Jason: "Why couldn't Wonder Woman have adopted me instead?"
HI I WROTE A THING
Cor Et Cerebrum universe bc why not and also I don’t have to do a ton of legwork to get Bruce and Jason to talk.
Jason Todd has been moping around the manor for five weeks when Bruce has finally, finally had enough. He likes having him there, he really does, and most of the time it works out just fine.
Except Jason has picked up the awful, grating habit of muttering, “Why couldn’t Wonder Woman have adopted me instead?” every single time he’s even mildly annoyed. In his defense, Bruce visibly flinched the first time Jason said it, half-joking, and he’s been throwing it around since then probably in hopes of getting a similar reaction which Bruce will not give him the satisfaction of seeing.
Jason is pretty fond of his new catchphrase and the week that Bruce reaches his limit is the same week Jason makes sure he overhears it while Jason is talking to Alfred, Damian, Tim, Dev, and Dick, in that order. The final straw is when he’s sitting on the floor in the study while Bruce works at the desk, and Jason puts his book down to ruffle Titus’ ears and without provocation says it to the dog.
“You’re a good boy,” he says to the drooling face, the dog’s whole body shaking in excitement. “I never had a dog. Why couldn’t Wonder Woman have adopted me instead? She’d let me have a dog.”
Bruce slams the folder in front of him shut and Jason waits for the shout or the tense reassurance that Jason could, in fact, procure a dog if he so desired.
But instead Bruce picks up his cell phone.
“Diana,” he says after a moment. “I have a problem.”
Jason stops petting Titus to listen and Bruce stands and leaves the room.
“Get a bag,” Bruce says stiffly when he returns, Jason still sitting and too shell-shocked to move. “Now.”
And if Bruce is going to take it to the next level, Jason is going to match him step for effing step. He throws stuff in a duffel upstairs and stomps back down toward the front, where he finds Bruce waiting.
“Hurry up,” Bruce says. “She’ll be here soon.”
Jason follows him to the end of the lane where Bruce takes the duffel bag and motions for him to sit down on it. Bewildered, amused, angry, and still silent, Jason complies.
Bruce pulls something out of his pocket and then crouches and safety pins a piece of paper to Jason’s shirt.
“Ow,” Jason mutters, even though the pin didn’t actually prick him.
“Sorry,” Bruce says, and Jason feels a touch of guilt but doesn’t fess up. “We’ll miss you. Have fun.”
And then Bruce leaves.
A few minutes later, a car turns into the drive and stops. The window rolls down and Dev looks at him. Tim is in the passenger seat on the far side, with wide eyes, sipping something orange through a plastic straw.
“Mate,” Dev says, leaning out the window to look around a bit.
“Yep,” Jason says.
The note on his chest says UNACCOMPANIED MINOR. GUARDIAN: DIANA PRINCE.
Jason isn’t a minor but he’ll let this detail slide for now.
“I’m calling his bluff,” Jason says, and Tim snorts.
“Bloody hell,” Dev grumbles and rolls up the window and drives toward the manor.
Another few minutes go by, slow in the early fall afternoon, and then there’s a soft whoosh and Wonder Woman lands on her booted feet in front of him. For all his bravado, he hasn’t actually spent all that much time in front of her, and if he’s honest, she still intimidates him far more than Clark ever does. He forces himself to give her what he hopes is a cheeky grin.
“Hiya,” he says. “Guess you’re the new mom.”
“Your father conveyed such wishes,” she replies solemnly.
She looks up and Jason turns at the sound of footsteps approaching across the fine gravel. It’s Bruce again, this time with a mug in his hand. He raises it to Diana slightly in greeting.
“He is certain?” Diana asks and Jason is starting to feel a little nervous. She sounds so serious.
“Ask him,” Bruce says, with a shrug. He stops and puts one hand in his pocket while he sips the coffee. “He’s been talking about it for months.”
“Are you certain?” Diana asks Jason and Jason is still unwilling to back down. At some point, one of them has to break and either admit it’s a huge farce or beg him to change his mind.
“Yep,” Jason says. “So, whaddaya say we get the frick outta here?”
“I have always wanted a son,” she says, now beaming. “I always thought it unlikely to find one that agreed to the terms of Themyscira.”
“You’ve found him,” Jason says, giving Bruce a slightly alarmed look. He was not made aware of terms.
“Do not trouble yourself,” Diana says, seeing his expression. “Castration is a brave but noble undertaking to dwell among my women. And we are not barbarians. You will be permitted to be sedated for the procedure if you desire it. There is no shame.”
Jason feels the blood rush to his cheeks and then immediately drain from his head.
“The–” is all he gets out. The world around him has gone fuzzy, wrapped in gauze and protected from sound.
He does not hear or see Bruce sputter into his coffee.
But he does turn to look at Bruce after and mistakes the attempt at Bruce’s self-recovery for a dark scowl.
So, Jason figures he brought this on himself.
“Shall we go?” Diana asks.
“I…” Jason looks dumbly down at the note on his chest and tears it off with a frown. “I think I’ll stay,” he says faintly.
