otp:-no-going-back

Enough. (an evak ficlet)

Outside, the rain has started to get heavier. It beats down on the windowsill, collecting in little puddles before dripping down onto the pavement a few floors below. Isak sits, watching the rain, as he idly scrolls through his phone.

Even’s faint snores can be heard from the bedroom, where Isak had prised himself from his boyfriend only ten minutes before, leaving him sleepy and soft in their bed. He didn’t want to get up. But he had to get up, because nature was a bitch and made him need a piss. Fuck nature for making him leave his beautiful boy in their bed.

So there he was, sitting on the windowsill, checking Instagram. Eva had posted a picture with Vilde. It was cute. Julian Dahl had commented on his recent picture with Even. Isak quickly typed a reply before hopping down from the windowsill and flopping down onto the sofa.

He buried his face on the cushions. It smelt of Even. Not that Isak would admit that. Like, ever.

Isak unlocked his phone again and looked through his pictures. His storage was almost full (again) and he needed to delete some pictures and videos.

The problem was, he was maybe slightly addicted to taking pictures of Even, videos of Even. Pictures of them and Eskild at pride, pictures of Even trying to teach Sana how to cook. (She turned out to be really good.)

Pictures of him eating and sleeping and washing up. A few of him petting dogs. Some of them out on dates. He couldn’t delete those. Hell to the fuck no. He settled on deleting some old biology notes because he had memorised them, being the legend and biology genius he is.

There was a stirring from the bedroom.

“Baby…”, Even called, as he walked through the doorway and slumped onto the sofa next to Isak. Well, on top of Isak pretty much, the Ikea sofa was pretty small, but that’s besides the point.

“Hey. I didn’t want to wake you up so I didn’t go back to bed. You had a really late night last night.”, Isak said as he tucked his chin into the crook of Even’s neck.

“Baby so did you? We both had a late night if I remember correctly.” Even wiggles his eyebrows suggestively so Isak kisses him on the forehead.

Even looks tired. And a bit down. Isak had grown accustomed to noticing the signs. He mentally notes to make sure they get Even’s favourite takeaway later.

Anything to soften the edges of a mean brain that won’t leave Even alone.

Isak kisses him on the forehead again.
Then on the nose.

Even’s hands grip tighter onto Isak’s hoodie.

Isak’s hands stroke Even’s hair fondly, caressing, gentle.
He lets out a sigh as they snuggle up next to each other in between the cushions.

“Baby?”, Even says, raspy morning voice and all, “Did you know I fucking love you?”
Isak’s heard this a million times from this boy.

It never gets old.

His chest still ignites, fireworks dancing in his lungs as the world tips for a moment, and all that is there is Even. Even and his warmth and kindness and radiance.

His smile is wide and Isak swears that he would do anything to bring this boy the happiness he deserves.

“Light of my life.”, Isak replies, as Even presses soft kisses to his cupid’s bow.
“I love you. Things will be okay.”

Even maybe doesn’t know what to say. Maybe things are hard right now. But what he does know is that his boy will stick by him.

Sometimes words are hard. Sometimes they are not enough.

Even tightens his grip on Isak as presses their foreheads together. He hopes that it’s enough.

It is. Isak understands.

And Isak is so incredibly happy. With a boy he loves in an apartment he loves with friends he loves and he’s not fake anymore.

Everything he does is free and real. Him and Even can be who they are and love each other and do soppy shit and all they get are fond grumblings from whoever is lucky enough to be third wheeling that day.

As Even curls into Isak, things don’t magically get better. But it helps to know that they are not alone.

Never alone. Not again.

The grip on Isak’s sweater doesn’t loosen. They stay like that for a while. Curled together, sharing soft kisses, hands entwined.

And it’s enough. Always enough.

@fallingevaks

         Hello, precious audience, how are we all today~?

     I, personally, am tired. I suppose it’s convenient that I’m working from home today– Home is where the coffee is free. Well, not free. Technically I already paid for it…

    …

    I wanted to reorganize my blog and tags (ohhh especially my tags), so I’ll be doing this during the day, and pecking away at some replies I owe. I doubt I’ll be making any actual posts ‘til tomorrow.

    I’m lurking around here and discord and skype, so bother me if you wish. Plot with me. Throw memes at my face. Wake me up a little, mm?

    Thank you all for following,

xKuja xoxoxo

I am emotionally compromised:
•Even and Isak lying in bed, short kisses, open mouths, feeling happy, feeling safe
•Isak and Even openly loving each other and posting about it on social media
•Both of them looking cute and in love in that picture, Even looking so so happy and secure with a boy he knows cares about him
•Isak and Even spending lazy weekends watching TV or listening to Nas and just chilling out in their own apartment: theirs, nobody else’s, and that’s beautiful
•Even taking Isak’s phone and knowing the password, posting a picture of them up close and radiant and glowing
•Isak and Even being happy because they deserve it, and feeling the support of others.
•Even realising that he’ll be okay. And things get better

This is it! This is the big project I’ve been hinting at for quite a while. It’s called W’s 365 Days of Sims and it’s fairly simple to understand… I’m going to post one Sim every day this year! (I must be mad!)

This challenge takes inspiration from Phi Phi O'Hara’s phenomenal 365 Days of Drag - I even stole borrowed the layout, so thanks for the inspiration!

Sometimes I’ll be posting special themed sets of Sims to keep the challenge interested, others will relate to special events and holidays, but they’ll mostly just be new Sims with fun looks and (hopefully) interesting back stories.

I’m sure they’re not all going to be amazing, but I’m hoping I’ll have occasions to really push my Sim making outside of my comfort zone (this will probably develop more as the year goes on.)

I’ll always be looking for suggestions for themes, so please feel free to send them to me - either as a reply to this post or as a private message. All ideas are welcome (…there are no bad ideas when you’ve got 365 Sims to make!)

This is by far the biggest and most ambitious challenge I’ve ever taken on in the Sims, but I’m really hopeful that I can complete it - I may just need a bit if support (or a motivational kick up the arse) from time to time.

Let the year of 365 Sims begin!

release the ghosts trapped within the chapel of your mind
before they break the stained glass windows down.
you can’t expect them to sit quietly
when they were born of putrid fear and rancid rage
and stuffed into your mouth without ceremony or appeal,
therein to fester, your reasons for hating, for flinching, for flight,
for destruction and pestilence and sacrifice,
and for forgiveness.
they did not ask to be.
you’ve made them, each and every one:
justifications for past selves’ selfish actions,
endlessly reliving the worst parts of being flawed and existing to surface in times of pain.
they do not beg forgiveness,
for your grace is not theirs to earn;
your barriers keep you safe and strong,
and they don’t deserve that protection.
you are their unwitting creator,
but with knowledge comes capability,
and you’ve the power to undo them with time.
now-
unbind them from your story and burn the pages.

Suddenly you realize that everything is over, really.  There is no going back, you feel it. And then you try to remember at what point it all began, and you discover it all started before you thought. Long before,  and it’s at that moment; you realize things only happen once. And no matter how hard you try, you’ll never feel the same again. You’ll never have the feeling of being three meters above the sky.