out of the mouths of vegetarians

anonymous asked:

Hi! Could you please write a fic in which Reggie and his jock friends harass Betty for dating the "weird kid"? Thank you in advance!

I love doing these!

“Elizabeth Cooper, my very favorite blonde.”

Betty cringed at the familiar voice of Reggie Mantle, she looked over to the boy next to her currently holding her hand and carrying her backpack on his shoulder, she knew her boyfriend hated Reggie, and while she saw the way he treated Jughead, Reggie had never done anything to her and she wasn’t raised to be rude (contrary to her incredibly awful mother, Betty Cooper had class.)

So she turned around, moving Jughead with her, as he set his jaw and put on his positively bored expression.

“What’s up Reggie?” She asked politely, squeezing Jugheads hand.

Sure enough, half the football team staggered almost single file behind their captain.

“Nothing much, sweet stuff. How about joining us for some late night tailgating before the big game tonight? I mean you are a vixen now.” He eyed her tiny skirt, his eyes lingering on her legs.

She heard Jughead growl softly from beside her, trying to halt any obnoxious fight that she was sure would happen if this went any further, she shook her head, moving closer to Jughead

“Sorry Reg, me and my boyfriend always spend the few hours before the game together, maybe another time.” She turned around and started walking away when Reggie opened his big mouth one more time.

“Come on Betty, you can’t be serious, you got hot as hell this summer, you don’t have to pretend to be interested in the loner anymore. You can have anyone on the football team, even Mantle the Magnificent. Save the weird kid for.. the other weird kids.” He finished off cockily, high fiving Moose and laughing with the boys.

Jughead instantly felt Betty stiffen and he knew what ever was about to happen, was not gonna be good.

“Bets.. it’s okay, it doesn’t matter, just…”

She whipped around so fast her perfectly in tact ponytail smacked him square in the face.

“Really Reggie? The weird kid? You really think you’re one to talk?” She snorted wickedly, as the boys in front of her watched her wide eyed, almost flinching at the venom coming out of her mouth “you’re the fakest boy in this high school, you hated football, remember that? You used to say "I don’t ever wanna go near that stupid ball, it’s made out of pigskin did you know that?” You wanted to be a veterinarian, you were a vegetarian. You got kicked out of elementary school for smuggling squirrels inside from recess.“

Jughead bit the inside of his cheek, trying desperately not to laugh. Betty meant business and she was not playing around.
While Jughead held in his laughter, the rest of the team was practically crying in hysterics.
But she wasn’t finished

"And you! Moose.” The bulky boy immediately cut off his laugher “you didn’t know how to spell "dinner” until you were 13. So I don’t want to see you laughing at anything this airhead says.“

The muscular boy, nodded quickly ducking His head "yes mam.”

She turned almost too slowly to Reggie again, he was still recovering from her digs

“So before you think of calling my boyfriend "the weird kid” again, you might wanna think back to who helped you hide three stray kittens in his garage when your mom wouldn’t let you keep them. Jughead is the best damn boy in this high school and it would do all of you good to remember that.“ She turned on her heel, connecting hands with jughead again and pulling him along.

He couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face as Betty pulled him into the blue and gold office in a huff
"Ridiculous, the way social hierarchies are established so early on in developmental…”

Jughead cut off her rambling by placing a deep, dizzy kiss to her lips.

She pulled back smiling, her eyes foggy and a goofy grin on her face that matched his

“What was that for?” She giggled

He smiled, pressing another kiss to her forehead
“Just for being you, Betty Cooper.”

Onsra ─ 1

Originally posted by beatriceindre


Pairing: Jungkook x reader
Genre: angst, slight fluff
Word count: 1.6k

Summary: You’re set on a blind date and meet with someone you never expected to see again.

“It’ll be fun!” You roll your eyes, irritably smoothing out the wrinkles in your short, black dress. Looking over yourself in the mirror, you sigh softly, playfully flicking at one of the shiny white rhinestones glimmering on the rims of your shoulders. Were you really going to go through with this?

Keep reading

Five minute ficlet

Spock shenanigans, part 2.

The first few days after the hand incident with Commander Spock were so awkward you wanted to climb under your lab table and die. You were reasonably sure he was avoiding you, which made apologizing very difficult, and worse, had the secondary side effect of exacerbating your mortification, so that when he did finally come into the lab three days later, you darted to the restroom and hid until he’d left.

When you returned, you discovered that he’d only been in the lab long enough to inform everyone of shore leave, effective immediately. You breathed a sigh of relief. Enough shenaniganery occurred on the typical shore leave that your spectacle on the shuttle would be long forgotten by the time you returned.

Your quarters for shore leave were amazing, with a kitchen that allowed you the opportunity the relieve stress by baking, and you were astonished to find bananas at the grocer nearest you. When you announced to the shopkeeper that you intended to make banana bread, she offered you a few kilograms of brown bananas in exchange for a loaf.

You were carefully adapted the recipe to the ingredients available, which resulted in a loaf that was moister than usual, and more delicious. You knew the captain loved banana bread, so you made your way to the common lounge the crew was spending most of their time in with a few loaves to share.

The first person you encountered was Commander Spock, and you decided to screw up your courage and make things right with a peace offering.

“Commander Spock,” you drew in your breath. “I haven’t had a chance to apologize for the incident on the shuttle. I was unaware of the intimacy I initiated. It was extremely insensitive of me.”

“Captain Kirk told me that he assured you that you could not have known,” Spock replied. “There is no need for you to apologize for being unaware of the cultural intricacies of Vulcans.”

“Regardless, I feel badly about it, sir. Please, let me apologize. And, uh, here!” You thrust the banana bread into his hands, careful not to touch him. “I managed to get my hands on some bananas. Turns out the changes I made to the recipe make it completely vegetarian.”

There was a slight wrinkle at the corner of Spock’s mouth that you suspected might be a smile. “Thank you, Y/N,” he commented. “I grew very fond of bananas while I was at the academy.”

You smiled, the first relaxed, genuine smile you’d had since you’d unintentionally molested him. “I hope you enjoy it. I’ve got a few loaves in the freezer ready to go back when we do, if you want more.”


You were curled up on your couch, watching an old holo of a movie from before the time of space travel in your nighty when a knock sounded at your door.

Slightly self-conscious about your state of undress, you opened the door and stood behind it, just enough that the low V of the nightshirt wasn’t too obvious.

Spock was leaning against the door jam, his posture loose and his eyelids hooded. “Y/N, I wanted to thank you for the banana bread.”

“You’re very welcome, sir. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” you replied. You’d never seen him looking so relaxed. He reached over to you, and placed his hand on your cheek. Your eyes widened. Even without knowing how intimate touch was to Vulcans, that gesture was completely out of character for him.

