our shame

anonymous asked:

if poc didn't talk about how much they hated us then maybe people wouldn't go this far 🤔

Maybe if white people didn’t talk about how much they hated us, enslaved us, beat out ancestors, stole our land, stole people from their homelands, raped us, killed us, choked out our cultures, shamed us for our skin, shamed us for our language, shamed us for our accents, we wouldn’t be trying to kill y’all now, but!

Guess who just got murdered~

Some sketches for my favorite dorito shaped demon, rest in pieces lol

(Dear mom and dad, please don’t kill me over this permanent choice. I want you to hear me out.)

Today, I am coming out with something that only few of you know. I am ready to have a conversation about my mental illness.

Last year, I was diagnosed with depression. And in all honesty, I believe it was a problem for quite a while before that, but I think it just got worse to the point of hardly functioning.

So today, I got this tattoo. I feel that my leg was the best place for the meaning behind it. When everyone else sees it, they see “I’m fine,” but from my viewpoint, it reads “save me.” To me, it means that others see this person that seems okay, but, in reality, is not okay at all. It reminds me that people who may appear happy, may be at battle with themselves.

To me, depression is the days that I feel sad for no reason.
Depression is the mornings that I don’t feel capable of getting out of bed.
Depression is the sleeping too much, or sleeping too little.
Depression is the homework that I never completed, simply because I didn’t feel like I was capable.
Depression is the break downs I have over absolutely nothing.
Depression is the eating too much, or eating too little.
Depression is the nights I begin to cry because I feel so overwhelmed, even though everything is going right.
Depression is the 50 pounds I carry in my chest at all times.
Depression is the need to constantly be distracted (being on social media, playing video games, watching movies or shows, or working all the time) because I can’t trust myself with my thoughts for longer than 3 minutes.
Depression is the friendships that have suffered because of my inability to function.
Depression is the hurtful thoughts and actions I have towards myself.
Depression is the tears I have because I don’t know why I feel so worthless, when I know I should feel happy.

This is one of the most difficult things to open up about because it’s extremely hard for me to feel vulnerable…but this needs to be talked about. Mental illness is serious, but so shamed in our society. We care so much for our physical health, but hardly a thing about our mental state. And that is seriously messed up. Mental illness is not a choice and will likely hit everyone at some point in their life. If it’s such a huge issue, why aren’t we having this conversation about it?

That’s why I got this tattoo; they are great conversation starters. This forces me to talk about my own struggle, and why the awareness of it is important. You’d be surprised by how many people YOU know that struggle with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. I may only be one person, but one can save another…and that’s all I could really ask for.

Maybe this is part of why I am so interested in psychology. I want to help people who feel the way I have—and still do—because it’s hell. And I don’t wish that upon anyone.

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”
—Robin Williams

**Also, THANK YOU to the ones who have helped me in this battle. I would not be where I am without you.**

Vague Horoscopes (April 10th, 2017)
  • *Mercury has just gone into Retrograde
  • Aries: Your reactions aren't to be shamed.
  • Taurus: Our minds wander and we ask ourselves "What should I spend my energy on?"
  • Gemini: Your self worth has not changed. You're still the same beautiful person you were yesterday.
  • Cancer: It is easy to avoid your problems, to disappear into a dream. But, that doesn't mean it's healthy.
  • Leo: The words of others hurt more than ever.
  • Virgo: These wounds aren't imaginary. But are the ways your healing them healthy?
  • Libra: We look into the mirror to see a sea in our own eyes, remember not to let them make you blind.
  • Scorpio: We cause our own stress by over-analyzing.
  • Sagittarius: Our days feel like whip-lash. One moment we laugh, and the next we're stopped in our tracks.
  • Capricorn: Our darkest thoughts come to life, in stress that is infinite in these times.
  • Aquarius: We are rich in denial, and others cannot understand this.
  • Pisces: Do not lose yourself to these broken times. The hurt ends in dreams, but healing comes better in actions, it seems.
I'm Kink Shaming

Context: Our group had just finished dealing with some bandits and their wolfs, and our half-elf cowboy managed to tie one of the bandits up to interrogat him about the bandit hideout. So three of us out of the group ( the half-elf, dragonborn paddlin and (me) the half-orc fighter) surrounded him. We all had trouble rolling for intimidation and the bandit was an rudeass who insulted us, but my poor half-orc was embarrassed the most by what happened to her.

