out of crockery

Hot Potato

This is for everyone in the awesome Sterek writing group 4. And especially to @seanconneraille  whose initial prompt: Potato, led to this ridiculousness. Seriously. There were tons of awesome prompts, but the heart wants what it wants.  Also a special shout out to @artemis69 who said they should plant the potato. I wrote this in about half an hour and it’s completely unbetaed. So all mistakes are mine. A cleaned up version is now on AO3

They’ve been together about three years now, living together for one, and Stiles thinks they’re  okay. He has a job as a freelance programmer, which involves a little bit of travelling, and a lot of working from home in his underpants, only putting a shirt on for skype calls. Derek is a history teacher at Beacon Hills High School, which should not be as hot as it is. Fortunately it turns out that Stiles finds 28yr old teacher!Derek with sweater vests and  blazers with elbow patches even more attractive than the leather wearing Alpha!werewolf badass that first caught his eye in the preserve all those years ago.

The thing is, Derek doesn’t need to be a badass anymore, at least, not in the way he used to. The Nemeton has been dealt with, and the pack is flourishing, Beacon Hills is no longer a hell hole and so now he’s a badass in other, more subtle ways. He’s a badass gardner, who has lovingly nurtured a little plot of fruits and vegetables in their backyard. Then there are his badass knitting skills, (he made Stiles a kickass pair of mittens last winter) and don’t get Stiles started on the cooking, okay? No. Really. Don’t get him started. The cooking isn’t actually that great, Stiles does all the cooking, but Derek can mix a mean cocktail, which means their powers combined result in some truly awesome, if slightly blurry, mealtime memories.

Anyway, it isn’t often that Stiles is forced to work the weekend, but today the shit has hit the fan, and he doesn’t have any other choice. When Derek gets home on Friday evening, wearing the blue sweater vest that brings out his eyes and the charcoal blazer with the elbow patches, Stiles can only stare up at him from his desk tragically and mourn the loss of what could have been.

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Apologies for the delay. Hopefully the length makes up for it.

I’m really proud of this one actually.

#7 Fake Dating AU

Tap tap tap tap tap.

Rafael was going to throttle Carisi if he didn’t stop tapping the pen against the desk. It was late and Carisi had dropped by the office with take out and an offer to help go through depositions. Rafael was initially grateful, but now he was stuck with a clearly agitated, and quite possibly nervous detective. The tapping of the pen, the jiggling of his knee, all pointed maneuvers to drive the prosecutor insane. And then his phone rang.

“Hi Ma,” He began, his Staten Island accent particularly grating. “I’m still at the office. No Ma. I have no plans on joining you all for lunch on Sunday.”

Rafael rolled his eyes and went back to highlighting the depositions on his desk. Carisi, who was continuing his overtly loud conversation with his mother, was making it too easy for Rafael to eavesdrop.

“I’m sure she’s a nice girl Ma but I’m not interested,” Carisi paused as his mother continued to squawk down the phone at him. “I like men Ma, I’m not interested in meeting women.”

Rafael tried to look as uninterested as possible while filing that personal piece of information away. Yes Carisi was brash and hot tempered, but he also looked quite delectable in his newly fitted suits and well.. Rafael wasn’t blind.

“No Ma, I won’t just ‘give her a go,’” Carisi sighed, slumping back into the couch. “Look Ma, my boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you setting me up all the time.”

Rafael tried to ignore the twinge of disappointment he felt. It didn’t surprise him that Carisi could be considered quite the catch by some people.

“It’s new Ma,” Carisi looked more and more distraught as each second passed. “I didn’t think you would want to meet him- oh you do? Uh, I’ll need to check with him. Tonight? Look Ma I’ve got to go, I’ll ask him alright? Bye.”

As Carisi hung up on his mother the office filled with an especially awkward silence. Rafael slowly looked up to see the blond looking suitably stricken at the prospect of a significant other meeting the parents. Rafael couldn’t help but take a bite.

“How new is new if you’re that terrified for your partner to meet your family?”

Carisi did nothing to hide how red his face was getting. “Non-existent?”

“I would say I expect more from you Carisi-”
“Save it counsellor, I am embarrassed enough already.” Sonny sulked into the couch.
Rafael felt some pity for the younger man, he had been in a similar situation in his youth. His own family had never quite come to terms with his Sexuality so he knew exactly what the young man was going through. A stray thought crossed Rafael’s kind and before he knew it an idea emerged.

“I cannot believe that I am suggesting this, but if you can’t find anyone else I would be more than happy to assist.”

Carisi’s head snapped up. “Wait really?”