“You’re lovely, Y/N,” he said, stepping into your space with a soft look and gentle laugh. Your eyebrows shot up. “Did you know that chocolate is an intoxicant for Vulcans?”

“I think we both know my knowledge of Vulcan is woefully inadequate,” you laughed nervously. His touch was warm and the look he gave you was mesmerizing.

“I’ll teach you.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against yours, startling you.

“Oh my god, Spock! Did I get you drunk?” You pulled away, surprised and horrified. As you pulled back, Captain Kirk stepped out of his room across from yours, took one look at the scene in front of him and began to laugh.

“You gave him chocolate chip banana bread?” He crowed. “This is beautiful!”

“Just kill me now,” you groaned, tears of mortification filling your eyes. Kirk’s amused look softened, and he slipped his shoulder under Spock’s arm.

“I’ll take him down to Bones, see if we can’t sober him up,” he promised. “And sweetheart, wipe the tears away. You couldn’t have known.”

“You said that last time too,” you groaned, watching the captain drag the large Vulcan down the hall.

I’m bored so how about bbrae lime?

Strangely enough, it was Starfire who noticed it first.

During an epic showdown with Doctor Light, Raven and Starfire had teamed up to take him down. The empath kept him at bay as the alien princess fired starbolt after starbolt at their enemy while their other teammates were currently out of commission.

Only once they had him in custody, and the Titans decided to go for some celebratory pizza, did she finally bring attention to it.

”Friend Raven, have your injuries not yet healed?” The flame haired princess voiced her concerns, her brows furrowed in worry. 

“What injuries, Star?” Raven looked down at her own body, scanning for any dried blood or bruises she might have missed.

Starfire then pointed at the empath’s long, bare, shapely legs. “There are many discolorations on your skin, as well as…bite marks?”

Every other Titan at the table paused in what they were doing, looking up to survey Raven with curious expressions. Meanwhile, the demoness knew exactly what her friend had implicated and, as a result, felt her face go aflame from the neck up, all the way to the tips of her ears. She immediately used her cloak to cover her legs.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Raven stammered, narrowing her eyes at the table while trying to ignore the heat from the stares she received.

“They are there, on your thighs, all along the inside and around to the back. I saw them during our battle today,” Starfire pushed, gazing pointedly at the empath’s pale legs.

“Did you say bite marks, Star?” Cyborg raised an eyebrow.

She nodded in response. “Yes. They appear to be in small, red crescent moons, as if done by teeth. The bruises are not unlike the ones Robin enjoys leaving on my neck when we are doing the making out.”

The Boy Wonder’s cheeks reddened. “S-Starfire!” He exclaimed, eliciting a look of confusion from his girlfriend.

“You sayin’ Rae’s got hickeys on her thighs?” Cyborg leaned forward, using his cybernetic eye to zoom in on a very uncomfortable Raven.

“Are they not battle wounds?” 

Starfire gasped suddenly as realization dawned on her, and then her eyes flitted towards the changeling who was currently stuffing his face with so much pizza that his cheeks had puffed out. 

Beast Boy pretended his teammates didn’t exist, and ravenously attacked more food so that he couldn’t make more than a muffled sound when he spoke. All but Raven were gawking at him in shock. 

“You know you’re gonna run out of slices eventually, right?” Cyborg informed his friend in a deadpan manner.

The changeling shrugged, still munching on the food in his mouth. 

Robin sighed and brought his fingers to his throbbing temple. “Of all the things I didn’t want to know about over dinner…”

“Is he being the rough with you, Raven?” Starfire shot Beast Boy a glare while comforting her friend. 

Raven rolled her eyes, disgruntled, and muttered under her breath, “More like, not rough enough…”

Beast Boy gulped his food down and scratched the back of his head, choosing to stare out the window rather than at any of his other teammates. He refused to comment.

Cyborg just chuckled and shook his head. “You sure you’re still a vegetarian, B?” He quipped, nudging the shapeshifter suggestively while wiggling his brows.

If Beast Boy were capable of turning other colors, he’d have been cherry red instead of green. 

Always with a weakness to Cyborg’s taunts, Garfield wasn’t able to take it anymore, and he had remained silent for as long as possible. However, he couldn’t let this stand, even if it did go against Raven’s wishes.“I can’t help it, okay?! She’s got these great legs, and where her legs meet her back…”

He trailed off reluctantly as Raven fixed him with a flabbergasted glare, her pale face flushed red from heat. Was the pizza parlor always this hot?

“You’d do the same and you know it!” He barked at Victor helplessly, his eyes darting from the empath to the smug, cybernetic man. 

Raven stood up abruptly. slamming her hands against the table. “That’s it,” she said through gritted teeth, opening up a portal. “I’m leaving.” She then vanished within it, and the portal closed.

“We have upset her…,” Starfire pouted, guilt ridden.

“I’ll go check on her,” Robin surmised, standing up.

Beast Boy slammed his forehead repeatedly against the table, groaning miserably. “No. I think you guys did enough damage. I have to handle this,” he informed them coldly.

He then morphed into a green hawk and took off. 

“You think he’s gonna cheer her up?” Robin asked skeptically.

Cyborg patted his leader on the shoulder. “Did you see those teeth marks? My guess is he’s gonna plant his face between her legs, and that cheers up plenty of people,” he explained, taking Robin by surprise with his sudden vulgarity.

Starfire sighed, slumping forward as she cradled her chin with the palms of her hands. “I must admit that, for the first time in a long time, I am quite jealous. May we go home now, Robin, so that I too can be cheered up?”

Cyborg threw his head back in an uproar of laughter, all the while Robin sputtered on the spot, his tongue seemingly tied in knots.

