otp: what makes you think i care about you

10

Perry Cox and Bob Kelso: Synchronized Grumps

Being an X-Men, and dating Peter Maximoff would include…

(Requested)

  • Having the power to slow down time for short bursts of time, which is both helpful and ironic
  • So whenever you need to find Peter while he’s doing that thing where he never stop running, all you have to do is slow down time in the room he’s in, walk over to him, and whack him over the head
  • “Ow, ow, that’s no fair!”
    “Peter, we’ve gone through this before. You can’t use your powers while we’re playing tag. It’s already bad enough that Kurt got lost trying to teleport to you. Poor guy’s probably stuck in the fridge again.”
  • Being assigned as his caretaker, since after he broke his leg during the battle with Apocalypse, the only person he’s wanted to take care of him was you
  • “Can I have some of that soup you always make?”
  • But naurally, the only thing he wants to do is cuddle in bed
  • He’s somewhat more affectionate with a broken leg, strangely
  • “Peter, I’ve got to go train with the team, or I’m going to be late. Again.”
    “Noooooo…”
  • The team not knowing what to think about your relationship- Sure, the two of you dominate the mansion as the power OTP, but you sure have a strange way of showing it
  • Because sometimes you’ll be at full-fledged war over who ate the last brownie from the fridge
  • “You know I wanted the last one!”
    “Yeah, well, you should’ve thought of that before I ate it.”
  • And then two minutes later, you’ll be making out on the kitchen counter (Much to the dismay of everybody else)
  • “Guys, ew, please. We eat on that table.”
  • In fact, every argument the two of you have always ends with you making out on the nearest possible surface
  • “Please, for the love of god and Kurt’s innocence; get a room!”
  • Him using his speed to piss you off
  • Sometimes he’ll steal your chips while you’re watching Netflix
  • “Damn it, Peter!”
  • Other times he’ll take selfies on your phone whenever you’re hanging out with Jean
  • “Are you kidding me?”
  • He even steals kisses from you every now and then
  • Being unbelievably jealous of his silver hair- like, come on. No matter how many boxes of dye you used, you coud never achieve the perfect silver colour that is his hair
  • ‘Forget about super speed, Pete. I want your hair colour. Is it natural? Do you secretly dye it every week?”
    “Y/n, are you only dating me because of my hair colour?”
    “No, of course not. Your metallic jacket is pretty cool too.”
  • Actually, while we’re on the topic of his jacket, the kids in the X-Mansion will see you all snuggled up in it
  • Of course, Peter usually doesn’t have a clue that you’ve stolen his signature jacket, and’ll have to spend the entire afternoon running around the place, looking for his jacket
  • Having adorable couple nicknames for each other like ‘Satan’, ‘Speedy Little Shit’, and ‘Dumbass’
  • “Hey, Peter Piper, pass the remote.”`

firing away as they gay

Summary: Just because Isak and Even hooked up doesn’t mean that Even actually cares about him, no matter how badly the meddling assholes he calls friends want them to be together. (Much thanks to the actual love of my life @westiris for reading over this, and for trying her hardest to not enable me, even thought it didn’t work.)

Pairing: Isak/Even

Words: 4,315

Isak wishes his friends could fucking stop. He’s not bitter, or incapable of love or anything. He’s just not ready to be in a relationship with anyone, not after the string of meaningless hookups he’d had after coming out, not when he’s so often stuck inside his own head that he can’t imagine himself being good for anyone. Especially not someone like Even Bech Næsheim, who’s somehow standing in his doorway, holding a pack of beers.

Somehow, like Isak doesn’t know perfectly well that the dumb fuckers he calls friends set this up, because they’d somehow gotten it into their heads that Isak and Even would get along. They’re not exactly wrong, but Isak’s trying to scrub the memory of last weekend from his mind. It’s a little difficult though, when Isak remembers Even pushing him against the very door he’s holding open as he nudged his thigh between Isak’s legs and pressed kisses down his neck.

[Ao3]

message to vld shippers

honestly, I don’t care if you are a shaladin, klance or shieth shipper but please DO NOT HARASS someone for what they ship there is a difference between having an opinion and bullying. in my personal opinion klance will always be MY otp but I think shieth can make sense too, if lance wasn’t a character (GOD FORBID) I probably would ship sheith myself, but it just gets into my head that all these accounts have such bad opinions about sheith and that those who do ship it have to deal with all the anti’s bullshit and that if you are an anti don’t bully them this problem has gotten way out of hand and I want it to stop.

Listen.

I don’t care about canon. I don’t care why or how it came about. I don’t care if you think it makes sense.

