Air Conditioning.

It’s like 10,000 fucking degrees in New York City right now. It’s the kind of heat that makes your sack stick to your legs. The kind of heat that makes the small of your back pool with sweat, which then slowly makes its way into the top of your pants and down your crack, creating that sweet “V” patch. The kind of heat that makes your grundle want to detach itself from your body and fly to Sweden.

But no worries. Because inside our apartments, cars, offices and restaurants, humans have figured out how to alter the temperature and humidity properties of the air to ensure living conditions that don’t want to make you shoot yourself in the brain! We do this by simply removing heat from the air inside our building or vehicle, then cooling it with a refrigeration cycle. Easy!

Hear that, heat? Modern science just bitchslapped you in the face.

question, why are half the posts in the cringe channel’s tag from that one furry that hates us, slagar, because we dared to make fun of him

like we make fun of someone who clearly deserves it (furry, anti sjw, easily offended, has deviantart full of terrible art, just stupid all around) and then he calls us obsessed while also compulsively shitposting about us 24/7 about how all the mods are manchildren and we’re all idiots and the real cringe and we’re just making fun of people for “doing what they like”

Q: Quickie

Spencer Reid

Originally posted by toyboxboy

While they aren’t his preferred method of intimacy with you, after a long, hard case, sometimes when he walks through the door and sees you bent over in the kitchen cleaning dishes, or hunched over your own work files and chewing on the tip of your pen, he can’t help but feel an ethereal tug towards your body.  He dreams of you every night in those hotel rooms, wrapping yourself into him as you hold him tight through the nightmares that plague him while he’s away from home.

They aren’t preferred, but he can’t help but admit the carnal desire that takes over when he surprises you from behind, wrenching your pants down as you tilt your head back and capture his lips in a long, deep kiss.

I hate to be THAT person because I too enjoy the headcanons of Nicole seeing her dad walk around with his hands on his belt, so that’s why she does it too.

BUT, honestly the reason she does it is probably because police belts tend to be heavy with all the stuff you have strapped to them and it’s kind of instinct to grab onto the belt. It feels like it’s tugging your pants down even when it’s not.

That and cops are trained to keep their hands in a place where it’s easy to defend themselves. The belt is a very neutral place. You can go for gun, taser, reach up and fight with your hands… however you need to.

(Also props to Kat for making this very awesome and informed acting choice!)

anonymous asked:

Would you ever pull down your pants if you were ordered to by Chrom?

“Really, good stranger? Would you strip down to your skins, paint yourself in tiger stripes, and free the animals at the local zoo if your liege lord commanded it? Would you? …Well, the correct answer depends entirely on the context. 

Say Lord Chrom were to lose his pants to some kind of freak occurrence. If milord were to ask me for my breeches to save some face around a group of high ranking nobles or dignitaries, I would do my duty without batting an eyelash. Or perhaps a life and death situation were to call for an extra length of rope. If all other cables, tows, and belts had been expended and Lord Chrom were to ask for my trousers to use as an extra line, then I would drop my pants for the good of whomever was in danger.

If Lord Chrom were to arbitrarily order me to remove my pants in order to humiliate me in some way, I would likely ask him to remove his head from his behind to smell the fresh air. Believe it or not, good stranger, we knights are obliged to defend our personal honour. To do any less would be a display of weak character, and reflect poorly upon our lieges and our realm.”

shit that just happened (my brother sucks)

man: you are a man, you have a dick!

me: how do you know i have a dick?

man: um, SEE! *tackles forward, reaching for my crotch*

me: how about no? *push*  that’s sexual harassment don’t do that

man: ARGH well this is ASSAULT, you reached for my THROAT, you were going to STRANGLE me to DEATH

me: i reached for my chest, its not my fault you’re so short i almost hit your throat.  if you weren’t my brother, i’d do a lot worse than just push you back for trying to grab my genitals

man: i wasn’t!  i was going to pull down your pants!

me: that is not better

anonymous asked:

ATTENTION!!!! Tom and your madcap PR team. Is it too much to ask while you are on yet another fake pap walk, if you could pull down your pants so we can see if you have any balls anymore? You look like a spineless weak lap dog not even a man. You are condoning the actions of a despicable girl not a woman. Where's your integrity or did you ever have any.


Lyric had intended to go back to their room and take a rest, but had forgotten to take their lighter.  Cigarette hanging from their lips, they negligently opened the door.  “Ren, I forgot–”  And then, a pause, as they took in the sight of Ren so openly pleasuring himself.

