I used to think that confidence came from what other people thought about me, and boys and everything else. But now I realize that confidence comes from what I feel about myself, and reassuring myself that I can do whatever I want, and be whoever I want. Just knowing and setting up my future for a great life.
So, just wrote this between exam studying so I haven’t really edited it and am not completely happy with it but I got the idea and it wouldn’t go away. :) Lemme know what you think, and hopefully i’ll have more time to write over the Christmas holidays! This takes place after her X Factor performance and continues into the future.
December 14th 2014: Hi darling. I just wanted to say you did great with your performance, and it was great seeing you again. I miss you. x
She wouldn’t normally answer back. She hadn’t answered his texts ever since the end of her X Factor contract, the end of the contract that bound their relationship. For some reason though, she could never delete them. At 3:00am, she would re-read them until her eyes burned from exhaustion. She would start to question whether he would be up, and if she should finally respond. It was at that point that she would decide it was bedtime and hide the phone away, until the next night. Something about seeing him that day though stirred something in her and when she found herself reading his text over and over again before the clock even struck 3:00am, she couldn’t stop herself, she didn’t want to stop herself. So, before she could change her mind, she quickly typed a response, only hovering shortly over the send button before hitting it with finality.
I miss you too.
Then, as if waiting for the pin to drop, she curled up in the blankets of her hotel bed and just stared at her phone, waiting for the fateful buzzing, picturing his surprise as his phone dinged back at him, pictured him staring at his phone as he contemplated what to say next, not used to her replying. She didn’t have to wait long for his response.
When are you coming back? x
This time, she didn’t respond. It was 2:11am now, and anyone else would assume she had fallen asleep in mid text, the words half typed out or just the fateful send button not pushed. She knew he would know differently. He would know, because he was used to it. He was used to her not texting back, and despite the fact that her one response may have instilled hope, she knew he wouldn’t expect anything from it. He knew she wasn’t quite ready for a full conversation just yet.
December 21st 2014: X Factor is coming to a close again. My favourite years were always with you though. x
A jolt went through her heart at that. She had fun on X Factor with him and sometimes, she wish things could have stayed normal and she could have stayed on X Factor with him.
December 23rd 2014: Remember the ice cream guy who auditioned? I never got my raspberry ripple. x
She laughed at that one and rolled her eyes. She loved his text messages, loved his humour, but still couldn’t allow herself to indulge in him.
December 25th 2014: Merry Christmas Darling. x
The memories were too strong. She could remember curling up next to him by the fire. She could remember laughing at the Christmas cartoons they would watch religiously leading up to Christmas. She could remember a little too much eggnog and the stickyness of smores. She didn’t reply.
January 1st 2014: Happy new year, Darling. X. -Simon
She could remember kissing him at midnight, she could remember fireworks and hot chocolate. She responded.
Happy new year Simon.
Her phone dinged with a message soon after and her eyebrow raised at the picture message icon. Curiosity pushed her to open it and immediately she burst into giggles. There was Simon, donning a new years hat someone must have put on his head and a deadpan look on his face. She laughed at his attempts at a selfie, a little bit of his head cut out of the frame. Her thoughts turned to who may have put that hat on his head and her mood slightly dampened. She didn’t respond.
January 7th 2014: Another picture message. One of his two dogs Squiddly and Diddly. One standing on the coffee table drinking his tea, the other curling up in his favourite chair. The message attached: Drinking my tea and stealing my favourite spot, who do they remind you of?x
She felt the smile spread across her face and found herself responding before she could think about it. She couldn’t help herself, she missed the bickering game, the friendship, the teasing. She missed him.
It was my spot! You’re the one that stole it.
My couch, my spot. x
Doesnt look like it anymore. It looks like it’s Squiddly and Diddly’s spot now. -
There was a pause after that, and Demi found herself upset when no response came. She waited for 5 minutes before deciding that she couldn’t just wait around for his reply, telling herself that he was a busy man, telling herself that she wasn’t supposed to care this much. She was 10 minutes into Miss Congeniality when her phone dinged with a text. Her heart stopped at the message.
Can I call you?x
She stared at the message until the screen went black with impatience and then she stared at that, questions, answers, fears stumbling through her head at a fast pace, leaving her breathing uneven and her head dizzy. With shaky hands she typed out her response, the feel of her pulse in the pit of her stomach, rising up to her lungs.