anonymous asked:

I am asking this in all seriousness, but I really do want your thoughts, since I respect your opinion. At what point do you think "I can't write, I get too upset, etc" becomes not just the traditional struggle of the artist and becomes something really serious about yourself that you need to seek out help for? I'm really having a hard time trying to "work", but I'm embarrassed to bring it up with a therapist.

When I got this ask, my cat was in surgery.

She was diagnosed with early stage kidney failure mid-July. Last week, they found cancer. They removed half of her intestines to get rid of it.

Gravy is the most precious thing in the world to me. There is nothing else in this entire planet that matters to me even half as much as she does. She’s dying, I can’t fix it, and the grief is paralyzing. I have written maybe two thousand words this entire month.

Sometimes when something outside of writing is wrong, it ruins our ability to write.

There’s this thing called referred pain. A pinch in your neck can cause a headache. A tight hamstring can cause lower back pain. If you get back massages but don’t stretch your legs, you’re never going to get rid of the pain in any meaningful way. Minds have this too, I feel. When something inside you is hurting, opening yourself to that can make whatever you’re doing feel impossible. And if your mechanism for tapping into that is writing, it can seem like writing is the problem.

I always encourage people, when they’re stuck and blocked in writing, to look outside of writing and see what else in their life might be bringing the negativity. By addressing the underlying issue, you might find yourself able to write without the oppressive cloud of doubt.

But maybe nothing else is going on. Maybe it is just that you’ve gotten trapped in your own head about writing.

In this case, maybe something in your work is stuck, and you can’t see it, but you can sense it. Take a breather. Take a walk. Take a timed break. Give yourself a few days or even a few weeks of not writing. Put a date on the calendar that you will return to your art. Read books you like that have inspired you in the past. When you have cleared your head, go back to what you were working on, go back to the last place in your work that made you happy, and start from there. Or start something new. Find your joy again.

Sometimes its your head, sometimes it’s the work. Part of the process is figuring out what it is, and addressing it.

You said you don’t feel comfortable talking to a therapist about this. The way I’m reading this, either you already have a therapist you’re not comfortable bringing this up with, or you don’t have a therapist and you’re considering seeking someone out to discuss this with.

If it’s the first one, the point of a therapist is to help you figure out how to live your best life. If you don’t feel comfortable telling them about this, I wonder how good of a fit they are. I’m not saying find a new therapist, I’m just saying consider why you are hesitant. Have they not created a safe enough environment for you? Or do you feel this isn’t worth the time? How can you work with them to create an environment where you feel like you can talk about this?

If it’s the second one, well, again, the point of a therapist is to help you figure out how to live your best life. You may find yourself eventually able to go to a therapist to discuss this with them, and through therapy discover that there’s more to discuss than just difficulties in the creative process. Maybe, maybe not. But generally if someone thinks they want to go to a therapist about something, it’s probably a good idea to go. Even if it’s just for a handful of sessions.

And if you are worried because you think this is a frivolous reason to talk to someone, consider: if you are a runner and you have a pain in your ankle that makes running difficult, you’d go to a doctor. Why not go to a doctor about the pain in your heart that is keeping you from writing?

If you don’t feel comfortable going to a therapist yet, try talking to your fellow writers about it. There’s a bit of despair and a bit of comfort in knowing that everybody deals with this, at some point in their career. (In my case, it’s an ever-present cloud that surrounds me in every waking moment, but it’s there for literally everything I do, so I’ve learned to live with it.) Some incredible writers have been struck by the fear that they cannot write well and will never write well.

It’s disheartening to know that, no matter what skill level you’re at, you’re going to face this feeling. Almost every writer does. But there’s comfort to be found, too. Even the best writers deal with this, and we know they write well. That voice that says you can’t write is a liar. If it’s telling even the greatest writers you can think of that they can’t write, then you KNOW it’s a liar.

Sometimes you have to plow past that voice and tell it to fuck off. Sometimes you have to sit down and figure out where that voice is REALLY coming from. When to do which and how to address it varies from person to person. The best I can offer is a bit of comfort and a list of paths away from that voice and towards writing again.

I hope this helps, at least a little bit.