Oi, oi. Ren.  Seems I caught you with your pants down.”  They said lightly, approaching him with easy steps, leaning over him as dark strands met his forehead.  “You’ve got a lot of nerve, you know?  Getting off while still on duty.”

Not Just Me

I always liked when my lover comes to me and asks what I want! Its hot and considerate!
But do you ever just look across the room, wishing they’ll just hover over you and look at you, then shove their hand down your pants and OWN you??? Fucking make you wanna cum so hard just because its so spontaneous!!! Just because they know they can, because what’s between your legs is theirs!!! YES!!! EVERY DAY!!!
Even at night! When they randomly wake, and are so horny! Fucking wake me up with your fingers babe!!! 🐰 Show me that I’m yours!!!! UGH!!!! Get your fingers wet and shove them in my pussy!!! Grab my tits if you need to!!! YES!!!!!

Tinder. A Dating Guide

How to get the girl of your dreams:

•By all means, make your first photo a blurry photo of a photo. After all, camera phones haven’t been invented yet.
•Like drinking? Nothing says sexy like that profile photo of yourself hammered, in some bar.
•Oh! A photo of you and another woman becase ya’ll want a threesome? Really? Next.
•Kids in photos is always a plus as well, just to let us know you’ve got a baby mama in the wings. Keep it complicated early on. Kudos for being honest though.
•Another favorite is the group photo. You know, to keep us guessing - it’s like man roulette and everyone loves a good game.
•The infamous *almost* dick pic. Yes. We know what’s down there, thanks for pulling down your pants.
•Speaking if dicks - is that a dick in your mouth? Nope, just a cigar, because you’re extravagant and reek of cigar smoke. Mmm can’t wait to kiss that mouth.
•No photos of yourself? Love Mikey Mouse and inspirational quotes? How about only photos of your pet. When can we meet? Nothing says blind date like not knowing who you are. At all. Not even one photo.
•Last but not least, the shirtless photo. And another shirtless photo followed by yet another one, taken in your bathroom with no shirt on. We get it. You’re really into yourself and your mother has nice soaps.

anonymous asked:

My assumption of you is that you usually play with your asshole when you jack off. And when no one else is in the room, your hands are down your pants playing with your junk.

Bitch, even when people are in the room I can be caught “adjusting myself” 😂

How did you ever think I’d date someone like you? I’m sorry I got your hopes up. You need to understand that the guys who typically try to date me usually have something to offer me. And by that I mean they have a cock between their legs. Your personality didn’t exactly scream ‘big cock’, but I couldn’t help but be shocked when I put my hand down your pants. I’m sorry, I know how embarrassed I’m making you feel right now. I’m sorry I’m laughing a little bit too… It’s just…you don’t understand how crazy girls are for cock…if you had pulled out a big one, your dick would be inside my pussy right now. I would have fed you my big tits while I rode you all night…but you ended up with a teensy, weensy, worthless little nub. I guess I just think it’s funny how useless that makes you to women. Thanks for dinner, but I called one of my exes to come pick me up. You were actually making me really horny all night…it’s too bad you lack the equipment to do anything about it. So long, little guy…

Super Psycho Love Story Windy's route.

Windy: *sighs hand clutches chest* Yu-sempai

Jin: you have been staking outside. It’s student council time.

*sad anime piano track plays in background *

Windy:Jin-sempai. I want Yu-sempai to notice me. I am clumsy and afraid.

Jin:…I see.

Windy: I am jealous of Ian friend-sempai. He does homoerotic friendship sports with Yu-sempai. Those bulging muscles.


Windy: I have known Yu-sempai since  childhood. He would put sand down my pants. That is our friendship. I want him to kiss my lips kya. *blush*

*sad anime music intensive*

Jin: he put sand down your pants. True love. I will talk to Ian friend-sempai. Your love is pure. It feels me with feelings of love.

Windy:…..Jin. thank you.

Jin: Why not invite him to the school festival?I shall build a kissing both for ultimate ship. 

Windy: I I want to invite Yu-Kun. Kya!!! *blush blush* kissing booth. Make a haunted house.

Jin: indeed. As you are walking through scary. You can jump into narukami’s ample biceps.

Windy: thank you Jin. You’re my best friend.

*dramatic anime jpop darkness surrounds Jin*

Jin:I have no friends. *walks off angry*