pap smears for everyone

anonymous asked:

I was tested positive for HPV, my partner told me it's "morally wrong" to continue sexwork, but "casual sex is fine", it pissed me off, how should I respond to this? Please advice. Thank you!!

Your partner sucks, and my advice is to dump them. 

I totally get it if you don’t, it’s really easy for a stranger on the internet to be all “cut that asshole loose!” and a lot less simple to actually do it (and a lot more factors involved than what you’ve just shared with me).  But let me be clear: every single aspect of your partner’s reaction is pure, unmitigated bullshit for which there is precisely zero excuse.   Let’s go through it point by point:

1) Everybody has HPV. Seriously. If you have had sex that involved physical proximity to another human being at some point, your odds of having contracted HPV (even if you never show symptoms, even if you happen to not have an irregular pap smear or whatever) are better than even. To exclude from trading sex everyone who has ever had HPV is a ludicrous standard not rooted in reality. Your partner probably has had HPV.  The only reason that I’m not saying that your partner gave you HPV is because you both probably already had it before you met one another. 

2) HPV, especially if you’ve had your vaccine, is not that big of a deal.  The vaccine prevents against the most commonly cancer-causing strains (and depending on which vaccine you got when, can also protect against the most common wart-causing strains).  Most people shed the virus from their systems between six months and two years after being exposed.  You’re more likely to have serious complications from the flu (by like, a lot), then you are to have any serious repercussions from HPV.  For instance, an estimated twenty million people in the US have HPV at any given time (with more than 75% of two hundred and fifty million adults in America having *ever* had the virus), and there are fewer than 12,000 cases of cervical cancer ever year (not all of which are directly caused by HPV).  For those of you who don’t like math, this is less than a tenth of a per cent (considerably less).  

3) Sex workers engage with their clients with sure and certain knowledge that clients cannot be trusted to a) give honest answers about their STI status and b) to even accurately know their status in the first place, and base our risk management strategies (like barrier use)  on that awareness.  The same ought to be true for clients (even though sex workers, as a group, are much, much better at avoiding STIs and having up to date statuses anyway).  Your clients are adult people making their own decisions and having sex with another human being involves the possibility of contracting an STI, especially HPV because again, everyone has it. If clients want a 100% surefire guarantee that they will not contract HPV from a sex worker, they should stick to sex acts which carry no risk of HPV.  You do not have a special burden to manage your clients’ health decisions for them. 

4) Your partner’s notion that you owe clients a higher standard of disclosure/protection than your private partners is extremely fucking suspicious to me. Are you two by any chance in an open relationship?  Remember, your partner probably has HPV too. So maybe this is a way for your partner to not change any of their behavior, while you have to give up your job?  Regardless, this is gross and whorephobic and weird, and your partner does not have a right to either a) tell you how to support yourself (especially if they themselves are not offering to pay your bills instead, which would be sex work anyway, so like…) and b) tell you what to do with your body when it is not interacting with their body. 

tl;dr: Your partner is ignorant and whorephobic and you should pay your bills however you please and not spend any of that hard-earned money on them.