own potential

So, this is weird, and idk if it’s just me, but…I think I actually ship Klance more than I used to? Not that I didn’t love them before, but it’s a different kind of love now. And I think the fandom feels that way, too…this past year, we’ve thrived on mostly fanon content: fics, art, headcanons, etc. A lot of that would incorporate canon into it, but efforts were focused on the fanon aspect, on what they could be, on interactions they could have. But now…I’ve seen more meta on the characters and their relationship during the season over the last few DAYS than I have over the course of this entire YEAR. Most, if not all of the Klance content I’ve seen this weekend, art included, has been based around their actual, canon interactions in the show, and not our HOPES for their interactions.

I think that really, really says something.

↑ Rising Signs ↑

Aries: You’re bold, and tend to speak loudly. You usually stick out and make your presence unforgettable. You speak the truth, whether it’s good or bad. I admire how you’re not afraid to stand up to someone. You’re also very funny too.

Taurus: You’re seen as someone easy to approach. You have a calming aura around you, which tends to attract people to you. You also have this studious presence. At times, you may be awkward at socializing, but you warm up quickly. 

Gemini: It’s all about the talking to you. You’re very talkative, and able to adapt in the environment quickly. People love you because you have this ability to make it seem like you and the other person were old friends that just met. You also have a witty sense of humor. 

Cancer: You’re very quiet around strangers. You have a tendency to fade in the background and observe the people around you. Because of this, many people may not notice you. Once they get to actually know you, you’re very sweet and caring. 

Leo: Like Aries, you’re very bold, and you make people laugh. You stand out and shine brightly, which makes a lot of people attracted to you and envy you. You can hit up a conversation with anyone, and make them feel special. 

Virgo: Like Cancer, you tend to not speak and observe instead. You love helping people out, and try to make them realize their own potential. People flock to you when they need your assistance on something important because you always seem like you know what you’re doing.

Libra: People adore you because of your sweet and generous personality. You make everyone feel like they’re home, and that you’re always ready to take care of them. Libra risings attract a lot of people because their habit of giving. Though be careful because people will most likely try to take advantage of you!

Scorpio: You’re seen as someone eccentric. You can be super closed off at times, and maybe even mysterious. But beneath that cold exterior, you’re so kind and pleasant to be around with. People may find you a hassle at first, but in the end, it’s worth it when you get to warm up to them.

Sagittarius: You have such a charismatic personality. You’re funny, easy to socialize with, and most of all, such fun to be around with. You make everyone feel like they were originally friends with you. Because of this, a lot of people want to talk to you and hang out with you. Though you can be a tad annoying, you’re the best one to have around when everyone needs a little cheer up.

Capricorn: You give off such a mature aura to people. You know how to overcome your obstacles, and you don’t like it when things are in the way of achieving your goal. People see you as someone very logical and ready to accomplish anything.

Aquarius: Because of your hilarious and popular personality, you draw so much attention to you. People love you because of you’re ability to stand out without even trying to. You’re so amusing to talk to because you always have something to say. You’re also able to make a joke out of anything. 

Pisces: You have such a warm and delightful personality. Many people go to you because of you’re ability to make everything feel right. You’re like a cute animal that everyone wants to pet because you just make everything feel so dreamy and ideal. 

so I saw this post earlier that theorised that barry saying “I’m barry bluejeans” at the end of every sentence in the first arc was because of the voidfish and he was suffering with a lesser version of what davenport was going through and it just occurred to me that “magnus rushes in” and “I’m taako, from TV” / “taako’s good out here” are maybe caused by the same thing ???

Some days I feel the potential within me
Throwing itself around against my ribs
Like a beautiful animal, caged
But in darkness I persist
Searching for the words to articulate
Who I am
Where I’ve been
And where I’m going.
—  d.c.
Short introduction to NUMEROLOGY

What is numerology?
Numerology is the study of the symbolism of numbers. It is used to determine a person’s personality, strengths and talents, obstacles, inner needs, emotional reactions and ways of dealing with others.

Numerology can be a tool that helps you to understand yourself and loved ones better. You can also use numerology to examine your life, take advantage of unexplored opportunities, where to go next in life.

How do find your number?
It is many ways that is used to calculate your life path number. The most used one is birthdate+month+year.

Example: 8th February 1968 = 8+2+1+9+6+8 = 34 = 3+4 = 7.
or: 30th December 1993 = 3+0+1+2+1+9+93 = 28 = 2+8 = 1 + 0 = 1.

The life path numbers you can get is 1 - 9. You can also get what is called “master numbers” which is 11, 22 and 33. If you calculate your life path number and get 22 or 33, you don´t need to split it up to 2+2 = 4 or 3+3=6. Also if your last calculation ends up to be 11, you don´t need to split up that one either.

