palate press

The Signs as Coffee
  • Aries: Instant, black with lots of sugar and maybe cinnamon
  • Taurus: Hand-pressed, strong but ideal milk-coffee balance
  • Gemini: Brewed a while ago, cooling, loads of fancy creamer
  • Cancer: Brewed, light roast, hazelnut or vanilla cream
  • Leo: Frappuccino from Starbucks, "What? Coffee's gross!"
  • Virgo: Brewed, a little milk and a lot of whiskey
  • Libra: French-pressed light roast, skim milk or fancy cream
  • Scorpio: Brewed dark-roast, flavorful without adding things
  • Sagittarius: Instant, enough milk to feed a baby cow
  • Capricorn: Instant, blacker than black and caffeine rich
  • Aquarius: Brewed but bitter, cream to make it palatable
  • Pisces: Hand-pressed, some sugar and maybe vodka to taste