paper beats

funnyman rock paper scissors
  • Adam Sandler beats Will Ferrell. sandler’s sports comedies are modern classics whereas ferrell’s are largely forgotten. also, stranger than fiction was probably better than click but it didn’t make me cry, so
  • Will Ferrell beats Jim Carrey. will’s shtick has proven to have greater longevity in the 21st century comedy world. also hey jim “doesn’t like to do sequels” carrey, liar liar and yes man were the exact same movie. carrey’s sequels cowardice was solely responsible for son of the mask
  • Jim Carrey beats Adam Sandler. carrey’s forays into dramatic roles have been more lauded. also people at parties get really mad at me if I suggest we watch billy madison, but they don’t get as mad if I suggest ace ventura instead

anonymous asked:

Love your work! Hey maybe since your headcannons are open, you could do something fluffy. Maybe dick and (and maybe batsis if you want) as tiny children interacting with Bruce around the rest of the league and them being in shock that broody edge-lord batman is a dad of 9 year olds

*screeching* yesssss I love this idea okay here we go:

• Okay first of all you both hide under his cape
• The JL will be having a Very Important Meeting™
• And suddenly from under Bruce’s cape they just hear
• “No fair! Lizard beats paper!”
• “We’re not playing with lizard!”
• Everyone just stares at Bruce until he lifts his cape
• And there’s two tiny cute kids under there?
• Hal thinks you and Dick are adorable
• Dinah cannot get enough of you
• Supes is so Done™
• You hide in his cape when it’s cold
• You’ve fallen asleep under his cape while he’s on watch duty
• Hal teasing Bruce
• Bruce not being able to retaliate because he loves his babies
• The JL members start bringing games for you to play to the watchtower
• Barry brings you guys Legos
• This is fine until Oliver steps on one
• Bruce is just
• “Stop bringing my children stuffed animals! They have enough as it is.”
• They don’t stop bringing you stuffed animals
• The JL is actually a little disappointed when you two aren’t with him
• You and Dick playing in the watchtower and hall of justice
• Hide and seek is great in the watchtower

Nice to see y'all are enjoying these time traveling shenanigans just as much as I am! (・ω・)ノ

————

ZENYATTA:
He was assigned to you in the beginning, as a councilor of sorts. That was something he would never mind doing; he enjoyed helping anyone who wanted it.

However, something about you seemed different than others he had worked with.

Yes, you were frazzled- an expected response- but you accepted him, trusted him, at a much faster rate than he was used to.

It was……..refreshing?

Either way, you quickly became one of his favorite students and closest friends. His team of two suddenly became a group of three, and he was left with a confusing feeling, striking him silent in the most peculiar moments.

“You called me master?” Genji peaks around the open door leading out to a close grassy cliff side, perfect for meditation.

“Yes, do you have time to speak with me?” Zenyatta sits there, petting a stray cat in his lap, under the shade of a large tree.

“I do.” He settles next to his master, cross legged as always. “May I ask about what?”

“Of course,” he rests his hand on the back of the purring cat, “I wish to speak of my emotions. They have become more and more confusing as time passes.”

Genji nods in agreement. “I understand. I will do my best to help you master.” He folds his hands in his lap. If he was being honest, he didn’t feel anywhere near qualified to assist him.

“I am glad.” He hums, “Now where to begin?” He taps his chin. “Perhaps the warmth in my chest.”

“Warmth? Are you sure it is emotion causing it?”

“Yes. I had a doctor check it.” He sets his hand on his chest plate, “I believe it is caused by my body overworking itself due to unknown circumstances. It is a feeling akin to a fierce battle; though, one is not occurring at the time.”

“And, when does it happen?”

“During the normalities of my daily routine.” He lowers his hand and glances at it, “There are times as well were I cannot think, or am forgetful. Though, it is not happening now.”

“That is interesting. You still have no idea what the cause is?”

“No.” He sighs. “Do you have any suggestions, my student?”