“That is unfortunate but understandable. I have reason to believe your current family holds great affection for you,” Diana says kindly.
“Sorry to waste your time,” Bruce says, as Jason climbs to his feet and says a hasty goodbye. The boy goes up into the manor and disappears inside.
“How did I do?” Diana asks, smiling at Bruce.
“Fine,” he says, scant on praise as usual. “The castration bit was a little over the top, don’t you think?”
“It was very effective,” Diana retorts. And Bruce can’t argue with that.
“Thanks again,” Bruce says. “I’m going to go do damage control.”
“It was my pleasure,” Diana says before flying away. Bruce watches her go and then turns back to the house. When he goes inside, Jason is sitting on the steps in the foyer with a defiant glare.
“I wish the Kents had adopted me,” he snaps before Bruce can speak. “They’d never do something like this.”
Bruce opens his mouth and for a long moment, is frozen, but then he laughs and holds out an arm. Jason is still sulking, pretty convincingly for someone wearing combat boots and almost as tall as Bruce.
He steps right into the hug with his arms stiff at his sides and his chin dipped down. Bruce squeezes him, an arm firm around Jason’s shoulders.
“You didn’t really think I’d let her take you, did you?” he asks.
Jason grumbles something indistinct and shakes his head.
“You know she was joking, right?”
“Fuck me,” Jason mutters in disgust and relief at once. “I’m never gonna be able to even look at her again.”
“Give it a few months,” Bruce says. “You’ll survive. And maybe stop throwing your dad out with the bathwater every time I turn around.”
“Are you calling yourself a baby?” Jason asks without looking up, but Bruce can hear the grin in Jason’s voice.
“Maybe. Maybe I’m sensitive.”
Jason barks a laugh against Bruce’s shoulder and steps back.
“Deal,” he says.
“Crap,” Tim says from the top of the stairs. They both look up to where Tim and Damian both have armfuls of books and action figures from Jason’s room.
“Put those back,” Jason orders sharply, already hurrying toward the stairs. “Now, you miscreants.”
“Why did you permit a return policy, Father?” Damian asks, stepping back and tightening his grip. Tim has already fled and abandoned him there. Damian wastes no more time in following and Jason’s heavy boots sound out as he storms down the hall. There are outraged shouts and a scream a moment later.
“Change of heart, sir?” Alfred asks calmly, walking by with a tray of tea things.
“Something like that,” Bruce says, still looking up the stairs and trying to decide if it’s worth intervening. There’s another yell and he decides they’ll come for help if they need it.
There’s a loud crash.
He shakes his head and goes upstairs.
“I knew she wasn’t serious,” he mutters to himself when there’s another crash. “Why didn’t I go with her?”
bts reaction: stealing a shirt/your shirt gets ruined
hey everyone this is my first piece on this blog so i hope you like it! thank you so much for requesting han~~ also some responses don’t follow the prompt exactly but i hope that’s okay!
Requests: Open :)
jin: the venue had started to empty out and staff began to put the merch away. you quickly walked by the booths in hope of snatching a shirt and continue walking without being noticed. you had wanted a shirt so badly, but unfortunately you could not afford one. your hand clutched onto one of the shirts laid out on the table while keeping your head down and you quickly swiped your hand back, but not before a hand gripped your wrist. “hey!” a strong voice said from behind you. when you turned around you came face to face with jin and you felt your chest constrict and your cheeks redden. “oh my gosh I-I uh i’m so-sorry!” the hand holding the shirt loosened and fell to the ground. jin smiled at your embarrassed expression before picking up the shirt and pulling out a sharpie, “hey it’s alright, here,” jin signed the sleeve of the shirt with a sharpie before handing it back to you, “it’s on me.” tears came to your eyes as you clutched the shirt in your hands. “thank yo-u so much,” you choked out. jin smiled giving you a hug before waving you off saying he had to go. upon leaving the venue you looked at the shirt ‘beauty is still evident even in the less fortunate. take care sweetheart, jin xx’
yoongi: you spotted a stray shirt lying on the floor outside one of the bathrooms and you quickly walked towards it to pick it up ‘better than nothing’ you thought as you grabbed the shirt from the floor at the same time as someone else. you were about to yell but you looked up and made eye contact with suga, only a couple centimeters away from your face. a screech left your mouth and you flew backwards, letting go of the shirt. “i’m so s-sorry!.” you bowed your head in embarrassment. after a few seconds you looked up to see suga walking towards you, shirt in hand. that was when you noticed that he was shirtless. ‘shit’ you thought, that must have been his shirt. you could feel his breath as he stood in front of you “you can have it,” he said with a smirk on his face, sweat still dripping from his forehead from the show. “take it as a gift” he winked before walking back around the corner. you looked down at the shirt in your hand ‘holy shit.’
