To the person who has six first-row pit seats in Savannah for sale on eBay:
I hope everything you love vomits on you and dies.
I hope your house burns down and your insurance company screws you out of the insurance money. I hope you develop a crippling case of chronic Irritable Bowel Syndrome and are unable to claim disability no matter how much paperwork you do. I hope you get cuts from the paperwork.
I hope your parents move to Boca and get eaten by alligators. I hope your spouse leaves you for that kid who always picked on you in school, and then dies mysteriously, and his/her new spouse implicates you in the murder. I hope your children run away from home, and here is where my wish diverges: if you are socially conservative, I hope your children become polyamorous omnisexual atheist nudists, whereas if you are socially liberal, I hope they found a megachurch in Texas and donate all their profits to Newt Gingrich’s future campaigns and put pictures of themselves on Facebook with captions like “Picketing a gay wedding. :)”
I hope whoever buys those tickets (at more than twice face value) figures out a clever way to make it look like they never received the tickets, gets a refund from you, uses that money to buy gasoline and matches to burn down the crappy motel that you’re staying at now that your house is gone, and then goes to see the show anyway. And I hope Alison smiles at them, because they will still be less despicable people than you are.
Alison showed off some of her sweet dance moves (video approximation) and rambled about putting turducken inside a zebra. Yeah, it was one of those kinds of shows.
Barry pulled out his bow and added a shocking and dramatic contribution to the Mission: Impossible theme song. Bonus points to Barry for pronouncing the Georgian town “Albany” correctly.
Jerry played a few riffs I’ve never heard before. Dude’s always mixing it up. I would love to see him in charge of the setlist for a while.
Dan is looking rather slim. Good job, Dan.
Dan also lost the lyrics to Rain Please Go Away and couldn’t get them back. “She’s happy nooooow, aslgjlkgj stayyyyy.” It’s the little things, folks.
On a personal note, I (Mindy) am leaving the country soon, so this was my final AKUS show. I thought I was fine with that; eight times seeing one tour is probably enough, right?
So I started out just like:
but by the time Jerry’s solo rolled around:
Because it never really does get old. There’s always something - a stupid joke of Alison’s, a creatively-disguised lyric flub by Dan, a piece of wisdom from Jerry - that makes you remember why these people are your favorites.
I’ve never actually cried at an AKUS show before, but I did when I realized, somewhere around Whiskey Lullaby, just how much I’m going to miss them.
Alison is standing up and walking without crutches now, and she seems to be doing well.
They aren’t talking between songs as much as they usually do, though, and they took Oh Atlanta out of the setlist - I suspect to make the show a little shorter so it wouldn’t be as stressful for her.
The knives are Jerry’s. Something about replicating a QVC knife show. But shhh, don’t let him know that we know, because he’s having a ton of fun making people ask and then pretending like he doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
…I may have gone to the Columbia show at the last minute and that is how I know these things.
Also: AKUS lost their monitor guy, Nate, on Thursday. So if you’re the praying type, please keep the band, the crew, and Nate’s family in your prayers.
So Alison Krauss is all gung-ho on bulk shopping, which for me it’s like, okay sweetie that’s nice but Costco (or whatever bulk store) has been around since, FOREVER. EITHER way, it IS super cute how much she loves it, this I cannot deny, BUT I am CONVINCED she found those AWFUL ass pants and bought a package of 25.
She’s decided that this is what she will wear the ENTIRE tour rather then packing. I know she’s way to uneasy to have someone style her so forget that. But what about possibly buying something new at a DIFFERENT store? These pants make me sad and I am CLEARLY way too preoccupied BY these terrible pants….which means I need to get a life.
BUT on an amazing note…. I GET TO SEE THOSE UGLY PANTS IN 14 DAYS…. aaaahhhhhhhhh
ETA by Mindy: LOL, that is so typical of us. “Ugh, <thing that this band does> is so annoying… I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THEM DO IT IN PERSON!”
ETA by Allie: I face-palmed both nights in Chattanooga when she wore the pants. I have a thing against those pants SO much and justkajshdf ALISON NO. The first night someone behind me was like, “Ugh, her pants.” I wanted to turn around and be like, “YES THANK YOU SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS!” They’re not cute. BURN THE PANTS.
I don’t normally like the ridiculous metaphors/descriptions used for Alison’s voice but this one made me smile:
Now I’ve read and heard Krauss’s voice compared with a bird’s. That’s actually incorrect. Listen to a bird sing and it’s not really smooth and fluid, rather, it’s bristly and very noisy (well most are). Krauss is something else. It’s as smooth as silk, relatively quiet (great sound job by the engineer here), effortless but expressive; it’s as natural as breathing or a gently flowing mountain stream.
An August 26th Aurora, Illinois date has been added. Tickets go on sale to the Paramount’s season subscribers at 10 a.m. Monday, May 14. Single tickets for the general public will be available at 10 a.m. Monday, June 18.