p: romeo and juliet

I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

great shakespearean themes for a wedding
  • Twelfth Night: Twins get married to two different people at the same time. The officiator wears yellow stockings. The twins dress up as each other during the reception.
  • Much Ado About Nothing: Groom accuses bride of adultery. Bride faints/fakes her death. Everyone is busy trying to set up the maid of honour and the best man with each other.
  • The Winter's Tale: Groom accuses bride of adultery. Bride pretends to be a statue for the next couple of years.
  • A Midsummer Night's Dream: A triple wedding, except prior to the ceremony two of the couples completely mix up who they're getting married to. An incompetent group of actors perform Romeo and Juliet at the reception.
  • Romeo and Juliet: The reception features a duel between the boyfriend of the groom's cousin with the bride's cousin.
  • Hamlet: The wedding happens at the same time as a funeral, and the widow at the funeral is marrying the dead person's sibling.
  • All's Well That Ends Well: Groom thinks he's marrying one person, but turns out the bride is an entirely different person. The entire affair is conducted in a darkened venue.
  • Macbeth: Three witches show up and suggest the groom kill his boss.
  • Julius Caesar: The groom gets stabbed to death by members of the wedding party. His best man makes a speech at the reception about how ~honourable~ one of the ushers is and incites a revolution.
  • Titus Andronicus: Invite two convicted rapists to the wedding. Bake them into the cake.
  • Henry V: Send the happy couple tennis balls. Only tennis balls.
  • inspired by this post: http://acrickettofillthesilence.tumblr.com/post/101009683501/great-literary-themes-for-a-wedding

Romeo and Juliet are going all the way this time

The last kiss of Romeo and Juliet (1823), Francisco Hayez / All of The Lights, Kanye West ft. Rihanna, Kid Cudi with vocals by Fergie, Charlie Wilson, John Legend, Tony Williams, Alicia Keys, La Roux, The Dream, Ryan Leslie, Alvin Fields and Ken Lewis.