Kansas City Gothic

So I’m noticing a lot of stuff in the American Gothic tags for different regions of the country and their particular gothic flavors.  The midwest ones are nice, but I’m from a city in the midwest, so I feel the need to try my hand at this.  There’s a gap, I’m going to fill it:

  • Abandoned subdivisions slowly being reclaimed by nature.  Beige houses full of sheetrock walls with that awful gritty texture, slowly being eaten by black mold, streaks of rot running down from where the water damage started.  Sometimes, there are pictures hanging on the walls or abandoned furniture, as if the inhabitants left in a relative hurry, instead of being driven out by bank foreclosures.
  • Interminable road construction.  Men in reflective orange vests and hard hats ripping down the things they built just last year and laying down the groundwork for something else, something new, something that no one predicted.
  • Around town there are rail yards.  Acres and acres of rusted metal train tracks on which engines sit immobile.  The Amtrak rolls through every now and then, stopping and waiting in the pearly predawn.  Nothing else there ever seems to move.
  • There are lights on in the gutted steel mill, but no one ever seems to enter or leave.
  • A homeless man screams at you, and you can see every crooked and off-kilter tooth in his mouth.  You can see the horror in his eyes, like he sees something you don’t.
  • In the late spring and early summer, it’s tornado season.  Tornadoes don’t always touch down, but the sky turns a pale green and the light goes all dim and watery.  The wind stops, like the natural world is holding its breath, sitting quietly in anticipation of some expected punchline.
  • You turn a corner, and you’re no longer in the nice residential neighborhood.  You’re driving down a street with trailers set to either side, and no one is around other than one emaciated looking child in an oversized hoodie, watching you with knowing eyes set in his ashen skin.
  • Have you ever been to the Northland?  Downtown unfolds behind you like a great wall, suggesting an impassable barrier.  Rising up like the boundary of the world.
  • You take a shortcut through an alleyway, and the rusted wrought-iron fire escapes hang overhead like gibbets.  There are lights on in the apartment buildings.  You see no one, yet are completely visible.
  • Why is one of the largest hospitals in the area called simply “Research”?
  • Beneath our feet are stories and stories of infrastructure.  Pipes and access tunnels and spillways.  Not all of them are still in use, but not all are inaccessible.  Hundreds of miles of industrial-age catacombs, never again to see the light of day.  Take a wrong turn, pass beneath a rusted-out “BOMB SHELTER” sign, and you might get lost.  In some parts of town, there are office complexes built directly into cave systems, where it is cool and dry year round, where you could wander in the fluorescent undark without knowing anything about the world outside while office drones go about their business around you.
  • There are many man-made lakes in the area.  Why?  What lies beneath the surface of lakes Jacomo, Tapawingo, and Lotawana?  And where did those names come from?
  • On the east side, there are miles and miles of streets lined with abandoned shop fronts, chain link covering the windows, bars over the door, the glass all replaced with plywood.
  • When it rains, the sewers all back up, and the smell of rot and waste fills the air, mingling with the petrichor.
  • Where does that highway go to?  Where does it come from?  The one with not a single on-ramp that anyone knows about?  Why was it built?
  • Sometimes, children will climb up the grain elevator – you know, the one over by the rail line, where rainbow turns into the seventh street expressway and you can get on 35? – sometimes they’ll climb up there.  Sometimes they’ll fall in, and they’ll never be heard from again:  they drown in the coarse wheat waiting to be taken to market.  Sometimes their bodies are never found.  Sometimes the grain shifts like something is swimming through it.
  • There are malls throughout the area and many aren’t doing so well.  Some are completely abandoned.  Great tumorous eyesores in the middle of sun-baked parking lots.  Sometimes the graffiti isn’t written in any alphabet you recognize.
  • At the intersection of 18th and Vine, near the jazz musician’s foundation, there are buildings with painted-on store fronts full of smiling, blank-eyed people.  These buildings are empty, and haven’t been occupied for decades.
  • You find yourself – against all reason – sitting in a booth at Chubby’s Diner at 4AM, tired and a little drunk and hungry as all hell.  You peruse the menu, trying to figure out what to order when your waitress returns.  When you look up, no one else is there, and the windows are covered in a thick carpet of buzzing flies.
  • In the summer, there is the smell of grilling meat in the air, enough to make your mouth water (or stomach turn, if you’re a vegetarian,) this is independent of location and whether anyone is actually grilling.  No one knows where the clouds of meat-smell are coming from, or what is actually being cooked.  No one complains about much, other than the lack of a belly full of undigested meat.
  • The area is a tangle of boundaries, official and unofficial.  The state line, a dozen or more county lines, the racial dividing lines of Troost and Southwest Boulevard, the fine gradations in socioeconomic status between neighborhoods – Waldo and Brookside and Plaza and Mission Hills and Westport and Hyde Park and Valentine and Volker – but you always feel it when you cross it.  And don’t even get me started on the river and the Northland beyond.  You always know when you’ve crossed the line and you feel it in your bones.  To live here is to live in a state of trespass.

John sneaks up behind Sherlock a lot to tickle him; he loves the way he has a teeny bit of a lisp as he breathlessly tells him to stop, the way he tries to be serious about it but can’t help unraveling into a mess of giggles.

Sherlock sometimes times his baths just so that he’s in when John gets home but so that the water’s still hot so that when John arrives the bath is ready and he can change out and slip in with him.

John will text Sherlock messages sometimes made up entirely of using only emojis, and will try to get him to deduce what he’s trying to say. Sherlock loves this game. He almost always gets it (by the third try).

Sherlock makes breakfast sometimes (John really does like English breakfast) and he’ll arrange the food into a smiley face sometimes (eggs for the eyes, bacon [vegetarian bacon!!] for the mouth - the rest usually on another plate).

John will try to leave bed at least four times before he finally manages to get out and go to the bathroom in the morning (partially because Sherlock refuses to let go - but also because really, he doesn’t want to leave).

Sherlock’s decided favorite thing ever really is John’s smile. He swears that John is literally his most radiant when he smiles. He knows it’s probably cliche and that people would say he’s biased but he is convinced that it is scientific fact that he can prove that John’s smile is the best smile there is. Because it’s John’s.

anonymous asked:

Hey do you have any ideas for vegan edible orbeez? All the recipes I can find contain gelatin and All I want to do is put all the frickin orbeez in my mouth is that too much to ask

Actually yeah! A great vegetarian/vegan substitute for gelatin is agar agar, it’s made of algae! (that sounds gross, but it’s all on the molecular level lol) It feels pretty much identical to gelatin, so you could probably swap it out and use it instead of gelatin in any edible orbeez recipe you find!

Here’s a recipe for water drop cakes that look like dango (so it’s basically 3 big edible orbeez on a stick lol), it uses agar agar instead of gelatin! And it’s a decocookie video, so you know it’s great! ^^

Just Another Mafia AU 3 (still needs a name)

Wow! There was such a huge reaction last chapter, I am very honoured. I really love each and everyone of you who reblogged, liked or commented. Seriously. So much. I hope this stands up to the hype though. It is actually only the first part of what was going to be this chapter, but it got so long that I split it in two. I hope you enjoy it xx

Part 2: http://classicalcassiopeia.tumblr.com/post/155393084558/another-mafia-au-2-i-need-a-title-for-this


III. Newt And Percival

Curling russet hair, hazel eyes shining gold in the mid morning sun, a pale face spattered liberally with freckles. Long aristocratic nose and wide mouth. Percival felt his mouth go dry. Jesus Christ.

“Sir? I’m Newt Scamander, the owner of this practice. How can I help you today?” Oh and he sounded like an angel too. Percival barely took in his white coat, unbuttoned to the waist over a royal blue jumper and white shirt. One thought was in his mind; he had to impress this man.

