want to make something perfectly clear: this rant is in no way a reflection of my thoughts about her books. This post is exclusively about the fandom’s disgusting behavior.

     So let’s start with this post that I saw earlier.



     Disability is not kinky.

     For those of you that can’t understand that, let me repeat it.

     Disability is not kinky.

     DISABILITY. IS. NOT. KINKY.

     This whole post is horrifyingly ableist. And before you guys start claiming that “I have disabled relatives, I can’t be ableist!” (@rowan-stole-my-heart, I’m looking at you. Remember that conversation last year? Nice to know you’re still disgusting), that’s like saying “I have African-American friends, therefore I can’t be racist!”, which is such an inherently flawed line of arguing that it would require a whole other post to address, so I’ll just say don’t try it. I can’t even begin to fathom the mental process all of these people went through to think that this was even remotely acceptable in any way, shape, or form, so let me break this down and explain to you why this isn’t.

     This, my horrifyingly inconsiderate friends, is a form of fetishism. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, fetishism is the pathological displacement of erotic interest and satisfaction to a fetish. Now that you know what that is, let’s move on.

     This whole fandom has been complaining about a lack of diversity in Sarah’s books since I joined the fandom. Diversity doesn’t just mean POC, which is exactly what this fandom conveniently forgets. Diversity includes POC, people with mental illness, people with physical disability, LGBT+ people, and so much more. And when Sarah finally adds someone who embodies a slice of that diversity, you all have the gall to reduce his situation to sex jokes. All I can say is how dare you. How dare you reduce someone’s life and reality to a kink, to something to be made fun of, to something that spices up your dash and makes it NSFW just because you wanted to make fun of a book cover you probably weren’t satisfied with. In doing so you are insulting the thousands upon thousands of people that are in the same situation. You’re reducing them – reducing me – to a fantasy that you can use and then dismiss the next moment, without regard for anyone’s feelings. Do you have any idea how difficult of a topic sex is for people with disabilities? We are laughed at for wanting sex. Our anxiety when it comes to that is ten times that of any able-bodied person, simply because we don’t fit into the box that society wants to shove everyone into. And you’re making it that much worse because you have the audacity to think the fact that someone can’t move their legs is funny.

     It hurts. Reading that post hurt like hell. Because in your eyes – in society’s eyes – people like me aren’t human. We’re just something to ride, right? Yeah, I didn’t miss that little gem of a comment, @readinglikewildfire.

     And because I know this is coming, no, Chaol isn’t just a character.

     But you know what, I get it. It’s just sex, right? A small joke made, no harm done.

     Wrong.

     You’re perpetuating yet another harmful concept cooked up by a disgustingly ableist society. Sorry, but your privilege and utter ignorance are showing. I will concede a bit and agree that we can treat fiction for what it is – something that isn’t real – up to a certain point. But you guys just crossed a line. For those of you saying that you feel guilty for laughing, you absolutely fucking should, because this shit isn’t funny.

     The fact is if that post had been making fun of race or mental illness, then the fandom would have ripped these people to shreds and they would have been reported many, many times over. But it’s not, and instead I can count on my fingers the number of people that stood up to say this was wrong, because it’s just another wheelchair joke, right? Who cares? To those that did, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially @throne-of-omg-the-feels and @midnight-wonder.​ It’s nice to know there’s still some hope for humanity left. And to @nerdperson524, I agree with you. People do need a laugh, even those that live their lives stuck in chairs. But that post? It’s downright offensive.

     So that’s it. I’m done blowing things out of proportion, as some of you will say. If you think I should have approached you privately and messaged you about this instead of publicly calling you out, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have PUBLICLY insulted mocked degraded an entire subset of the human population. And maybe that makes me a bad person. It certainly means I’m not being the bigger person. And I could honestly care less. I am tired. So sick and tired of constantly being the bigger person, of just staying quiet when I see things like this because what’s the use? The entire world is filled with this shit and it’s not like I can fight every time I see this kind of injustice. Nothing’s going to change, no matter what I do. But this? This is where I draw the line. Congratulations.


@crochanblackbeak @feysandsmut @the-bookish-soul @rowan-buzzard-whitethorn @abraxoswyvernnn @carrion-princess

4

Thank you

When frustration comes over her she usually begins to cry, thank god her teacher is there to give her an excuse to get out of the room and just breath.