Rafael could barely believe it himself. “I know exactly how daunting coming out to your family is, the least I can do is be there for moral support.”

“I don’t know what to say counsellor,” Sonny’s jaw was slack.

“A bottle of Glenfiddich wouldn’t go amiss,” Rafael smirked. “But a thank you would suffice.”

A wide smile broke across the detectives face.“Thanks counsellor.”

Rafael nodded. “You’re welcome. Now lets return to these depositions.”

The Carisi family house looked surprisingly unremarkable. Rafael had expected something loud and brash that may have explained the detectives initial behaviour, instead he was greeted by a slightly worn, well loved looking house.

Sonny walked him up to the front door and opened it straight away without knocking. He dragged Rafael inside announcing their presence with a shout, “Everyone, Rafael and I are here.”

Rafael had formally met Tessa and Dominick Snr only hours before in front of their church before Mass. Even though he hadn’t been in years the service was very familiar. Carisi’s parents of course were unimpressed, each hesitation or fumble Rafael had only furthered their opinion that their son shouldn’t be dating a man, let alone one ten years older. If Rafael was actually dating Carisi he probably would have been more offended by the entire situation, but currently he just found it amusing.

After his initial shout was met with silence, Carisi tried again.

“Alright, alright you don’t have to yell.” Tessa Carisi was blonde haired and blue eyed, and clearly annoyed at her son. “Make yourself useful and set the table.”

Carisi flushed red and gestured for Rafael to follow him out of the entrance way, through the living room and into a large dining area. He pulled out the crockery and passed it to Rafael, gesturing to where everything needed to go. They worked in comfortable silence, Carisi only stopping to greet each family member as they walked in the room.

Eventually the room was filled with people, hot food, and of course wine. The lunch itself was quiet at first, once again surprising Rafael, the conversation had been kept to gossiping about which neighbours were doing what. A complete contradiction to the person Rafael saw almost daily.

Bella was the first to break the uncomfortable almost silence. “I just knew there was something going on between you two!”

“Oh?” Rafael stopped eating and raised his gaze to meet the youngest Carisi’s.

“He’s always gushing about you,” the words eagerly spilled from her mouth. “Barba did this and Barba did that. Did you see Barba’s press conference the other day?”

“Bells!” Carisi hissed, his face flushing pink.

Rafael felt his mouth curl into a smirk. “No *Sonny* I want to hear what you’ve been saying about me.”

“He calls me at least once a week to tell me how impressive this or that legal manoeuvre was,” Bella continued, ignoring her bright red brother.

Teresa couldn’t help but join in. “Back when he first started he dragged me along to watch you in court, he wanted me to dress him like you.”

“Just kill me now,” Carisi groaned dropping his head into his hands.

“That’s enough girls,” Dominick Sr hissed “I’m sure Sonny doesn’t appreciate you gossiping about his- er-”

A scowl crossed Bella’s face, “Boyfriend? Partner? Significant other.”

“Friend,” Dominick settled on.

“We were a bit worried,” Gina quietly interrupted. “But we were glad to hear that you’re together now.”

Rafael turned to look at Carisi, he was completely purple and had almost folded himself in half with his hands and head resting on the table. Rafael reached over and rubbed gentle circles on the other man’s back. The resulting moan that escaped Carisi’s mouth made Rafael pause for a second before running his hand down Carisi’s arm and talking the younger man’s hand in his.

“I’m glad too,” Even though Rafael was pointedly looking at Carisi the truthfulness of his own words surprised him. Carisi flushed red and dragged Rafael’s hand beneath the table, but he didn’t let go, and neither did Rafael.

The rest of lunch passed in the same awkward silence and stilted conversation that had haunted the conversation previously. Every now and then when one of the Carisi elders shot the detective a dark look Rafael would squeeze the younger man’s hand causing Carisi to flush red.

Eventually the debacle came to an end, Rafael politely shook Tessa and Dominick Sr’s hands. “Thank you for the invitation, maybe you’ll allow me to attend again sometime.

Tessa smiled politely while Dominick said a brief thanks before both of them turned to Carisi and started to whisper frantically at him. Rafael turned away only to find hims of face to face with Tommy.

“You really are good for him,” Tommy sounded genuine. “It’s been rough for him recently, I’m glad he has you to talk to.”

Rafael thanked Tommy for his kind words, and waited for Carisi to finish thanking his siblings. Once again Rafael grabbed the detective’s hand with his own and winded their fingers together. They walked to the car slowly, shoulders bumping together occasionally.

Carisi lent towards Rafael and whispered, “Thank you for doing this.”