“Ah, yes.” Not a great start Percival, keep going. “I just came here this fine morning to thank you.” Yes. That was good as an opener. Said what he wanted, not at all forward. Good.

“I, uh, what for? I mean, you’re welcome?” He appeared bewildered. Shit.

“Last night, you saved some particular friends of mine. I am greatly indebted to you.” Percival took the hand resting on the counter and bent over as if to kiss it. Ha! Now he had done it, dear Mr Scamander had to understand this time. And he fitted a kiss in! He basked in a glow of self-satisfaction, even as the hand was hastily withdrawn with a delightful squeak.

“Oh, no, that was no problem, Hippocratic oath and all, do no harm, help who you can, I mean, you’re very welcome, um-” the other man it himself off, blushing a very fetching pink in the face (and ears, Percival noted with delight). Oh sweet baby Jesus he was adorable. Percival kind of wanted to listen to him talk forever. “Are they well though? Your friends?” He seemed to have steadied himself and was now watching him intently with the protective gaze of a mother hen.

“Oh yes, they’re fine. The doctor that check them said it was most excellent work, highly professional. She was highly impressed. As am I.” Nice segue. He could do this. “So I was wondering if I could give you a little show of my gratitude.” He dropped his voice low at the end of the sentence. And- oh look, there was that blush. “You, me, dinner tonight? How ‘bout it.”

The redhead took a moment to respond. “I am honoured, really I am, but I don’t need your gratitude.” He met Percival’s eyes for the first time so far. Percival’s knees went a little weak. “I do what I do because I want to help people. My actions last night were taken in that spirit. If I can save even one life with my work then I consider it more than worthwhile. So I understand that you are grateful for your friends survival, and I thank you for it. But I couldn’t accept your offer as recompense for it. And I especially couldn’t accept it for dinner tonight, as I open late every other day.” Oh shit. This man wasn’t going to accept it as a debt, was too proud for that. He was goddamned perfect.

“Then will you accept it as a date with me? No strings attached, just a nice dinner. Whenever you like?” He slung out the offer before he could really think it over.

For a moment, silence prevailed. Then a little smile turned up one corner of Scamander’s mouth. “Yeah. Yes, alright. One date.” Yes! Well done Percival, he patted himself on the back. It had taken a while but he had got there in the end. He felt his face crease into a foreign soft smile.

“OK. OK, that’s great thank you so much. I can give you my number, yeah? Call anytime.” He fished a pen from his jacket pocket and nabbed a leaflet from the counter to write his number, eagerly shoving it over the counter to the other man.

“I will.” The copper head smiled at the paper and slipped it in his breast pocket, folding it gently. Percival nodded.

“Right. Great. Well, I guess I will be going then. I eagerly await your call.” He gave a slight bow and reluctantly turned to leave. He had made it out the door, whose lighthearted closing bell seemed to mock him, and had gone a few metres up the street before he heard a call.

“Wait! Wait.” Scamander had run out after him and was half out the door. “Who are you?” He called up the street. Percival paused in horror. Tina, who had gone ahead of him, was shaking silently with laughter. He turned and walked backwards, affecting a casual demeanour he definitely didn’t feel.

“Graves. My name is Percival Graves.” With a jaunty wave he stepped into the Mercedes and left Scamander on the sidewalk. An air of mystery, that would salvage that fact that he hadn’t even introduced himself.


“Shut up Tina.”

“No seriously I have never seen you fuck up a conversation in quite such an impressive manner. Or recover that well either. I’m just saying, you got lucky there.”

“Oh fuck off.”

Newt, for his part, thought that Percival Graves was potentially the most attractive person in New York. When the man had first come in Newt had been in the back unloading the free flu jabs he would be offering in winter, and he had thought him just another customer. Big mistake. The moment Newt had hurried to the front and seen the man he had instantly regretted not cleaning himself up a little.

He was smoking hot. Seriously. Tall, well dressed. Broad shoulders and trim waist. Salt and pepper hair and consuming dark eyes, an air of danger. Looked like he could hold him down and just take him. Exactly Newt’s type. He had given his introduction by force of habit. And then- then he began to speak.

His voice was like silk or dark chocolate or something equally cheesy, Newt had thought, slightly dazed. Very good on the ear. Soothing. He could listen to this man recite the phone book and be entranced. He only really noted what the guy had said an embarrassingly long time after he had spoken. Newt made it through the conversation in a halting fashion, until the man had kissed his hand. The brand hot fire of his lips on pale flesh made him squeak in a manner his mother would certainly have punished him for.

Stuttering past the haze in his head and burning on his cheeks, he managed to force a focus on the twelve patients last night. None of them had been critical wounds; three gunshots, two to the legs and one in the shoulder. Seven knife slashes on the arms and abdomen. A couple of concussions he could do nothing about. It was obviously underground though, and this man said he was their friend…what if he was their squad leader? Newt couldn’t bring himself to regret his actions in saving them, a life was a life to him, but. The Mafia. The Mafia he was kind of hiding from. He had come to the USA under his own name because the underground there was very unfriendly to the British one and unlikely to give him away to his family out of spite, if nothing else.

Then this man had offered Newt dinner. Now, Newt would very gladly have dinner with him. It may be a bad decision given his past, but Newt was a master of bad decisions. It was practically his MO. However, the slight the offer cast on him, the way he had implied Newt would have to be recompensated, like the men’s survival and wellbeing wasn’t payment enough. He could not let the man continue with that opinion of him. Thankfully, his rebuttal hadn’t put Percival Graves off at all. If Newt was any judge of behaviour then the man had seemed even more eager to have dinner.

He had given in. Percival seemed attracted to him, he was definitely attracted to Percival. Why not? Giving his permission and receiving a number in return, he was entranced by the smile on the other’s face. He seemed so genuinely happy to have dinner. A fizzle erupted in Newt’s belly. Would asking about his availability tomorrow come across as too needy? Before he could even ask, the man and his friend had left the surgery. It was only as he reached out for his phone to program the number in that he had realised that he didn’t even know his name. Dashing out the door after him in the hopes of catching him before he left, Newt threw caution to the wind. In the daylight of the street, he had appeared even more inhumanly attractive. As the man drove away, Newt’s returned to the back room. Percival Graves. What a man.

In the end, they did have that date. Newt didn’t summon up the courage to call until the next day, so they set a dinner date up for that weekend at Percival’s favourite restaurant. He had decided against a fancy one, it would be a bit too extravagant for a first date. Instead they went to a smaller, but still classy place, with an excellent variety of Indian dishes.