Example: 30th December 1994 = 3+0+1+2+1+9+9+4 = 29 = 2+9 = 11.

What does your life path number mean?
Life path 1
- A life of action and achievement, very active, original and creative. Independent and very much a leader. Must be more self sufficient, make own decisions and use talents. 

Life path 2 - A life of co-operation, loving, warm, do not like to be alone and can be extremely supportive in friendships and partnerships. They need to learn not to put themselves above others and not to be over-emotional in their relationships. 

Life path 3 -The most creative of people, can be fun loving and enjoy socializing, more than any other number. Very bright, full of ideas. Need to use talents and self expression or they become very moody and depressive, can be very jealous. 

Life path 4 - A life of hard work and effort but they do provide for their family. Great at organizing and making things work. Must apply themselves to work and detail and not put off doing things and avoid letting arguments get out of hand. 

Life path 5 - A very varied and changeable life, they need freedom to achieve success. A life of travel, change and opportunity on all levels. Can mis-use their freedom or be lazy, can indulge in alcohol and or drugs, must avoid thoughtlessness. 

Life path 6 - They rise quickly to success and power but often need to make many adjustments in their life. Can be too dominating and try to avoid their responsibilities. They need to remember that perfection rarely exists. 

Life path 7 - Interesting and philosophical people who go their own way, seeking a peaceful sort of life. old, aloof, distant, sharp tongued, need to be more outgoing.

Life path 8 - A life of money, power and material gain, great potential for financial success. Need to avoid being overly obsessed with money and power. 

Life path 9 - Usually World travelers interested in helping other people, very understanding. They need to keep the emotions in balance or relationships will come under pressure.

Life path 11 - Highly intelligent, very intuitive and idealistic but capable of being extremely warm. The challenge is to not be overwhelmed by their gifts. Fears and phobias would be the downside of this number. They may also seem at times indecisive, impractical, nervous, and moody.  

Life path 22 - Highly intelligent with a universal outlook, capable of creating large projects that can change the world. Interested in all kind of subjects. They can be overwhelmed by their own potential, and fear of failure, they may at times seem dictatorial, insensitive, and overbearing. 

Life path 33 - Prominent talents in caregiving. His or her affection for all the living souls in this world is almost limitless. Because you are so giving you might have a tendency to become a slave to others and neglect your own needs in the process.

How many % in the world has the same life path as me?
Life Path 1 - 10%
Life Path 2 - 5%
Life Path 3 - 10%
Life Path 4 - 7%
Life Path 5 - 10%
Life Path 6 - 10%
Life Path 7 - 12%
Life Path 8 - 11%
Life Path 9 - 10%
Life Path 11 - 9%
Life Path 22 - 4%
Life Path 33 - 2%

There’s nothing wrong with aiming high. It shows that you believe in your own infinite potential. You DO have the courage. You DO have the capability. However, be prepared, for you may not end up exactly where you had planned to go. Life is constantly throwing unexpected surprises at us, any which one may change our direction. Regardless, keep your aim raised high, and where ever you go will be some place beautiful.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

How about an AU spinning off of the end of Season 2 where after weeks of searching, the team reluctantly concludes that Shiro must be dead. But rather than stick together, Keith refuses to accept anyone other than Shiro as the Black Paladin (including himself) so when the team tries to sort out who will replace Shiro, Keith decides to leave. He somehow figures out how to make himself look Galra and he sets out to infiltrate the Empire, figuring he’ll just have to take down Zarkon on his own.

Meanwhile Pidge decides if there’s no more Voltron because they’re down two paladins now, she has no more reason to stay. She also leaves, intending to search the universe for her brother and father, though she at least says goodbye before she takes off, unlike Keith. The team is down to Hunk and Lance, Coran and Allura.

Lance seriously considers just trying to go home, just giving up on Voltron like everyone else seems to have, but as he’s loading up Blue, getting ready to head back to Earth, he looks back and sees Coran and Allura watching him go, looking completely defeated. And suddenly he just can’t leave. He misses his family, sure, but Allura and Coran have lost so much already, he can’t bear to make that worse. Besides, he knows that if the Galra aren’t stopped, his home and his family will eventually be in danger, and he can’t live with himself knowing he’d be at least partially responsible for that. He stays.

Hunk was just going to stick with Lance, because they’re best friends, no matter what Lance decided, but he’s painfully relieved when Lance changes his mind and decides to stay. Allura and Coran are pretty much crying.

So the four of them become this tiny little resistance all on their own, sometimes working with the BoM group, sometimes on their own. They can’t form Voltron, but they’ve got two lions and a lot of gumption, and they’re going to do whatever the heck they can to stop Zarkon and the Empire.

