outdated jokes

#001

Pairing: Kang Daniel/reader (third person)

Word count: 3,775

Rating: 18+ for language, vanilla sexual content, cat facts and shitty jokes/outdated memes

Summary: It’s the hottest day of the year but that’s not to say that things can’t get hotter

A/N: This is just self-indulgent, unedited porn because the thirst is too fucking real my dudes

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I’ll write a show were there will be a Rick Roll in every fuckin episode.
Maybe you can here it as the backround music in a bar, maybe somebody has it set as their alarmclock, maybe the lyrics are part of a love letter. 
You wont know when it is going to come.
It is the moment the audience will both anticipate and fear.

You’ll nevere gonna give up and only ever gonna let yourself down.

I keep thinking about a modern Animorphs AU and I’m so in love with it
It honestly has so much fun potential and I could go on forever about it, but here are just a few headcanons I have:

Jake

  • He just doesn’t Get social media
  • Marco’s always telling him to update his profiles more, but he never does
  • Only really goes on facebook and the occasional forum or chatroom
  • Most of his posts are Marco tagging him in things
  • Him and Tom would play video games a lot together, and Jake still tries to get him to play more
  • Jake usually just resorts to going to Marco’s house
  • Probably has a very dad-like phone case for his smartphone
  • Marco and Rachel make fun of him for it
  • Likes really outdated memes (Marco groans in the distance)
  • Someone please help this child

Rachel

  • Gets in trouble for wearing crop tops at school
  • Has an aesthetic blog on tumblr
  • Lives on Instagram and pintrest
  • Her room looks like something straight off of pintrest
  • Watches so many beauty vloggers on youtube
  • Secretly wants to start her own beauty channel, but knows that she can’t being an animorph
  • Sends Cassie beauty and fashion hacks and tutorials all the time with the hope that she’ll get into it
  • It doesn’t, but she still does it

Tobias

  • Spends a majority of his life online
  • Stays up until 3am on school nights going through reddit
  • The pirate KING
  • Has folders filled with illegally downloaded music and movies and anime
  • As a hawk, one of the animorphs brings him a tablet to use in the forest
  • He shows Ax anime
  • This was a bad idea
  • Everyone thinks he’s really tech savvy but mostly he’s just really good at googling things

Marco

  • He owns so many video games and different consoles oh my god
  • He always invites Jake over to play
  • Spends his nights trolling online
  • This boy is the absolute meme king (But let’s face it, that’s not even a headcanon. We all know this.)
  • He always sends Jake memes and funny posts he finds
  • Just take this moment to imagine Marco sending Jake cursed images or out of context gifs and saying “this is you”
  • Posts selfies c o n s t a n t l y
  • Literally all of his selfies have all these filters and he does all the stereotypical douche poses
  • Probably posts at least one selfie a day and brags when it gets liked
  • Jake always likes out of pity
  • Tries to grow his hair out for a man bun because the ladies will love it
  • Rachel tells him this is not the case. He ignores her

Cassie

  • She’s had the same smartphone for the longest time
  • Honestly the only reason she has a smartphone is because Rachel finally convinced her to join modern life
  • The screen is incredibly cracked because she keeps dropping it while working with the animals
  • Like Jake, she doesn’t really get social media, either
  • She follows so many animal pages on facebook though
  • She just doesn’t get internet humor
  • Sometimes she thinks she gets it, but she never does
  • Rachel and Marco die a little bit on the inside every time Cassie brings up something she found online because it’s always old and outdated jokes and memes
  • Jake always laughs though
  • Accidentally liked an old picture of Jake once
  • She texted Rachel frantically asking her what to do
  • Rachel was dying
  • Honestly Jake probably didn’t even notice. He was just happy Cassie liked one of his pictures

Ax

  • Marco showed him a meme once. He had no idea what the point of it was, but now he won’t stop trying to reference memes. Marco regrets his decision. Tobias tries to help him understand memes more. It’s a lost cause. Ax now brings up memes at the worst possible times.
  • Remember how I said Tobias showed him anime. Ax loves anime.
  • He ends up getting into quite a few of them and sits in the forest draining the battery of their electronics
  • He doesn’t even need subtitles because of his translator chip
  • Tobias gets frustrated because every time a new episode of the anime they’re watching comes out, Ax watches it before him and is really bad with spoilers
  • Scoffs at touch screens (“You need to use a screen to touch? A hologram would be much easier.”)
  • Marco insists on setting up a facebook profile for Ax’s human morph because he thinks not having a facebook in modern day might make controllers suspect him
  • Now imagine Marco helping Ax take selfies for his new profile
  • Words cannot even begin to describe that shipwreck
  • The other animorphs cannot stop laughing at how ridiculous his pictures are
Just One Dance Pt. 1 (Peter Parker Imagine)