I don’t care if you hate Sasunarusasu

I don’t care if you hate Naruto

My otp saved one another and knew one another like no one else

They are best friends

That’s what I care about

Keep trying to validate yourself, keep loving canon, keep shipping your ship and by all means, keep being anti sns

It doesn’t change that Sasuke only ever cried and laughed with Naruto

Doesn’t change that Sasuke said with Naruto gone he could finally achieve true darkness and be alone

It doesn’t change that they know each other deeper and more intimately than any other characters on the show and in the manga

They have gone into each other’s minds, seen each other’s hearts

Naruto was the only one willing to burden Sasuke’s hatred and die with him

Canon means nothing to me, your anti SNS rhetoric doesn’t matter. You loving sasusaku and naruhina is irrelevant.

Naruto and Sasuke grew as a pair

And I’m here for them and their love

You can defend and make all the claims you want of your canon shipping.

It means nothing. Because I value something of substance, I value two lonely boys finding a bond with one another

Platonic or not

That’s what I love of Naruto.

sarhh7-deactivated20170123  asked:

LOL! When you officially find out that Vegeta and Bulma have a better marriage than Goku and Chichi… Seriously you all are retarded for shipping a brain damaged retard and a bitch.

Awe, finally i get some hate, i was staring to feel left behind!


<< When you officially find out that Vegeta and Bulma have a better marriage than Gokú and Chichi >>

you really think, that with a message like this you change something? or make me desist about GoChi as my OTP?

haha, how stupid you can be child?

BUT, i do feel honored since i closed anons ask, you have the guts to at least open a blog yourself, cute.

Now, now that you ‘’officially’’ discover this super interesting fact, what do you want? a fucking medal?

Please child, send this asks to people who can be bothered by them, i couldn’t care less if you live or die, what makes you think i care about your thinking?



aaand well i wasnt about to post it right now but just because you seems to love gochi as much as us here:

a wedding photo of the brain damaged retard and the bitch, aren’t they cute?  haha.

Ok so I actually didn't think this would be a problem

So I received an ask that made me both shocked and uncomfortable, requesting ‘certain artwork’ of Nova and Star Dream.

Look, I really didn’t think I would have to say this or make a post about it, but unfortunately I guess I do.

I WILL NOT DRAW NSFW. NONE. NOT OF ANY CHARACTER. I DON’T CARE IF IT IS YOUR OTP OR IF YOU LIKE MY STYLE AND WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT IN IT OR IF YOU JUST WANNA SEE WHAT I WOULD MAKE, I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DRAW SEXUAL CONTENT OF ANY CHARACTER, OFFICIAL OR OC. NOT JUST BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH DOING THAT, BUT BECAUSE I AM UNDERAGE. I AM LEGALLY NOT OLD ENOUGH TO DRAW NSFW ART. AND EVEN WHEN I AM OLD ENOUGH I STILL WON’T.

This isn’t a call out post for NSFW artists, this is a call out post for people requesting NSFW art from minors.

I’m not going to mention the blog who asked me, one because I forgot the URL and two because I don’t mean to get you spammed, but since I deleted your ask consider this your answer: Absolutely positively 100% NO.

anonymous asked:

I dunno how to show how much I miss your works TT The popularity of Sugakookie has been raising the last years as the authors that write about them but, remember or re-reading your works make me feel nostalgic. (+)

Your works are like the old school era of the otp & the best era because there were more authentic OTP shippers. I have no idea what I was thinking when I came here & start writing you but I only want you to know your works have a special place in my OTP bubble word and I don’t care how many awesome writers join us in this ship, you will always be very first sugakookie queen. PS1This sounds like a confession, sorry.  PS2 I hope you don’t think I’m creepy kkk PS3 Hope you’re doing well 

asdfghjklewriobnvksjdnkw;; see why do you guys like making me cry >//<

there are no words for me to explain how much your message means to me. it’s been a long time since i last posted a fic, so to receive words like this- i am just amazed. thank you so much for your thoughtfulness, because your message brightened my week(:

PS1 /throws you multiple hearts/ PS2 you’re not creepy at all ^^ PS3 i’m doing well thank you :> i hope you’re well too!

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG. REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.

TAGGED BY: @jewelfate​ <3 leyby
TAGGING: @reflechir @aninnocentlight @antaci / @akamure @adventson @bulletbtch @bladedlion @divinesight – if you see this you can say i tagged you !

