our president is awesome

roxyblade  asked:

Hey! So, I fell over at the weekend and broke my elbow. 27 years old and the first bone I've broken. I was wondering if you could write some sterek to cheer me up so I don't feel like such a twat?

[i hope your elbow feels better and is well on its way to healing! have some high school au + sterek + obliviousness]

Stiles scowls, wincing at the pain and switches hands, grabbing for the box of cereal with his right hand. It feels weird, off balance, but he can do it. The bowl and spoon are balanced precariously in his other hand, somewhat hindered by the cast, but he can manage this. He pours a healthy amount of Froot Loops into his bowl, biting his lip and crooning in satisfaction when he succeeds. Milk is next, and it’s a bit more difficult with the gallon jug in his non-dominant hand. The jug is a new one, too, heavy and full, and Stiles only wants so much–

The jug tips over, spilling milk everywhere, and Stiles curses as he tries to upright it, only to knock his cereal to the floor.

“Fuck.”

He misses Scott already, and the first week after he broke his elbow his best friend had gallantly been there for him to be awesome and help with all these random things. And it totally wasn’t at all different from any other summer, hanging out with Scott everyday, Stiles didn’t even notice his entire arm was in this huge cast. He could still play video games fine, watch movies with Scott and laugh at his jokes.

But Scott got wrangled into spending a weekend with his dad in San Francisco, and now Stiles has nothing to do except his summer reading for AP English next year.

And he’s going to have a huge mess when his dad gets home, this is the worst.

Stiles kicks at the mess with his foot, and then jumps up when the phone in his pocket buzzes.

He finds a text from an unknown number that reads, did you finish the first part of the reading yet, we need to start planning the analysis section.

Right, someone from his literature group probably. Stiles types back, ITS THE FIRST WEEK OF SUMMER CHILL and then wipes the milk off his phone. Gross.

Keep reading

So most Americans that are still in school and on tumblr are rejoicing the end of the first semester of school, and so, in celebration, I have made a compilation of out of context quotes I’ve heard throughout the school this semester. Enjoy!