Half-orc: That’s it, I’ve had it with this stubborn rude bandit! I’m going to threaten him with my whip!

DM: So you’re going to hit him with it or is it for intimidation?

Half-orc: Intimidation!

DM: Ok roll for intimidation.

Half-orc: *rolls a nat’ 1* Shit!

DM: As you raise your whip over your head, it comes back and smacks you in the ass.

Bandit: *in seeing this the bandit says:* Are you some kinda kink freak?

*and then everyone in the group proceeds to laugh their asses off*

Solidarity with women who have chosen to stop shaving but still cover their bodies. Shame over our natural state is instilled in us from puberty, even earlier in fact, and it takes time to overcome it. Years worth of conditioning cannot be undone overnight. Simply making the decision to throw away your razors is a huge one. Take it one step at a time. You’re doing great.

Subtle Magical Practice

Some of us live an environment where we cannot practice our craft openly.  It is a shame but our living situation is what it is.  So this is for those of you - of age of course- who cannot openly practice magic!

Energy working

This is a method that requires pretty much no tools so there’s not much to hide.  You can set barriers and shields with this method and no one ever can see.  However, if your spiritual strength is a bit on the low end, this is also a great way to start trying to increase it.  Like working out for your spirit power.

Here’s a post with various sources on energy working!

Kitchen Magic

This is one that if you like cooking, you can do without ever being suspected.  This is also a perfect excuse to have a lot of herbs because you can claim its for cooking!  I’m afraid I’m not particularly versed in it so I don’t really have any recipes to give but you can find a ton within the kitchen magic tag!

Music

Music can be paired, I think, with energy work and it can be used for a lot!  Especially if it has an emotive response for you!  Music tends to give me emotional responses and I have used it on more than one occasion to cleanse, lift the air and even give myself a boost in power.  You can even pull song lyrics to help make a spell incantation!  I can’t really tell you specifically which songs to use because this all would depend on how music effects you.  But it is certainly an option!  You can also sing or play your own instrument if you can to fuel a spell or cleanse!

Water, Water, Everywhere

Keep your empty bottles and you can store water of different types in there. Moon water, Storm water, Sun water, Sea water (if you are near the ocean), or even just add some salt to your water bottle.   You can keep it in a drawer or something and it is pretty versatile.  Salt water/sea water is great for cleansing and banishing and I love to use Storm water for the same purpose!  And if your family or roommates find it, so what?  All they’ll see are bottles of water.

Pop Culture Magic

As a nerd, I like the idea of charging up video game symbols or something and using it as something witchy.  And to others, it can just look like you are just wearing nerdy regalia.  Got a cool necklace from your favorite tv show?  Great!  Charge that sucker up in sun or moonlight and wear it around with you as a special charm!  Like some symbols from that video game you like?  Awesome!  Use it to make a special sigil of your own!

Sigils

Now that we’ve mentioned sigils, those are actually pretty great too!  You can use a pen to draw them on your skin somewhere under your clothes.  Draw it into the soup you are about to eat, use your concealer to draw it on your face and blend it in, draw it on a sheet of paper and put it in your pocket to carry with you.  Draw it on the inside of your tag on your shirt or jacket!  Hell, draw it and take a picture of it and set it as your phone background!  Sigils are extremely versatile and easy to keep very subtle!

Glamour Magic

This is a big one and really easy to disguise.  Use your make up to cast a spell on yourself for the day!  Charge your make up in moonlight to give it some extra strength!  Don’t wear make up?  That’s cool too!  Chapstick charged in moonlight is great!  You can also use your facial scrub or soap and use it as a cleansing ritual.  You can also use your clothes!  Charge up your clothes with moon or sunlight!  You can also charge them with your intent and focus on that intent becoming a part of you as you put them on!  You can also incorporate knot magic and braid your hair to lock in the spell so to speak or focus on the braid and it’s weaving together what you want to happen!  You can also use your cologne or perfume to set your tone for the day!

