I’m still trying to unpack all of my thoughts and feelings and various interpretations from the finale, and also reconcile those with what Bryan has said to be his intent with how this all played out. Some of those interpretations match up with the word of god, some of them do not at all, but I think all of them are equally valid and can coexist alongside one another at once. Mostly I think it’s clear that even Will wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted or what he was doing, and I feel just as conflicted about what the one “true story” is as he likely did.

One thing is for certain though, even if Will’s plan in the beginning was to kill Hannibal, or to watch Dolarhyde kill Hannibal, once the moment came he simply couldn’t do it. He said these words to Reba earlier in the episode about her relationship with Dolarhyde, and he understood more than anyone precisely what it meant to be in love with a man with a freak on his back. And I think somewhere along the way Will realized there was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing he could do to make himself stop loving Hannibal.

Maybe he wanted him to die, maybe he wanted to run away with him from the beginning and was playing everyone including Hannibal himself, maybe he simply wanted to have just one more moment with him and whatever happened after would be just fine. Maybe he knew they would kill Dolarhyde together and it would be everything Hannibal ever wanted. Maybe Will wanted to give that to him. Wanted to give that to them. Maybe it was all of these at once. I think that is far more likely. Nothing with Will Graham is ever simple or straightforward. Nothing is ever always right or always wrong.

It’s not easy when you know the one person who understands you – every part of you, all your light and dark, all your good and bad, all your best and worst – is someone commonly referred to as a monster. It’s not easy when you see him and he sees you and you’re both laid bare before each other and you know that you will never connect with another person ever again in the way you have with him. You tried to live without him, you really, truly did, but you discovered that you were only lying to yourself. There was never any living without him. Only standing still. Waiting.

And you fear that it will ruin all your good, that his dark will sap your light, but he is magnetic and you are both somehow just alike and you look into his eyes and you know everything he wants to say to you, and he knows everything you want to say to him. He sees right through you. You see right through him.

It’s not easy, but that’s love for you. More often than not it is illogical and stubbornly devoted despite all your knowledge and foresight. You know it’s going to hurt. You know it’s going to ruin you. You want it anyways. And sometimes you want nothing more than to purge yourself of it desperately. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them. Can’t conceive of an existence where you exist and they do not. After a while mutual destruction seems to be the only option.

Whatever Will was thinking when he sent them tumbling into the Atlantic, I don’t think it can ever be entirely narrowed down to one thing. Maybe he was terrified of how peaceful he felt, bathed in the blood of their slaughter, knowing he would always want for it to be that way, the two of them and their beautiful chaos. Maybe he couldn’t picture a more perfect end for the two of them, clinging to one another in the night. Or maybe he wasn’t thinking at all. Maybe he just simply let go and hoped for the best. Or the worst. Or whatever.

He couldn’t kill him, and he couldn’t watch him die, but maybe if they only tumbled into a new life – or a certain death – together, anything that came after would be just fine.


Her head swam, and the sept seemed to move around her. The shadows swayed and shifted, furtive animals racing across the cracked white walls. Catelyn had not eaten today. Perhaps that had been unwise. She told herself that there had been no time, but the truth was that food had lost its savor in a world without Ned. When they took his head off, they killed me too.


“that’s why you’ve got to go.”

this scene has been nagging at me since i last watched doomsday. the doctor all but stamps out his emotions, joking with the others and avoiding rose’s questions. because he can’t let on that losing rose is going to nearly finish him; he can’t guilt her into staying with him when doing so would cost her her family, when her life would be in immediate danger if she stayed in proximity to the opened void. but as i watch rose’s heart break mine responds in kind. because after everything they’ve been through, all the wonders and misadventures and near-death experiences, all the times they’ve rescued each other. in spite of the doctor’s insistence she could “spend the rest of her life with him” and her promise to stay with him “forever,” he intends to send her away again, in what he deems is in her best interest. and like the first time he isn’t giving her a choice; he’s made the decision alone. and she can’t comprehend how he doesn’t understand that she would never willingly separate from him again. even when she rebels against his plan and tells him outright: “i made my choice a long time ago, and i’m never gonna leave you,” he is bewildered by it. truthfully i think he is terrified by how much rose loves him and he loves her in return. because he can never give her a normal human life. he would never expect her to or put her in a position to choose him over anything or anyone else important to her. rose is the single best part of his life, but his fear that he doesn’t deserve her, or even deserve to be happy, is strong enough that he will always be ready to make a sudden decision to protect her even if it means sacrificing his own happiness. but what the doctor doesn’t realize is how much he is hurting her with his words and their implications, his failure to discuss or negotiate the matter with her. rose gets another brief glimpse of just how cold and alien he can sometimes be. but how quickly and easily she forgives him. how apparent it is that his untimely stoicism and inability to communicate his emotions don’t diminish how she cares for him. and time and time again the bravery, loyalty and compassion that define rose tyler will always bring her back to him, even when daleks, satan himself, or entire universes stand in her way.


sketches of persisting’s lengthy eruri fic Audacity 

It’s about the beginnings of teenage, messy haired Levi, and Lieutenant Smith. It’s taken over my entire life, and I am not joking.