“It was a pleasure really,” Rafael smiled as he unlocked the car. “I-I’d like to do it again sometime.”

“I’m assuming you don’t mean lunch with my family?” Carisi raised an eyebrow in a loose attempt to cover his expression.

“You know what they say about assumptions-”

“Barba!” Carisi hissed.

Rafael couldn’t help the bark of laughter which escaped from him. “I would like to take you out sometime, get to know you better.”

“I’d like that too,” Carisi flashed a wicked smile. “But you know what I’d like more?”

Before Rafael could answer Carisi swooped down and captured the shorter man’s mouth with his own. Rafael responded by placing one hand on Carisi’s waist and winding the other through the blond man’s thick locks. The kiss ended abruptly when a loud cheer erupted from the other Carisi siblings.

Carisi made a highly inappropriate gesture at his sister’s before opening car door and ushering Rafael inside. As they pulled away Carisi rested a hand lightly on Rafael’s thigh. “Where to counsellor?”

Rafael tried to flash a smirk at the younger man but a genuine smile seemed to form instead. He wasn’t sure where this thing with Carisi was heading, but he couldn’t wait to find out.

Better With You By My Side

prompt: Dan and Phil are both sons of rich families and are sent to ballroom dancing lessons. Because there is a shortage of girls, Dan and Phil end up as partners. Phil really doesn’t want to be there and Dan doesn’t either, but is so frustrated by the fact Phil doesn’t want to dance with him he is determined to get him to.

a/n: ok well the regular updating thing’s coming along alright and by alright i mean i’m fucking embarrassed i meant to spend today revising for geography tomorrow and what do i do instead?? write a chapter nearing fucking 6k wordS i’m so sorry i hope this is alright im kinda wanting to just get on with the storyline now  sigh 




Dan wakes up surprisingly early the following morning after many failed attempts at getting back to sleep; for someone who usually tends to lay in until gone one o’clock in the afternoon, being up at half past ten is a strange novelty. He sighs, kicks his duvet off, and stares at the ceiling.

He wonders if Phil will actually show up today. He’s no stranger to ‘forgotten’ arrangements and empty porches so he certainly isn’t holding his breath, although it doesn’t stop him anxiously sweeping old socks, empty glasses and dirty plates under his bed in an attempt to make his room at least seem half-clean. Audrey will probably kill him when she finds out there’s more crockery in his bedroom than there is in the actual kitchen, but he doesn’t care. He knows she’s too preoccupied with other housework and he doesn’t want to labour her with the heavy task of his room today.

Besides, he’s not even sure Phil’s sleeping over so he’s not really sure how the effort of tidying his room up a little bit is going to pay off. It had taken constant reminding that this isn’t Ryan visiting, sleeping over without any proper night things isn’t exactly the norm in any other situation (although it’d got to the point where Ryan had a toothbrush of his own round Dan’s and most of his pyjamas fit Ryan better than they fit himself, so he didn’t exactly have to pack anything anyway).

He sighs, flopping back on his bed after cramming every crumpled item of clothing from his floor into the wardrobe until it looked as if it would only need one more sock to physically explode; covering every inch of his room in shards of wood, coat hangers and many, many hoodies.

He stares at the wardrobe doors, groaning with the pressure of staying shut. Maybe he’d be better off not taking Phil into his room at all.

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One autumn afternoon

One autumn afternoon I take the clean crockery out of the dishwasher while I am frying sausages and cooking macaroni, and when the dishwasher is empty, I load it with breakfast plates…It’s drizzling, the sky is grey and the air perfectly still. Somewhere above me there is a honk, then another, and I look up. Maybe ten geese are flying by in V-formation. I can hear their wingbeats as they lie on the air with their outstretched necks and undulating movements….

Within me the migrating birds are living a life of their own. I’m not thinking of them, but they are there, in the stream of sensations and feelings which at times freeze into images. Not clear and distinct images, as with photographs, for that isn’t how the external gets depicted within us, but as if in rifts: a few black triangles, a sky, and then that sound, of several pairs of wings beating up in the air. That sound awakens feelings. What kind of feelings? I ask myself now, as I write this. I know them so well, but only as feelings, not as thoughts or concepts. The sound of birds’ wings beating maybe fifteen metres up in the air, heard twice or thrice every autumn for forty years.

Once, in childhood, the world was boundless. Africa, Australia, Asia, America, these were places beyond the horizon, far away from everything, with inexhaustible reservoirs of animals and landscapes. That one could actually travel there was as unthinkable as that one might journey into one of the many books I read at that time. But slowly – for it didn’t come to me as a sudden insight – I began to understand what the migration of birds signified. That they flew all that way under their own power, and that the world wasn’t boundless but limited, and that neither the place they left nor the place they arrived at were abstract but concrete and local.

