panned me downs

anonymous asked:

hey this is a diff anon and sorry if this is a dumb question but continuing the discussion on sexuality how did u figure out u were pan and not bi? i think im bi which obvi includes dating trans people and it's not like i'd go out of my way to avoid dating a nonbinary person? like... is there really a difference between the two and how did u confidently pick one over the other like ive been identifying as bi but maybe im pan but theyre sorta the same thing to me?

hi lovely, i’m gonna link you to a post where i explained how i came to terms with my sexuality over here (x)

the most basic answer i can give you is that pansexuality is attraction to all genders, or basically attraction regardless of them. you don’t really “feel” gender when you are attracted to someone, and it’s very fluid and your attraction to someone is not defined by gender. with bisexuality, you might still have those distinctions - you can be bi and attracted to multiple genders but it’s typically because you still have a “feeling” for gender in your attraction (and this isn’t me saying being pan is better than being bi, it’s just literally all about this notion of gender attraction)

generally, being bi is attraction to multiple genders, not necessarily all. i always kind of encourage people if they believed they’re attracted to all genders to consider the idea of pansexuality, mostly because we’re completely invisible, even in the lgbt community. basically, there is definitely a difference between the two, and it is a weird distinction to make for yourself, but like it all boils down to if gender plays a role in who you’d want to be with. (i mention in that post that i have gender preferences from time to time, but overall it doesn’t make a difference to me)

i hope this helps! and good luck in figuring things out! i’m always here to chat <3

Came Out Today

So yeah, that happened…I’m having a bit of an emotional overload, I guess, because I totally just came out as Trans to my family and friends. My heart won’t stop pounding OTL;;;; I can’t calm myself down and I’ve cried twice :’D;; Everything is good, everyone has been very supportive and reassuring that I’m not loved any less, but God the anxiety I feel is still coursing through me! I can’t chill out uuuuuhg…

*deep breath*

I’ve always sucked when it comes to talking about myself, especially things this personal, out loud, so that’s why I’m so freaked. Well that and this is a big deal to me, and I had no clue how they’d react, and even afterwards I’m still just so emotionally amped up. But you know, freaking anxiety attack aside, I feel GREAT. I’m so happy I finally got myself to tell them. Y'all helped give me the courage to do it, I hope you know, with your kindness and support.


Originally posted by gif-007

Talk Me Down// Amnesia Part Two

A/N: This imagine was partly inspired by Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan. It’s a beautiful song that ties in with the imagine really well so you guys should definitely go listen to it!

“Let us commend our dearly beloved to the mercy of God.”

If no one knew any better, they’d say she’d fallen asleep as she stood in the short grass, but, truthfully, she couldn’t find the willpower to open her eyes. When they opened, this would become real. It would no longer be a cruel joke her mind was playing on her as she kept telling herself it was, and she would much rather be a victim of her own insanity rather than play the world’s perverted game of life and death.

Peter watched over her as the burial went on, taking note on how she gulped down the sobs that begged to rip from her. He watched her eyes remain squeezed shut, as if scared to open them. His arms almost twitched at the overwhelming want to hold her close to him, letting her know she was safe to cry and to scream, to break without fear of these strangers who called themselves friends taking advantage of her vulnerability.

He stayed put.

She remained calm.

“We therefore as brother and sister alike, commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

The leaves of the swaying branches around them tossed against each other, creating a light, crisp sound that somewhat eased this eerie tension.

She bit her trembling lip.

He wished she’d sense him there with her.

“And blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Her eyes opened.

His eyes gazed into the emptiness they held.

“In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

People departed from around the cavity in the ground, leaving her and her stepmother who stood behind her.

She fell to her knees, dismissing the fact that the black fabric of her dress was surely being tainted by the dirt. Her eyes closed once again, only this time, she knew this was surely reality because pain like this couldn’t possibly happen in a dream. Her fingers fisted into the dirt around. Lifting her hand, she allowed the dirt she’d collected to fall onto the black coffin lying at the bottom of the hole, and she saw her stepmother slowly do the same.

Despite her burning hatred for the woman, she didn’t stop her stepmother from kneeling beside her carefully, leaning onto her shoulder, and crying into her.

It was all surreal, it all happened so quickly. She remembers almost a year ago now, she was in Neverland with the boy she firmly believed, and still believes, was her true love, but now, now she was sitting in the dirt, mourning the loss of her father and wanting nothing more than Peter’s comforting arms around her.

Y/N flinched as a hand softly touched her shoulder. Her mind raced to an unattainable hope of who that touch might belong to, but as she looked up and saw Alex staring down at her.

Peter glared at that hand, not understanding the interest Y/N had in him after he proved his lack of care for her those months ago. That night he showed at her door and she welcomed him in with a more-than-friendly hug, Peter wondered how her self respect managed to stoop so low as to accept any less than a man treating her the way he himself once did.

