our overlords

Really whenever I need cheering up I just imagine the plot of a classic Simpsons episode except Usagi Tsukino is in Homer’s place because it would always be 100% canon:

EXAMPLE: “Deep Space Usagi” as a ratings stunt, Usagi is sent on a space ship as an “average person” (winning the competition by mere default), where she proceeds to open a bag of contraband potato chips and accidentally smashes open an ant farm. 

😤😤😤Talos the mighty! 💪💪💪Talos the unerring! 💯💯💯Talos the unassailable! ✊✊✊To you we give praise!🙏🙇🙌

We are but maggots, 🐛🐛writhing 〰in the filth 👣👣👣of our own corruption! 💰💲🚫🔪While you have ascended😱😇 from the dung💩💩 of mortality, 👥💀and now walk among the stars!🌠⭐✨

But you were once man!👨👨👨 Aye!✅✔✅ And as man, 👦👦you said, “Let me show you the power💪💪💪💪 of Talos Stormcrown⚡👑🔱, born of the North,🆙🔝☝ where my breath 💨💨💨is long winter. ❄⛄I breathe😤😧 now, in royalty,💍👑💲and reshape this land🌐🌄 which is mine. I do this for you,👉👉 Red Legions, for I love you💞💞💞.”

Aye, love. ❤❤❤Love! 💓💓💓Even as man,👴👴👴 great Talos cherished us. 😭😢For he saw in us, 👐👐in each of us,👫👬👭 the future of Skyrim! 👏👏The future of Tamriel!👏👏👏

And there it is, friends! 🙏🙏The ugly truth! 🙀🙀🙀We are the children of man! 👦👨👴Talos is the true god😇⛪💒 of man! Ascended 🙌😇from flesh,👃👃👃 to rule the realm of spirit!👻👻👻👻

The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven👱👱👱 overlords! 👺👺Sharing the heavens 🌌🌌with us? With man?👮👷💂 Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!🌎🌏🌍

Today, they take away your faith.🚫⛪🚫 But what of tomorrow?⁉⁉ What then? Do the elves 👱👱take your homes? 🏠🏠🏠Your businesses? 🏧🏦🏥Your children? 👪👪👪Your very lives?🔪🔪🔪

And what does the Empire do?🏰🏰 Nothing! ❌❌❌Nay, worse than nothing! ❎❎❎The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!🙅🙅🙅 Against its own people!😠😠😠😠

So rise up! ☝☝Rise up,👆👆👆 children👶👶👶 of the Empire! 🏰🏰Rise up, 🆙🆙🆙Stormcloaks!💧⚡ Embrace the word of mighty 💪💪Talos, he who is both man and Divine!👼👼👼

For we are the children of man!👶👦👦 And we shall inherit both the heavens🌌🌌🌌 and the earth! 🌎🌏🌍And we, not the Elves👱👱👱 or their toadies, 🐸🐸🐸will rule Skyrim! Forever!💯✔💯

Terrible and powerful Talos! 👑👑👑We, your unworthy servants,🙏🙏🙏 give praise! 🙌🙌🙌For only through your grace and benevolence 💓💓may we truly reach enlightenment!👍👍👍

And deserve our praise you do, 👏👏👏for we are one! 👐Ere you ascended 😇😇😠and the Eight🕗🕗🕗 became Nine, 🕘🕘🕘you walked👣👣 among us, great Talos, not as god, 🚫👼🚫but as man!👲👳💂

Trust in me, Whiterun! 👌👌👌Trust in the words of Heimskr! 👍👍👍For I am the chosen✔✔ of Talos! 👀👀👀I alone have been anointed 💦💦💦by the Ninth 🕘🕘to spread his holy ⛪⛪⛪word!💌💌💌

OKAY SO IF YOU DON’T LIVE IN DENVER, COLORADO, USA, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT THE GIANT DEMON HORSE aka BLUECIFER aka CABALLO DIABLO

first things first, gaze upon this majestic fucker:

and, in case you felt like sleeping tonight, gaze upon him again:

this is denver international airport’s fabled demon horse, a gigantic 32-foot, 9000-lb statue embodying the terror and eldritch nature of death itself. locals have lovingly nicknamed it “bluecifer”, because we love our murder child

and i do mean murder

in case the GLOWING RED EYES staring into your soul weren’t enough to tell you old bluecifer is bad news, you should know that in the process of its construction the thing was responsible for the death of its creator. part of it injured him fatally.

