over

How I would balance Overwatch:

Tracer: 

-Tracer’s guns now have 1 dps.

-Tracer rides a horse, and if the horse gets hit, she dies instantly.


Mei: 

-Mei’s hose takes ten minutes to freeze a target. 

-If a player tries to play as Mei for more than three minutes at a time, they die IRL.

-Selecting Mei once puts the player on the FBI’s No-Fly List.


Torbjorn: 

-Every copy of Overwatch comes with a 3D-printable copy of Torbjorn’s hammer and the only way to build a turret in-game is to actually hit your monitor or TV with the hammer.

-Torbjorn’s turret does 0 dps and only serves to point our targets to the team by turning towards them from ridiculous distances instantly like it already did.


Winston: 

-Winston is completely, graphically naked except for his jetpack.

-All voice lines are replaced by actual Gorilla sounds except for the ones about peanut butter, which are played at 0.70 speed. 

-Winston can only move forward, not back, left, or right.

-Winston’s weapon damages allies as well as opponents. 

-When Winstons’s jetpack is used, he does not land. Instead he continues to ascend indefinitely until the player exits the game.


Zarya: 

-Zarya is removed from the game entirely. 

“Let me tell you a little secret,” she drunkenly slurred her words as he looked down at her with amusement twinkling in his sober ones. His lips twitched into a smirk as he nodded for her to continue, “for awhile, it hurt. It took me months to recover, to be able to look at you without tears streaming down my face, to be able to smile at you without it being forced, to be able to say your name without choking on my words. It took me awhile before I can finally close my eyes to find that you don’t haunt my dreams anymore, to find that you are not occupying my mind anymore, to find that you are not a part of my thoughts anymore.”


She gave a nervous giggle before she stumbled over her feet, “it took me awhile. But I got there. I don’t know exactly how, but I did. Now, I don’t look at you the same anymore, I no longer put you on a pedestal, and when you are mentioned, I don’t cringe the way I used to.”


Her eyes traveled down his body before she bit her lip, “you have become a stranger to me and I don’t know whether or not to take that as a bad thing. Yet, here you are, helping me out of a bar because I can’t take a step without puking and all I can think about is how I don’t want you to touch me. I don’t want your help, I don’t want your pity, I don’t want your sympathy, I don’t even want you to look at me. You hurt me, you realize that, don’t you? You tore apart my heart and you threw the shredded pieces into the river so they can never be put back together. You ripped my heart out of my chest before slowly eating away at my soul. You fucked me up. You really fucked me up and I am trying to convince myself that it wasn’t that bad, that I am better now, that I can finally sleep at night. But I cannot even convince myself; nonetheless, you.”

—  Jennie B. // My voice cracked when I told him that I was over it and I fucking hate that not even my body can lie to him

Look what arrived at Wildlife Aid HQ recently!

As many of you know, we recently passed 100,000 subscribers over on our YouTube channel (though we are now over 135,400!), and to celebrate YouTube themselves sent us the famed ‘silver play button’! Once again we’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported our channel - we really couldn’t do it without you!

For those who haven’t seen our YouTube channel yet, please see TheWildlifeAidTV for hundreds of rescues, releases, SOS episodes and much more!

Thanks once again, and hopefully we’ll continue to grow :)