Then one day, maybe years later, while Lance and Hunk are sneaking into a Galra facility on a mission to get supplies, info, and to cause some damage, they stumble upon a Galra soldier trying to release a very familiar-looking man who is floating in some sort of healing pod. Hunk almost attacks the Galra but Lance stops him, saying “I’d know that mullet anywhere.” A very surprised, very purple Keith looks up at them with wide eyes.

(Oh, and Pidge and her fam are totally there too. Keith and Lance get into a shouting match that draws their attention and leads the Holts right to the rest of the team. Pidge and Matt end up being the ones to figure out how to release Shiro from the healing pod, though they have to use Keith’s hand to actually activate the system. Then there’s a brief argument over how the group is getting out of the Galra facility and who’s taking Shiro where, which Lance and Hunk win by virtue of the Castle of Lions being the biggest ship, and the only one with healing pods.

Pidge’s dad marvels over how unlikely it was that they all managed to be reunited at the same time like that, but all of the Voltron Lions look very smug somehow for the next few days despite the fact that their faces are solid metal and can’t show expression)

INFP (FiNeSiTe)

Introverted Feeling (Fi):

  • Tuned in to the mental and emotional atmosphere
  • Aware of their feelings toward people / things
  • Treasures deep attachment for preferred objects, people, or beliefs
  • Often “identifies” with characters of similar circumstances or struggles
  • Strives to deepen emotional bonds between people / harmonize relationships
  • Concentrates emotional focus on those they care about most
  • Talented at “sizing people up”
  • Relies heavily on emotional instincts to understand others
  • Highly empathetic, easily able to ‘feel with others’
  • Sensitive to others’ moods
  • Often treats others how they want to be treated
  • Has a natural respect for human / animal life
  • Finds it difficult to articulate emotions
  • Prefers to show affection rather than verbalize it
  • Comforts others with presence over overt affirmation

Extroverted Intuition (Ne):

  • Possesses a natural understanding of ‘how people work’
  • Willing to help others come to closer to an ideal version of themselves
  • Chooses to see the better side of human nature
  • Dislikes a single view on anything, preferring multiple perspectives
  • Creative and often able to present a unique perspective on life
  • Talented at articulating ideas in ways others can understand
  • Has a mature view of what people / relationships should be like
  • Able to help others reach those standards of full potential
  • Has well-developed ideas concerning ideal emotional states
  • Possesses a strong understanding of mental complexity
  • Often gives good advice
  • May fear their own “wasted” potential and become driven
  • Tends to focus on mastering several specific areas

Introverted Sensing (Si):

  • May go overboard in trying to ‘perfect’ particular skills
  • Can be attentive to details (and “fussy” about them)
  • Finds it difficult to relax or enjoy the moment
  • Prone to laziness and convenience
  • Prefers sensory familiarity to unexpected change
  • Struggles to focus on their ideal inner state
  • Often disconnected from the environment
  • Loses track of things around them (objects, people, etc)
  • May be nostalgic for their past or revisit former experiences
  • Enjoys repeated pleasant sensory experiences

Extroverted Thinking (Te):

  • Admires efficient, organized people
  • Curious and eager to learn
  • Devoted to reaching a thorough understanding of favorite subjects
  • Willing to listen to anyone knowledgeable regardless of credentails
  • Often forgets to consider whether their activities are achieving goals
  • Struggles to organize their activities in rational ways
  • Lacks good time management skills

Drawn from MBTI / Socionics definitions, by Charity.

That’s My Job - Mitch Rapp [Smut]

Author: @writing-obrien 

Character(s): Mitch Rapp/Reader

Word Count: 11770 (yeah, you saw right. Eleven thousand, seven hundred & seventy).

Notes: Here is the long awaited Mitch fic, it got super long and I had to reign myself in because otherwise this would be closer to 20k words. Seriously. We have fingering, public sex, object penetration, oral (both receiving), squirting, over-stimulation, spanking, bondage, restriction, dirty-talk, denied orgasm, multiple orgasm, daddy kink, public kink. Proofread by Steffy who’s been giving me all the support during this and she slike my entire reason for not giving up right now, so thank you. @dumbass-stilinski ❤️


Originally posted by gladersmaze


Keep reading

some notes i’ve been taking on DMing, culled from various sources

Plot & Campaign:

  • Don’t think of yourself as being “against” the players. They aren’t playing “against” you. They are playing against the world and situations you pose to them, but you should be on their side.
  • Similarly, don’t think of the campaign as “your” story that you are telling to the players. It is a story that you are telling together. They affect the outcome of it as much (or more) than you do. If the players find a way to ruin your carefully crafted plot, let it go. You have to accept not getting your own way all the time the same way that the players do.
  • That said, have contingency plans in case the PCs kill or ignore your plot hook, find a way to bypass your carefully created puzzle, or successfully charm your final boss into not attacking them.
  • Use up your most fantastic ideas - don’t hoard them for later. You never know how long a campaign will last, and you might never get to those cool scenes and setpieces you were saving.
  • Utilize recurring NPCs. It’s less work for you and gives the players someone familiar to look forward to seeing (or resent intensely.)
  • Give the players a nemesis - someone or something working against their efforts, even if that is not a “villain” per se.
  • Have descriptions ready for locations and NPCs, but don’t over-describe. Give them enough details to build a sense of atmosphere without requiring them to draw the scene.
  • Have a set of possible random events ready to go, and periodically roll to see if any of them happen, to keep your players (and you!) on your toes.

