pan

Isn’t it funny how straight cis people make all the “rules” to be a true, real life, certified gay™. Like if you’re lgbt, you have to know that you’re lgbt your whole life & you have to come out around maybe your early 20’s because if you come out before that you’re “too young to know” and if you come out after that you’re “too old, you should’ve known before”. You have to make sure you’re a “gold star” but also you have to have sampled every type of person because if you haven’t then, how could you know like for sure, right? Once they’ve accepted you as lgbt, you must uphold all lgbt stereotypes for their benefit (so they can laugh at the silly lil gays in movies or have gay bff’s). And girl, don’t even mention sexualities and gender identities like “non binary” or “asexual” or “pansexual”, they can’t even accept bisexual as a legitimate orientation so you must DEFINITELY be a special snowflake if you identify with any of those. 

Now that you’ve made it through all of the check points of gayness™, you may have your true, real life, certified gay™ badge. Be careful though, once you pick a label you must stick with it. If you came out as a lesbian but now feel pansexual? Well that’s too bad, you’re a lesbian now hunty otherwise you lose you gay™ status and return to straightness. Game over.

most people think ‘pan’ stands for pansexual or panromantic when in fact it stands for panic, which incidentally is what i do all day

  • me: how do you make a pancake?
  • friend: in a pan, duh.
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: no. in a pan... duh
  • me: in a panda??!!
  • friend: this is going nowhere.