Candles

If you are allowed to burn them, they can be helpful as well!  All you have to do is say you like to have nice smelling candles!  And speaking of scents, aromatherapy is a great tool as well!  You can carve sigils into candles, anoint them with different waters and herbs!  

Bath Magic

Oh boy this is a good one and also great for self care and cleansing!  You can charge up your favorite soaps, body washes and shampoos in the sun or moonlight!  You can also mix a bit of your different waters in with them!  I like to take my body wash and mix in some herbs!  Rosemary is a great one for cleansing and protection.  You can use bath salts to help with cleansing and there all kinds of things you can add in there!  Throw in some lemon slices, orange slices just some really great stuff and it makes you feel so nice!

Divination

Not really magic but I’m including it because in theory if you are in a situation where you can’t practice magic, you are probably in a situation in which you can’t openly do tarot either.  Shufflemancy is a good one because all you need is your music.  That’s it.  Nothing suspicious about that.  You just shuffle whether specified by another person or by when you think you should stop and give a reading based on the song that came up.  You can also use Stichomancy (with books) or Bibliomancy (which is with the Bible.  How’s THAT for ironic?  HAH!) 

That’s what I’ve got for now but I’m sure there are other options to pursue.  I hope this was helpful to some of you!

Safe Travels

The last clip.

Everyone is gathered around a long table. The table of covered in a variety of wonderful food, and everyone is dressed in their best clothes. They all look beautiful, their faces bathed in golden light from candles on the table.

The camera pans slowly around to each person at the table as they laugh and talk and smile.

We hear Jonas’ voice.

“A world full of opportunities. A world where dreams can come true.”

The laughter at the table breaks his words.

“It sounds fantastic. And it is fantastic. But it’s not the whole truth.”

Jonas is watching them all with a small smile.

“We all have our shame, but that shame is what makes us grow. We learn from it, and we learn from others.”

The camera is focused on Eva, who laughs and drinks from a glass and talks loud. She is surrounded by the girl squad.

“We have learned to stand together.”

To Chris, who is laughing and taking selfies with the balloon squad.

“To dare to be ourselves.”

Vilde is shown dancing with Magnus, then another shot of her leaning on Eva and smiling into Eva’s shoulder.

“We’ve learned that fitting in is never as important as those who truly care about you,”

To Noora, who shares a knowing, smirking look with Sana, which blooms into a smile,

“…and those who truly care about you will always be there when you need them.”

The camera pans to Eskild, who is dancing with Linn,

“We’ve learned never to put ourselves above anyone else,”

Elias looks around to all of his boys before sharing a look with Sana,

“…and to always look out for one another.”

We see Even looking around him, at all of these people who love and care about him, and he pulls Isak in and kisses him on the cheek.

“Because you are not alone,”

Isak kisses Even, then turns to look at Sana, who winks at him.

“…And it’s better to build bridges than walls.”

We then see a shot of just Sana smiling, looking at all of her friends gathered.

“We’ve learned that hate doesn’t come from religion, it comes from fear.”

We see her phone screen light up. A facetime call from Yousef. She picks it up and Yousef’s face appears on the screen. We hear a faint “eid mubarak!” from her phone, amongst all the chatter and laughter and sounds of forks on plates. Sana smiles her widest, happiest smile.

The door opens suddenly. Yousef appears through the doorway, locking his phone and putting it in his pocket.

Sana smiles even wider. She runs up to him and nearly tackles him in a hug. Everyone cheers.

“We’ve learned that true love always finds a way.”

The camera pans back out. We hear the laughter and see the smiles of everyone from the end of the table, as if you are sitting there with all of them. The laughter fades until it’s nearly silent.

“But never forget….”

The screen goes black. The audio goes silent.

“Alt er love.”

A moment of silence, then Laughter Lines by Bastille plays as the credits roll.


“I’ll see you in the future when we’re older

And we are full of stories to be told

Cross my heart and hope to die

I’ll see you with your laughter lines”

some of yall are just real fucking unsympathetic to mentally ill people and it’s truly disgusting.

do you not realise that a lot of mentally ill people, myself included, are absolutely riddled with shame over our illness? over how it makes us behave? over how it might burden our loved ones? or make them think differently about us? or not want to associate with us anymore??

and you have the audacity to throw that back in our faces and act like it makes “manipulative liars” for not revealing every single painful part of ourselves to people we know? this exact attitude is what causes the shame and stigma that exacerbates these feelings. get wrecked.