Rules & Rolls:

  • Like in improv theatre, go for the “yes and” (or “yes but”) response to a player’s idea rather than a “no.” If the rules don’t specifically ban a player from doing something, let them do it. If it’s especially game-breaking and stupid, this is a great time to say “yes, but” and come up with a fun consequence.
  • Don’t stop everything to look up a rule. If you can’t find or figure out the answer within a minute, tell the players how you’ll do it this time based on your best guess and look it up for the future. Alternatively, if you aren’t sure what the rule would be for what a player proposes, just let them roll a d20 and add a relevant modifier to it versus your best estimate of difficulty level.
  • Don’t assume that a failed check means “nothing happens.” Failures can be as eventful, interesting, and story-driving as successes.
  • Calculating small currency amounts, weight encumbrances, and rations is incredibly boring for everyone. Decide ahead of time whether you want to just ditch those elements (within reason - if you are being kind to the players by not making them weigh out every item in their inventory, they should be kind to you by not claiming they are carrying a whole refrigerator.)

Rewards:

  • Pay attention to what motivates your players most (treasure, money, challenging fights, puzzles, stories) and use that to guide your campaign ideas. Let them tell you what carrot will lead them through the plot.
  • Make a note of what your players mention wanting out of the game experience (a certain kind of adventure or scene, an item) and find an opportunity to reward them with it.
  • Come up with a set of treasure/advanced weapons/other loot-ish rewards specific to each player. Whenever they are dungeoncrawling or getting rewards, roll to see which items they receive at that time.

Players:

  • Provide opportunities every session, if possible, for each character to use their skillset and playstyle, so that they don’t feel like the sidekick in someone else’s adventure.
  • Encourage the players to make themselves a “battle sheet” in addition to their standard character sheet that lists all their skills and spells (in their own words) and how it works, so that they understand their own potential and remember to use them! You are there to help them out if they aren’t sure of a mechanic, but encourage them to take ownership of their own character’s abilities.
  • Cliffhangers aren’t actually great ways to end a session (in case the campaign stalls out there, or a player drops out), but you can end with a new situation arising or a hard question to ponder, giving the players something to think about and look forward to returning to for the next session. 
  • Pay attention to the players’ welfare and condition as much (or more) than to their characters. If they are stressed, unhappy, or angry about something in the adventure (or something another player is doing), you should be ready to moderate that as much as you would moderate an in-game rule.
  • Greybeards: It is time, we must summon them...
  • The very ground rumbles and quakes as the Greybeards prepare to speak, and when they do, the sound of their thu'um rips through the wind all across Skyrim, heard by all the nine Holds, and causing many Nords to wonder if Kyne herself has conjured up a storm to end all storms: DO-VAH-KIIN!
  • Off in the distance, accompanied by a sound that is akin to the clap of thunder and the roar of a beast unfathomable outside of myth, is the thu'um of the one who, on their own, has the potential of vastly outmatching all of the ancient and powerful Greybeards themselves. It is none other than The Last Dragonborn, the lone figure whom the Wheel now turns upon, and the last hope of thwarting The World Eater: new Voice who dis
Is this an unpopular opinion?

Honestly I kind of hate it when people are like wow I don’t think Chloe deserves a miraculous because she’s a spoiled brat or w/e like mate. Have you heard of this new thing. This amazing concept. It’s called, you ready for it? Character Development. Yep. It’s a thing. A thing that happens. A lot actually. Most people eat that shit up (see: Prince Zuko) I mean all we know is that she becomes Queen Bee in season 2. They didn’t say she’s getting the miraculous episode one. I think a good chunk of s2 will be developing Chloe into a more complex character who will both deserve and benefit from holding a miraculous. If that doesn’t happen, if Chloe doesn’t develop, then you can whine about how she doesn’t deserve the miraculous. But for now, at least give Hawkdaddy the benefit of the doubt with his character.

Harry Styles - “Confessions” Part Four


Alright… there’s gonna be a part 5. But, let’s do this! Part four of the ‘Confessions’ series!! Hope you guys like this one as much as you’ve liked the others. Let me know! It’s a touch happier … or is iiiiit?