In 2012, a train engineer in British Columbia was riding the rails when he caught sight of a man lying in the middle of the tracks. The engineer slammed on the brakes, but by the time the train managed to stop, 26 cars had gone over the man’s prone body, which had surely been juiced by the powerful locomotive. However, when the train workers dragged the presumed carcass from under the train, it (to quote the engineer) “got up, grabbed his beer, and was on his way,” like a drunken, whistling Sasquatch.

After the man was picked up by the authorities, they realized what had happened. Turns out that he had gotten into a booze-fueled argument with his girlfriend, gone for a walk, and decided to take a nap on the tracks (as one does). The alcohol had taken hold of this system so violently that he remained completely unconscious and utterly paralyzed as the train went whooshing over his head. If he’d awoken, moved slightly, or rolled over to scratch his butt, he would have been killed.

Instead, the worst thing he woke up facing was a bitching hangover, “mischief” charges, and the prospect of having to go through life not remembering his greatest drinking story.

5 Epic Bouts of Drunkenness That Made The History Books

I will see you

Word count: 2500-ish

Pairing: Dean X Reader

Prompt: Band-aid

Warning: mild angst and feels, lot of Dean fluff!

A/N: This is my entry for @katnharper‘s 500 follower celebration writing challenge. Congrats babe, you deserve all of this and much more.

This is also written for my friend @charliebradbury1104. Elizabeth, you are one of the nicest and strongest people I know. I am so proud of you girl and I am so proud to be your friend. This one’s for you, I hope you like it.

I know I have been MIA for a while but I hope you guys like it, as always, feedback is really appreciated.

Originally posted by deanyw

You would have just stood there and given up. You would have let that thing- whatever it was- kill you, rip you to pieces. You were so paralyzed with fear that you couldn’t even feel your limbs, let alone find the strength to move them. But you did move, you found it in you to take charge and defend as adrenaline surged through your body. You grabbed the first thing you could lay your hand on- a piece of broken brick and chucked it hard at the monster, not because you were worried about your life, but because you were deadly scared that harm would befall the tiny life that clutched your leg- your 4 year old daughter, Zara.

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Ugh I’m in such a Dia + Ruby sister dynamic mood rn so here’s a couple headcanons. Many of these build off of each other because it’s my general belief that they help each other learn and grow into better people:

  • What initially made Ruby so interested in idols was a small comment Dia made nonchalantly while distracted by something else. She said, “Your hair reminds me of all the famous idols with cute hair.” Dia didn’t really think much about her comment, but Ruby really took it heart. 
  • Dia was born a timid child, but once she realizes Ruby has a near paralyzing fear of strangers, she feels determined to be braver. Whenever Ruby feels anxious or afraid, she hangs onto her sister’s arm like Dia did with Kanan when she was younger. Dia really appreciated Kanan’s outgoing, confident personality because it gave her a sense of security, so she swallows her anxiety so she can present herself the same.
  • Both of them act as counters to each other’s greatest weaknesses. While in Dia’s presence, Ruby feels confident, as though she can do anything as long as she has her sister’s support. In her effort to fit the older sister image, Dia assumes a lot more responsibility, and spending time with Ruby allows her relax and have fun in a stress-free environment.
  • Ruby is the only person who has ever seen Dia hardcore ugly cry. The first was when Mari left and Kanan distanced herself, and the second was when they all came back together. Ruby is grateful for these moments because it allows her to take the supportive “older” sister role for Dia when she needs it. 
  • Actually, a third time Ruby saw Dia ugly cry was during the performance that won Muse the Love Live. Dia was screaming, crying, and waving around light blue glowsticks. Ruby was ugly crying too, so she felt as though that experience helped them bond even more.
  • Ruby is the only one who knows how to buy gifts for Dia, and it’s solely because she knows what Dia truly wants. For every gift-giving occasion, Ruby buys Dia merch, specifically Eli Ayase merch. 
  • Occasionally, Dia gets flack from people for being too hard on Ruby, and Dia doesn’t really know how to respond because she’s aware of her own strictness, but Ruby never fails to defend her. She knows how great Dia is and how hard she works, and she would never wish for a different sister. The feeling is mutual because Dia knows she has the best of companions in her sister.

@cellard00rs submitted: I wrote you a drabble inspired by your artwork on your main and the artwork by @elligy (as well as the song ‘Lifeforms’ by Daughter) and THEN I realized it’s probably not supposed to be Stancest-y - so rather than post it and possibly upset peeps I decided to just send it to you via a submission! ;)

There’s a scream bottled in his throat that never comes out.

