pageant dresses for Miss America

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Kieran Valentine - SDCC Monster High Exclusive

I’m really digging this Alak Tarr doll. I mean, I thought the black hair was a weird choice at first, but then I saw the Season 3 premiere and thought otherwise. And if none of you followed that, watch Defiance or get out of my life.

So Valentine’s outfit makes my Love Bites Clawd look like a sad garbage baby. That’s an actual 3-piece suit he’s wearing, guys. The white undershirt is one full piece, sleeve frills included. The vest is another piece and even has a gold belt buckle in the back like an actual freaking vest. And that jacket, dat beautiful jacket that floated down from doll heaven, has everything but real pockets (which, tbh, which fancy blazer has working pockets anymore?) I’d take his outfit apart to show you if I weren’t so terrified I’d never get it back on his body right. So I’ll leave that to some other perv. Oh, and the dude has a cravat. Edgeworth, eat your heart out. 

His pants are awesome and made out of some magic material that looks like pleather but isn’t. The gold chain on his belt is actually a fancy braided string, BUT DOESN’T IT LOOK GREAT!? His shoes have light touches of gold paint on them, which infuriates me because Mattel decided sometime last year that shoe paint was for losers. Just don’t look at his boots from the back because all you see is pink Valentine heels and shame. 

Oh, and he comes with neat glasses with little silver hearts painted on the sides (which totally clashes with all the gold–coordination fail, bruh) but they don’t fit over his ears because his hair is too crunchy. This poor kid is nothing but pomp and hairgel. No wonder he became a psychopathic kidnapper and murderer of teenage girls. I do wonder, however, why he isn’t in a fancy Monster Prison with people like the Penguin and Julian Assange.

PS his hands are perfectly sculpted for dickgrabs. PSS Kieran is a stupid name and you should feel bad.

So yeah, I’m over the moon that I can finally complete my Why Do Ghouls Fall in Love? cast. That is, hands down, my favorite of the MH movies and now I have everyone. Even the car. Pictures will come later when I’m not a tired, lazy hobo who can’t be ass’d to use anything other than her phone and Ikea lamp to take them.