“I am not sure. Human and Omnic emotions sometimes differ,” he pauses, “however, if you were human, I would think that you were either sick, or had a crush.”

“A crush?” It was more of a statement than a question. “Yes, that would make sense.”

“It would? But, on who?” Though he tried to hide it, his extreme curiosity coated his words.

“Hmm. Perhaps [y/n].” He begins to pet the cat again, and it lets out a contempt chirp. “Yes, as I think about it, I believe it is correct.” He beams at Genji. “Thank you.”

“It is no problem.”

GENJI:
Good friends, to Genji, were hard to come by. Sure, he had many acquaintances, but not many people above that.

It took maybe a day of knowing each other to move into friendship. He was ecstatic, to say the least, to find someone so fond of his presence, and who would also laugh at his lame jokes (to which he told a lot).

“High five!” You boast, and he complies, following it up with a fist bump. Childish, he knew, but he was allowed to be such. “Haha! Nice.”

“No fair!” Lúcio fakes a huff. “I’m not used to going on three! I panicked!”

“Okay, my turn.” You place your fist in your palm, determination in your eyes, “Me and you, death match.”

“I will not lose to you again!” He readies his stance, Angela counts down, and you both release your weapons.

“Paper beats rock, Genji wins.” She announces.

Lúcio knowingly sets his hand on your shoulder as your head falls. “Looks like we got cleaning duty.” You groan loudly and he nods solemnly, “Me too.”

“It’s best to get started now.” Angela starts, shooing the two of you out. “The storage room needs a lot of work.”

“We know,” you sigh and turn to leave, “c'mon Lúcio.”

As soon as the door shuts behind you, Genji begins his speed walk out, only to be stopped by Mercy’s expecting hum.

“You weren’t expecting to leave without giving me an update, now were you?” His shoulders droop, knowing he’s already lost.

“No, of course not Doctor Ziegler.” Curse his polite nature! He knew she only wanted to gossip, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be rude enough to lie in order then leave.

She clasps her hands excitedly and smiles wide. “So, any new developments?”

“No, nothing has changed.” Her smile disappears slightly.

“Still nothing?” He nods and she frowns, “Genji, I thought Saturday was the day!”

“It was.” He crossed his arms, pausing his thought, carefully choosing his words. “Until I accidentally spilled juice on them.”

She was struck with silence. “I- and how did that happen?”

He places his head into his hand, “I was……….showing off…….”

“Genji,” he hears her scolding him, “we talked about this!”

“Yes, I recall.” He runs his hand down his faceplate, “I was nervous and not thinking. I did apologize, but that may have made things worse.”

“Is that why there was broken glass on the floor?”

“Yes.”

She let out a short sigh, “You do tend to make a big fuss around them.” Steam leaks from his shoulders and he turns his head away. She shakes her head, tapping her foot against the floor. “Maybe it would be easier if you didn’t try so hard. I’m afraid, at this rate, you might end up really hurting someone.”

He shifts on his feet and nods slightly. “You are right. I should try to handle this less forcibly.”

“Do you want me to brain storm ideas with you?” She offers.

He perks up a small bit, “It would be most appreciated.”

MCCREE:
It was no secret that you were immediately shy upon meeting the cowboy. But there was something else about you, something……..odd.

Maybe that wasn’t the best way to put it- yet he didn’t know what else it would be. So, his curiosity drove him to you. He needed to know what it was.

Now, believe it or not, Jesse was a smart man; and when feelings started to occur, he immediately started to distance himself, only to realize that he was in too deep.

For him, a fling was something he could handle. Real romance? Haha! No.

“Hey! Mr. Jesse, any chance I could talk with you?” Oh, it was that Lúcio kid. What could he want to talk about? They weren’t exactly friends; more like acquaintances.

“Sure, I guess?” He shoves his hand into his pocket, and uses the other one to scratch his beard. “‘Bout what, exactly?”

“[y/n]-” Why you? What about you would he want to talk about? Oh. Oh god! The jig is up, he knows; he’s gonna tell you! Abort, ABORT.