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?:

SoRiKai tops em all
Riku and Sora have gotta be my OTP for Au and Canon
ROXAS and Sora have a really special place in my heart too AUly

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?:

Anything leading up to smut! Also all types of shipping, too, I’m a huge fan of exploring unrequited love, crushes, obsession, poly, asexual, abusive, —- anything you can think of, I’m probably cool with.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?:  

I don’t care about aaaageee lmao i literally don’t know an answer

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:

Yep! Only ever done it with one person? which means I’ve only ever written a handful of kisses and shippy moments. this is broken record-y but specific muse-to-muse chemistry’s super important so I don’t even consider shipping with the counterpart of my otp until i’ve written with that specific portrayal, headcanon’d with that specific mun. we also need to be friends c:
However the muse can be whoever! KH-based / neighbouring fandom, right through to OC, doesn’t matter uvu

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW?:

theyyyy don’t.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:

For every ship I have I /prefer/ them as friends because the lines always hella blurred anyway but shipping can be really adorable and I probably have a lot of headcanons for both ;; – Kairi, Axel (in a weird, not entirely healthy way I guess - or AU), Namine, Xion (AU), I?? think that’s all I can think of

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

yep! 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?:

tbh I’m sure I could go on forever not doing it and still survive but once I get my first real taste at doing it I’ll probably be singing to a different tune :’|

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:  

Yes!

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

Reading this I want to hear ur professional opinion

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

My OTPs?? LOL 

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

Gather up ideas, plots, songs, headcanons, heartbreaks—-come find me, throw them at me. smother me in it all and leave me there to fester. I’ll come back with just as much and if it’s able to render us both to tears, it’s a go :’|

chiaki73  asked:

1, 6, 9, 11, 13 for Vled (you've been really into that series and I thought you might wanna salt about him) and 17?

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

I do not understand the appeal of Na////egir///i. It’s all over the place, but I don’t get it. I don’t even think the two of them have much chemistry. And Kirgir’s pretty boring.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Mmmm…I don’t think so. I can think of pairings that I used to not care about or something that fandom was able to make me enjoy, but I don’t think I’ve been able to enjoy a pairing that I once hated. If I think of something, I’ll post about it, but for now, I don’t think so.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

My most disliked characters are always just characters who do really gross things all the time and fail to really be interesting in spite of that. Even if a character is horrible as a person, I can at least appreciate them as a character if they’re interesting, sympathetic, or entertaining. I think I’m pretty forgiving. The only exceptions are characters who hurt small children for really selfish reasons. *coughShouTuckercough* Aside from that, the biggest crime a character can commit is being awful and boring.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

SAM! Because the fandom is dumb and hypercritical. I actually like Yamada Hifumi. Way more than Han//amura. I think his ftes can be pretty interesting, and he’s a fun character to try and understand. Plus, I think his motive is pretty commendable, all things considered. I can understand why people can’t get into him, but it does make me a bit sad that nobody really gives him a chance and lumps him together with Han//amura so much.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

I would be delighted to salt about Vled!

Vlad is far from being the most interesting and sympathetic character in the DP universe. Do I understand enjoying him? Yes. He’s entertaining and has some interesting parallels with the protagonist that can be fun to analyze. Do I understand sympathizing with him? Yes, actually. He’s creepy and does awful things, sure, but I do realize that he had something pretty awful happen to him, and it’s understandable that he’s become kinda messed up.

It’s just…out of all the characters, I don’t get why he’s the one everyone woobifies. I ranted about Desirée yesterday, and she is so tragic! I think she deserves way more love. Johnny and Kitty have some stuff that deserves to be explored more. Ember’s popular, sure, but even she could use more attention when compared to Vlad. It’s criminal how little attention Wulf and Dorathea get, and Dani’s tag is!!! Way!!! Too!!! Barren!!! I barely see anything about Poindexter, and it’s very possible his cause of death was suicide. Or what about Youngblood? He’s just a little kid! Maybe 8, at the oldest! There are so many characters that would be fun to explore more, but for some reason, so much of the fandom’s focused on Vlad, and it’s a bit annoying.

I still think he’s entertaining and a good villain, though. Doesn’t deserve a redemption arc, but the show wouldn’t be the same without him.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Can I take Mon//aka out of dr3 and actually give Miaya some real screentime? Please?

Salty Ask List

anonymous asked:

1, 2, 4, 27

1.   What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*
20 years since I’ve read the Thrawn trilogy and I still don’t get Luke/Mara.  WHERE IS THE CHEMISTRY. WHERE IS THE OTHER 90% OF MARA’S PERSONALITY.  IS THERE SOME COMIC OR OBSCURE LEGENDS SHORT STORY THAT WILL MAGICALLY MAKE ME CARE ABOUT LUKE/MARA? WHY DID ALL MY 1990S NERD FRIENDS CARE SO HARD ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP. WHY.

