pacific rim valentine

4
Pacific Rim AU ► Raleigh asks Chuck to be his Valentine.

I FELL ASLEEP AND I HATE EVERYTHING.

Therefore, rather embarrassingly belatedly, I humbly offer the following for your consideration:

The Pride & Prejudice & Zombies AU, PacRim edition.

The neighborhood is delighted when Strikerfield has been let at last, by the charming widower MR. HANSEN and his… slightly less charming but very eligible son MR. CHUCK HANSEN, and they are accompanied by the elder Mr. Hansen’s “closest friend” MR. PENTECOST, and Mr. Pentecost’s adopted daughter (and heir to his massive fortune), MISS MAKO MORI.

THE FAMILY BECKET lives next door, and would like to also be delighted by the addition of livelier society than that to which they have been accustomed, but Strikerfield’s last dozen or so renters have all been eaten by Unmentionables, so, really, they’re not going to get their hopes up.

The newcomers make their debut at the Shatterdome Assembly, and to the misfortune of Mr. Raleigh Becket, he falls immediately, violently, and obviously in love with Miss Mori upon witnessing her tidy dispatching of an Unmentionable.

Some days later, Yancy is invited over to Strikerfield at the behest of Hansen the Elder for some recreational hunting/clearing off the grounds of fresh Unmentionables, but there’s an Incident on the way there and there’s nothing to be done but Raleigh has to go over to look after his brother while he recovers from losing a hand or something.

Mr. Chuck Hansen makes things as uncomfortable as possible for everyone, Miss Mori alternates between distance and glaring at both young gentlemen in alternating turns, Mr. Pentecost only smiles in Mr. Herc Hansen’s presence and Raleigh remains ruinously in love, but Yancy doesn’t get sepsis so not everything is completely terrible. Upon their return to Dangerbourne, it is announced that their distant cousin ALLISON, protegee of the legendary LADY TAMSIN SEVIER, shall be visiting in search of a spouse/hunting partner.

Allison arrives and finds Yancy too wounded, Raleigh too besotted, and Jazmine too female for her preferences, but their good family friend MR. TENDO CHOI proves ideal. A few months later, Raleigh goes to visit Tendo at Tango Park, and who should happen to be there also visiting but Mr. Pentecost and Miss Mori.

Mr. Pentecost is there to pay his respects to his sister LUNA PENTECOST and her ennobled paramour, but Miss Mori keeps apparently inventing reasons to pay visits to Raleigh, which mostly results in awkward conversation, punctuated by agonized longing silences, until the day she visits and makes a Proposal of Marriage!

However! Raleigh, having been that very day informed that Miss Mori was up until very recently courted by Mr. Chuck Hansen, and that she refused his proposal because the only force that moved her heart was the desire for Vengeance against the Unmentionables, sits through this proposal of marriage in abject agony. He gathers that her statement of affection is not completely disingenuous, because now all those awkward occasions where she was staring at him make a kind of sense, but there’s still the hideous lecture on the unsuitability of the match and his lackluster fighting skills, and Raleigh realizes, suddenly, that Miss Mori does not see him as an equal. He’s not in her league for wits but he understands that she absolutely expects he would be lenient in a way Mr. Pentecost has not been, and that she could overrule his wishes for her and die gloriously avenging her family as she has always wanted.

Soooooooooooo he. refuses.

But, this being a polite Regency take on the narrative we all love so well, a conveniently-timed attack of Unmentionables several months later, while Raleigh and (*pulls names out of a hat*) THE KAIDANOVSKIES are visiting Coyote Hall, brings our wayward pining lovers together again to defend Miss Mori’s friends THE WEI BROTHERS. There, surrounded by the gore of battle and Coyote Hall’s scenic environs, Mako comes to realize that in Mr. Becket she has a distressingly well-suited partner, and that he has clearly taken to heart her previous assessment of his fighting skills.

O, THE WELL-MANNERED PINING! THE LONGING LOOKS!

Mr. Chuck Hansen, also visiting Coyote Hall at that time, makes a number of particular snide comments which draw Mr. Pentecost’s attention to the situation.

Raleigh returns home to Dangerbourne, as per established narrative structure, and from there proceeds to have a number of increasingly strange social engagements. The Hansens reestablish residency at Strikerfield, and Mr. Chuck Hansen makes a neighborly call for the explicit purpose of needling Raleigh. Raleigh, being quite Done With That Shit, beats the unholy hell out of Chuck, utilizing several moves he learned in observation of Miss Mori, and sends him home sulking.

Shortly thereafter, Dangerbourne is invaded again, this time by Lady Tamsin and Luna Pentecost, who demand satisfaction: WHY IS THEIR DARLING MISS MORI SO PUT OUT, SHE HAS BEEN ALLOWING HITS IN THE SPARRING RING SHE COULD USUALLY FEND OFF WHILE BLINDFOLDED AND DRUGGED, WHAT THE DAMN HELL MR. BECKET???

Being love-addled and impetuous (and just informed that Mr. Pentecost and Miss Mori are also in residence at Strikerfield again), Raleigh takes off for Strikerfield to declare himself to Mako and happens across an unfortunately large crowd of fresh Unmentionables. Happily, Mako arrives just in time to save him, and beats the rotting brains out of the Unmentionable that came perilously close to eating her beloved with its own severed arm.

There, amidst scattered zombie corpses and in the presence of Mako’s ancestral sword, they plight their troth with the Forehead Bump of Eternal Love.

Everyone lives, happily and murderously ever after.

FIN.