Yes, that is what I sensed as I wedged the spatula under the slices of sausage and placed them on the green serving dish, then poured the macaroni into a glass bowl. The world is material. We are always in a certain place. Now I am here.

~ Karl Ove Knausgaard, from “The Migration of Birds” in “Autumn” (Penguin Press, August 22, 2017)

a few updates on my life that probably only alice&izzie will read

- i got another job yesterday which is Good bc my other job has had its hours cut down and i need money but i’m lowkey terrified bc i agreed to work twenty hours a week
- it’s short term tho so hopefully i can nut it out for the month and stash away some money for new zealand
- have i mentioned i’m going to nz at the end of the year bc i’m going to nz at the end of the year expect a lot of photos of a bunch of grubby girls on mountains & eating out of badly washed camping crockery in a luridly green campervan
- also a lot of lotr references
- everyone around me is sick save me from this Plague City death will claim me soon it was nice knowing u all
- last night smo and I watched a terrible german movie w max riemelt that was literally just a fanfiction w a film budget BUT we couldn’t get the subtitles working on the TV so not only did we watch the entirety of this shitty movie we watched the entirety of this shitty movie w me reading the subtitles aloud from my laptop and trying to do voices
- we tried to do gay romance trope bingo and we really weren’t that far off
- today i was in a mood about going to work for a 7:30 shift so i dressed as what could only be described as “grotty sailor just returned from six months at sea” complete w my best scowl & STILL the drunk guy on my train at 7am tried to hit on me Someone Please Stop Men
- speaking of unwanted drunks a guy kept trying to talk to nicole and i in a bar the other night and at one point tried to impress us by writing our names in japanese
- now i mean i haven’t studied japanese since i was twelve but the v concentrated squiggle he kept drawing on a napkin was definitely Not Japanese
- [sighs for a few years]
- i have the house to myself so i’m gonna order pizza and while i wait for it to arrive i’m gonna have a bath and then i’m gonna try to be less useless & go through my messages properly for the first time in TWO MONTHS
- cool (hope u enjoyed this up in canberra)

anonymous asked:

Congrats on 100 followers, and many more to go! I have a prompt: Killian cooks some exotic meal for Emma and surprises her with his culinary skills.

I’m sorry this prompt took me so long, Anon. I’ve been working on it off and on in between BtH updates.

I decided to make this a two parter, so here’s part 1 (rated PG, so far)

Hearth and Home

For a realm without magic, it was certainly impressive in other respects.

A cornucopia was spread out before him, tiny glass jars of cumin, coriander, cinnamon, star anise, fennel seeds, and dozens more. Shelves were stocked with sugar, both coarse brown and refined white, teas, flour, there was eggs by the dozens and so much butter that he knew it couldn’t possibly be churned by hand here. In the Enchanted Forest many of the items on display were the rarest of luxuries, reserved for the nobility. Especially the spices, while he had always preferred a cargo of gold or silver, he had certainly not turned up his nose whenever he had plundered a ship carrying vanilla beans or saffron. They were nearly as valuable as precious metals there, and treated as such, but here they were all just sitting out in the open, marked with prices that made his jaw nearly drop.

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“Happy Birthday, Kindachi!”

Summary: It’s Kindaichi’s birthday. Nevertheless, his birthday’s on a Saturday, but nobody seems to know or congratulated him. Kindaichi is sent by his mother to the grocery store, and why not? He has nothing better to do. What Kindaichi would never dare dream becomes reality.


Oikawa was standing in front of the door of the house of Kindaichi, the whole team of Seijoh behind him. Everyone carried a gift in their hands, big and small, and Iwaizumi was holding a large box, which most likely hold the cake in it. Said cake had caused a lot of problems, all of their shirts need to be washed immediately, all buried in the flour; an insufferable kitchen at school, where the will be in trouble for. However, anyone can say with confidence; it was worth it. In the box is a cake that’s baked with heart and soul and the looks is something to be proud of.

 “Yahaba?” Oikawa asked to Yahaba who had walked a circle around the small house. 

“Mission Complete.”

“Is this any kind of a bad James Bond film or what?”

“So rude, Iwa-chan! We have to make sure Kindaichi isn’t home before we go in.”

“We’ve called his mother, she knows we’re coming.”

“Still, we have to make 200% sure he’s not home right now”

“Just knock on the door,” Kunimi broke the conversation between the captain and the vice captain.

“We can’t just knock on the door and say ‘hey’, Kunimi-chan.”

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