Sheldon Cooper was not superstitious, he did not believe in reading signs, he did not believe that the universe left cosmic clues as to ones fate. Sheldon Cooper knew lots about the stars and nothing he had read said the stars had the power to change someone’s destiny.
When he left his apartment he was in a hurry, he slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed out the door. The he remembered that he had left his tablet inside, if Amy chose to terminate their agreement than he would need it. When he went to retrieve it he discovered that the door was locked, when he patted his pockets for his keys he discovered them all to be empty. He knew where his keys were they were in the bowl next to the door and lost to him right now. Penny was in Vegas with Leonard so he could not even borrow her set. He was locked out until further notice.
“Let’s hope she is not so mad at me that she won’t at least drive me home and unlock my door for me.” Sheldon sighs as he heads down the four flights of stairs. Thinking how the only other key to get him inside was in Amy’s purse.
He boarded the bus taking him to Amy’s apartment in Glendale, the bus was quiet this time of night and he was lost in thought. Ruminating on his relationship with Amy, how much it had changed in the five years since he first met her. He had never meant for any of this to happen, had never wanted to met her. What would his life be like I he never had? What if he had stood his ground refused to go to that coffee shop that fateful day?
He tries to picture it but he can’t, as much as he had fought it Amy coming into his life when she did had been the best thing to ever happen to him. Life before her had been like living a half life, he worked, he read, he played video games all with the same mechanical enjoyment. His friends used to accuse him of being a robot, not a real boy, and until he met her that was true.
Amy made him feel, she gave him the emotions that he had always thought were lost to him. Sometimes it overwhelmed him the depth of emotion she wrought out of him. Ones he had never felt before and had no scope of comparison to process them with. Love, god how he had wrestled with that one at first trying to give it any other diagnosis other than he was turning into a hippy. That was the only other conclusion however to just how crazy he felt about her, how one little smile from her could make his day, how one little text could light his face up in a smile. Sheldon had probably smiled more with her in those five years then he had the rest of his life previously.
Lust was the other big one, before her he had never lusted after anything. At first he thought she was giving him a heart attack, that the sight of her was triggering some sort of cardiac event. Thrown by how hard his heart pounded when she was near, how all the blood seemed to rush from his head rendering him speechless. Then when he realized where the blood was rushing too he knew it was not a medical emergency.
Yet he had not acted on it, he knew she wanted him too but he held back. It scared him to think about there bodies naked together in the heat of passion. Sheldon could barely stand to see himself naked, it felt so dirty, and he hated things that were dirty. He could not deny that he had thought about it though most recently two nights ago when he had proposed their make out. When she had pressed his lips against his and parted them her breath sweet from the violet gum she liked to chew after dinner. French kissing had always disgusted him, why would you allow someones salvia to invade your mouth. What was enticing about another tongue being placed in your mouth. Yet he knew she wanted to try so he had been willing to give it a go, to put his fears aside for her for their five year anniversary.
After that kiss he knew what was so alluring about the practice, he always enjoyed kissing her but this? The way her mouth fit around his her soft tongue flitting against his. His hand placed on her thigh suddenly itching to go under her skirt to feel her soft skin underneath. How he felt like laying her down and pressing her to the couch so she could feel what she was doing to him. It was erotic and terrifying at the same time. He knew if he did not think of something else anything else there was a very real chance that he would not be able to stop himself. Then she had stopped the kiss and looked up at him with those emerald eyes of hers. Willing him to sweep her off her feet and he had panicked, had blown it.
“Are any one those things me?” she had asked
Of course they were, did she have any idea how much of his mind she occupied? There was not a decision he made where he did not consider her opinion. He might ultimately reject her opinion but he considered it. What did she want him to say, that he was thinking about how much he liked the way her tongue felt in his mouth. How he had to think about the Flash to keep himself in check so he did not pin her down on the couch and have his way with her. It would be there first time and she deserved better than for her virginity to be taken on a couch like a teenager in a basement.
Their first time, he knew the ay was coming and he was preparing for it mentally. He wanted everything to be perfect for her first impressions are everything. He had heard enough tawdry sex talk to know that a woman expected a lot out of a man and he wanted to be able to give it to her. If it were to come back to him that she told the girls that their first time together was just okay, he would be humiliated. Also he would prefer if the engagement ring in his pocket was on her finger beforehand.
