p: ty simpkins

Harley: Is Tony here? 

Bucky: Who are you? 

Harley: Harley.

Bucky: Harley who? 

Harley: …Look, I just need to see Tony. 

Bucky: Hey, have you ever seen ‘The Wizard of Oz’? 

Harley: Yeah… 

Bucky: Remember the part where Dorothy comes to the gates of the Emerald City and the munchkin tells her to go away and is about to slam the door in her face until she says she’s the witches Dorothy and then the munchkin says, “Well that’s a horse of a different color, come on in!”? 

Harley: Yeah… 

Bucky: Well I’m about to slam the door in your face unless you can come up with the ruby slippers. 

Harley: …I’m his son. 

Bucky: [pauses] Well that’s a horse of a different color, come on in! 

Peter: Pop, Dad, making you happy is the greatest reward I could ask for. Of course, when other kids get a good grade, they sometimes get, like, a little present.

Steve: Now, Peter, I really think…

Tony: [Interrupts] I’ll handle this. You’re absolutely right, sweetheart. You got an A, you should be rewarded. Here you go!

[Tony pulls out his wallet ready to hand Peter money]

Peter: Thanks, Dad.

Harley: Wait, isn’t that a double standard?

Tony: Huh?

Harley: You just gave him a twenty for getting one A. What about all the As I get for free? 

Tony: Yeah, but this is a special occasion, so Pete gets a special reward; It’s a motivational thing.

Harley: But won’t that demotivate your other son whose work is consistently good?

Steve: Yes, Tony, where are you going with this?

Tony: I wasn’t finished. Harley should have a consistent reward for his consistently good work. 

Peter: Hey!

Tony: And Pete should have a special one time reward for his one time effort.

Harley: But what about a higher reward for maintaining a standard of excellence over time, perhaps with compound interest?

Tony: … [Tosses his wallet to Steve] Here, just take it! Steve, I told you I was no good at this parenting crap!