It was there that Percival learned that Newt was vegetarian, heard from his own mouth some of his experiences from his travels across Europe and Asia, found out that he had picked up four languages as he went “because it would be rude to just expect people to know English” and was still in contact with a great deal of people he had helped.

Newt for his part, managed to tease out stories of Percival’s time at NYU studying business and politics, tales of his parents and of his friends. He manfully ignored Tima and Queenie having dinner together a few tables away with a couple of other guards. In the days after calling so set up the date, Newt had done his research. The Graves name was whispered on the grapevine as the kingpin of most of New York, who had risen over the last ten or so years from a mid-level group to incorporate almost every gang in the city. The boss was rumoured to be one of the most brutally deadly men alive, with the most fearsome assassins under his command - who it seemed, were having a competition over who could stuff the most breadsticks in their bag without the waiter noticing. As for the boss himself, he was winding up a story about how he and his college friends had pranked the dean by stealing all his office furniture then flogging it in a college-wide auction. Newt found himself giggling helplessly by the end of it.

“So, you really got away with it? He couldn’t find the proof of who did it?”

“Not quite. He knew it was us, but the whole college population thought it was a great joke and everyone said that they had done it. He could hardly expel the entire student body. He was fuming for months though.”

Newt burst out laughing again. He hadn’t laughed so much for a very long time, and his sides ached but Percival had put him so much at ease, was so considerate and lovely that he was falling dangerously fast for the mobster.

Percival was so happy. He didn’t even mind disclosing some of his more foolish moments if it made Newt glow like that. He too had the file on Newt expanded. Queenie’s contacts in the UK had managed to expound on the reasons for his feeing the country; according to one of the ex-maids of the Scamander Manor, he was treated more as a piece of furniture than a person by his parents. The neglect had been entrenched from childhood- from neglecting to pick him up from Westminster School at the end of semesters, to leaving him the care of the servants his whole life, they shows not an ounce of care for him and his wellbeing. His brother, Theseus, tried his best but was forbidden from interacting too much with Newt. The maid had gone on the emphasise how kind he was to the staff, how he tried his best to protect them from his parents whims. They were all glad when he ran away, she had confided, he deserved better. Everything he had heard made Percival’s blood boil. Getting to know the sweet young man over dinner had been one of the most enjoyable nights of his life.

They had parted ways that night with the promise to meet again the next week. Newt had even summoned the courage to kiss Percival’s cheek “as repayment” just before he ran down the steps to the subway, his face glowing red. He left Percival standing with his hand on his face, smiling helplessly. Even as his men caught up and he was ushered into his car, he was quiet.

“He seems nice.”

“He is. He is wonderful.”

“Way out of your league though.”

“Tina I swear to god-”

That was the precursor for several more dates of that kind. Between Newt’s punishing work schedule and Percival’s obligations both legal and not, they revelled in the hours they kept solely for each other. They didn’t progress further than kisses on the cheek and hand, though both silently wanted to. This seemed too important to rush. Instead Percival took Newt to art galleries and restaurants, and Newt pulled Percival out on walks through the city absorbing the buzz and life of the place. A month passed like this, their cozy hours together uninterrupted by many cares as they fell further and further in love. As far as Percival was concerned, this could have gone on forever, albeit with more action of the sexual variety. Sadly, this was not to be the case.

It was a Wednesday mid afternoon tea break that changed everything.

———— Part 3.5: http://classicalcassiopeia.tumblr.com/post/155715952508/another-mafia-au-35-i-have-given-up-this-is-the
Pick up line starters/list

·       “You’re the hottest thing since sunburns.”

·       “You’ve been a bad boy! Now go to ‘my’ room.”

·       “I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me tonight?”

·       I am not feeling myself today, can I feel you?

·       “I am feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?”

·       “You know sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves. Please help.”

·       I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.

·       Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.

·       POOF! (What are u doing?) I’m here, where are your other two wishes?

·       Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?

·       Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

·       I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.

·       You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

·       I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true

·       Are you a magnet cuz I’m attracted to you

·       Are your pants on discount? Cuz if you were at my house they would be a 100% off!

·       Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.

·       I’m not Fred/Wilma Flintstone, but I’ll make your bed rock

·       They say milk does the body good, but damn, how much have you been drinking?

·       Did you hear the latest health report? You need to up your daily intake of vitamin me.

·       If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.

·       Are you a cupcake? (No….why…?) Cause you probably taste really sweet!!!!

·       Say, that’s a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?

·       That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I’d becoming too!

·       I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

·       The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.

·       Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.

·       That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!

·       The best part of me is covered up.

·       They say a girl’s best friend are her legs. But even the best of friends sometimes have to part.

·       This Valentine’s Day, I really want you to know how I feel…..So you better use both hands.

·       Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long!

·       Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

·       With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear!

·       What’s better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ.

·       Like the hurricane said to the coconut tree; hold on to your nuts I’m gonna give you the blow of your life.

·       Do you train cats? (Man: No, why?) Woman: Because you just made my pussy cum!

·       Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under

·       If you’re naughty go to your room. If you wanna be naughty go to my room!

·       Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; I’ll Spread my legs; And you can show me your “power”

·       You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What’s wrong with my clothing?) They’re still on.

·       Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in-between your legs?

·       Can I please be your slave tonight?

·       Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.

·       Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

·       How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!

·       I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

·       Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?

·       That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

·       Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?

·       Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

·       Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

·       Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?

·       Hey, kitten. How about spending some of your nine lives with me?

·       Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!

·       If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

·       Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

·       I’ve been a bad boy/girl, so spank me!

·       I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?

·       Let us pretend my pants are France and invade them.

·       I’m easy, but it looks like you are hard.

·       I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.

·       You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

·       Hi. I’m like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.

·       You’re on my list of things to do tonight.

·       Do you work at Subway? Because you have a footlong.

·       Did I mention that I’m the only person in the Guinness Book of World’s Records actually able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose?

·       You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?

·       You remind me of a Twinky: Every time I bite into you, you cream in my mouth.“

·       I’m a vegetarian but I’d make an exception for your meat!

·       Are you a god? (Um, no.) You’re not? Then why do I want to kneel before you?

·       I’d love you like a snowstorm: I’d give you 8 to 10 inches and you wouldn’t be able to leave the house for 3 days.

·       So you think I am full of myself? (Yes.) Would you rather I be full of you instead?

·       Did you just throw a water balloon at me? Because you’ve got me all wet.

·       Did you know that you can feel your pulse in your groin? Want me to test it on you?

·       If you were aspirin, I would take you every four to six hours.

·       If you were a drum, I’d bang you.

·       So… if I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

·       Let’s play Deathly Hallows, you can take me to your bed and I’ll Slytherin.

·       If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

·       Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynaecologist.

·       I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

·       I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

·       Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

·       I’ve been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look?