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight


Harry groaned as he awoke, the sunlight poured down on him and he felt a layer of sweat on his forehead from the light as well the body pressed into his. When he lifted his head, finding that it rested on the back of his couch instead of his pillow, he had a moment of confusion before he remembered. You being curled up in his arms, still fast asleep against his chest, also helped jog his memory. 

It took him a moment to realize what had woken him but he quickly realized it was his phone buzzing in his pocket. He knew there was no way to pull it out and answer it without waking you so he let it continue until finally it stopped. Harry sighed, taking in a deep breath as he rest his head on top of yours, his cheek resting against your soft and sweet smelling hair. 

He was just starting to drift off back into his nap when his phone began going off again. Apparently whoever was calling him really needed to have a chat. He opened his eyes and sighed, wondering how he could possibly do this. He didn’t want to wake you but it seemed whoever was ringing him wasn’t going to give up. He shifted a bit to the side until eventually he was able to slide out from under you, helping you lay back gently onto the couch, thankfully still fast asleep. 

He didn’t even care about the phone call in that moment as he stared down at your slumbering and peaceful face. All he had seen the last while was pain and heartache but now it was all gone, just for a little bit at least. He couldn’t help as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth, bringing a large and ringed hand up to brush a few hairs off of your face. The moment was then ruined by the phone once again going off. He knew he had no choice now but to take it.

When he left the living room, heading down the hall towards the kitchen, he pulled the phone out and felt his heart rate increase when he saw his mom’s name and face flashing across his screen. Why would she be calling him so many times? He hadn’t told her what was going on, he told his sister as he had gone to stay with her the night he had told you but she had sworn not to tell their mother. 

“Mum?” He questioned, answering the phone finally, as he opens the back door in the kitchen and steps out onto the back porch. “Is everythin’ alrigh’?” He questions as he leans against the railing of the deck, running his fingers over the hard wood. 

“You tell me, Harry.” Came her reply. No hello, no greeting, no asking how he was. Yeah, Harry knew in that moment that she had definitely found out. 

“Did Gem tell you, then?” He mutters, hoping it was from his sister and not that the media had gotten wind of the situation. Even with both parties involved having signed an NDA, which he hated having to see your face as you had to agree not to talk about how he knocked up a girl, these things could still get out and he dreaded the moment that they did. 

“She shouldn’ have had to, Harold, why haven’ you come to me abou’ all of this?” Harry sighed, hanging his head, unsure of how to answer. The truth was that he was afraid of his mothers disappointment. He felt he had made her so proud up until now and what a way to ruin that than with a situation like this. He had already broken the heart of one important girl in his life, he couldn’t handle doing it to another one just yet. “So it’s true then? You got a girl pregnant?” 

“Yes, mum.” Harry mutters, running a hand through his hair before his fingers begin to play nervously with his bottom lip. “Well, I go soon to have a paternity tes’ done, bu’ as of now we are almos’ certain tha’ I am the fathe’,” 

“And Y/N left you?” Harry hadn’t spoken to his sister since before he left for LA so of course she wouldn’t know that you had for some reason agreed to join him on this little adventure. “The one girl who could handle your lifestyle, put up with everything she’s had to, and you go and do this to her.” That was exactly what Harry hadn’t wanted said to him. He already knew all of this but to hear that disappointment, the disbelief, in his own mothers voice hurt almost as much as he imagined it would. 

“She’s here in Los Angeles with me.” His mother was silent on the other end. “We broke up, yes, bu’ she knew…” He sighs. “I don’ deserve her to, bu’ she came to help me through this.” He hears his mothers answering sigh as she took this information in. 

“Wha’ are you going to do, Harry?” Her voice was full of concern now. She had gotten out her reprimanding and now it was time to make sure her son was okay. No matter how upset with him she was, he was her son and she would support him through this. 

“I don’ know, mum.” Harry had done so well at keeping the tears at bay but in that moment he broke again. The tears fell a few at a time down his stubble covered cheeks, his green eyes shining as he hung his head, resting it on his arm that was supporting his weight on the rail of the deck. 

“Oh, Harry.” She sighed, picking up on the brokenness of her son on the other end of the phone. 

“I can’ do this,” He turns and takes a few steps over to a deck chair, falling into it as he wipes at his wet cheeks and stares off across his green lawn before he closes his eyes, resting his head against he back of the chair. “Wha’ do I do, mum?” His voice was so quiet as he begged him mother to help him through this even though he knew that she couldn’t. No one could. 

“We will take this one day at a time, love, okay?” She offers, her voice calm and reassuring. “I’ll fly out there as soon as I can.” 

