“It’s unfair, it makes us look like we’re at fault here” said Dutton. “We don’t control the overseas persecution and conflict that is causing people to flee here for safety that we refuse to provide. I’m just doing my job as Minister of Needless Torture and Immigration.”
“Shhhh, that’s your secret title,” Liberal back bencher and self appointed Minister of Whinging, Tony Abbott whispered harshly. “We only use that in the party room - not in public.”
The record pay out has been met with welcome by human rights activists and legal advocates and tortured wails from Tony Abbott.
“We hates the payout,” Abbott hissed through his lizard mouth. “It burns us. We are allergic to human rights.” He shuddered in physical pain before retreating back into the shadows. “I’m coming out in hives! My skin will be ruined for weeks because of this!”