·       Are you a light switch? 'Cause you turn me on!

·       Hi, I am your slave, take me home and mistreat me.

·       I’m drowning in the sun and need mouth to mouth now!

·       If I was a Jedi, would you be my force?

·       I’m going to need a tall glass of cold water, cuz baby your making me HOT!

·       Look him/her up and down and say "And I thought it was hot outside!”

·       Do you smoke? [No.] Then why are you so smokin’ hot?

·       Kissing is a language of love, so how about a conversation?

·       Are you an interior decorator? 'Cause when I saw you, the room became beautiful.

·       Are you religious? 'Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.

·       I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.

·       I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

·       If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.

·       If I were a stop light, I’d turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

·       You know I’d like to invite you over, but I’m afraid you’re so hot that you’ll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.

·       My buddies bet me that I wouldn’t be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?

·       Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.

·       You’d better direct that beauty somewhere else, you’ll set the carpet on fire.

·       If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

·       For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

·       Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

·       Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.

·       You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

·       Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.

·       Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.

·       Be unique and different, say yes.

·       Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.

·       I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.

·       Fascinating. I’ve been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I’ve never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.

·       Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I’d rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.

·       You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.

·       You shouldn’t wear makeup. It’s messing with perfection!

·       If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.

·       If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

·       You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

·       Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!

·       I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen

·       Smoking is hazardous to your health… and baby, you’re killing me!

·       There isn’t a word in the dictionary for how good you look.

·       Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces

·       Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

·       When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

·       Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!

·       I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.

·       There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.

·       Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

·       You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

·       Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!

·       You look beautiful today, just like every other day.

·       Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!

·       If you were a booger I’d pick you first.

·       Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.

·       Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it’s just a sparkle.

·       If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

·       If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

·       Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.

·       I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

·       My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

·       Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

·       Hey baby you’re so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what’s your name?

·       I bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.

·       I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.

·       Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?

·       Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?

·       Hey… Didn’t I see your name in the dictionary under “Shazaam!”?

·       Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!

·       I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

·       Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn’t hear you say “happily”.

·       You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

·       Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

·       Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn’t ask you how you looked!

·       How was heaven when you left it?

·       Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

·       I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

·       Hey… somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.

·       I didn’t know that angels could fly so low!

·       There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

·       You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!

·       Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.

·       Is your name “swiffer”? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.

·       Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) “This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.

·       Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

·       Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate… Well, here I am!

·       If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.

·       You know, Dr. Phil says I’m afraid of commitment…Want to help prove him wrong?

·       Your lips look so lonely…. Would they like to meet mine?

·       Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s outta business.

·       Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

·       Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

·       So there you are! I’ve been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!

·       Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

·       Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

·       You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.

·       The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

·       Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

·       (As she is leaving) Hey aren’t you forgetting something? (What?) Me!

·       Somebody better call God, cuz heaven’s missing an angel!

·       Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.

·       I’m Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?

·       If I were a transplant surgeon, I’d give you my heart.

·       Are you Willy Wonka’s daughter, 'cuz you look sweet and delicious.

·       If you were a transformer, you’d be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine.

·       Do you remember me? [No.] Oh that’s right, we’ve only met in my dreams.

·       Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?

·       I’m sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.

·       I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

·       I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

·       If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U’ and 'I’ together.

·       If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

·       My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.

·       Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Earth!

·       What time do you have to be back in heaven?

·       Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

·       Your daddy must have been a baker, because you’ve got a nice set of buns.

·       Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

·       [Point at her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

·       Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

·       [Look at her shirt label.] When they say, “What are you doing?” You respond: “Yep! Made in heaven!”

·       Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I’m lost at sea.

·       You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.

·       My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.

·       You be the Dairy Queen and I’ll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I’ll do it your way.

·       (Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.

·       Pinch me. [Why?] You’re so fine I must be dreaming.

·       if I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say “I love you” with my last breath!

·       Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!

·       I’m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I’m Batman!

·       You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

·       Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin’.

·       When God made you, he was showing off.

·       You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.

·       Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.

·       You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

·       Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.

·       Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I’ve been searching for!

·       Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?

·       Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

·       I have an “owie” on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?

·       Let’s make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle

·       I didn’t see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.

·       Hi, my name is Doug. That’s “god” spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.

·       (Put your fingers on the other’s nipples) Hey, here’s (name), comin’ at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?

·       How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice… Hi, I’m (insert name here).

·       Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get “love” and “lust” mixed up.

·       Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?

·       When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.

·       Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?…Why?] Because I need your name and number.

·       Hello, I’m doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?’, 'What’s your sign?’, or 'Hello, I’m doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.’?

·       (hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?

·       This time next year let’s be laughing together.

·       Is your last name Whitman, because I want to sample you.

·       Let me tie your shoes, cause I dont want you falling for anyone else.

·       On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9. I’m the 1 you need.

·       Most guys need 3 meals a day to keep going… I just need eye contact from you.

·       I wish I was cross-eyed, so I could see you twice.

·       Are you a beaver? Cause dam!

·       Do I know you? Cause you look just like my next girlfriend.

·       Is your father Lil Caeser? Cause you look Hot 'n Ready.

·       I could use some spare change and you’re a dime.

·       I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, Give me yours and watch what I can do with it.

·       Didn’t I see you on the cover of Vogue?

·       Excuse me, I don’t want you to think I’m ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.

·       Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

·       Hey, don’t I know you? Yeah, you’re the girl with the beautiful smile.

·       Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

·       I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

·       I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

·       I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

·       I think I can die happy now, cause I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.

·       I sneezed because God blessed me with you.

·       Nice to meet you, I’m (your name) and you are…gorgeous!

·       Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.

·       Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.

·       What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

·       What’s that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it’s not coming off!

·       Wow! Are those real?

·       Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.

·       You are the reason men fall in love.

·       You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

·       You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!

·       If you were ground coffee, you’d be Espresso cause you’re so fine.

·       You better call Life Alert, 'cause I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.

·       You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.

·       You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.

·       You should be someone’s wife.

·       Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

·       Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

·       I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

·       Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!

·       You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.

·       If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

·       Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you?

·       Girl, if I were a fly, I’d be all over you, because you’re the shit!

·       Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

·       Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

·       If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

·       If God made anything more beautiful than you, I’m sure he’d keep it for himself.

·       You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

·       You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.

·       Are you a tamale? 'Cause you’re hot.

·       You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

·       Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)

·       Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let’s go prove it.

·       Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.

·       Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!

·       Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

·       Baby, you’re so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

·       Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.

·       If it weren’t for that DAMNED sun, you’d be the hottest thing ever created.

·       How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh… you just look hot to me.

·       I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.

·       (Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!

·       You are a 9 - you’d be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

·       Excuse me, I’d like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

·       You’re so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.

·       I can’t believe I’ve been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One’, all I have time to say is “good bye”.