He feels the bus come to a stop and looks out the window and realizes that he has missed his stop. That he had been so lost in thought he forgot to get off the bus. Amy’s place is about two mile back the other way. Not much but at midnight the task seemed daunting however he leaves the bus and trudges on towards Amy’s apartment. The streets are thankfully quiet and the night is clear. Though walking alone at this time of night still makes him nervous and he sings a little song under his breath to distract himself from his nerves, one his mother used to sing to him when he was sad.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you’ll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away.”
Amy was his sunshine and there was a good chance she was being taken away from him. Sheldon thinks about the time Amy asked him to go for a walk and he accused her of only thinking about sex. When really it had been him, the last time they had gone on a walk she had grabbed his hand and he looked down to glare at her and she beamed up at him. She had looked so beautiful staring up at him the light from the streetlight shining through her hair giving her a halo she looked like an angel. It took his breath away and all he had wanted to do was to grab her and kiss her, instead he had said “didn’t you get your fill of this at the movies.”
How many times had he insulted her, hurt her, just to cover up how he was feeling at the time. Too many times he thinks able to remember every single thing he has ever said to her. Able to perfectly recall every time her face fell in that wounded expression. All she is done is given him happiness and it seems all he has done is given her pain. Maybe he should let her be, he does not deserve to have her, she is a saint and he is fatally flawed.
Amy is young and beautiful, she could find someone else, who would give her all the things she want without a fight. She had caught Stuart’s before and… The thought of it fills him with rage, remembering looking through her peephole as he wrapped his arms around his woman. Suddenly an image pops in his head of Stuart over there now. Swooping in and comforting her like the lecherous little weasel that he is. Sitting on her couch in his spot with his arms wrapped around her. Amy looking up at him and Stuart leaning down to kiss her lips. Suddenly he feels like he might vomit, he knows it is not true but he cant shake the image now. It felt so real.
“I am coming Amy.” He says out loud as he breaks into run. Sheldon can count on one hand the times he has ran previously. When he had called a bully an ignoramus and been chased through the halls, when he jogged with Penny that one time, when he had stolen the Indiana Jones movie, and now. Sheldon raced through the streets of Glendale his satchel beating uncomfortably against his side his brown shoes slipping against the pavement. Finally he reaches her apartment and gratefully punches up on the elevator. When he reaches her door he presses his ear against it searching for sound and he finds it silent. So he pounds on the door in his set of three his breath still labored from his run. She opens the door, she is still dressed even though it is past midnight and she looks like she has been crying. Sheldon’s gut twists knowing he is the source of her tears. Amy stares at him like she can’t quite believe that he is here but makes no move to invite him in.
“Amy I have been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be.” Sheldon starts desperate to finish the sentence that has been haunting him all night long.
“Sheldon I have too…” she interrupts and he presses his fingers her lips to stop her ,she needs to hear him out.
“Please Amy let me finish you know how I feel about closure.”
“ I know how abruptly I ended things must have been difficult for you Sheldon. Come in and sit down and lets talk.” She says standing to the side and letting him in. Sheldon walks to his spot on the couch and sits down and looks around.
“Stuart isn’t here is he?” he asks.
“Why would Stuart be here Sheldon” Amy asks him and he shakes his head.
“No reason, now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted… twice.”
“Sheldon.” Amy says annoyed.
“Relationships are difficult, I had to witness my parents marriage implode around me. Cower in the corner as they screamed at each other. I promised myself then I would never alłow myself to to be in that situation. That I would never tie myself to someone who only caused me pain. Then I’ve have had to watch as Leonard and Penny struggle to make their ill conceived romance work. Had to listen rolling my eyes in to other room as Leonard cried himself to sleep listening to Enya. I never understood how he could let one woman effect him so greatly. I likened him to a junkie who kept going back to his fix even though he knew it was killing him.” Sheldon pauses.
“Sheldon what is your point.” Amy sighs
“My point is that relationships are difficult, but I like being in one with you.” He tells her looking into her eye and she feels her resolve starting to fall away.
“I like being in one with you too Sheldon but…” And he cuts her off again.