“You doin’ okay over there, buddy?” Lúcio sways slightly on his heels, “You’re getting a little pale.”

He coughs in his hand to rid himself of nerves. “Yeah, just dehydrated, I reckon.” His body feels a bit more clunky, “I didn’t quite catch what you said there before.”

Moment of truth. He knew this day was coming, but did he prepare for it? No.

“If you say so…” He wasn’t entirely convinced; it was written all over his eyes.

He distantly remember you telling him that Lúcio was incredible at reading people, and that wasn’t helping him calm down one bit.

“I was just asking what you thought I should get for their birthday?”

Ah.

Well, doesn’t he just feel like an idiot.

“I’m sure whatever’s fine.” He wanted this conversation to end so that he could go to his room and scold himself for getting so worked up over nothing.

“Are you sure your okay? Nothing’s up?” There was a pause, not long enough for him to respond. “Is it about [y/n]?”

“Uh-”

“It is!” He exclaims, pointing. Man, he was good at reading people.

“No, it’s not!” Jesse crosses his arm, glancing around the room. He’d rather not talk about this in a public place.

“I promise I won’t tell no body!” This boy was getting excited. He shuffles over to him and jokingly jabs his side with his elbow. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll be my present to them, huh?”

“Now that’s just ridic-”

“Oh my god. I was just joking! I didn’t know that you actually liked them!” How much more excited could this kid get?

“Look, I don’t really want to talk about it.” He lifts his hat off his head, runs his fingers through his hair, and places it back on his head. “Not here, anyway.” He gestures to the open, and thankfully empty, lounge.

“Oh yeah, got it!” The Dj whispers at him with a wink. “I’m totally willing to help you out, dude!”

“I….. just might take you up on that offer.”

“Really!?”

“Not if you keep shouting!”

“Sorry.”

———-

I really like writing Lúcio……. Can you tell?

(I’m also really tired, so please excuse my mistakes ( ´ ▽ ` )ノ)

Scanlan’s Impact On Vox Machina

Grog: More than just a friend and accomplice in various crimes, Scanlan was one of the only people who valued Grog’s ideas. Scanlan never really treated Grog like he was dumb and equally considered all of Grog’s suggestions which did end up getting them into some crazy messed up situations on occasion, but was always extremely funny. Grog did not understand too well exactly why Scanlan left but was specifically hurt that Scanlan did not bother to specifically say his goodbyes to Grog. When Scanlan returns he does not seem super excited to see VM again meaning that Grog’s friendship did not mean as much to him as it did to Grog. To add insult to injury Scanlan has a very Grog-esque character with him, Lionel. Grog immediately tests his strength either hoping that if Lionel was obviously stronger than him then obviously Scanlan was just looking for the best protector available or that he would be obviously weaker and Grog could prove that Scanlan had made a bad call. However, Lionel proves not only to be about equally matched with Grog but instantly likable and compelling. Grog storms out and demonstrates his new literacy to Vax and Vex as he passes by not knowing how to express his feelings of loss, believing that Lionel is in fact a better version of himself that Scanlan has found, one who is, at least in his mind, stronger, smarter, and more fun to be around.

Pike: It is debatable whether she harbors specifically romantic feelings for Scanlan, but she assuredly at least has grown closer to him emotionally as he shed his comedic playboy roll and began reaching inside himself to re-examine his life choices. Although she would probably have supported Scanlan’s decision to leave Vox Machina to forge his own path and create a family with his daughter, because he did not say goodbye to her and left in such a negative way, she, like Grog, has grown to resent him. His tense and hesitant return has also left her feeling that the close companionship se felt she had begun to share with Scanlan was not equally valued by him.

Note: In order to regain the favor of his two closest friends, Scanlan would have to come begging on his knees and force them to listen to him, proving to them that their relationship is very meaningful and important to him like they originally believed it was.