·       Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt - my eyes!

·       This isn’t a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.

·       I don’t know you, but I think I love you already.

·       Here’s the key to my house, my car… and my heart.

·       if we shared a garden, I’d put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)

·       If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery…I would chose winning the lottery…but it would be close…real close…

·       Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!

·       See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.

·       Stare at girl . (“What’re you staring at?”) You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.

·       You’re hotter than donut grease.

·       Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

·       Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world.

·       If you were a burger at McDonalds, you’d be McGorgeous.

·       Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

·       If you could put a price tag on beauty you’d be worth more than Fort Knox.

·       I must be dancing with the devil, because you’re hot as hell.

·       I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.

·       If you were a steak you would be well done.

·       It’s dark in here. Wait! It’s because all of the light is shining on you.

·       Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!

·       Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.

·       Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

My Thing With Wonder Woman

So I am a huge Wonder Woman fan and I’ve been waiting for a live action movie for her FOREVER to the point where I was willing to sit through that special I know would be 85% fluff to catch a few glimpses of clips (which, besides being all washed out like it was a Batman film for some reason, looked good). 

But, whenever people talk about WW (less fans, more people in charge of making her movies) I feel like they always get stuck on the “equality” thing. Which, yeah, that’s part of her thing but when the guy was like, “I think that’s what people like about Wonder Woman,” I thought, “Really?” Is that really what people like about Wonder Woman, not the fact that she’s a compassionate, warrior bad-ass? 

I think the director’s comments were WAY more on point: The greatest thing about WW is how good and kind and loving she is yet none of that negates any of her power.

THAT’S why Wonder Woman is awesome. I dunno. When they talk about the equality thing, it seems more like self congratulatory back-patting than an actual discussion on why WW rocks. In fact, top of my head, here are five things I’d point to on why I love WW before “equality” (spoilers).

1. One time she had to fight a gorgon, blindfolded, on live TV and, to win that fight and stop the gorgon from looking into the camera and turning everyone watching to stone, she freakin’ blinded herself (permanently as far as she knew).

2. When Max Lord was mind controlling Superman and she asked under him Lasso of Truth compulsion how to stop him, he said, “Kill me.” So she freakin’ snapped his neck because, unlike Superman or Batman who reamed her for the decision, she knew that someone who could control Superman was too dangerous to keep around and she was willing to do the hard thing.

3. In one comic, there’s this prophecy that the Justice League is gonna fall and she is DAMN WELL not having that so she figures that the JL is symbolic so she can stand in for all of them so everyone doesn’t have to die so she TAKES DOWN THE ENTIRE JUSTICE LEAGUE, trying to save their lives and then FACES A DRAGON ALONE. And she didn’t even have pre-made backup plans like Batman.

4. So, in JLU (the fantastic Bruce Timm cartoon) Hawkgirl is revealed to be an advanced scout for the Thangarian military who put the world under martial law while carrying out their plan which will end with the world exploding and,so they don’t interfere, they capture the Justice League and trap them all appropriately: Superman under a red sunlight generator, Flash in a gravity well, GL’s lost his ring.

And who starts the rescue but Wonder Woman, tied up in her own lasso. She bites the dude’s hand when he tries to feed her, headbutts the crap out of him (still tied up), catches his knife WITH HER MOUTH as he drops it and then THROWS IT TO JAM THE CONTROLS and free herself. Seriously, I’ve watched the scene so many times, it’s so cool. 

5. She hired a minotaur as a personal chef (he’s the chef for the embassy technically). His name is Ferdinand and he’s amazing. That’s it. That’s all of #5. I just think that’s awesome. His specialty is vegetarian dishes.

But, yeah. Wonder Woman is really cool and has a lot of great stories and, even though it’s totally a part of who she is,  I hate when she’s reduced to just, “equality.”

Remind others frequently how much you care, how much you love them and how much you need them. We all fight, we all hurt each other, fall out and say things with a ill-mannered mouth but we still love each other. Make sure everyone around you knows that, let them know how they make life worth living and how they make your mouth hurt from laughing, how they make your heart warm and your eyes soften. People are not always going to be around, so tell them how you feel.

I love you by Amy Kennedy



Character(s): Dean Winchester

Warning: None

Word Count: 1,175


           Late at night is the time you feel the best, and sometimes Dean can’t sleep, so your relationship works out nicely. You talk or do something quiet until the Winchester finally starts to feel like sleep is a possibility, and you join him when you decide to sleep as well.

           Tonight he went out on a supply run by himself, leaving you and his overtired brother in the second story motel room. Just as you begin to wonder when he’s going to come back, something small makes a plink noise as it strikes the window. The first one you ignore, but when the ‘plinks’ continue, you get curious and get up to investigate. One last plink hits the window as you open the sliding, screen-less frame and stick your head out. Old habits make you look down at the parking lot below.

Keep reading

Imagine the boys finding out you’re vegan

“You sure you don’t want a burger, Y/N?” Dean asked, pointing at you with one of his fries.

“I’m good,” you promised.

He frowned, “I haven’t seen you eat anything proper in ages.”

“I had a salad an hour ago,” you reminded him.

Sam chuckled, “That doesn’t count as ‘proper’ to Dean.”

“When was the last time you had a good steak?”

You cleared your throat, “Um. Never.”

Dean’s mouth fell open, exposing the half chewed food inside. You pulled a face and looked away.

“What do you mean ‘Never’?”

You shrugged, “My parents were vegetarian. And when I moved out, I went vegan.”

“You what?” Dean exploded.

“Vegan,” you repeated, “I don’t consume the produce of any animal. Is that an issue?”

Sam shrugged, “Each to their own. Right, Dean?”

Dean gave you a tight smile before looking back at Sam, unblinking as he passive aggressively continued to eat.

Today, I fucked up by Kissing My Girlfriend

TL;DR: Girlfriend kissed me and took my breath away.

I’ve been dating my GF now for about a month and a half, and everything is going great (we’ll call her Jamie, since that’s my generic online name for her). She’s my first girlfriend and she’s absolutely amazing. She puts up with me being a short, sort of awkward, red-headed theater geek like no one I could even imagine. She’s a real heart stopper. That’s a big part of why I feel so bad about this.

She was at my house and Dad thought it would be a great idea to go out to dinner. Sweet. He mentioned that he heard about this nice place at work that we should try.

Well we get there and it turns out to be a vegetarian/vegan place. =/ None of us are vegetarian. But the line is short and we’re already here, so we decide to stay.

Good choice. I had a great plate of pasta and Jamie had some kind of Asian salad. Everyone had a great time, and it went better than expected. Yay!