“No, mum, you don’t have to do tha’.” Though as soon as she had offered, Harry knew he needed her to. He needed that motherly hug, that parental guidance as he began to navigate his own way into potential parenthood. 

“Too late, I’m lookin’ at flights now.” She argued and Harry knew it was a lost cause - not that he would fight hard for her not to come anyway. “You and Y/N need someone to help you through this.” 

“Thank you.” Harry didn’t even have to say it as more than a whisper but Anne picked up on his gratitude fully anyway. 

“How is she doing? Y/N?” As Harry thought back to you, fast asleep and peaceful inside, he had to bite at his lower lip to keep the tears from falling again but when he opened his mouth to speak nothing but a jumbled mess of words came out. 

“She’s.. I.. i-i mean..” And then a small, quiet sob fell from his mouth and Anne sighed. “She’s never goin’ to forgive me, mum. I’ve lost her.” He squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he looks down at his feet, more tears leaking down his damp cheeks. He didn’t even try to wipe them away now. It would be pointless as his eyes were burning with fresh tears, surely not stopping any time soon.

“Harry, love, true love always finds a way.” 

“Mum, this isn’t some romantic movie. This isn’t going to jus’ resolve itself and everyone is goin’ to be all happy in the end. I fucked up, cheated on the most importan’ person in my life, lied to her about i’ and only told her when I had to because I found ou’ I had gotten the girl I cheated with pregnant. Would you forgive Robin if he did tha’?” Anne was silent and Harry knew it was because she knew he was right. “No matter how much her and I love each other, this is i’. She won’ forgive me and I’m tryin’ to come to terms with tha’.” But with the tears still falling down his cheeks he knew he was no where near close, if he ever really would be. 

Just then, Harry turns as the back door opens and out you step. You had woken moments before to find Harry gone but heard his voice outside and came to see where he had gone off to. You had heard what he’d just said and he watches you as you walk across the deck and comes to take a seat beside him. 

“Your mum?” You ask, gesturing towards the phone. Harry gives a nod, simply watching you, trying to see if you were going to say anything more but you don’t so he looks away and sighs. 

“I should probably go, bu’ le’ me know when you’ll be here and I’ll le’ you know about the paternity test.” He says to his mother who takes a deep breath on the other end of the line, still full of concern for her son but now that she had heard your voice on the other line knew he would talk no more about the situation. 

“I will, Harry. I love you.” Harry couldn’t help but smile. Even so much as his mothers voice made him feel better, knowing that she still loved him after he fucked up like this helped a lot. He only wished he could hear those three words from the girl sitting beside him. 

“Love you too, mum.” 

“Give Y/N my love as well. Bye now, darling.” With that, his mother ends the call and Harry sighs as he puts the phone down on the seat behind him and looks over at you, finally wiping at his damp cheeks. 

“Mum sends her love.” He mutters. You can’t help but smile, biting at your lower lip. “She’s comin’ out here. Gemma told her abou’ all of this and she said she wan’s to help up through this.” 

“That is very sweet of her.” And not shocking at all. Anne had always been the best support system you and Harry had in your relationship. She would listen to you both, helped you through tough times and much to your benefit told Harry when he was being an idiot. “You hungry?” You eventually ask after it was silent between the two of you for a few moments. 

“Always.” He answers, looking over at you as you smile a bit. He returns it, one corner of his mouth upturned in a genuine grin. 

“Let’s go out to eat. Somewhere nice where we can just enjoy some good food, strong drinks and .. nice company.” You lean over, nudging him a bit with your shoulder. 

“Sounds much bette’ than sittin’ here all nigh’ bein’ sad.” Harry responds and you agreed, which is why you had suggested it. There was only so much more silence you could take before it drove you more insane than you already felt. 

“Hear anything about going to do the test?” You wonder later in the night after a nice meal at a restaurant the two of you had gone to many times on many dates in the past. It had exactly what you wanted, good food, good drinks and great privacy. 

“He sen’ me an email while we were eatin’.” Harry responds, shrugging a bit as he drives back towards the house with you in the passenger seat beside him. “It’s tomorrow mornin’.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You questioned but thinking about it, you knew why. The two of you had been having such a lovely evening. He didn’t want to ruin it by talking about anymore of this baby stuff. The two of you had shared jokes, laughs, and stories. Even 4 years together you could always find stories to tell one another and Harry was happy to see that they could still do that. Maybe there was hope after all. 

“Didn’ wanna bring it up.” He answered, focusing on the road before him. “You don’ have to go with me. It is gonna jus’ be quick, he said.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” You would prefer not to, of course, but you had come to support Harry so you would go if he needed you to. 

“I’ll be alrigh’.” He smiles over at you and reaches over, resting his large hand on your leg for a second. When he goes to pull away, you grab for his fingers, tangling yours with his. You just needed to feel his skin on yours, those long fingers between yours, their warmth, the coolness of his rings. He looks over at you, a small crease between his brows but he gives you a smile, mimicking the one you were giving him. 