Percy: Although Percy was not known to be particularly close to Scanlan, his intense involvement in the screaming argument preceding Scanlan’s departure has haunted him and morphed into a continuously burning resentment towards Scanlan. Scanlan’s specific claim that VM did not know or care about him struck a chord in Percy. The complaint is more indicative of an overall problem in VM where many members choose to keep their problems to themselves until they boil over and become dangerous plot points (Percy’s inner demon being the most literal of these examples). Percy never complains about being called out for bad things he does do of which he feels there are many and often mentions his feeling that the things he intends to do are, in his mind, not morally good perhaps in the hopes that someone will argue hm out of it. To be accused of not caring about others in the group rubbed Percy the wrong was so intensely because to him that is one of the only good aspects of himself that he si sure about. Even if he does bad things to people, and makes things that will hurt many people, he knows that at least he really really cares about his friends. And if that’s not true, if Scanlan is right, that he’s back to square one, a person that is not worthwhile.

Keyleth: She’s fairly neutral here. She resents that Scanlan lobbed accusations at the group that while having merit were not entirely based in truth, and also is not a fan of his decision to suddenly cut ties with them and then only return hesitantly without much commitment to rekindle the lost relationships. However, she personally could probably be easily brought to the pro-Scanlan side as she did not have any personal issues with him and can see the merit of him choosing his responsibility to his daughter over his bonds with the group, especially considering her growing guilt that she has yet to fully step into her position as Voice of the Tempest.

Vax: He has always looked up to Scanlan and sees him as the father figure he never had. More than other members of the groups he has been sure than Scanlan would come back on his own terms and is willing to accept him back unconditionally, no questions asked. If anything, Vax is glad that Scanlan took his time to deal with the problems that were making him deeply unhappy when he was with VM. After all, Vax took his own time to figure out what to do when he accidentally became a Champion of the Raven Queen. Vax clearly sees him and Keyleth departing for the Air Ashari in the near future and wants to make sure that group has resolved any bitterness before they say goodbye for good. He will probably be instrumental in healing old wounds.

Vex: Her knowledge about Scanlan’s drug addiction made her more sympathetic to him and she is very happy that he decided make a big personal sacrifice to commit himself to a relationship with his daughter (something she wished her own father had done). Vex’s personal quest is all about mercy and forgiveness, tired of grudges and suspicion holding her down and stopping her from forming close relationships. Scanlan is the biggest example of her new willingness to forgive the past so as to not sully valuable relationships. I think she will be able to pull Percy into forgiving Scanlan as they both wanted to become more merciful, and he has already indicated that he does not want to continue being dragged down into a dark state by pent up resentments. No more revenge is a motto many in VM are really attempting to adopt.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

“Yuri, you’re supposed to do it at the same time as me. Let’s go again.”

“No! See, I’m doing it now.”

“Scissors beats paper, silly.”

“I win.”

Protect Me

Originally posted by sceawere


A/N: I want to dedicate this to @sceawere because she’s been through a lot lately and she loves Alfie and I loved writing this Alfie and her protection story inspired me just a little so, yeah, she’s just an amazing person and writing and go follow her if you don’t already!!


“Going somewhere love?” Alfie asked when he looked up from the paper he was reading to see you descending the stairs in a fancy green dress.

“I told you, remember? Or did you forget again Alf?” You ask, applying some lipstick in the hallway mirror.

“Yeah, no I didn’t forget. Angela’s thing, yeah?” He’s starting to sweat and you can’t help but laugh.

“No that was last week hun. It’s Alice’s birthday.”

“Right, right of course. Let me drive you.” He says eagerly getting up from his armchair.

Keep reading

Sketch (M)

Summary: After sixteen years of dreaming about the same unknown beautiful girl, Jungkook finally gets to put a name to her face – and she’s so much more than what he’s dreamt of.

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!! After a fucking week of being under writer’s block, I came up with this idea last night and I am so fucking happy with the way this turned out! I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do! xx.

Words: 9.6k.

Warnings: Soulmate!AU, Artist!Jungkook. Tons of fluff but balanced out with smut bc I got emotional lmao. There’s also very mild swearing.

