youbuiltcathedrals  asked:

I love this blog. if you could quantify my love for this blog in physical size it would be bigger than Steve, Tony, Bruce and Thor's collective hard-ons for America, scotch, science and pop-tarts (respectively). fact.

That big huh wow that’s pretty big

But my love for YOU can be physically quantified as bigger than Loki’s…staff…

yeah staff

Okay. 50 things.

1. I still remember the URL to the first fanfic I ever read.

2. My first email address was taytayzgurl@webtv.net. The Tay Tay in question was Taylor Hanson. 

3. The worst Christmas present I ever received was a magazine subscription to Shape magazine from my sister. She has called me fat for years.

4. I would rather have a size 12 ass and be happy than be a size 2 bitchy person who gives shitty Christmas gifts and is married to someone who cheats on me, so FUCK YOU, Sister of mine.

5. I have been listening to the live acoustic version of Layla by Eric Clapton for the past hour and a half, because the music that plays on the menu of A Little Trip To Heaven sounds a lot like it & it was bothering me til I downloaded it.

6. The father of my child saw my phone background yesterday and tried to take credit. He is a cop. He thinks my Officer Coughlin obsession means I’m not over him. I PAHAHAHAHA’d in his face so hard.

7. My daughter can quote Avengers. Her favorite part is “Target acquired. Target engaged. Target angry, target angry!!!”

8. 5 nights ago, I touched Jason Aldean’s hand. I licked my entire hand as soon as he wasn’t looking. My friend said, “What if he’s getting over the flu?” I said, “then I’ll tell everyone I orally contracted the flu from Jason Aldean.” No further elaboration required. Make of it what you will.

9. He also smiled at me and waved at me. My friend was super excited and smacking me in the arm when he walked away and I burst into tears. I have loved him for a long time, ok, it’s irrelevant that I’m almost 30 and I should not be doing this shit anymore.

10. I get email all the time about Cialis because I once used my personal email address to get a customer of mine a free trial. It occurred to me that if he’s too old to know how to use the internet to get his own email address, he is probably too old to be taking Cialis, but alas. 

11. I become a psycho when taking my child into a public restroom. (Which happens entirely too often.) I have serious germ phobia.

12. I’ve only broken one bone, which was my second-to-pinky toe on my right foot.

13. I sucked hard core as a waitress. I got the shittiest tips ever.

14. I usually dine alone, so my bill is usually really small, and I tip 50% or more, just because. I know how it feels to get awful tips.

15. My favorite cheese is colby.

16. My favorite alcoholic beverage is Tequila Rose.

17. I cook a delicious pot-roast-stuffed-baked potato.

18. I have left-lane phobia at night.

19. I pass in the slow lane all the time. I giggle like a maniac when I break the laws of the road. Sorry :)

20. I have been told I need to speak with a therapist about my relationship with my parents. I don’t want to speak with a therapist about my relationship with my parents. I know a therapist will think I need to find a resolution. I feel that my willingness to never speak to them again is resolution enough.

21. My brother is enlisting in the Army next month as a remote control drone operator. All I can think about is The Bourne Legacy when he talks about it.

22. I was 30 yards from Jason Clarke on Super Bowl weekend and was unable to meet him. I weep sometimes….

23. The only celebrity I’ve ever met was Devon Sawa. And Hanson, at a meet & greet.

24. Half the music on my ipod is only there because it played over a scene in a WB sitcom….

25. ….or because it was mentioned in a fic, (thank you badcircuit for Buckcherry.)

26. I wear a size 8.5 shoe.

27. I am allergic to codeine and medical tape. That just means when I need pain pills, I get morphine. w00p.

28. For my 30th birthday, I want to go on a swamp tour in an air boat. NONE of my friends are down with this idea.

29. I hate arm pits. Do not look at my arm pits. Do not touch my arm pits. Do not show me your arm pit or expect me to ever look at or touch your arm pits.

30. I once drove from Baton Rouge to Memphis to buy a puppy.

31. I could have grown an entire human baby in my uterus in the time that has passed since I last had sex. (In other words, 10 months, people.) I am remarkably calm for someone who has not had sex in 10 months. (Thank you, Jem Coughlin.)

32. I have been driving on a suspended license since August.

33. I am 998% sure that I will eventually quit my job because of their cell phone ban. 

34. Favorite childhood memory: scooping beetles up in styrofoam cups out of the bayou while leaning over the side of my pawpaw’s boat when it was tied to the pier.

35. Today, for breakfast, I had coffee and adderall. For lunch, sweet tea and adderall. For supper, a fried shrimp po-boy. The portrait of healthy.

36. I hope someday, someone holds a ruler up to Jeremy Renner’s fingers, because I just really need to know how long they are, okay. I hope tumblr gifs it.

37. I have no idea how to blend eyeshadow. 

38. I sleep better when it rains. I purposely skip adderall on weekends so I can nap. I snooze my alarm like 16 times before I get up in the mornings.

39. My favorite ice cream is coffee or coconut flavored.

40. I kinda hate those people who are all high and mighty in the fandom and want to frown upon dirty fangirling. It’s not a crime to be obsessed with his appearance and enjoy talking about ALL THE WAYS that I’d like him to put parts of his body into places on my body. Yes, I understand that he’s not a “piece of meat.” Yes, it is possible to be in awe of his talent and adore his films while also wanting to bone him in every position that it is possible to maneuver human bodies into. YOUR WAY OF BEING A FAN IS NOT BETTER THAN MY WAY OF BEING A FAN. MY WAY OF BEING A FAN IS NOT BETTER THAN YOUR WAY OF BEING A FAN. EXCEPT FOR THE WAY I DON’T INSULT YOU ABOUT THE WAY YOU CHOOSE TO BE A FAN. OKAY?

41. The last song I bought on itunes was AwNaw by Nappy Roots. 

42. Before that, it was Merle Haggard - “The Way I Am.”

43. Before that, it was Benny Benassi - “Cinema (Skrillex Remix.)”

44. My bestie and I have an ongoing game of dickspotting, Renner Style. We tag our game with magical game of iSpy and we welcome you to play along.

45. In sixth grade, I lost a spelling bee by misspelling the word separate. (I spelled it seperate.) My prize was a dictionary with my name engraved on a silver plate. My name was misspelled. (Oh the irony. It’s Ashlee, not Ashley, you assholes.)

46. I used to get detention for refusing to dress out for P.E. I still do not feel like it was necessary for me to strike out in baseball or be unable to shoot a free-throw in front of my entire class in order to get an education. 

47. The thing I hate most about myself is my inability to stop losing my goddamn debit card every single day.

48. For a while in 11th grade, I only wore baby blue…. it was a problem.

49. I am most self-conscious, appearance-wise, about my boobs and their inability to fit into the cups of bras like normal boobs should. They’re too big and full-coverage bras are ugly and I need help, plz.

50. My name was supposed to be Rachel. My daughter’s name was supposed to be Marley. Something happens when moms see their baby girls for the first time, I suppose. :)