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Thursday Things

I went home at lunch (like I usually do) and the giant moving truck was backed up to my front door. Super weird sight.

Then I went inside. That was a whole new level of chaos. I am trying to breathe my way through it, but this sort of thing sends my anxiety into orbit.

I *almost* had a complete and paralyzing meltdown last night while trying to pack a few last boxes. It has gotten really cool here in the last 24 hours, and I have no idea where any of our jackets are. No idea at all. Come to think of it, I really don’t have a clue where ANYTHING is at this point, other than the kids and the Husband themselves.

He’s handling the move itself today. He took some time off this week to oversee it all, and I’m beyond thankful. I don’t think I’d be in very good shape if I was in the middle of that all day.

I keep closing my eyes and trying to visualize the new place all set up, no clutter, simplified and downsized living, just the way we want it. I’m telling myself that it IS possible, I just have to manage it one box or pile at a time.

Husband has already decided that we are having a yard sale on Saturday. A full attic and the loss of 1000 sq ft of living space means that despite how much we have culled already, we STILL have too much shit.

One pile at a time…

Aquarius are afraid of showing feelings and falling in love easily because they are so afraid that they will lose themselves in their love for someone cause they know that deep down they are intense and passionate about love and they want something that will last forever but they are paralyzed with fear of being the one who gives everything in the relationship and getting out of it empty emotionally and physically. They are highly needy and crave so much love and they know once they fall in love with someone it’s game-over and that’s why you will see them hesitant to enter relationships. It’s not just fear over losing their freedom but it also losing their self in love and in loving you.

Chato Santana hates it when He uses goes all out when he uses his powers and afterwards He’s left temporally paralyzed from the waist down . It makes him feel helpless and weak, but one of the things that quickly makes him smile is when his teammates want to recreate Yoda and Luke training scenes with him .

So recently I made my buddy @1nkweaver a pokemon team based around two of his favorite pokemon, Zangoose and Combusken. I’m not too familiar with team building and I don’t really play the tier that these pokemon are in but I gave it a shot anyway and I figured I should talk about it.

So I’ll start with Zangoose. Zangoose in this team is designed to be used in the early to mid-game parts of the battle (Zangoose usually is.) The Toxic orb will poison Zangoose and give him the toxic boost ability which will boost his attack stat and make him unable to be burned, paralyzed, frozen, etc. which will make him harder to stop. Zangoose is especially useful for taking out tanks as well as getting priority with quick attack so he can maybe kill before he’s damaged. Once late game rolls around he wont be as useful because the toxic orb will decrease his health thus making him easier and easier to revenge kill.

Next we have Combusken. Really good damage on this thing. I was initiallly going to go for a swords dance physical combusken but this team needed more special attackers so I made him that instead. The idea is to use protect as soon as you call him out so your ability will activate without you taking damage then to start attacking the next turn since your speed boost will make you faster thus increasing your chances of hitting first. Combusken overall should be really good at picking up where Zangoose left off, hopefully taking out the rest of the enemy team alone in the mid to late game since the life orb will increase his damage.

Lilligant was a must for this team since she supports Combusken and Zangoose so well. She can kill any water types that are a threat to combusken, put any powerful enemy pokemon to sleep, and her healing wish can heal Zangoose after being poisoned too much or Combusken after the life orb lowers his health a bit too much so they can come back out and continue tearing through the enemy team.

Next up is Musharna. Musharna can sort of be used to sweep through a team but I would mainly use it to power up Combusken. If the enemy team brings out a tank, you can bring out Musharna to set up some calm minds which will increase its special attack and sepcial defense. Once the enemy switches out to a heavy damage dealer or once you have anough calm mind boosts, you can baton pass to combusken which would give him all of the stat boosts that Musharna had, giving Combusken an easier time with sweeping.

Then we have Kabutops. Kabutops is essentially the late game clean-up for this team. She’s strong, she’s fast, and with the choice scarf increasing your speed even more it’ll be easier to prey on your weakened opponents.

And last we have Garbodor. Garbodor is used to support the team with hazards. During the early game Garbodor can come out and set up spikes if the enemy has a steel type or toxic spikes if the enemy doesn’t have a steel type. Overall this will make it a lot easier for the rest of the team to kill since everything that the enemy brings onto the field will either be damaged or poisoned. She’s also pretty bulky and has some attacking moves along with a rocky helmet if she needs to do some more significant damage in the battle.