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Keep reading


Ronan and Adam in a nutshell 


“I want to spoil you, and buy you things. Let me do that.”

It was the saturated sunlit dream of every girl who ever tripped upside down at the sight of Ronan. It was the very moment that the sun peaked over the mountains and offered life. That was what it felt like, but Adam didn’t want it. His body turned into a heavy stone, sinking toward the bottom of bottomless water. He was staring into the deathless death of fury, it filled a void inside him with darkness. There was this aggression that bubbled somewhere, in his stone body.

“I can spoil myself.”

“I know, dip shit. I still want to spoil you.”

“Why?”

Ronan bit something behind his cheeks. It was reverie of something, a clump of words that measured largely inside his throat. “Because,” I love you.

The bubbling anger within Adam diminished, like an origami dragon it unfolded into a flameless, flightless bird. He moved toward Ronan, a flighty cloud of an idea in his head. “Because… ?”

Ronan smirked, it was the most sharklike reel of teeth Adam ever observed. His heart strung up in uneven piles, the tissue was nothing but paper thin layers beating, beating, beating like a loud drum. Adam’s favorite smile. “I love you, idiot,” He hissed behind his menacing grin, and pulled Adam into his arms. Fire erupted. The ocean bellowed and crashed onto the sky and the birds were drowning between the clouds. This was what making love to your dreams was like. They kissed, and kissed, and kissed. Their ears focused on how the drowning of birds sounded so blissful around them.

Only one person could make Adam so angry and so in love at the same time. He didn’t know what to do with that. “Spoil me with you, not with luxuries.”  

On the day I was born, there was a storm;
I came into this world amid blood and wind,
Tumultuous waves of salt and seas of pain,
To hear the first words from my mother:
Thank God it’s a girl.

It’s a girl…
Barely a breath breathed and I am marked,
Known for the parts between my legs
That will dictate my femininity
For the rest of my childhood.


“But why can’t I be a boy?”
An innocent question for a six year old, right?
So why did it earn me a kick in the teeth,
A disdainful glare that stabbed me over and again,
Like Norman Bates’ kitchen knife,
As I recanted the question
And locked it up for a later date.


But it didn’t stay locked.
The question kept creeping through,
Five year down the road, then ten.
“Why can’t I be a boy?”
Restless nights of dreaming I was “him,”
Turned into days of acting the part,
As simple as the name
Written in sharpie on a paper coffee cup.
“It’s Émile. E-M-I-L-E
Yeah, like Emilie but the male variant.”
And sipping my latte, the one with my name on it,
I told myself that I must be a boy on the inside.

I was given a word for it eventually.
Transgender.
And oh god how that terrified me!
It sounded like transvestite and those were evil,
As per the words of the harpie
Who came into my room each morning,
Even before I was dressed,
To ridicule and tell me how disappointed she was in me,
But thank God I had been born a girl!

And so I fought it.
Good god, I really fought myself
Just to make her proud,
To be the pretty daughter she wanted,
With sweet smiles and demure blush,
Ready to serve the man of her choosing,
All the while knowing it was a fabrication,
Trying to lock away the feelings of masculinity
Until my wrists bled and my teeth ached
From saying the lies over and over,
My clenched jaw claiming womanhood
As the man raged and tore at the bars,
Screaming, “This is not who you are!”

Mama, I tried so hard to make you happy!
But here I am with my Iscariot heart
That’s made you weep and despise me,
Made me your crown of thorns.
I am not and never was your little girl,
But I am your son who longs for you!
I am not anathema, nor damned,
Simply a man who is tired,
Who cannot pretend to be what he is not.


On the day I was born, I was labelled
With a bright red “F” on a sheet of paper,
That would seek to define me from cradle to grave.
But when I die, it will be etched in stone:
“Here lies he who was husband, father, and a good man.”
May it be a memorial for the ages,
The public knowledge that I am a man.
And this ending to the game will stand the test of time:
That rock finally beat paper.