paradoxical intention

The law of paradoxical intent says that the more desperate you are to achieve a certain goal, the more your energy will push it away, creating the paradox (or opposite) of your intention. When urgency and need become your major motivations, you filter your life through the belief that you can’t be happy without your goal. This creates a consciousness of misery and emptiness that the Universe resists—and your lack of present joy will make it impossible to attract the goal or the happiness it could bring. The solution comes in surrendering your attachment to the outcome—and finding purpose and fulfillment in the pursuit. Let go of urgency and desperation.
—  pilar mejia
Bad Girl
Lee Moses
Bad Girl

“Bad Girl” - Lee Moses

I feel the loss and sadness in Lee’s wonderful anxious lyrics - and remember my own ghost self - my “bad girl.” This was a version of myself, a former me, from years ago - when I would implode paradoxically with intention of getting close. I was the lost one, the wounded one, the desired one. Fox-like. I was misled and heartbroken and self-destructive. I think of that version of myself when I hear this, a part of me who has died with experience, with days gone by, a desperation simpered off to die. 

I say goodbye now to one I’ve loved for a long time. I continue saying goodbye, continue letting go, and feel some of this song in the after currents of our love. A love so wrought and passionate and messy, distinct in some ways, and misshapen and divisive and heated and fiery. Two sunbeams madly in love with each other. Deviant, mysterious, lucky, painful, surprisingly constant. Letting it go.