paradoxy

Major-General's Song
  • Major-General's Song
  • Ross Scott
  • Freeman's Mind
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Modern-Major General’s Song - Gordon Freeman

I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

I’m very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time


Or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime
I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards
I perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards

I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too
Or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them right out of the blue
From SMGs to RPGs, I carry quite an arsenal
And skip around a war zone like a sub-atomic particle

Every soldier out here wants to kill me for my curiosity
I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity
In matters combat tactical and physics theoretical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

The Crucifixion

My only hope is that God is in hell.
If God is not in hell, suicide is justified.
If God is not in hell, I should have done it when I had the chance.

Because when I fell from heaven
And wandered deepest Nothing,
I found that desert oasis
A sad excuse for home indeed
But slightly better than Nothing.
The resident voices drew me in
And informed me of many things
Of the world and of my self
They spoke mostly truth
Told harmless lies to fill the silence.
The only lie that I believed
Was my only source of comfort:
God did not enter that place.

Finally the world made sense.
O, The bounty of solace in Reason!
In this world I am alone in a crowd
In this world I am an orphan in a family of four
I am a hermitess with a husband and child on the way.
But there.. O, There, sisters and brothers!
You feel alone because you are alone!
You feel unloved because God has forgotten you!

So they convinced me, and so I believed.
But though my soul took refuge in Hell,
My limbs carried me to Church,
Into the very House of Truth
And it was there I saw the icon.
And it was that Image
Which tore the shroud before my face…

I wept.

And I saw.

And I beg you, my dear ones,
If the voices make sense,
Run from that place.
Please run.