An assortment of ‘apartment’ plots I need:

The walls are paper thin and…

  • The walls are paper thin and I can always hear you having sex and honestly idk if i’m more jealous because i’m not getting any or irritated because it’s keeping me up at night?
  • The walls are paper thin and you’re always singing in the shower, and honestly you’re terrible but idk how to tell you, so I’ve just started to play music over you but you seem to know every song and it only makes you sing louder??
  • The walls are paper thin and you just heard the brutal break up of me and my ex, and now you’re trying to comfort me through the walls and it’s kinda awkward but it’s also helping so?
  • The walls are paper thin and every night I watch jeopardy and I guess you’re really smart because every night you shout out the correct answer and at this point I’m not sure there’s a question you can’t answer?
  • The walls are paper thin and I hear you having obnoxious parties every night, and I would be mad but at the end of it all I can hear you crying yourself to sleep and i’m actually kind of worried about this lifestyle you’re living?
  • The walls are paper thin and i’m not even really sure how it started but every night we have conversations about our day over dinner and at this point idk why I haven’t just invited you over? 

You broke into my apartment… (also works the other way around)

  • You were drunk and you broke into my apartment and I would call the cops but you’re kind of out like a light so I’d kind of feel bad but you bet your ass i’ll be waiting for you to wake up until morning so I can ask who the fuck you are?
  • You were drunk and you broke into my apartment and when you found out this wasn’t your friend’s apartment you started crying and I really don’t know what to do?
  • You were drunk and you climbed in through my apartment window and I’m not really sure how you managed it because not only is the fire escape broken but you are really fucking plastered? Please, teach me your skills?
  • You broke into my apartment to avoid something and you won’t really tell me what it is and i’m actually kind of afraid you might be a murderer so why shouldn’t I call the cops?
  • You snuck into my apartment to avoid your ex while my door was open for groceries and I got so scared I spilled the milk everywhere?
  • You broke into my apartment while I was out for whatever reason and when I came home I knocked you out and now you’re unconscious on my floor and idk what to do?

We always see each other in the elevator…

  • We always see each other in the elevator during our walk of shame and it’s gotten to the point where we just share our escapades now and why haven’t we slept together yet?
  • We always see each other in the elevator and it’s inanely awkward because we both live on the top floor of this really tall apartment complex and we always ride in silence because the one time I tried talking to you I fucked up REALLY bad.
  • We always see each other in the elevator and now we’ve gotten stuck because of a power outage so really, I guess we should get to know one another at this point.
  • We always see each other in the elevator and it’s blatantly obvious you’re terrified of them even if you insist you aren’t.
  • We always see each other in the elevator and I know it’s you who didn’t hold the elevator the one time I was carrying something really heavy and I swear, I will get my revenge.
  • Someone else did this but this is my take on the album messages/stories of the albums.
  • AWKIF: We're kids in an adult's world. Our lives are changing, relationships are breaking down, we're far from home, and it's scary.
  • Riot!: We feel all our emotions without shame and we're gonna speak our damn minds.
  • Brand New Eyes: We believe in love even though it's sometimes hard and scary. Sometimes it's hard to like the people you love, and you gotta be honest even if it's painful and have an open mind to keep on loving those people.
  • Paramore: It's okay to grow up. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be happy.
  • After Laughter: Sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom before you can start to build yourself up again. It's time to wipe the slate clean, start over, and fight your demons. Forgive, but don't forget.
7

Like many dark skin girls i used to wish that i had lighter skin, because light skinned girls were the one’s always being praised for their beauty meanwhile we were being shamed for ours. But black Tumblr taught me self love and helped me to see the beauty in dark skin and it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me.✊✊ IG: pendadoucouree

Complex PTSD typically includes an attachment disorder, which arises from the childhood experience of not having at least one caretaker safe enough to go to for comfort or help.When the developing child lacks a supportive parental refuge, she never learns that interrelating can soothe and metabolize confusions, conflicts and hurts. She also never learns that real intimacy grows out of sharing all of one’s experience – the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the loving and the mad. To the degree we are vulnerable and authentic in relationship, to that degree do we experience the incomparable healing power of intimacy.

