p:-heartbreaker

What can never be.

And with those three dreadful fatal words that tumbled past the man’s lips like the tears that would come later; U’bastis felt her heart sink.
The fantasy had been shattered. So much so that she was unsure she’d be able to piece it back together for the gentleman who sat beside her now.

Gold eyes glanced up in to his large doe-brown ones that were filled with hope, and want. However this was a want Bast couldn’t fulfill. Damn those three words and their ever-deep meaning behind them. Damn the way the heart tangos with the mind and when touched by lust contorts and twists everything into a heated drunken stupor. And Damn the man who sat beside her now for falling for such wicked trickery that now lead them to this moment–
And for a brief second, Bast almost felt anger roil her gut which was immediately snuffed out. U’bastis had been rendered reticent; and involuntarily her ears had folded backwards against her dreadlocks.

As they did that subtle movement; the man realized he had made a mistake.
“I’m sorry…”

“…Sorry?”

“For what I’m now about to say…For what I have to now do.” Bast whispered, her accented voice barely above a whisper. As if any louder might rouse a sleeping beast.
The young man’s expression went from hope to sudden downfall as Bast spoke. Her voice calm, quiet, and gentle. Yet it was firm, flat, and honest.

“Where I am touched, and flattered you’d grow so fond of me… I do not love you. I will never love you. I will never grow old with you, nor will I be your mate. Not now, not ever” She said calmly and the young man recoiled as if her very words burned. Cringing like a dog about to get swat he leaned back.
“Don’t…” he began; his brows knitting down as his hurt turned to fury- but Bast rose a hand to signal his silence.

“No. This must be done. You knew precisely what I am and what I will continue to be from the beginning. I never once hid such a fact from you and never once did I ever give you the impression I was anything else otherwise.” she said and her eyes seemed to burn in the dim lighting of her chambers.  The young Hyur now looked into the eyes of what he had once considered a Goddess.

Now… He felt as if he were looking into the eyes of a demon. Those eyes burned through the darkness and seemed to sear the very core of his being. His head turned, avoiding those slitted eyes.
“I’ve spent time with you, attended parties with you, performed dances, magicks, and entertainment for you… But in the end; I did it because you paid me to. There is no true love there, no affection except for small possibilities of you being a friend. Even then, this is business.” she said and with that; he couldn’t take anymore. Scrambling off of her couch, the Hyur stumbled by her fireplace and leaned against the partition by it.
“But I–”

“No….” Bast cut across him. “There is nothing left after that. And I am sorry it comes to this…Please.” she nodded towards her chamber door. “Our time is done…” she said quietly. Looking to the door; then back to her he breathed heavily. “Tell me you don’t love me back… Look me in the eyes and tell me.” he said desperately.

“I don’t love you.” Bast replied without even blinking or hesitating. The man gave a shuddered breath and then pulled away from the partition. Without another word, the chamber door slammed and Bast was left in the quiet emptiness of her own chambers.

Slowly; Bast leaned back on her couch and pinched the bridge of her nose, shivering all over she then dashed her eyes and slowly rose to head downstairs to see about persuading someone to unlock the cabinets.
She needed a drink.

There are a lot of shitty things this world has to offer, but the worst two ones? One’s being the heartbreaker and one’s being the heartbroken.

And I know it hurts on your end. I see it in your eyes. I see it when you cry, when you wake up at night and scream my name in the darkness, when you whisper to your friends about all of the things I can’t change, but I wish you could see how this is tearing me to shreds too. How I stay up wondering why I’ll never be good enough for the only person who made me feel something. Why I messed up too badly for this to ever work again. This side hurts too, I promise. It’s sitting up subtracting your future from mine and coming up with a number so negative, my bones shake.

Because you’ll love again. I have no doubt about that. You will love again and it will be more beautiful than anything you’ve ever experienced, because one day you will find someone with the capability to love you back. And they will be lucky. They will be so goddamn lucky because when you love, you love hard, and you will love them. You will love them so much, you won’t be able to breathe, but they will finally resuscitate you when you are feeling these things instead of plunging you under water, and it will be so beautiful and so worth this heartbreak, my heart won’t be able to take it.

Because I’ll never be able to love like you do. Because someday you’ll move on and I’ll always have to live with this. And if it makes you less sad, I’ll say I’m sorry, because I am. But the saddest thing about this is that you’ll be okay in the end.

—  A letter from the heartbreaker to the heartbroken / @scarredconversations