pantene hair products

For time immemorial, businesses and corporations have been known as heartless, impersonal cogs in the machine of capitalism, callously exploiting individuals to sell products and acquire excessive profits. Many have wondered if businesses would ever make a shift toward a more ethical position in society.

That day has finally come.

Companies have now completely abandoned any interest in profit and material gain, opting instead to stand as beacons of morality and social progress.

One notable example of this shift is a video that recently went viral, wherein Pantene bravely deconstructed sexist double standards between men and women.

“After watching that commercial, I definitely want to buy Pantene hair products,” said one anonymous online comment. “It’s good that they actually care about us women, and want to do right by us, instead of cynically exploiting us to sell a product.”

Aerie, a company that sells lingerie for women, has also announced its plan to no longer photoshop images of its models. “Our primary concern, of course, is the self-worth of young girls,” said the CEO. “And if our decision just happens to be in line with the current social climate of opposing unrealistic beauty standards, and if it inspires more women to want to buy our products… well, that’s really neither here nor there, is it? Monetary gain didn’t factor into this decision at all.”

Sources have also reported that Microsoft is working on an extraordinary new ad for the Xbox One. The advertisement will feature a diverse group of people living together in a commune, sharing their belongings. Wealthy CEOs will be shown in terrible depression at the emptiness of their lives from having exploited the underprivileged so they themselves could thrive. It will end with the catchy new logo, “Dismantle the oppressive capitalist regime. Buy the new Xbox One.” Many are excited to see a company such as Microsoft take such a bold, selfless move.

“I’m just glad corporations are being so progressive now,” the entire country said in collective unison. “And that they aren’t trying to just manipulate progressive ideology to push a product on us.”


Businesses No Longer Cynical, Exploitative Machines of Capitalism

The Wishwashington Post