panic-moonwalking-away

send me a new girl quote for my muse's reaction.
  • “can we just take a moment to celebrate me?”
  • “i’m always the one who loves more, that’s my thing.”
  • “i take dumps standing up! i’m a man!”
  • “it really bums me out that i will never know the infinite joy of what it feels like to carry a child inside me.”
  • “open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.”
  • “i am a rugged, semetic prince!”
  • “do you just walk around all day thinking about other people’s feelings? how do you get anything done?”
  • “will you not stop until the whole world is aroused?!”
  • “i’m not putting on the kimono.”
  • “i just wanna be slapped around!”
  • “eat glass and die, you tramp!”
  • “you are so weird. can you ever just leave the room like a normal person?”
  • “i don’t want a refund on you.”
  • “a plant wearing underwear would be better than you!”
  • “i’m high on anxiety meds right now.”
  • “i am a child of divorce! i am delicate!”
  • “oh good, you can hear me. now i know i’m not a ghost.”
  • “nobody’s getting pregnant tonight!”
  • “boob season’s over for you!”
  • “there is something serious i have to tell you about the future. the name of my first-born child needs to be reginald veljohnson.”
  • “when you put it like that, it sounds amazing…and like prison.”
  • “i got an obligation…at a…sandwich meeting…to go to.”
  • “sorry to interrupt, i know the morning is the most sensual time of the day.”
  • “you’ve never been turned on by gas mileage?”
  • “so i have good news from the doctor—you don’t have rabies.”
  • “oh, look at the time! it’s butt-o-clock!”
  • “i’m a mess, i can’t sleep, i urinate constantly. i cried the other day listening to a techno song.”
  • “i’m not convinced i know how to read, i’ve just memorized a lot of words.”
  • “i’m staying positive, but i’m pretty sure this is where we die.”
  • “life’s messy. it kicks you in the ass. that’s right, i said ass.”
  • “you question my pajamas? you make me question our entire friendship!”
  • “i’m pretty sure i’m having a heart attack, and i haven’t arranged for anyone to clear my browser history.”
  • “you set fire to soda water. who does that? how do you even possibly do that? it’s not a flammable thing!”
  • “i’m gonna take you…respectfully.”
  • “i’m gonna have to turn off the tap! the sex tap!”
  • “have i ever made any decisions in my whole life? are we just living in the mind of a giant?”
  • “please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.”
  • “why are you wearing a suit? did you just apply for a loan or something?”
  • “i used to just think if i was proposed to i would notice it was happening.”
  • “does it say ‘share stuff’ in the constitution of america? no, i think not.”
  • “where are your nipples, man?”
  • “i just wanted to listen to taylor swift alone!”
  • “i saw him this morning and he just panic-moonwalked away from me.”
  • “let’s just suck it up and french a little.”
  • “been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. it’s like a taffy pole on a hot summer’s day.”
  • “they make shoes for your penis! they’re called pants!”
  • “i can’t believe i’m the sober one. that’s actually never happened before in my life.”
  • “please do not angry-fix the sink.”
  • “you my boo and i been missing you.”
  • “i feel like i wanna murder someone and also i want soft pretzels.”
  • “can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger?”
  • “first of all, you’re never gonna be old, humans are going to be immortal by 2016.”
  • “sandwiches and sex?! i want that!”
  • “are you sure you’re okay? you’re walking like a disney witch.”
  • “i’m like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience.”
  • “this is a horrible neighborhood. there are youths everywhere!”
  • “guess whose personalized condoms just arrived?”
  • “damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!”
  • “i hope you appreciate the fact that i have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made no reference to the fact that you are practically naked.”
  • “are you like a bond villain? you just told me your whole plan.”
  • “why does your hair look so baby soft?!”
  • “i sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.”
  • “did you just make up a theme song for yourself?”
new girl sentence meme:
  • I was going for like a hot farmer’s daughter kind of thing, like, oh, I’m gonna go milk my cows.
  • We just started dating so were still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.
  • You tell anyone we held hands, I have 2 people in my phone who will kill you.
  • Are you like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.
  • Hey tiger, you’re having sex tonight. Don’t give me that look, just do it!
  • My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don’t want him to think I’m using him for his body.
  • Coincidentally, I’m wearing my lap dance pants!
  • Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!
  • I’m about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!
  • I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.
  • I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self loathing.
  • Are you sure you’re okay? You’re walking like a Disney witch.
  • Sandwiches and sex!? I want that!
  • Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.
  • Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve!
  • That wasn’t a cookie, damn it! That was a piece of his heart.
  • If you track my trajectory I’m gonna live to a 123 years old. Hello, Robot Sex.
  • Did you guys watch porn together again? Why do you keep doing that? It’s always awkward!
  • I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.
  • He lures you in with his charm, his mustache, and his perfect hair!
  • I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.
  • This coat has clean lines and pockets that just don’t quit.
  • I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me.
  • I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!
  • Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.
  • Or we could break into a zoo, steal a bear, then we shoot the bear full of Hep C, we release that bear in the restaurant right as they’re about to order dessert.
  • You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!
  • I’m staying positive, but I’m pretty sure this is where we die.
  • Oh, look at the time! It’s butt-o-clock!
  • I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack, and I haven’t arranged for anyone to clear my browser history. I wasn’t building a bomb, I was just curious.
  • Can’t spell sex without the ‘ex.’
  • Boob season’s over, for you!