our shame

What a shame that our youth are being brought into a world that teaches hate rather than promoting love
—  Cynthia Chapman

we
wear even our
wet skin with
shame. wrapping
our innate forms
with cotton towels
(specifically) under the armpits.

it is nearly
second nature
to hide. to accept
what we aren’t. to be
told what we
aren’t. to find
comfort in insecurity
and to apologize
for letting the towel drop
to my waist.

- concealing my womanhood for society’s standardized comfort

5

A young girl climbed up a step ladder to stand at the podium before a tense Charlotte City Council meeting.

Petite in size, with braids in her hair and hearts on her t-shirt, Zianna Oliphant collected herself and delivered her message loud and clear.

“It’s a shame that our fathers and mothers are killed and we can’t see them anymore. It’s a shame that we have to go to their graveyard and bury them. We need our fathers and mothers to be by our side.”

I’m so happy for the beautiful and healthy LGBTQ+ representation in YOI episode 7 because:
  1. Beyond some mouths open in shock, no one says a word to Yuuri about the kiss. Not even the reporters afterward. The cheering doesn’t cease or decrease. No one even talked about such a public scene that invites a lot of shaming in our world.
  2. In fact, Victor got to brag about his lover on camera without inviting unnecessary predatory remarks. 
  3. 3 children (Yuko’s triplets) were watching the kiss, uncensored, as they would a kiss between a man and a woman, and none of the adults sitting around them stop them even after they realized what they were seeing. 
  4. In the YOI universe, the idea of being an LGBTQ+ individual is so normal, so acceptable, that literally no one cares who you kiss when you celebrate such a wonderful performance. 
  5. The anime producers are giving us the concept of a world we should aspire to live in.

If last week you were in despair, I hope today you experience the hope I did.

adopting a gay or bi identity is often painful for gay and bi people.

i think this is important to explain because there seems to be this idea that what questioning people need is simply to be exposed to a list of identity terms and definitions, and then they can just pick the one that feels best, or that hurts least, and voila, that’s their orientation.

but the identity that feels best isn’t always the one that’s true.

we know this because there are so many gay and bi people who once reacted to the idea of being gay or bi with strong feelings of revulsion. who would have told you, “no, i’m definitely not THAT!” i know this because i was one of those people once.

gay and bi people live in a homophobic society, which instills in us deep, toxic shame about our non-straight attraction. and our shame can make it difficult to accept an identity that acknowledges that attraction. so many of us remember telling ourselves that we were something else. wishing that we were something else.

some people really aren’t gay or bi (or pan, etc.). but questioning people deserve to know about this, and they deserve support that can help them through this.

advice for questioning people that does not take homophobia into account does not meet the needs of gay and bi people. and that’s a serious problem.

When we choose growth over perfection, we immediately increase our shame resilience. Improvement is a far more realistic goal than perfection. Merely letting go of unattainable goals makes us less susceptible to shame. When we believe “we must be this” we ignore who or what we actually are, our capacity and our limitations. We start from the image of perfection, and of course, from perfection there is nowhere to go but down.
We celebrate being autistic because doing so is a revolutionary act

In a world that tells us being autistic is worse than death, it is revolutionary to be proud of being autistic.

In a world that shames our natural ways of being, it is an act of resistance to celebrate our natural behaviors and ways of existing.

In a world that tells us we are not enough and never will be, it is a sign of strength to stay true to who we are.

We celebrate our autism. We are proud of our autism. We continue to flap and bounce and speak echolalicly and use scripts and live autisticly in a world that would rather we didn’t exist. 

To be autistic in this world is a revolutionary act of strength and for that we celebrate. 

how ironic is it that women are sexualized and objectified in every way, but the second we start to act on our sexuality we’re shamed for it? they see us as their sexual objects, but protest when we express being sexual subjects

Solidarity with women who have chosen to stop shaving but still cover their bodies. Shame over our natural state is instilled in us from puberty, even earlier in fact, and it takes time to overcome it. Years worth of conditioning cannot be undone overnight. Simply making the decision to throw away your razors is a huge one. Take it one step at a time. You’re doing great.

I would just like to point something out

To all the people on tumblr making jokes about “killing a dictator” in the Ides of March tag in a very obvious attempt to tactlessly mock/passive aggressively threaten Trump…

…You do realize that when they did that the very thing the conspirators didn’t want happened (Rome became an Empire with basically a hereditary line of absolute monarch) and they were all killed for their trouble?

You–you know that right?

Often times in the most (in)famous cases of political assassinations rater than lead to the “freeing” of the people or society it in fact often lead to the EXACT OPPOSITE since violence gives an excuse for a violent retaliation and suppression?

Can you just maturely accept that you lost a perfectly fair election and can *gaspchoke* try again next time around? Because just in case you didn’t notice we live in a beautiful place called AMERICA where we have this thing called ELECTIONS where you can, without threat of government or party reprisal, vote for whoever you want? And that the President isn’t an absolute monarch but a man hemmed in by MANY rules and laws purposely designed to limit his power so as to avoid anything even close to dictatorship?

So maybe you want to think twice before making your very tasteless (and might I add very undemocratic sentiment) public? Or just, you know, educate yourself a little bit? Please?

Complex PTSD typically includes an attachment disorder, which arises from the childhood experience of not having at least one caretaker safe enough to go to for comfort or help.When the developing child lacks a supportive parental refuge, she never learns that interrelating can soothe and metabolize confusions, conflicts and hurts. She also never learns that real intimacy grows out of sharing all of one’s experience – the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the loving and the mad. To the degree we are vulnerable and authentic in relationship, to that degree do we experience the incomparable healing power of intimacy.

However, to the degree that our caretakers attack, shame or abandon us for showing vulnerability, to that degree do we later avoid the authentic self-expression fundamental to intimacy. Inclinations to verbalize feelings, ask for help or reveal one’s struggles are short-circuited by subliminal memories of being scorned or attacked for daring to seek our parents’ support. Even worse, retaliation fantasies can plague us for hours and days on the occasions we do show our vulnerabilities.

—   pete walker, “shrinking the outer critic in complex ptsd”
8

This is “Dulceria,” my 8-portrait series of xingonxs surrounded by pan dulce and Mexican candy. This series means so much more than muxeres indulging unapologetically in food. It’s a statement about what we face being brown and womxn identifying… Being made to feel SHAME for our desires and emotions… Body shaming when we want to wear certain clothes that maybe don’t fit a certain standard. Sex shaming. Feeling guilty for indulging in the things that make us happy. Selfies. Whatever it may be that make us feel good…whether those feelings are temporary, we as muxeres deserve to experience joy, pleasure, and self confidence.

Thank you to all the beautiful muxeres who let me paint them. I appreciate you more than you know. Xoxox

@nataliaquerida @gringaxtears @xtalxicana Natalia, Cassandra, Xtal, Carina, Araceli, Yoselin, Ramona, and Anayvette.