Originally posted by tom-cinnamonroll-holland

request:Can you do an imagine with Peter and Reader where they are just messing around until te reader says “I will give you 50 bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together.They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again.” Peter says yes they go they do a great job but Peter ends up liking her she does to and they end up a relationship. Sorry it us so long thanks you ! Love your writing!!!” (requested by anon)

short summary: after you find yourself making a hasty bet with flash about getting a date for homecoming, you need Peter to help keep your end of the bargain. (this will be a multipart series partly bc i’m tired and partly bc i wanna develop this more)

length: 2k words 

warnings: some swearing & it’s so teen angsty i’m sorry i truly am aaaa sorry 

A/N: i kinda loosely followed the request bc like it really gave off a “im in my mid-20s and my old fashioned ass fam thinks ppl need to be married by now” so i kinda edited a bit to be more realistic amongst teens hope it worked soz it’s short but it’s gonna be a series


You were always stubborn. A lot of people called you a bitch for it, but you just called it taking no shit from anyone, and never backing down from a challenge.

So when Flash started running his big mouth during homeroom at your expense, it took everything in you not to smack him in the face. You tried to ignore it at first, as you worked on your calculus homework, you truly did. But Flash always liked to get a rise out of you because he knew he could get under your skin.

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College!RFA (MC/Reader x Everyone)

Prompt: My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick, make out with me!” Just for fun—what would happen if the MC did this the first time she met the members of the RFA (plus V/Saeran/Rika and a certain guest star who doesn’t want to be here)? College!AU. Content warning: Saeran’s is slightly suggestive.

Yoosung fights the immediate urge to panic. Girl, his mind blares, his body on red alert. Female human, female human. A gorgeous female human, right there in front of him, asking to kiss him. He doesn’t know how to kiss a girl. He doesn’t even know how to talk to a girl. But. You’re standing there, looking pleadingly up at him, and—well, darn it all. He yanks you close—oops, a bit too hard, sorry—and blushes as you stumble into his chest. Before he can lose his courage, he swoops in, and—just about breaks your front teeth from the force of your mouths smashing together. It takes a while to calm him down, assuring him that you’re fine and waving away his frantic apologies, and by the end you’re giggling helplessly at how adorably flustered he is. Maybe we can try that again? you suggest, any thoughts of your ex fading from your mind as you smile at how quickly Yoosung nods. He leans down towards you, holding you gently. And this time, it’s perfect.

Zen can hardly believe his luck. He’d been eyeing you the whole night, hoping you’d look his way and posing dramatically by the bar just in case you did. He knows he looks beautiful tonight (even more beautiful than usual, anyway), and he thanks all his lucky skin care routines when you suddenly come rushing over to him, whispering about some ex and asking him to kiss you. I’ll kiss you, he says, smiling, in exchange for one thing. You look up at him, wide-eyed and beseeching. Yes, you say, what is it? Zen grins, and leans down. Another kiss. His grin widens at the way you blush, and he pulls you in. He kisses you. Again. And again. And again. By the time he’s done, your ex is long forgotten.

Jumin is wary at first, thinking you must be like one of the women constantly circling his father, here for his money or status or some position in the company. But then he notices your ex prowling a few feet away from you, his eyes dark and predatory, and Jumin feels a sudden flare of protectiveness he’s never felt for anyone except Elizabeth the 3rd before. Jumin looks back at you, loosening his tie as he considers the way you bite your lip and look imploringly up at him. The goal is to make him jealous, right? he says to you. To show him that you’ve moved on to someone else? You nod, and then Jumin smirks in a way that shoots tingles down your spine. He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear. Let’s show him, then. That he doesn’t matter anymore. And you do show him, kissing Jumin until your lips are swollen and your breath is unsteady and your ex is long gone.

Seven grins and makes some stupid joke that you can barely even hear over the pounding bass of the music. So he repeats the joke, louder this time, when you take another step towards him. You ask him to kiss you again, and in response he fires off another joke. And another. And another. It takes several really bad jokes and outdated memes before you realize that his ears are bright red, and that you’ve all but backed him up into the wall. You’ve all but forgotten your initial goal, your ex pushed to the back of your mind as you focus on this ridiculous embarrassed goofball of a boy in front of you. He’s still grinning a little nervously, opening his mouth to undoubtedly crack another bad joke, when you grab him by the collar and yank him down. By the time you’re done, his face is as red as his hair, and his mouth is hanging open, speechless. But then he says, Well, that was nice—want a kiss from me this time? You nod eagerly—only to watch as Seven pulls a Hershey kiss from his pocket and grins like a madman (who carries chocolate in their jackets, like why?), and you groan before pulling him down for another actual kiss to shut him up.