Aaaand that’s about it! Had a lot of fun figuring out what pokemon go well with both Zangoose and Combusken. This is the second team I’ve ever made myself so I hope I did a good job as well. Probably going to build a lot more teams in the future!

If your options are closing-in around you and you...

If your options are closing-in around you and you feel panicked, scared and helpless, this is the time for action. Your greatest moments of challenge are a call to defy your timid habits of safety and to rush out into life. This is the time to go out, socialize, meet new people, be around friends and embrace living. When you feel the crushing pressure, and you feel paralyzed, don’t lay in bed and cover your head with the blanket. This is the time to open your windows, let the sunshine in and breathe the fresh air. Do something profoundly irresponsible like forgetting about your problems for a while: go to a movie, go for a walk, create some art or spend time with a sweet friend. Act as though everything will be perfectly fine — because it will. Life has you and it’s not letting you go. Only the frantic stress of fear can harm you. Your calm and centered self knows exactly what to do. In the moments of your deepest need, despair, and desperation, what you need more than any other thing, is calm and faith. Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax. Have faith in your abilities and trust yourself. You are being guided when you need it most — if you will just listen.

— Bryant McGill

The Book:
Army Overturns Decision to Kick Out Paralyzed Hero
The Army threatened to boot out Sergeant First Class Tim Brumit after an accident paralyzed him. Now it’s reversed on his case, allowing an honorable discharge.

The Army has overturned a decision that would have kicked quadriplegic Green Beret Timothy Brumit out of the military and stripped him of benefits, on charges of being drunk and drugged when he injured himself, U.S. officials tell The Daily Beast.

“I feel blessed, and so thankful to so many people, starting with my dad, who is my caregiver, and stayed by my side to use any means necessary to right this wrong,” a relieved Brumit told The Daily Beast on Thursday.

“An injustice has been corrected,” added his father, former Green Beret Randy Brumit, after receiving the news.

The decision against Brumit was reversed after the head of U.S. Army Special Operations Forces, Lt. Gen. Ken Tovo, wrote a letter in support of the injured soldier—and after Secretary of the Army Eric Fanning and Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley heard of the case.

“They took a look at it and said, ‘Hey, this isn’t right,’” said Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA), a former Marine who has championed many similar special operators’ cases.

“They are going to give him an honorable discharge,” and they’ve dropped punitive legal action to strip Brumit of his Green Beret designation, Hunter told The Daily Beast.

Brumit was paralyzed in July 2015 when he dove off a boat in stormy waters to save what he thought was a drowning girl. Instead, he hit a sandbar, instantly breaking his neck. The missing girl was found later on shore.

An Army investigation ruled he was reckless because of alcohol intoxication and alleged traces of cocaine, prompting Brumit to tell his story to The Daily Beast. The investigation also dismissed more than two years’ worth of Brumit’s pleas for help treating his PTSD after eight combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

He drank himself to sleep every night to drown out nightmares, but military psychologists insisted he did not have PTSD. He eventually enrolled himself in a military alcohol and substance abuse program, but 7th Special Forces Group kept pulling him out of counseling for missions.

Six weeks after being pulled out of the addiction program, he fell off the wagon and made the disastrous decision to jump into that stormy sea.

“The Army broke me. I believe they owe me an honorable discharge, my record clean, and a lifetime of medical care that I’m going to require to live a normal life,” he said.

U.S. Army Special Operations commander Tovo wrote that it was unclear whether Brumit’s substance abuse stems from post-traumatic stress or even if he truly has PTSD, and pointed out he’d gone through 20 medical, psychological, and substance abuse-related meetings—which Tovo said was proof Brumit’s commanders were making help available to him.

“Still it’s undisputed that SFC Brumit served multiple combat tours and the negative aspects of his multiple deployments created stressors at home and likely contributed to his substance abuse,” Tovo wrote in his Sept. 13 letter, first shared by Hunter on Fox News. “Erring on the side of the soldier and presuming that his head-first dive was not an act of willful negligence adds an element of empathy to this case.”

The top brass responded to Tovo’s letter, Brumit’s public plea, and multiple congressional inquiries about the case by changing a single word in its ruling: from “willful” to “simple” negligence. That means Brumit can now begin the process of medically retiring from the Army with his neck injuries included in his future care, and an honorable discharge assured, according to Randy Brumit and congressional staff briefed on the case.

