over controlling parents

Enneagram Childhood Wounds

Type 1: These children felt heavily criticized, punished, or not good enough. Household rules may have felt inconsistent. As such they became obsessed with being good/not making mistakes to avoid condemnation. The principle message was: “You must always be better than you are.”

Type 2: These children felt loved only if they were helping or pleasing others, their personal needs felt selfish. As a result they closed off their own needs and feelings and tuned into those of others. Love became defined as giving to others - though the love often didn’t feel received or reciprocated. 

Type 3: To the heart - These children felt rewarded only for what they did and how well they did it. their feelings were discounted and ignored, only their performance and what was expected of them mattered. This harmed their ability to love themselves and others. Admiration replaced real love. 

Type 4: These children felt abandoned by one or both caretakers. They felt alone, cut off from the source of love for reasons they couldn’t understand. They were not “seen” or mirrored, and felt different from their parents. As a result, they turned inward to their feelings and imagination to cope in isolation. 

Type 5: These children received no meaningful interaction, emotion, or affection from caretakers. Or, the child had intrusive, over-controlling parent(s) and felt exposed and defenseless in the face of this intrusion. As a result, they built walls around themselves and retreated to the mental realm. 

Type 6: To the trusting nature. These children were raised in an unpredictable situation with no safe place to go. They lost faith they would ever be protected. As such, they turned to their own inner defense of doubting, disbelieving reality and rejecting their own instincts/inner guidance. 

Type 7: These children were deprived of nurturing, or it was too-soon removed. They handled this lack by searching for distractions to minimize/repress fear and pain. They decided to focus on positive options and rely on themselves to fulfill their desires and gain a sense of nurturance. 

Type 8: These children often grew up in an unsafe environment (emotionally and/or physically) and had to mature way too soon. They didn’t feel safe to show any vulnerability, and may have felt controlled. Weakness was used against them, so they focused only on building their strength. 

Type 9: To the gut, the core of being. These children were overlooked or neglected and felt unimportant or “lost.” They were ignored/attacked for having needs or expressing themselves (especially anger) and decided to keep a low profile and instead focus on the needs/experience of others. 

(credit to Elan BenAmi, MA, and Rev. Lori Ohlson, MA, LPC)

Do controlling parents realize what they’re doing to us? Like I know they’re trying to make us become the perfect child but controlling us and abusing us is going to make us far from perfect, it’s going to make us fucked up in the head. Blaming, hitting, guilt tripping, throwing things at me, and abusing me emotionally and mentally caused me to have depression, anxiety, paranoia, ednos and self-destructive tendencies, and that is not something a perfect child has.

The Art of Bad Friends and Good Redemptions

Summary: Dan had never wanted to move away from home - no twelve year old did. But things look less bad when he makes a friend in the forest. And then they look way bad when this friend turns out to be a vampire.

Word Count: 6.4k

uhh i had like 6k of this written since halloween and just had to write the ending? talk about lazy assholes am i right

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Dear Parents, you are not God

Children deserve autonomy. Teenagers deserve autonomy. And no, adults do not know everything, nor do they always know what’s best for their children and teenagers.

Of course, not everyone agrees with this. (Obviously! Because a lot of adults still view children and teenagers as dumb little brats who are completely incapable of the emotional maturity needed to make important decisions for themselves.) Where I grew up for the first 17 and a half years of my life, autonomy for anyone still living at home was pretty much unheard of. I don’t know if it had more to do with the fact that we were religious homeschoolers, or the fact that we grew up in the south, but it was a pretty frustrating lifestyle to live.

I knew of one homeschooled girl who, at 18, still wasn’t allowed to pick her own Halloween costume. That year, she wanted to be a ninja, so she was wearing black. While her mother took issue with that (because no good religious homeschooling mother wants their children turning into goths), there was some bigger “issue” at hand: Her 18 year old daughter’s shirt was “too tight.”

It wasn’t skin tight, but it wasn’t baggy, either. It exposed none of her chest. I didn’t think the shirt wasn’t over the line whatsoever. It just showed that this girl, who had just started legal adulthood, had curves. It wasn’t something people wear to be sexy.