However, to the degree that our caretakers attack, shame or abandon us for showing vulnerability, to that degree do we later avoid the authentic self-expression fundamental to intimacy. Inclinations to verbalize feelings, ask for help or reveal one’s struggles are short-circuited by subliminal memories of being scorned or attacked for daring to seek our parents’ support. Even worse, retaliation fantasies can plague us for hours and days on the occasions we do show our vulnerabilities.

—   pete walker, “shrinking the outer critic in complex ptsd”
5

A young girl climbed up a step ladder to stand at the podium before a tense Charlotte City Council meeting.

Petite in size, with braids in her hair and hearts on her t-shirt, Zianna Oliphant collected herself and delivered her message loud and clear.

“It’s a shame that our fathers and mothers are killed and we can’t see them anymore. It’s a shame that we have to go to their graveyard and bury them. We need our fathers and mothers to be by our side.”

I would just like to point something out

To all the people on tumblr making jokes about “killing a dictator” in the Ides of March tag in a very obvious attempt to tactlessly mock/passive aggressively threaten Trump…

…You do realize that when they did that the very thing the conspirators didn’t want happened (Rome became an Empire with basically a hereditary line of absolute monarch) and they were all killed for their trouble?

You–you know that right?

Often times in the most (in)famous cases of political assassinations rater than lead to the “freeing” of the people or society it in fact often lead to the EXACT OPPOSITE since violence gives an excuse for a violent retaliation and suppression?

Can you just maturely accept that you lost a perfectly fair election and can *gaspchoke* try again next time around? Because just in case you didn’t notice we live in a beautiful place called AMERICA where we have this thing called ELECTIONS where you can, without threat of government or party reprisal, vote for whoever you want? And that the President isn’t an absolute monarch but a man hemmed in by MANY rules and laws purposely designed to limit his power so as to avoid anything even close to dictatorship?

So maybe you want to think twice before making your very tasteless (and might I add very undemocratic sentiment) public? Or just, you know, educate yourself a little bit? Please?

Let’s talk sex.

Let’s talk sex. It’s okay for a girl to choose to wait to have sex until she’s emotionally connected to someone. It’s okay for a girl to choose to be a virgin until she finds the right guy. It’s okay for these girls to love men who view sex differently than them. 

All people are different and view sex differently. There are girls who love one-night stands. There are girls who view sex as a physical act only, no love or emotions necessary. All of these girls exist in all of our novels. (*spoilers* Katya talks about this in Infini.) 

Another thing to all the twenty-and-thirty-something-year-old virgins. You’re allowed to maintain your virginity. You’re not weak or a doormat for choosing to be with a sexually experienced guy or waiting to be in love or waiting for them. You’re allowed to process your emotions, even if you’re hung up on one guy, and act accordingly. Just like guys are allowed to do the same. 

None of the heroes or heroines in our novels shames anyone for their choices concerning sex. But we see, all the time, people shaming them for their choices. 

You know what’s wrong? Believing a woman is weak for choosing to remain celibate just because a guy has chosen differently than her. 

She does not have to do what the guy does if she doesn’t feel like it. 

We see all sorts of criticism for our books, but the most prevalent are directed towards our female characters and their choices concerning sex. People view Lily Calloway – our sexually active character – as a slut and gross. People view our twenty-something virgin Rose Calloway as unbelievable (and in some cases weak, except her ice-cold personality makes up for it somehow). And now people view our female character who needs an emotional connection to have sex as a weak doormat. 

Here’s what we’ve deduced (*spoiler alert, we don’t agree*): 

So these girls can be all of these things, but the guy has to be these things too: the guy has to be a virgin if she’s a virgin. The guy has to remain celibate if she’s celibate. The guy has to be as sexually active (or more) than the sexually active girl? 

Likewise, if all of these guys are sexually active, then the girls better not be waiting around for emotional or personal reasons – any reason they give does not matter – they better be sexually active too. But just the right amount. 

We’re sorry; we don’t believe in this.

note: this isn’t directed at any specific review. This is 4 yrs of us processing what people have said in various places over the past four years.