My thigh tattoos are finished as of yesterday and my scars from cutting are finally completely covered. A year ago I didn’t think I would ever be able to wear shorts again. Four years ago I didn’t think I wanted to live long enough to see myself turn twenty. It’s been a long and incredibly hard journey, but I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I guess this whole “it gets better” thing does have some merit.
¡MIRAME! (this is gonna be long, so apologies in advance.)
Story time: Mis papas nacieron en Guatemala. Vinieron a los Estados Unidos cuando tenían unos 18 años (or somewhere around that age). Yo nací aquí y mi primer lenguaje es español, pero cuando empecé el kindergarten prendí inglés y ya no me gustaba el español. Solo hablaba en inglés con mis padres y siempre se enojaban conmigo, y mi papi me decía que es mejor hablar dos lenguajes para los trabajos porque ganas mas dinero. I didn’t start to like Spanish again until I found out it was a Romance language and came from Latin (I think around the middle of freshman year?). I still speak the worst Spanish in my family because of this. In elementary school, the first person I told about my ethnicity laughed. I said I was chapina and she was like “chopped peanut?” So I told her “No, I’m Guatemalan,” but she was just like “okay watermelon.” I went years without telling people my ethnicity after that. No conocí otro guatemalteco hasta el octavo grado. Y después solo una mas el año pasado. Antes que me pintaba el pelo todos pensaban que era asiátic(a). Now that I bleach my hair blond, because I also have light skin, people assume I’m white. As a nonbinary latinx, si me molesta un poco como todo es masculino o femenino. Because Guatemala is such a small country, I still get nervous when telling others that I’m Guatemalan, because I always think that they’ve never heard of it. BUT I’M HERE AND I EXIST. I’M STILL WORKING ON MY PRIDE AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO AS LONG AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
Okay this is getting really long and is all over the place so I’ll stop now, have a good day everyone!