set in Jack’s senior year, sometime in the spring?, before he and Bitty are together; warning for homophobic jerks in the form of Lax Chads
Jack is trying to write his senior thesis – he has his bedroom door shut and locked and everything – when Shitty barges in.
That, in itself, isn’t all that suspicious because Shitty had taught himself how to pick locks at Andover and had always been pretty blatant about barging in. If Jack really needs his space, he’ll stay away but Shitty has pretty strong opinions on what constitutes as “really needing his space” and Jack’s “I am writing my thesis, Shits, don’t bother me” at breakfast had clearly been inefficient. Hell, it probably just spurred him on.
However, what is suspicious about this current situation is that Shitty is fully clothed.
“Jaa-aack,” Shitty sing-songs. “You fucking majestic specimen of human perfection, you beautiful songbird on a crisp spring morn–”
“Shitty,” Jack says, refusing to look up from his laptop. “Whatever it is, the answer is no.”
“I don’t want anything!”
“You just called me a songbird.”
“You are a songbird. On a crisp, spring morning atop a rosebush full of the–”
“You are high.”
“As a kite, Jack, that’s why I need you.”
“I am not letting you stare at my ass again. Go bother Ransom. He’s been working out with Bitty.”
Honestly, sometimes Jack doesn’t even know what to do with the sentences he is forced to say on a semi-regular basis.
“No, Jack, no- I need sustenance. I need… Lardo took her car and there is no way for me to get to Murder Stop and Shop without her but without food, I will die and you are the captain. You have to save me.”
“No,” Jack says. And turns back to his paper.
Ten minutes later, he’s in the car.
Jack should have taken Samwell up on their offer to give him a single his freshmen year.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god– YES!” Shitty shouts as they pull into the parking lot. “THEY’RE HERE!”
“What? Who?” Jack says, though he’s not sure he wants to know. Shitty is coming down off the worst of his high but even a sober Shitty is prone to get excited over just about anything.
“THE GIRL SCOUTS!” The car hasn’t fully stopped when Shitty opens his door. “IT’S COOKIE SEASON!”