We go home and hang out for a while waiting for her dad to come pick her up. He shows up outside and she gives me a hell of a kiss. She’s such an awesome kisser. I get all silly every time she does. =) Then she leaves.

 After a while, my mouth gets a little itchy. Whatever, just take a couple benadryl and move on. Wait, this doesn’t feel right. Is this what I think it is? It is. Where did this come from.

Oh right, Jamie has an Asian salad. With a peanut dressing.

I’m allergic to peanuts. =|

Shout for mom, check. Epipen, *thwack! Lights sirens, hospital, vomit, pass out.

mmc-5311  asked:

I've noticed a trend among restrictive eaters (Paleos, vegans, locavores) in the fitness community where they act so nasty and aggressive toward people who either didn't do well with said diet, or just aren't interested. Do you have any thoughts on this, or sources that cover it in more depth? It feels to me like some develop a real superiority complex over their eating choices, and become enraged when others don't want to aspire to be like them, or do what they did.

This is a great question and I’m genuinely so glad that you asked me.

I think that there are quite a few reasons why this problem exists and where it stems from. Food is a complicated issue, and it’s one that’s highly emotional for many people, so it understandable that this sort of stereotype will go hand-in-hand with restrictive diets. (For the sake of this post, I’ll be using the term “restrictive diet” to refer to veganism, paleo eating, etc.) If we’re going to break down it’s origins, I’d blame the problem on these issues:

–> Food is something that people can control when everything else is chaos, so they feel very strongly about any criticisms aimed towards their diet. This especially pops up when anorexia is discussed, but the same general concept can be applied to nearly all diets: When you can’t control your body, or your job, or your relationships, you can still control what goes into your mouth. It’s a way to regulate the world around you and feel a (necessary) sense of power over your life. That feeling of control is incredibly important. So when these folks feel that their diet is being attacked (and, therefore, they feel as though the one thing within their control is being threatened and taken away), they’ll naturally lash out.

–> Morality is attached to many forms of restrictive dieting. Especially common in vegetarianism and veganism, lots of people adjust their eating habits in order to better suit their personal beliefs. Food is already emotional, so attaching integrity and virtue to a diet will only strengthen those feelings. It can be difficult to handle when you believe that the people around you are engaging in offensive and malicious behavior on a daily basis. This is a very important issue to many people, and it’s one that can be justifiably passionate.

–> Many restrictive diets stem from a place of privilege, and people have difficulty acknowledging and accepting that privilege. You’re not going to see a lot of people eating paleo and vegan diets within food deserts; The majority of restrictive diets are going to be supported in areas where a wide variety of food is available at relatively low prices, and can be purchased by folks who have enough money to support such a dietary shift. All of these things are a privilege. Not everyone has access to those kinds of resources (or a medical history that allows this dietary shift, or a community that supports it, etc.). And if you’ve invested so much time and energy into a diet that you personally feel is important and beneficial, sometimes it’s very difficult to acknowledge the difficulty that other people may be having. It’s that idea of “If I can do it, you should be able to.” And this ties together very closely with the next point:

–> A difficult diet is seen as a sign of strength and willpower. Lots of people pride themselves on tackling challenges and coming out a winner: Dieting is one part of that. It’s a tough choice that you have to maintain every single day. When people manage to do that, it makes them feel good. And in some unfortunate cases, it makes them feel superior. Some folks get off on the idea that they can do something you can’t. They see it as proof of their own hard work and your laziness. But when you disrespect their achievements by refusing to even try or participate in the game, that makes them angry, because it invalidates the entire social hierarchy that they’ve been standing on top of.

And, perhaps most importantly, let’s not forget about this last point:

–> This is still a stereotype. The idea of the “militant vegan” certainly isn’t going to be true in all cases, or even in most. But because this is the cultural idea that we’ve set up for restrictive dieters, this is how they’re often seen: Saying “no” to a meal can easily be interpreted as anger, while providing their own food can be seen as arrogance. It’s a tough stereotype to get away from.

So if you happen to encounter people who pressure you to change your diet or insult the food choices you make: I’m sorry. Do your best to brush it off and keep reminding yourself that a diet is a personal choice, both for you and for this other person. Let everyone be happy with their own choices and we’ll all get along just fine.

marching band au: joss carter

[start from the beginning]

  • the trumpet-saxaphone bus is just
  • pure hell
  • all the trumpets get super rowdy bc dani doesn’t really like long car rides or buses and so she puts on her earphones super loud to distract herself
  • the trumpet-sax bus has twice the amount of band parents to keep all the rowdy kiddos in line
  • joss can only do so much on her own
  • horror to end all horror: both carter’s and harper’s moms are band moms on their bus
  • you’d think that would make harper behave
  • you’d be mostly wrong
  • joss tries to be Extra Responsible now that her mom’s there
  • she bribes harper to behave by letting her sit next to dani
  • “if you can distract her so that she wont throw up that’ll take like 4 issues off my list”
  • “you got it, boss! joss the boss”
  • so harper very slowly and gradually coaxes dani out of her shell
  • tells her dumb puns and not-gross band humor jokes to get her to relax
  • by the end of the season dani can go almost two (2) full hours without needing a music break
  • there was also an accidental pot brownie/regular brownie mix-up incident and now dani refuses to eat anything that comes out of harper’s backpack
  • also carter’s mom and harper’s mom eventually start dating and it’s very gay and pure
  • harper hasn’t seen her mom this happy since like. ever
  • carter wipes a single tear from her eye
  • joss and zoe meet nationals or something
  • zoe’s lost and carter is trying to catch a few moments alone to decompress
  • zoe’s still in uniform and carter takes pity on her
  • “looking for the warm up area?”
  • “sort of. i have another hour to head over there, but i always like to know where i’m headed”
  • “fair enough. it’s about a ten minute walk that way. if you hit the concession stand you’ve gone too far”
  • “well thank you very much, uh…?”
  • “carter. joss carter. trumpet section leader. band class president.” she babbles out
  • look zoe’s really pretty
  • carter’s bi and willing to try
  • zoe grins. “zoe morgan. also trumpet section leader. also band class president” she smirks
  • “i’ll see you on the field” carter says awkwardly before halfway jogging off
  • see her on the field??? what kind of bullshit– joss mouths to herself
  • where is her game
  • “you’re losing your touch, carter”
  • “shaw, if you don’t shut up im telling root that you’re the one who insisted that vegetarian options should be available at every band event”
  • “oh my god joss she needs to eat–”
  • “can it or i’ll text her right this goddamn second”
  • “…fine”
  • it turns out that zoe’s school is in a different category and so they arent in direct competion
  • so joss is free to swoon over zoe’s trumpet solo without any lingering guilt
  • they find each other after the awards ceremony and exchange numbers and become long distance gfs eventually