But her mother deemed it immodest and forced her to change it. She didn’t argue with her mother. She just did whatever she was told, even though she was 18 years old, a legal adult, and emotionally mature enough to fend for herself.

Clothing choices, when they start dating (some parents didn’t want their girls dating until college), the books they read, if/when they start interacting with boys, and how they dress are all things controlled by these parents. All in the name of purity or whatever. They want to “ensure” that their children don’t go down any “wrong paths”, so they control every single aspect of their lives.

Spoiler alert, parents: You can be controlling as you want. You can put up web filters on your Wifi to block G-rated LGBT content. You can forbid your teenager from learning about how sex actually happens and how to be safe during it. You can forbid your daughter from talking to boys.

BUT! If your teenager wants to read about LGBT stuff (and possibly do research on their gender identity and/or sexuality if they’re not cishet), your teenager will find a way. If your teenager wants to know the basics of sex and wants to obtain birth control and condoms, then they will do so. If your daughter wants to talk to that cute boy from youth group, she will find a way.

They’ll just have to work harder to get around your restrictions.

Look, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have rules. Rules do sometimes keep you in one piece. But, there has to come a time where you draw the line and see that you’re squashing everything wonderful and beautiful about your child; their creative spirit and passion for exploring. They’re not extensions of you. You are not God, you don’t get to mold their personalities and be their puppeteers.

Your children and teenagers are their own people. Please don’t crush their spirits and individuality.

5

Getting rid of Net Neutrality is like handing over parental controls to your ISP and letting them charge people extra to show you stuff, you are already paying to see.
Fight for Net Neutrality. 
it’s a good thing. 

.

It suddenly occurs how really fucked up it is that we don’t have terms for “parent and child” relationships that aren’t inherently infantilizing. It feels like this feeds directly into abusive habits - the over-controlling parents who refuse to recognize that their “child” is now a full-grown adult who they aren’t entitled to, or my own parents’ habitual “You’re an adult! (and therefore we’re not required to do anything at all for you even to save your life but you’d better come through for us.)”

The Signs as Parents
  • Aries: no inside voice. very passionate and supportive of everything you enjoy. the little league dad. the parent that forces you to befriend the neighbors.
  • Taurus: very calm and patient but assertive if you're being a dick. accepting and loving. always asking about what you ate, if you're hungry, etc. the grill master dad.
  • Gemini: DAD JOKES ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. pretty kooky. usually open-minded, teaches you to be the same. gives you adorable and unique nicknames.
  • Cancer: the sweetest of the parents by far. very loving and cute. the parent you feel comfortable talking about your problems with. always asks how your day went.
  • Leo: will sass you right back when you sass them, so don't even. very fun and silly. the macho and intimidating dad that's actually really sensitive and sweet when it comes to his kiddos. the 'can I speak to your manager?' mom.
  • Virgo: takes 3,000,000 pictures of you and posts the bad ones on social media. gets mad when you complain about how bad you look in them. can always make you feel better when you're down. highly sentimental. the scrapbook mom.
  • Libra: very fair, actually listens to what you have to say and doesn't just disregard your feelings because they're older than you. wine mom. keeps every single thing you make for or give them.
  • Scorpio: P R O T E C T I V E. mama bear, that dad that brings a shotgun to meet your significant other. even worse case of dad jokes than gemini. sweet and thoughtful. will not hesitate to discipline ya ass.
  • Sagittarius: the parent that your friends call 'mom' or 'dad' too. outgoing and adventurous. makes you get out there and be social when you just wanna lay in bed on tumblr. probably has spontaneously brought in a stray animal at some point.
  • Capricorn: lowkey (or maybe highkey) has planned your entire life out. prioritizes your success over everything. uses parental controls and lives by the phrase "no one is good enough for my baby" regarding the people you date.
  • Aquarius: amazing at giving advice because they've had quite a few experiences in their life. good at teaching you important stuff, like how to tie your shoelaces and how to be well-mannered. dad jokes af but they're actually funny ones.
  • Pisces: the kooky parent that knows how to have a good time. empathetic so they easily relate to and understand you. the "cool" mom that did a ton of crazy shit in college. lets you skip school some days if you really aren't feeling up to it.
We have no control. We have no control over who are parents are, and even though we are a reflection of them, we have the power to change that image into whatever we want it to be. The only thing, the only thing that decides our destiny is our own actions. Nothing else… It’s ironic that we have to go through the worst of times to bring out the best in ourselves, but if we didn’t have fear, we wouldn’t need courage.
—  Professor Z, Strange Days at Blake Holsey High: Conclusions

anonymous asked:

Last night there were teenage girls with their mothers outside the club, dressed up in cosplay. Do you even realize how fucking obnoxious that is? Do you have any self-awareness at all? STOP encouraging them to hang outside. You are a drag queen performing at a club, not a Disney star. If you want to indulge the children, maybe you should do the world a favor and stop performing in clubs. Go make a Disney show for your tween fans so the rest of us can ignore it.

This is the last question I will answer from an anonymous person.

I do not encourage children to meet me outside of bars. In fact, regarding the Springfield gig I tweeted my discomfort with this scenario early in the day because I have heard that that area is not safe to hang out in.

I have no control over what certain parents allow their children to do. If they decide to drive their children (sometimes over an hour away) to briefly greet a drag queen entering a club, present them with a gift and take their picture, that is their decision. I am certainly not going to snub them on my way inside, because I am flattered and honored that, no matter how old they are, they take an interest in what I do. They’re young, and they’re passionate about their favorite drag queens.

You sound like a miserable person. Maybe you should try going to Disney world. It might help cheer you up.

aintnobodyfresherthanmygays  asked:

How bad is it that 2 years ago I thought Aaron and Chrissie were polar opposites and now I want them to bond over how much they love their mums and how much family means to them. I would love it if Aaron apologised to Chrissie for how he hurt her and if she was able to move on because she knows Aaron and Robert are meant to be together. We could have snarky Robert and Chrissie interactions as well!! Why do I fall in love with friendships between very different people that will never happen!?!

Molly!!!!!! Don’t. Do. This. To. Me.

Like they’d have so much to bond over????? Controlling parents, loving their mums, protecting the ones they love at all costs even when they probs shouldn’t?????

The closure they could both get from a good conversation. Aaron could bring out such a lovely side to Chrissie and Chrissie could support the hell out of Aaron like.

It would be so awful and awkward at first, esp w Robert but…it could also be so good.

Why can’t I have the things that I want :(

I don’t think Gideon has been given the full recognition that he deserves. He’s a ten-year-old child who:

  • ran his own very successful business
  • can speak fluent French
  • had complete control over his parents (though it was because of fear)
  • had all the citizens of Gravity Falls wrapped around his finger (expect those working at the Mystery Shack)
  • was able to spy on the majority of the town without them knowing in order to create a believable psychic facade
  • was smart enough to understand his journal as well as or more than Dipper understood his own
  • was an overall fantastic villain 
  • successfully operated a gigantic robot version of himself  
  • ran for mayor from prison
  • got an entire gang of prison inmates to make him their leader
  • made a near self-sacrificing charge against Bill’s minions to give Dipper enough time to reach Mabel’s bubble
  • realized that everything he’d done to the Pines family was wrong and therefore renounced his revengeful ways
  • was able to understand that he couldn’t win Mabel over by force and instead he should try to become a person worthy of loving 

the-golden-ghost  asked:

Charles just got married and Isabelle told him bad things about his dad and her mom and now I'm sad. Please protect this sweet child. He just wanted to share his poetry with his wife...

Isabelle. Stop hurting him. It’s not going to make you feel any better. Neither of you have any control over your parents. Charles needs someone to be nice to him.

Though wasn’t it sad when she burst out crying when he told her he got her a dog? Because she remembers the one Richard got her?

Hayato

I think until this point Hayato is actually my favorite character from this show..

Yep, i know, weird… but hear me out.

He actually has some background that makes me understand why he behaves the way he does towards Mitsumune and why he is an obsessive controlling asshole towards him.

Because of the life, his family life, he had to endure. 