The only question remaining is what will become of Tim Brumit’s security clearance. After Brumit went public with his story to The Daily Beast, his 7th Special Forces Group commander, Col. Michael Ball, sent him a notice that Brumit would be stripped of both his Green Beret designation and his clearance, a document viewed by The Daily Beast. Ball sent notice to Brumit on Wednesday that he’ll keep his Special Forces certification but offered no update on the clearance issue. The Brumits say Ball has never called to check on the health of the injured soldier since his injury.

Hunter’s office and Brumit’s lawyer Will Helixon are still working to protect his clearance, which will determine what kind of work he can get as a disabled veteran.

The Brumit case highlights the difficulty faced by the military in diagnosing and treating the invisible injuries of combat, post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury. Special Operations Command has worked to expand the number of counselors available and to destigmatize seeking help—and officials say there’s been an overall drop in suicides within the force. But troops often don’t want to admit they have those issues because they believe going for counseling means they’d be pulled off their elite teams, and also because once such treatment is listed on their military medical record, they won’t be able to apply for post-military jobs with the CIA or other intelligence agencies. The military doesn’t strip anyone of their top secret clearance if they’ve been treated for PTSD, thanks to an initiative championed by Adm. Bill McRaven, then head of special operations.

But the intelligence community, where many special operators seek to work post-retirement, hasn’t followed suit.

So operators often cope with alcohol or even illegal drugs, eventually ending up in trouble at work and at home, and often only admitting to PTSD or TBI symptoms after they are facing disciplinary action. Senior special operations officers tell The Daily Beast this practice has led some commanders and clinicians to believe that special operators are “faking it” to get out of trouble. It’s also resulted in a trend where clinicians are reluctant to diagnose PTSD and more likely lump bad behavior under the catchall diagnosis “adjustment disorder.”

Multiple special operators told The Daily Beast that such a scenario happened to them when they sought help, just as it did to Tim Brumit.

California Republican Hunter blamed the controversy on toxic leaders at 7th Special Forces Group, rather than seeing a wider pattern of neglect by the Army.

“You have little spheres of influence with bad leadership in those spheres, and once it gets exposed, you can fix them,” he said, crediting Secretary of the Army Fanning and Army Chief of Staff Milley for fixing this case.

But he said he’s asking the Army to tell him how many troops who saw combat were dishonorably discharged since the attacks on New York and Washington of 9/11, including how many of them were diagnosed with adjustment disorder rather than PTSD.

“What if the numbers are big? Then we may have a problem,” he said.

Randy Brumit said his phone has been ringing off the hook with calls from other troops.

“I have a database of special operators who have almost the same stories, the coping, the hiding, not being treated for PTSD, and then being punished for bad behavior stemming from their injury,” he said.

His paralyzed son said he plans to finish the university degree he’d started before dropping out to join the Army after the attacks of 9/11. He already volunteers at Walk Rite Ministry, an evangelical nonprofit he hopes can help others.

“Even though my hands and my legs aren’t working, my heart is,” he said. “I can help change other lives.”

Brumit says he has some tough lessons to share with other troubled vets, like how he pushed away his now ex-wife and turned to alcohol and illicit drugs to cope with the numbness from post-traumatic stress and suicidal thoughts.

“I was unable to change because I was focused tunnel vision on the job,” he said.

He had a message to other troops who might be suffering in silence.

“If you don’t get help, you’re going to lose everything anyway because you are going to go off the deep end,” he said. “Don’t wait until it’s too late, like me.”

2008 - Brian Sterner broke his neck almost 14 years ago and is a quadriplegic. Sterner, who can drive, was arrested on a traffic violation. When he was booked into the Orient Road Jail last month, Sterner couldn’t believe what happened.

He says a deputy looked at him and didn’t believe he was a quadriplegic. She walked behind him, took the handles on the back of the hospital-grade wheel chair and dumped it forward.

Sterner says he tried to roll as he was going down, but hit so hard he thought he had broken two ribs. Then, while he was on the floor, deputies frisked him and tried to get him back into the chair.

Sterner says it’s incredibly degrading and it’s an example of how poorly trained the Hillsborough Sheriff’s Office is. He adds, if they’re trying to figure out if somebody needs to be in a wheelchair or not, there are many other ways to do it than to dump somebody on their face. [video]