“I know how difficult I can be and you have been so understanding and patient. Amy I love you, and I think we are stronger than those two pairs. Please Amy don’t give up on me now, I know I can be difficult, that this relationship is difficult, but it is worth the struggle.” He says and he looks like he is about to cry and it breaks her heart she can’t keep him waiting anymore.
“I agree Sheldon, that is why I have chosen not to take the break. I feel I acted rashly out of wounded pride and after careful consideration I feel like my life needs you in it.” She tells him and his stomach does a flip.
“Amy, that makes me ..” he feels like she has brought him back to life.
“However I have made another decision about our relationship.” Amy pauses like she is thinking really hard about how to proceed.
“And that is…” Sheldon leads.
‘I am taking intimacy off the table, it was how we began and I feel that it is the only way we can continue.”
“What exactly are you proposing Amy?”
“No hand holding, no hugging, no kissing, I know you never liked any of it and I am not going to force you to do it anymore. I know that you don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you. I know you will never want me in the way that I want you.”
“You think I don’t feel the same way about you? That I don’t want you in that way?” Sheldon says quietly.
“I know you love me in your own way and I can get past all of that as long as I am not given any more false hopes” Amy says wanting so bad to grab his hand but she has taken that off the table.
“Amy I want you… in that way.”he says gulping and grabbing her hand.
“Sheldon, you don’t have to…” she says taking her hand away
“Amy listen please.” He says grabbing her hand. “I may not be the best about showing it, and I may have fought it in the past but I want the same things you do.”
“You do.” Amy says shyly
“Yes, Amy I am a man, I have urges just like any other man. I have been good at suppressing them because I wanted to wait for the right time.”
“That’s just it Sheldon its been five years! Will there ever be a right time?” Amy says getting up and walking into the kitchen. Sheldon gets up and follows her grabbing her and making her face him.
“Yes, there will be, I have been thinking about the right time for a long time.” he says gulping gently stoking her back.
“Sheldon, I wish I could believe you…” Amy starts but his cut off by Sheldon’s lips on hers he kisses her hungrily.Amy has never been kissed like this before and it takes her breath away. Sheldon presses her against the wall and pressing his body flush against hers. When he breaks away from her she stares at him with a starstruck expression on her face.
“That was nice.” He says smirking at her.
“Good.” She returns and he smiles.
“As I was saying, I have been thinking about the right time for a long time. I always envisioned that day would be after I had made you mine.”
“Sheldon I’ve always been yours.” Amy tells him but he sinks to one knee in front of her and grabs her hand.
“I meant mine, completely, when you are wearing this.” He says taking the ring out of his pocket and holding it out.”
“Yes.” Amy blurts out tears streaming from her eyes.
“I didn’t ask you yet.” He says miffed.
“Go ahead.” She breathes.
“Amy Farrah Fowler would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“Yes” she squeals as he slides the ring on her finger. “ Sheldon I feel the need to confess something to you. I would not feel right proceeding forward if I didn’t.”
“I am listening.” he says nervously rising up.
“I have known about the ring for a while, since January actually. I didn’t mean to find it, you asked me to bring you something from your desk drawer.”
“My favorite dry erase marker on January 23rd, when I was stuck on the proton decay problem.”
“Yes, well I looked in the wrong drawer and saw this box and I opened it. Just like Pandora I was to curious about what it held. I must confess knowing about it has made me a little crazy these last few months.”
“So you have known that I had a ring for you since January?” Sheldon asks his voice emotionless and Amy can’t tell if he is mad or not.
“Please don’t be mad at me, Sheldon…”
“Mad, I am not mad…” He says getting up and gripping her ring and in his. “It just makes sense now, you must have been expecting with it being our five year anniversary that I was planning on popping the question then.”
“Yes, and then you didn’t and I felt rejected and my emotions kind of overtook me. I also thought you might be thinking about proposing over the Skype call and I didn’t want that either. I didn’t want you to ask me just to make me happy, and stop a fight.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you on the Skype call, I don’t know much about women but I know a video chat proposal would be inappropriate. I just wanted to tell you that I loved you and that I wanted to be with you.”
“I love you , too.”
“Amy is it okay if I stay the night here tonight? I locked my keys inside my apartment in my haste to get to you. “
“Of course, I will make up the couch for you.” Amy tells him and he looks into her eyes so intently it makes her feel weak in the knees.
“Actually, I thought we could try sharing the same bed tonight.”