Jaehee never even wanted to come to this party. She’s tired, and stressed, and has three papers that she hasn’t started on top of the internship application she has to submit—and now there’s this girl in front of her that she doesn’t know, talking about some ex she has and asking Jaehee to kiss her. In any other set of circumstances, Jaehee never would’ve kissed someone she didn’t even know. But now, she snaps—she’s stressed, and upset, and if can’t watch Zen DVDs at home then she’ll at least kiss this gorgeous stranger, darn it! It’s all very quick and overwhelming but nice, and by the time she pulls away you’re both panting. She goes scarlet, slowly regaining her senses, but you’re smiling like a fool and so very lovely. And when you pull her in for another kiss, Jaehee thinks that maybe the endless stress that is her life can be good for something, after all.

V is confused and embarrassed at first, lowering his camera (he brings that thing everywhere okay he’s a sensitive soul) as you come bounding over to him. But once he understands, he shakes his head very gently and tells you that kissing him won’t make you feel any better about your ex. You stare at him, baffled, as he sits you down on the couch and starts making complex metaphors and analogies involving the sun and a bunch of other celestial beings in an effort to get you to value and cherish yourself more. You don’t know in what universe there would exist a college boy who would rather talk to a girl about philosophy and art than have a free chance at making out with her, but one things for sure: this boy is precious, and must be protected.

Rika is sympathetic to your situation immediately. She knows a little bit about jealousy, about heartbreak, about false love and exes and the need to pretend that you’re doing just fine, thank you. She’s a little less sympathetic to the fact that you’re pawing at her, drunkenly begging to kiss her, but, well. You are a pretty thing, and she is coming out of a recent breakup herself. So. She wraps her arms around you and draws you close, and can’t help but smile when you blush at her sudden proximity. You’re surprisingly warm, your skin pleasantly heated against hers, and she feels herself curling into you almost reflexively. And, when she feels the softness of your lips against hers, your warmth radiates into her, stirring up a fluttering heat deep inside her chest. Oh, she thinks. And she pulls you closer.

Saeran is expecting you when you come running up to him. He’s been watching you the whole night, after all. He knows about your ex, too—some greasy sleaze who’s never deserved you, anyway—and Saeran knew as soon as he saw him enter that you would be desperate for a distraction. So he angles himself perfectly so that he’s right in your line of view, and smirks when you come straight to him, just as planned. You barely have the words out of your mouth before Saeran is shoving you up against the wall, lips seeking yours hungrily. If you want to make him mad, he whispers, grinding his knee up against you until you moan. Why stop at kissing? He makes a very good point. You don’t stop at kissing, and by the time Saeran has you pressed against the sheets in the master bedroom at the back of the house, making you gasp and writhe, you’ve forgotten your ex even exists.

Bonus:

Vanderwood doesn’t even know why he’s here. He doesn’t know whose house this is. He doesn’t like parties. He doesn’t even go to college. Dammit, where’s Seven? Vanderwood wanders into the back of the house, opening the door to the master bedroom. He finds someone that looks like Seven (if Seven were chucked headfirst into the clearance rack of Hot Topic) on the bed, straddling a flushed brunette in a tan sweater, lips locked and tongues intertwined. Vanderwood closes the door. He wants to go home. He’s so done.

The Problem With Wanting

Pairing: D.O./Do Kyungsoo x Reader (female)

Word Count: 16,112

Rating: (M) - NSFW

Part three of the Exodus Mall series. (Can be read independently or in order)

A/N: The name of the pizza parlor, Barada, comes from my shoddy attempt at Romanizing the Korean word for hope/want/desire - 바라다 - it felt fitting 😊 And the title of the story is a quote from the incredible Grisha trilogy by Leigh Bardugo: “The problem with wanting… is that it makes us weak.”


January 21, 1997

An incessant buzzing wakes you from sleep and you groan, rubbing your hands across your face. You slap the alarm and roll over in bed, gathering the covers back around you.

A few minutes later the sounds starts again and you sigh, reaching over to turn it off. When you see the time your eyes go wide and you throw the covers off.

“Nine thirty?! Oh God,” you exclaim to the empty room and hop out of bed.

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A quick or not-so-quick word

Hey everybody! Hope you’re all doing good. Doing swell, as it were. I just wanted to drop you all a line and let you know what’s going on in my neck of the woods. The rest will be under the cut for those less inclined to give a shit. Don’t worry. I won’t blame you one iota. ^_^

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