hoseok: you stood in line for the merch for what seemed like hours before making it to the front. of course, being the last person in line, the merch was gone by the time you had made it to the front of the line. tears collected in your eyes as you nodded at the staff and began to walk away. you sat outside the front doors and sobbed into your hands ‘fucking stupid why did i wait so long’ a loud laugh whisked you out of your depressed state as a group of boys walked through the venue doors about a half hour later after the streets had cleared. “guys wait,” a voice said and you looked up and a gasp left your throat, “what’s wrong jagi?” hoseok crouched in front of you grabbing one of your hands. “u-um,” you stuttered not knowing what to say. “hey deep breaths jagi it’s alright,” hoseok smiled at you rubbing the back of your hand. “it’s stupid,” you said and hoseok shook his head, “nothing that makes you cry is stupid.” “i just- i don’t know- i came all the way here and i just really wanted a shirt to remember this amazing concert and they were gone and i was just upset,” ‘wow you sound really whiny’ you thought to yourself. hoseok stood up jogged back inside the venue and came back out about 2 minutes later with a shirt in his hand, “here sweetheart.” he smiled and winked, “glad you enjoyed the show.”
namjoon: after waiting in line for what seemed like hours you finally bought your bts shirt. you clutched it to your body and made it back to your seat, setting it down. after the concert was over you and the girl next to you turned around to grab your merch and got ready to leave, but you noticed your shirt was missing. it was in the hand of the girl who was sitting next to you. “hey that’s my shirt,” you said pointing to the shirt in her hand. the girl rolled her eyes, “no it isn’t,” and tried to walk away. you reached out to grab the shirt but she pushed you back before you could grab it and walked away. there was no point in chasing her as you knew you weren’t going to be able to get that shirt back. you pulled yourself off and brushed off your thighs before sulking out of the venue. “hey jagi!” a voice said from your right and you turned to see namjoon standing on the edge of the stage, “come here.” you gulped and walked closer, eyes wide. “i saw what happened and that was unacceptable, here,” namjoon reached out towards you with a black bundle in his hand, it was a tshirt. “you di-didn’t have to do that,” you said eyes wide as you started at namjoon. namjoon shook his head “no, i don’t condone violence in any way and i’m sorry you were pushed, take it, i signed it for you,” he smiled as you grabbed the shirt, allowing his dimples to show. “take care jagi.”
jimin: after the amazing concert you started to walk out of the venue with a huge smile on your face, that was the best experience you have ever had. almost at the doors of the venue, you felt someone bump into you and a cold substance fall down your torso. the girl who had hit you snickered before walking away with her group of friends. tears gathered in your eyes as you stood embarrassingly trying to clean up the slushie as everyone left the venue. after about 20 minutes the floor was cleaned with copious amounts of paper towel but your shirt was completely ruined and sticky. a hand grabbed the paper towel that was sitting next to you and pulled off a piece. you looked up and jimin was standing there with a frown on his face, “i’m sorry that happened to you jagi,” he said as he gently started to wipe away the slushie that had gotten on your face and neck. you blushed furiously as you realized what was happening ‘oh my god oh my god jimin is touching me.’ “it’s alright,” you shyly responded while standing up from your spot on the ground. after all the slushie was wiped off your face, jimin took a step back before pulling his own shirt over his head. “jimin wha-,” you started to ask as your blush spread down your neck. “here take my shirt, i have plenty more jagi,” he said handing it over to you. “thank you so much jimin.” you looked down at the ground. “hey,” you heard him say and you looked up, “you’re beautiful, have a safe trip home.”
taehyung: in the middle of one of bts’ songs you felt the girl next to you step closer and closer. you just figured she was trying to see better so you didn’t say anything about it. taehyung had been constantly going to standing in front of you as you were right up against the barrier. at the end of the song, tae kept looking towards you, but for some reason his brow was furrowed. ‘is he upset?’ you asked yourself, a frown setting on your face. “hey!” taehyung suddenly said as he quickly walked to the edge of the stage right in front of you, “put her bag down!” your eyes widened and you looked behind you to see the girl, who was standing next to you, in the middle of stealing a shirt from your bag. “security get her out of here, we don’t condone that type of behavior,” tae said in his deep voice making a shudder go down your spine. “come here sweetheart,” tae said reaching a hand out to you. you stepped closer and tentatively grasped his hand, “i’m so sorry about her, here.” one of the many bts shirts that had been thrown at them was in his hand, “take it.” you grasped the shirt before he winked at you and walked back on stage to join the boys. ‘what the fuck.’
jungkook: “that’ll be 65 dollars please,” the merch staff said looking at me expectantly. i counted my money quickly and realized that i was 5 dollars short, “um,” i stuttered looking up at the staff. he rolled his eyes at me and said, “get out of line,” before grabbing the merch from my hands and scoffing. you embarrassingly walked out of line as a few girls behind you snickered and took your place at the front of the line. i walked towards the back of the venue behind the merch stand and waited for the venue to clear out before you left. “pst,” a voice said from behind you and you turned to see jungkook peeking out from a curtain next to an unmarked room, “come here,” he whispered. you slowly walked behind the curtain to see jungkook standing there with a towel around his neck drenched in sweat. “i saw that you wanted a shirt but you couldn’t get one,” he said, “and we have plenty of extras so here jagi.” he handed you a shirt with a wink. “you really didn’t have to do that,” you shakily said while taking the shirt from his hand. “now go back out there and enjoy your night beautiful,” he winked before walking through a doorway.