My only hope is that God is in hell.
If God is not in hell, suicide is justified.
If God is not in hell, I should have done it when I had the chance.
Because when I fell from heaven
And wandered deepest Nothing,
I found that desert oasis
A sad excuse for home indeed
But slightly better than Nothing.
The resident voices drew me in
And informed me of many things
Of the world and of my self
They spoke mostly truth
Told harmless lies to fill the silence.
The only lie that I believed
Was my only source of comfort:
God did not enter that place.
Finally the world made sense.
O, The bounty of solace in Reason!
In this world I am alone in a crowd
In this world I am an orphan in a family of four
I am a hermitess with a husband and child on the way.
But there.. O, There, sisters and brothers!
You feel alone because you are alone!
You feel unloved because God has forgotten you!
So they convinced me, and so I believed.
But though my soul took refuge in Hell,
My limbs carried me to Church,
Into the very House of Truth
And it was there I saw the icon.
And it was that Image
Which tore the shroud before my face…
And I saw.
And I beg you, my dear ones,
If the voices make sense,
Run from that place.