“Are you okay?” Alex whispered, and she nearly threw him down a grave for asking such a stupid question.

She didn’t answer him and simply looked back down at to the grave. His cold fingers brushed her cheek, and he crouched down next to her.  

Peter wanted to rip him away from her. How blind could this boy be?


Couldn’t he see she didn’t want him here right now? That his pestering was only frustrating her? But that was who he was. A persistent, nagging, and selfish boy she made the mistake of taking back, but she felt without Peter with her, she needed someone to fall back on. A foolish, weak ideology, really.

“Talk to me.” he pleaded, turning her face to look at him.

Immediately, she brushed his hands off of her and turned back to face the grave, and Peter nodded in approval.

“Please-” his continued pleas were cut off by her stepmother, and for once, Y/N was happy she was there.

“Why don’t you give her some time, honey?” She asked him politely as she swiped her thumb under her damp eyes, her voice quiet and shaky.

Alex gave one last glance at Y/N before nodding and walking away.

The skies were tinted grey, the sun hidden behind the gloomy storm clouds.

“We have to go soon, sweetheart.” She heard her stepmother say softly.

A small part of Y/N wondered why she was being so nice suddenly when she could remember a time when all the woman wished to do was to make her life a living hell, but she assumed the woman had some kindness left in her heart and was cutting her some slack due to the recent events.

“I’ll leave you to say goodbye.” She said, giving her a weak, sympathetic smile before leaving her.

Her mind felt numb. Completely and utterly drained emotionally. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to curse at no one about just how unfair this turn of events had been for her.

But none of those things happened.

With an aching chest, her eyes shut as she whispered to her father for the last time.

“I’m sorry I ever left you,” she began, attempting to collect her thoughts before she broke down. “But you once told me if my dreams were destined far from a place I could reach to leave behind what’s holding me back. I found those dreams, Dad. I’m only sorry you couldn’t live them with me. I’ll never-” she paused as a lump began forming in her throat, but she swallowed it down. “-ever, forget you.”

Leaves crunched beside her, and from the corner of her eye, she saw a handful of dirt falling slowly into her father’s grave. Y/N watched as the dirt slipped from pale fingers, tainting the skin a dirty brown. He also watched as it fell atop of the coffin. His head bowed respectfully, and his eyes closed as he stood in silence for a moment before they opened once again. She looked up and, for the first time in a year, met the jade eyes of the boy she left behind. Her breath caught in her throat.

In that moment, she was positive she’d gone completely mad, and her mind was conjuring a mere hallucination of what it needed. She was willing to accept her madness if it meant that she’d see him, that she didn’t have to go through this alone.

It was almost humorous. So many people gathered to mourn the loss of her father that day, however only one would suffice for her. Only him.

Peter said nothing and simply sat himself beside her, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her into him.

“It’s okay, love,” he mumbled into her hair quietly. “You can let go now. I’m here.”

Her hands slowly trailed up his arm, trying to decipher if he was actually here or not, but she decided not to question it in fear he’d disappear from under her. Slowly fisting his shirt in her hand, she buried her face in the crook of his neck, his scent so foreign after so long yet still so familiar to her.

There, now concealed safely in the arms of him, now wrapped up in her wonderful thought, she allowed her tears to fall.

Peter wanted nothing more than to kiss her after being deprived of her touch for so long, but as he held her, her body shaking with sobs, he refrained. It wasn’t the right time. Not now. So, he continued to hold her tighter, as if reassuring her he was there now, and he wasn’t planning on going anywhere.

“Peter,” she mumbled, her voice so frail he almost thought it was just his imagination.

“What is it, my love?” He murmured as he pulled her head away from his neck to hear her more clearly.

“I want to go back.” She cried, her hand clutching onto his shoulder. “He’s gone, I-I don’t have anything left, and I-”

“It’s okay.” He said once again.

Truthfully, Peter wasn’t angry it took her so long before she wanted to return to Neverland. If anything, he learned more about her while she was gone then he did her three years on the island. Her absence drove the boy to the brink of insanity, it hollowed him out, and it left a morose shell where a boy used to be. Though it allowed him to reminisce, study her through memories that he held safely in the back of his mind where they could be ever present.

“We’re going to go back home.” Peter assured the weary girl in his arms.

After you have been unfair to him, he will love you again, but he will never afterwards be quite the same boy. No one gets over their first unfairness; no one except Peter.



Junior Kimbrough, “Tramp”
Track 7 from God Knows I Tried
(Fat Possum, 1998)

‘Tramp’ on God Knows I Tried remakes one side of Junior’s 1968 Philwood single, but Kimbrough doesn’t care that he doesn’t remember it well, and the band comp listessly.

– Chris Smith, The Penguin Guide to Blues Recordings (Penguin, 2006)

Considering that no one knew exactly when Junior would go to the IV or the V, I think the band does pretty well.

bQ • panned-me-downs #005