  • “Dorito Josh- he gave me a dorito once, he’s cool.”
  • “Okay, so now….” *leaves*
  • “You used me as a meat-shield!” “I used you as a snow plow!”
  • “Because ‘r’ is what?” “The devil.” “That’s right.”
  • “It’s a good thing we’re not teaching this class at 2:15 in the afternoon because we’d be racing spinny chairs in the office.”
  • “So she’s like 50…. and she’s dating like a 70 or…. 80 man….”
  • “And the last thing I heard was ‘impregnate your mouth’.” “WHOA, KANYE”
  • “The only thing I’m willing to pay for is Goat Simulator.”
  • “So if anyone wants to watch VegeTales!”
  • “I forgot to bring a chicken pot pie today.”
  • “Remember when he interrupted out hangman game and thought he was a part of it?” “Everyone interrupted our hangman game, get over it.”
  • “I like how it slowly goes into the hole.”
  • “Think of every known definition of the word ‘bad’, and combine it into one word, and that’s what it is.”
  • “He’s the Christmas devil.”
  • “There’s nothing quite like waking up being attacked by a furry animal in the middle of the night and going ‘oh! It’s just a leg!’”
  • “I wanna see superman fight the hulk.”
  • “IT’S A HOMOSEXUAL!”
  • “Naruto is the best cartoon! In fact, I’ve learned a thing or two from Naruto! HIYA!”
  • “Jar-Jar [Binks] is pulling the strings.”
  • “I have a funny joke.” “Is it actually funny?” “Well, I think it’s funny, so probably not.”
  • “(Humming the French national anthem)”
  • “Don’t touch my face, you criminal.”
  • “Dude, look up minion hate, right now.”
  • “You really COULD grate cheese on that thing.” “What thing?” “John Cena.”
  • “Honestly, this grade is better than it was at my old school.” “Yeah, but you could still try passing .”
  • “I’ll only accept it if it’s straight trash.”
  • “That actually looks like an anime.”
  • “Just watch it.” “No, I wanna keep my innocence.”
  • “Holy feels frog, batman!”
  • “That’s a square circle!”
  • “Memes are older than us.”
  • “George Lopez should be a meme.” “I’m pretty sure he is, just secretly.”
  • (Teen)“Children love me.” (Child)“No they don’t.”
  • “I’LL SHOW YOU DARUDE : SANDSTORM.”
  • (Person A) “Dude, that’s a weapon!” (Person B) “it is NOT a weapon….” (Person C) “No man, that’s totally a weapon.”
  • “And no one’s gonna mess with me because I’m what?” “A badass.” “Exactly.”
  • “Taft- our fattest president. Got stuck in a bathtub. He was awesome.”
  • *nacho libre impressions*
  • “Go ‘f’ yourself, you pretentious website!”
  • “I just watched this video yesterday!” “Were you in a different country yesterday?” “Apparently!”
  • “Get your cameras ready, we’re about to witness a dude pee his pants in class!”
  • “We’ll all be youtube stars!” “If it’s available in our country!” “Oh, it will be available in our country! And in China!”
  • “I think it’s illegal to marry your first cousin because, like, you can’t reproduce after three or something.”
  • “I’ll fight you! With my num-chucks!”
  • “No, you’re ridiculous! You and your hair.”
  • “Lookie lookie lookie! I made a turtle!” “You are a turtle.” “QUACK!”
  • “People in Africa are so black that they’re purple.”
  • “This is america we can do what want.” “Including having homeless people.” “Naked homeless people.”
  • “I saw him and I was like *inhuman noises*.”
  • “What color’s beige?”
  • “You weirdo, you’re like my cat.”
  • “At age 6, I was born without a face.”
  • (Kid) “If you don’t put enough yeast in the bread, it won’t rise!” (Culinary teacher) “Yes, that’s exactly right, thank you!” (Kid) “And if you put too much phosphorus in the meth, it won’t cook correctly!” (Teacher) “I- w-… well I wouldn’t know about that….” (other kid) “Well, he’s not wrong.”
  • “I do have a heart condition, that’s very mean!” “What is it?” “I care too much, that’s my heart condition.”
  • “It’s not the size of the hand, but the willingness to pinch.”
  • “Oliver says he has to be intoxicated to interact with me.”
  • “My mom has gray hairs because of me.” “My mom names her gray hairs she got because of me.”
  • “YOU’RE A WIZARD, HARRY, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.” “I DON’T GIVE A BLOODY FUCK WHAT YOU THINK!”
  • “What if a zombie just like did ballet?“
  • ”'We don’t even get polio, why do we need to vaccinate?’ And I said ‘We don’t have polio BECAUSE WE VACCINATED.’“
  • “The dealers job is to steak- steak? The dealers job is to TAKE– man now I’m thinking about steak….”
  • “He only knows porn is blocked because he’s tried it.”
  • “Come back, Roosevelt.”
  • “He has an afro, but I’m applying physics.”
  • “Fight fire with funk.”
  • “I heard breathing behind me and I was like 'oh, satan, what have I done?’”
  • “I’m a satanist, not a sadist!”
  • “Do you wanna be in our spaghetti legs?”
  • “I just decided I want a pet duck.” “They’re assholes.”
  • “Horses are just eggs on legs.”
  • “It’s called 'relationship goals’, guys.”
  • “Check out deez nutz.” “Stop it.”
  • “Let’s be Gongus Khan.”
  • “I CAN INSULT CHINESE PEOPLE IF I WANT TO!”
  • “I say we do racist flies - that is, flies that are racist.”
  • “I use the word 'weeaboo’ very lightly.”
  • “I’m not a booty – like little booties….”
  • “Nice to meet you, Hungry, I’m Dad.”
  • “I give birth just a little bit more every time he sings.” (I couldn’t make this up if I tried. They noticed the face I made after.)
  • “Purge needs to happen for a reason.”
  • “Skeleton for sale, $5.”
  • “Sophie we made you a cookie!” “Yeah, we made you a cookie!” “We gave you lots of sprinkles because we thought you liked sprinkles!” “And because it tastes gross without it don’t lie!”
  • “If someone were to hand me a bag of garbage with my name on it I’d be like 'thank you’.”
  • (Several boys repeating the same line in the same surprised tone) “She’s pregnant?”
  • (Literally as loud as he could yell) “I’M SO FREAKING ANGRY! A BUTTON ON MY SHIRT CAME OFF!”
  • “Goddang white people….”
  • *singing supernatural version of shake it off* “we’re so fucking annoying.”
  • “We’re gonna get busted for watching pornography.”
  • “That’s creepy, can I snapchat that?”
  • “It’s too big, I don’t want it.” “That’s what she said.”
  • “Daddy could be used for different things.”

And finally….

  • “Krampus is me after finals.”

My favorite 10 weeks of every decade are the Olympics. Seeing the world come together, unified, spreading important messages, and having pride in diversity while recognizing that we are all human….that’s what the Olympics are all about. Rio’s opening ceremony was fantastic.

2

We cast this message into the cosmos. It is likely to survive a billion years into our future, when our civilization is profoundly altered and the surface of the Earth may be vastly changed. Of the 200 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy, some–perhaps many–may have inhabited planets and space-faring civilizations. If one such civilization intercepts Voyager and can understand these recorded contents, here is our message:

This is a present from a small distant world, a token of our sounds, our science, our images, our music, our thoughts, and our feelings. We are attempting to survive our time so we may live into yours. We hope someday, having solved the problems we face, to join a community of galactic civilizations. This record represents our hope and our determination, and our good will in a vast and awesome universe.

-President Jimmy Carter (July 29, 1977)