pageant of the bizarre

anonymous asked:

Could you please write about Suzi entering toddler/small child Holy in beauty pageants?

i moved this into Present Day because if i start researching like, 50s beauty pageants or whatever i might not surface for days

- Suzi might seem like she’d like to see her daughter in beauty pageants; and Holly’s beautiful, so she’d win them too, but there’s a real pageant monster in this family and it’s Joseph. Number One Pageant Dad. 
- He’s so competitive! He can’t bear to lose at all, so he’s going to ensure that his daughter goes into pageants knowing exactly how to beat the system and wrap the judges around her little finger. She already has him wrapped around it.
- But he is honest; he doesn’t want Holly to win because he donated some very expensive prizes or anything; he wants her to win because she’s clearly the cutest child there, dammit. 
- Honestly this started out as a way for Holly and Suzi to bond because Holly’s always been a bit of a daddy’s girl, but as soon as Joseph realized that there was competition and beating other people involved it became a whole family activity. Joseph Joestar is the best father in the world, dammit, and he’s going to make sure that everyone knows. 
- Nothing is too good for Holly. Her dresses probably cost more than the entire wardrobe of the other children. Originally Suzi intended to do Holly’s hair and makeup herself but now Joseph appears to be insistent that he’s doing it because he’s watched and read tutorials and he has the added precision of his Robohand. Suzi, used to her husband’s antics, just sighs good-naturedly and steps in when his application gets a bit overenthusiastic. 
- Joseph has corralled the whole fucking family into coming to watch Holly; Great Grandma Erina is there, Uncle Speedwagon, Grandma Lisa Lisa – Holly grins and waves at them and then walks onto the stage determined to win because Joseph’s coaching is intense and good.
- Joseph claps enthusiastically for the magic trick he taught Holly for the talent portion. 
- If she wins, he cries. If she loses, he cries. Honestly it’s a good job so many people are there because it means they can shepherd Joseph out of the door before he gets to the judge’s table. 

theguardian.com
"Hillary Clinton has honoured the rules of civic duty and met the prerequisites for a candidate" Barbara Kingsolver
While Clinton holds her head high, why are we not exploding with anger at Donald Trump’s bullying?
By Barbara Kingsolver

Hillary Clinton has honoured the rules of civic duty and met the prerequisites for a candidate, bringing a lifetime of pertinent experience, an inquiring mind, a record of compassionate service and a sound grasp of our nation’s every challenge, from international relations to climate change; her stated desire is to work hard for our country and its future.

Her opponent has no political experience, a famously childish temperament, no interest in educating himself on any subject, a manifest record of shortchanging employees, bankrupting businesses, cheating on wives, dodging taxes and serving absolutely no one but himself. His mission is to elevate the self-regard of some Americans by degrading many others, including Muslims, Mexican immigrants, people with disabilities, residents of African-American communities,women he finds beautiful and women he does not.

I’m horrified to watch the bizarre pageant of my nation pretending these two contenders are equivalent. No one really imagines Donald Trump applying himself to the disciplines of the presidency, staying up late reading reams of legislation, instead of firing off juvenile tweets. It’s even harder to imagine Clinton indulging in the boorish self-aggrandisement, intellectual laziness, racism and vulgar contempt for the opposite gender that characterise her opponent. If anyone still doubts that the inexperienced man gets promoted ahead of the qualified woman, you can wake up now.

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It’s never gonna be 
Normal, you and me 
What you’re signing on for
Is a storm at sea 

So if you think you’re tough 
Give me all your love 
And I’ll give you every little piece of me 

Catch a falling star you’ll go far 
In the pageant of the bizarre 
And tonight I give you my heart