things I don't want you to feel bad about

1. being unhappy for no specific reason. It’s not your fault, you’re not being selfish or spoiled. You can’t help it.
2. being unsure of your sexuality/gender identity. Again, not a thing you can really control. Humans are complicated and not everyone knows exactly what they like and who they are; some people need more time and that’s perfectly okay.
3. being trans or non binary or genderfluid or any other gender identity!! All that matters is that you’re being true to yourself and expressing yourself in the ways you feel happy and comfortable.
4. having issues with the way you look. You’re not vain, self centered, unworthy of love or somehow a bad person. Insecurities can take over someone’s life and if something is bothering you, that’s a real problem and you don’t need to apologize for it because other people don’t understand how much something hurts you.
5. getting triggered by things. Being “triggered” has become a huge meme and a lot of people mock and underestimate being triggered. If seeing something reminds you of something that hurts you, or makes you feel bad, causes you panic, etc, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. Don’t let other people who scream “TRIGGERED!!!! I’M TRIGGERED!!!!” Make you feel guilty for your actual triggers.
6. other people’s opinions on how you look, the way you dress/present yourself, the things you like (as long as it’s not harming anyone!) and your situation in life. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. (again just don’t hurt anybody.)
I love you always, stay strong.

You know the worst thing about mental illness? The constant doubt that you have it. You can see a psychologist, research all of the symptoms in depth and spend so much time analyzing yourself but in the end, you still dismiss your suspicions and/or diagnosis. You wonder if you’re making it up, if you’re being dramatic or seeking attention. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that it is real and you have it. You’re not crazy.

can we PLEASE stop throwing around the phrase ‘panic attack.’ panic attacks are not feelings of stress. they are intense bursts of anxiety and fear that cause severe physical symptoms. i am aware that everyone experiences panic attacks differently and some are certainly not as bad as others, but do. not. use. that. phrase. to. describe. slight. internal. anxiety. panic attacks are much much worse than that and can even be traumatizing and cause physical illness. stop!!! throwing!!! the!!! phrase!!! around!!!!!! it is highly insensitive and invalidates people’s experiences who struggle with panic attacks and/or have panic disorder.

the worst type of panic attack is the one that starts with an “off feeling” and continues growing for hours, if not days, giving you no breaks, no pauses. a silent scream inside your head that keeps getting louder without stopping to breathe in even once. your body twisting and shaking, nails digging into the skin in a laughable attempt to scrape out the insects crawling underneath. knowing very well that your brain has made the insects up, but cutting yourself open anyway. it lasts, and lasts, and as it grows, it makes you kick and scream, and suffocates you with a rope woven from twitches, trembles and intrusive thoughts. it’s chronic pain, it doesn’t go away; you’re bleeding already but there is so much more for it to take from you… you lose your consciousness from exhaustion but seconds later you wake up into the same torture chamber made out of your own flesh. no closure. no sleep. no numbness. no blackout. it lasts. it lasts. it lasts - until your heart gives up at last.

Fuck ya all.

I don’t need someone.

—  Sadness

Here are a few of my heroes. Andy biersack, vic fuentes, kellin quinn, oliver sykes, lawrence taylor and My Chemical Romance. Andy, oli, vic, kellin and MCR have been there for me in the darkest of times. 2013 was a time when i didn’t want to live anymore. I had given up. Those amazing people and their bands helped me to get through everything. I thought that was the worst time but i was wrong. The battle has just started. All the voices in my head, all the hallucinations and all the traumas i have had take my power. I break down crying and screaming… feeling like burning inside. Still i stand up every day. Every day starts with these bands… even now i have the breakdown and i’m listening to bmth. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. DID, dissociative identity disorder is what i have. I’m afraid to get close… to have new friends. I’m a lunatic for those who do not know what DID is. This would never have been my choice…to get DID. Every help i can get is needed.. cause i can’t do this on my own…i lose the battle often but never the war. The feeling of drowning, burning inside and being so anxious and scared all the time feels like hell. But this is what life is.. without these 6 bands i would have given up long time ago💔 while she sleeps is so important to me… all the lyrics and meanings are important for the whole system❤️ thank you andy, oli, vic, kellin, lawrence, MCR for saving me❤️

I feel more and more anxious. I don’t want to have people from my past with me. I just can’t… i don’t want to be close with someone… i want to run… run fast and far. I want this to end… this takes me completely out of my comfort zone and i have to take care of myself now.