“What do you they even do for this test? I mean.. what kind of test is it?” You had been wondering that ever since the lawyer had brought it up in the meeting earlier this morning. How did they go about testing if Harry’s DNA matched this baby’s when it was still in that woman’s stomach? 

“He sent me a bi’ of information on it bu’ it seems like they jus’ take my blood and her’s. The baby’s DNA is in her blood now and so they can see test it if it matches mine.” He explains. “It’s all very scientific.” You give a small laugh but were stunned by this information. You had no idea paternity could be tested like that. It was a bit fascinating, actually. 

“So you don’t want me to come hold your hand while they stick you with a needle.” You jokingly ask, pinching the back of his hand a bit. He laughs and shakes his head. He then has to release your hand as he needs two hands to pull into the driveway, pulling into the garage. 

“I think I’ll manage just fine.” You give him a grin before sliding from the vehicle and the two of you head inside. “Oh, my mum jus’ sent me her fligh’ details.” He tells you as the two of you go to collapse on the couch and he pulls out his phone. “She ge’s here tomorrow nigh’.” 

“Oh, good. It will be nice to have her here.” You sigh then, pulling your legs up to your chest and bite at your lip. 

“You alrigh’?” Harry questions, tossing his phone down beside him and leans back against the couch, looking over at you. You look over at him, resting your cheek against your knees. 

“I just feel tired, no matter how much I sleep. I feel like I just got done running a marathon. I could sleep for like a year.” Just to add on to your words, a yawn manages to escape your lips. Harry gives a small laugh, taking in how adorable you were. He resisted the urge to wrap his arms around you and cuddle you. 

“You can go take another nap. Don’ le’ me stop you.” He gestures towards the hallway but you smile and shake your head, uncurling your legs and you let out a sigh. The room fell silent then, neither of you saying anything, just staring at the wall in front of you both. 

Your heart pounded in your chest as you thought about how close he was to you, and for some reason in that moment you felt the urge to kiss him. You missed the feel of his lips on yours, the way his body surrounded you, the feel of his touch - gentle and warm. It had been so hard to be so close to him the last few days, no matter how mad at him, or how hurt and heartbroken you were, there had always been that draw towards the man beside you and it was back in full force in that moment. 

“Hey, Harry?” You end up saying, not looking over at him, continuing to keep your eyes fixed on the wall but you see out of the corner of your eye as he looks over at you. 

“Yes, love?” He questions, curious at what you were about to say. He was picking up slightly on your anxiousness and wondered what it all of a sudden could be about when things had been fine just a second beforehand. But you didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t get any words out though. So, you decide to shut off your brain from thinking logically, you instead just gave in to the feelings coursing through you and ignored the way your head was screaming at you. 

You instead listened to your heart in that moment, the part of your heart that adored the man beside you, that was completely in love with him and leaned over quickly, not giving yourself enough time to back out and pressed your lips to his. 

He gasps a bit against your lips but quickly kisses you back, his fingers coming up to tangle in your hair. You rest a hand on his cheek, the other on his chest as you lean into his chest. He turns towards you a bit more, bringing his other hand up to your waist, pulling you a bit closer. The feel of his lips on yours, the pressure they left on you, the buzzing in your chest, you felt alive for the first time in weeks and for once weren’t thinking about the entire situation. In that moment the baby didn’t matter, the cheating didn’t matter. You loved this man, you didn’t forgive him, but both of you were so emotionally unstable right now, you needed this. 

You soon pull away from him, both of you breathing deeply. Harry was feeling this pang in his chest, butterflies in his stomach, even. He was feeling the best he had in so long, he missed your touch, your kiss, so badly and here they were again, back on his. He didn’t know what that meant but as he pulled you back in for another kiss, he just didn’t care. This could be your last kiss ever and he would be okay with how perfect it was. Nothing ever gave him that happiness, that soaring feeling, that sense of completeness like your kiss. 

“I love you.” You pull back and whisper, looking into those green eyes of his that you loved so much. You just had to say it, even if it was just for one last time. 

“I love you, too, sweetheart.” Harry gave you a small smile. He knew this most likely didn’t mean the two of you were okay again, he knew you were far from that, but he wasn’t going to complain about your sudden affection towards him. He would take this over crying and arguing any day. You give him one last smile before pulling back completely. 

“I’m going to go take a bath and then probably get in bed, maybe read a little and call it an early night.” You tell him, pushing your fingers through your hair. 

“Want some company?” Harry offers, completely joking though would of course do it if you were up for it but you laugh and smack playfully at his chest. “Goodnight, love.” He reaches over, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. 