we welcome people to the state of colorado with a murderous demon horse that haunts your nightmares for the rest of time. we’re a nice place, really

people are divided on their opinions of the thing for obvious reasons, but for those of us that enjoy having an elder god living on our doorsteps, someone has created and runs a twitter account for bluecifer that acts… well, exactly the way you’d expect a giant blue murder horse should

all hail our horse overlord

The signs as "ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DATING WTF"
  • Aries & Aquarius: Weird dweebs who make nacho baked potatoes while playing final fantasy, they act like friends.
  • Taurus & Pisces : "we are just friends" YA OK, and I'm the president of the universe.
  • Gemini & Aries: sporty cute couple where u use half of their names and refer to them both as such.
  • Cancer & Taurus: they are still your friend, they just don't leave the house, like ever, thanks to amazon.
  • Leo & Gemini: beautiful socialite power couple who knows everyone's secrets. Every. Ones.
  • Virgo & Cancer: the whole relationship is a battle of who can spoil the other more.its sweet, it makes you sick to ur stomach.
  • Libra & Leo: the beautiful socialite couple that talks shit about everyone. Not even their mothers are safe.
  • Scorpio & Virgo: one criticized your outfit and style, one criticized your soul. Then. They traded. You're traumatized but they seem happy.
  • Sagittarius & Libra: they ditch plans together and communicate exclusively with memes. Goals?
  • Capricorn & Scorpio: they will be our Supreme Overlords™ one day, but today they make oogley eyes at each other over sushi dates
  • Aquarius & Sagittarius: super casual but yet they are always together.
  • Pisces & Capricorn: classic dreamer/realist vibes, plot twist tho. Pisces is the realist and Capricorn is the dreamer.
buzzfeed.com
Everything You Need To Know About The Conspiracy That Justin Bieber Was Caught Shapeshifting Into His "Reptilian Form" While Touring Australia
Strap in kids, hold on tight.
By Brad Esposito

BuzzFeed News contacted the editors of Perth Now and asked if they published the story that potentially outed Bieber as a reptilian. Ben Martin, head of digital content, denied publishing it (but of course HE WOULD) and said that after a search of their CMS there was no mention of Bieber’s “cold-blooded antics”.

“I’m sad to say that we did not publish that piece,” he said.

Martin said Perth Now doesn’t use upper case on the first letter of every word in its headlines (“that’s for Ridiculous Conspiracy Theory Websites”); there was no full URL published “although our Illuminati Google Overlords could probably do a CTRL-X on that”; and the weather forecast for the day was wrong.

ᕕ_ᐛ_ᕗ  

emma-blackthron  asked:

So how do you plan on publishing TLH? Like, are you doing Lady Midnight (already published), Lord of Shadows (almost out!!!), Chain of Gold, Chain of Iron, with Queen of Shadows and Chain of Thorns coming out relatively close together? (Like, within thr same month?)

Close!

Lord of Shadows (2017)

Chain of Gold (2018, Fall)

Queen of Air and Darkness (2019)

Chain of Iron (2020)

Chain of Thorns (2021)

After that we will all be serving as D-cell batteries for our new robot overlords so I haven’t made concrete plans.

Microsoft Windows has developed a reputation of being the overbearing mother of operating software. With every new iteration, it takes on more and more unremovable features – for our own good, of course. And while hundreds of forums now dedicate themselves to complaining about the fascist Windows machine, the rebellion started with Nathan Lineback and his burning hatred for Internet Explorer.

On the front, Nathan’s Toasty Technology Page looks like any other ancient website set up by some ‘90s OG (original geek). But with some detective work, you can spot a link to a more radical page, subtly titled “IE is EVIL!!!” Clicking on it enters you into a hellscape wherein Bill Gates is Satan, a bespectacled supervillain who is trying to take over the world by packaging Internet Explorer with Windows 95. Not exactly Ultron-level evil, but definitely Lex Luthor having an off day.

If you think that IE is EVIL!!! went the way of, well, Internet Explorer, think again. Lineback is still fighting the good fight against our tech overlords, the last update in his “rants” section being in December of 2016.

10 Insane Old Websites Nobody Ever Thought To Delete