Since such a young age he felt that he didn’t have control of his actions. He had to dress, speak, act and behave in a way his parents would feel happy about or else he would get beaten and thrown to the attic just like his grandma was because she didn’t fit the perfection his parents wanted for their “posh luxury life”. No matter how much he tried to stand up for himself, it never got the way he wanted. Not only he had to try to live under a roof with one psychotic over controlling parent BUT TWO. He felt, just like Mitsumune, didn’t have a life he could actually take charge of.

And this is why he chose Mitsumune.

He chose a kid who seemed fragile, insecure, easily managed by everyone who you could throw to the flow and listen to your demands and instructions. He wanted to control something or someone in this case for the first time in his life. He didn’t mean to get a friend, from what i’m understanding, but someone that was actually a puppet just like him and that’s why he chose Mitsumune: the puppet for him to control just like their parents did with him since such a young age.

Mitsumune and Hayato have so much in common and similar situations.

But with that in mind I don’t justify the way he treats Mitsumune AT ALL.

He got a friend, a really true, loyal and honest friend but he’s ruining it with his controlling obsession and the image he has put on Mitsumune as the toy he can overtake and that’s exactly what Mitsumune doesn’t want. 

His past, no matter how hard it was, doesn’t justify the fact that he took a kid under his wing letting him believe that he was caring for him when in fact he just wanted to take control of fully.

I understand Hayato but at the same time he’s a selfish prick who needs to understand the value of friendship and get on his head that, JUST LIKE HE SAID TO MITSUMUNE, not only him are suffering from a painful scar.

I hope he gets it and redeems himself because I actually want for him a good outcome 

He’s such a complex character with so many layers and I actually like that about him a lot.

Hope we see a good ending for him.

anonymous asked:

u dropped out of uni?, why? and what do ur parents think abt that?. but good for u,follow ur dreams babyguurl. my parents are strict african parents and would never let me take that chance. but then again im studying something i love so. but don't u think academically is the way to succeed in what u want to become?

no, no and no. i’m not involved with that stereotypical ‘african parents are strict’ category, my parents don’t match none of those tweets and quotes.  my parents are laid back and very understanding, my mum was the one telling me why am i even going to uni when i’m unsure about it. they’re both very happy for me because i’ve proved to them i don’t need uni and i’ve been very successful and it hasn’t even been a solid 2 months yet. i’m a very practical person, so why sit in class and pretend like i love it when i could be doing shit and getting actual experience. i’m so over parents that control their kids life, i’m so blessed to have the parents i have, they’ve guided me through life without controlling me but showing me and helping me when they need to, the freedom has been real and i’m grateful for that. you see the industry that i’m in..you don’t need a sheet of paper to prove that you can do something. being in the creative industry there’s no solid path or course you need to follow, theres so many ways to make it into the industry. i just happened to choose the more difficult path but just know being freelance you need to work twice as hard as those people in uni. i’m already what i want to be at 19 and getting paid for it so i did well don’t you think?

heres a little advice for people that are unsure about life and scared, if you want to do something just do it regardless of what your parents/friends think. stop watching everyone else and do YOU. also, you can’t expect success when you’re doing nothing lmfao, put in work and watch the success gradually grow. another thing is stop copying people and be what you want to be, everyone is different and some things aren’t meant for you, follow your own dreams, stop being scared. do so much in this lifetime, trust me. my life is so lit right now because i decided to be a do’er and not a watch’er, i wish all of you have a very successful life financially, physically and mentally. i hope you guys get to where you wanna be.

A Rumbelle Christmas Fic: The Elf

Okay, I did the thing, I couldn’t get my prompt out of my head so I worked super fast to give this to you guys. I think I might open this up for prompts, I kind of like this verse. Plus, since it is the holiday season, it might be fun to add some Rumbelle to the mix.

Enjoy. ;-D

A03

            Mr. Gold hadn’t truly celebrated Christmas in over a decade.

            He had made an attempt when Neal was born, but with the mess of his marriage he had with Milah, it hadn’t done much to spread peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Later that same day he’d gone out to collect the debts of his fellow townsmen so holiday spirit had never been upon him.

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fuck if people want to live in their little fantasy world let them don’t crush their hopes and dreams you are not an over controlling parent pls stop