“Good luck tomorrow morning, don’t let them hurt you too much with that needle.” You say as you stand up, making your way across the room. 

“I’ll try.” You both exchange grins before you leave the room. That night, later, as you lay awake all you kept thinking about was the feel of his lips on yours once more. And for the first time in weeks, none of all this mess mattered and you finally were able to fall asleep with a smile on your face. 

me: *wrote a meta about victor a few days ago*

me: *writes another meta about victor fucking immediately*  

me: ok 

I’ve been on a hell of a writing kick lately so here we are. I addressed this sort of in my last post about Victor, but I REALLY want to give it it’s own post so without further ado, let’s get into this.

The topic today is self-worth. Or, how Victor’s and Yuuri’s concept of themselves is the same yet drastically different. 

Yuuri is incredibly easy to address because his expression of anxiety and self doubt is incredibly stark. Also, we get to be privy to his thoughts more than any other character’s, so pretty much everything that directly bothers him we already know about. Yuuri is a perfectionist, he doubts his choices, his abilities, his worth (not just as a skater but as a person), I think he believes himself to be plain and not particularly attractive, but that’s more speculation on my part based on his chronic anxiety. It’s an Anxiety Thing™. 

(If you’d like to see more extensive thoughts and evidence about Yuuri’s anxiety, I wrote a thing here to backup my statements)

Yuuri is also rather expressive, while Victor just, isn’t really. 

Sure, he’s goofy and bubbly, but he hides behind walls of pleasantness and restraint. I’m sure it has to do with media training, considering how long Victor has been in the public eye. 

Anyway. 

What I mean to say here is that Yuuri and Victor experience two different facets of self doubt. Yuuri can’t recognize his abilities, doesn’t believe in his own potential, can’t accept his achievements, etc etc. But I think Victor can do all those things. Victor knows his skills, he knows he’s essentially the best around, he knows he’s attractive and sought after. Victor knows this and can accept it. Victor’s biggest issue is his belief that if he doesn’t keep up a mask, he’s unlovable. 

I think it’s been implied that Victor isn’t close to many people at all. When the video of Yuuri skating his routine went up, Victor seemed to easily jump on the next plane to Japan. He had no qualms and was clearly excited to leave. It’s been suggested in multiple fics (one off the top of my head being pt3 of Even Ice Gods Can Melt…what a fucking amazing little series, please go read it) that the only things in Russia Victor felt truly attached to were Yakov and Makkachin and Victor took Makkachin with him…

He interacts with several people in the skating community friendly enough (Stephane in ep12, those 3 girls in Russia Jackets in ep4), but the only person he seems to be friends with is Chris. They seem to know each other well and clearly get along wonderfully. 

We don’t really see Victor interact closely with others other than Yuuri, Yuri, and Yakov. Yakov seems to be a father figure while I think Victor views Yuri as sort of a younger brother. However, he still runs out of the country, essentially forgetting about Yuri, so there you go. 

Right, so. Victor isn’t close to many people. Humans are social animals, we need to have frequent, positive interaction with others to maintain mental–and, subsequently, physical–health. If you don’t get these interactions, it’s easy to form misconceptions about yourself. Such as, if I can’t get close to or speak to others, there must be something wrong with me, right? Or, no one knows what I’m actually like, and that’s probably for the better. 

Both Yuuri and Victor struggle with the idea of love and support. Yuuri, as he says in ep5, couldn’t feel the love and support around him for a very long time. Victor, as he says in ep12, felt that he had to work completely alone to advance himself. I think this implies that Victor deliberately pushed people away by keeping up this pleasant mask and never allowing them to see in any deeper. 

Yuuri’s distancing is incredibly physical (actually avoiding people, literal pushing, curling up, etc.) while Victor’s is more emotional (he doesn’t physically avoid but exclusively emotionally walls off).

I keep coming back to this mask of publicity pleasantness. It’s what got me thinking about this idea in the first place. In that Victor meta I linked to up there, I talked a bit about the beach scene, among other things. Victor names off a ton of options to gage what Yuuri wants him to be. It doesn’t occur to Victor to be himself until Yuuri asks him to. It doesn’t occur to Victor that he could be desired as himself. 

He has this media image that people are accustomed to: handsome, elegant, playboy, pleasant, a gentleman, etc. This is what Victor is liked for. He probably hasn’t dropped that persona–at least for an extensive amount of time–in front of others for a very long time. It occurs to Victor to be whatever Yuuri would like, and it doesn’t cross his mind that Yuuri just likes him

I love Victor and his character arc so damn much. Really looking forward to this movie–whenever it’s coming out–to see if they look further into this insecure side of Victor. 

(I feel like this post is just me rehashing stuff but like I really adore how Victor is written and idk how to shut up)