2.Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?* 
Jyn/Cassian I think.  I have zero interest in reading about a romantic relationship between them but I would for sure read 100k words about them recovering from their fucked up lives and learning to be friends with another human being.  But I found the lack of romantic tension in Rogue One really refreshing, sooooo I’ve pretty much been avoiding its fandom for the most part

4.   Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*
I don’t know if it’s really a popular OTP anymore but Obi-wan/Anakin trips just about every squick I have on its way to vomit town

27. Least shippable character? 
Goddammit.  I was going to say Yoda, then I remembered that scene from some book where he’s like OOOOOH COUNT DOOKU TURN ME TO THE DARK SIDE.  Then I was going to say Palpatine but I remembered that one paragraph from the ROTJ novelization about Vader’s secret lusts and wild submission and I just don’t know anymore.  Maybe something objectively gross like Droopy McCool, but then again I thought Yoda and Palpatine were also objectively gross and look at what happened there, god save us all.

maybe it’s every character in rogue one since they all apparently had to DIE because GOD FORBID we explain that the rebellion is maybe more than like twenty dudes and half a dozen x wings.  Like maybe Admiral Radduss could have been halfway across the galaxy doing other shit when the time came to attack the death star? ISN’T THE DEATH STAR ATTACK NOT THE KIND OF MISSION YOU WOULD WANT TO FLING YOUR ENTIRE FLEET AT ANYWAY WHEN YOUR ONLY HOPE AT BLOWING IT UP IS A ONE MAN FIGHTER SNEAKING UNDERNEATH ITS DEFENSES??? SO WHY NOT LIKE nahhh that’s too hard to explain. death star everyone right in the face

the least shippable ship in star wars is me/satisfaction with star wars

JUST STOP PLEASE

It’s really unpleasant to see people getting internet bullied, just because they watch the show for one pairing. Please, as if most of you haven’t just watched something for one character or couple before. I DO get that’s annoying when some people keep replying to everything not involving their fave couple or chara with stuff like, “I’m only watching this for those guys, so there people are sooooo boring for me to watch” or “I think this season is worse, cause the focus is on a chara I don’t care about” LIKE OKAY, I get it. That really can be irritating. HOWEVER, do you know what’s also irritating? Tons and tons of posts complaining about that! In fact, I’ve seen more posts complaining about that happening then it ACTUALLY happening! And you know what’s even worse? Some people aren’t even fetishizing any couples or being annoying about their ship, they just make one post about their otp or a cute moment or whatever and INSTANTLY get attacked by hordes of people, like wtf!? Please. Let’s all just stop and be civil.There’s no need to be unpleasant and attack every chance you get. It would be for the best, if you let some things slide, and if you really really want to talk to someone and teach them about fetishizing or whatever, you can just privately talk to them. Okay? Okay.

Movie Night
  • Simon: Raphael, please, you have to watch at least one movie with me.
  • Raphael: Look, if I cared even the slightest about two humans falling in love 50 different times with the same generic looking people, I would go visit the Shadowhunters.
  • Simon: It isn't a love movie!! It's an action movie. Come on, I'm positive you'll like 'Civil War'.
  • Raphael: No.
  • Simon: We could...cuddle?
  • Raphael: What makes you think I want to cuddle?
  • Simon: Because you'll be cuddling with me.
  • Raphael: Fu-Fine.

SHIPPING INFO        /       answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.   /            REPOST   don’t reblog.


WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE ?

i think i would have to say elijah/hayley but i have SO MANY ships for him.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING ?

i like some characterdevelopment, angst, fluff, or really anything,

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE ?

as long as they are both consenting adults i’m okay.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING ?  

yes and no, elijah is someone who does get attached to the people that he cares about and while he can develop feelings he does struggle to vocalize those.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW ?

when its moving part making out.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH ?

honestly, i can ship elijah with just about anyone but my favorites or what i want to see is elijah / katherine, elijah / gia. i ship him with anyone as long as they have chemistry.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU ?

not really but i would love to plot it out.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP ?  

as long as it is natural and not forced i’m okay with shipping any time. 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP ?  

yes!

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS ?

i  can be both. i do love shipping but i also love seeing character development in other areas.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM ?  

i love SO MANY but i think kol / davina, hayley / elijah, and i loved cami / klaus.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU ?

send me a meme or message me!!! 

tagged  by :   @magicallyused
tagging : @wclfgirl @sousestime @loveconsumed @megaraa @meticia @moonsworn

You guys continue to reaffirm my beliefs when I first joined the wonderful Maleval fandom: I’m lucky enough to be a part of one of the coolest, most supportive, dedicated and respectful communities ever. 

I can’t even wrap my head around how this fandom has such a high concentration of truly sweet, good-hearted people—just WOW. 

So that said, I wanted to thank you. I hope we continue to grow in not only appreciation of the characters of Maleficent and each other’s creativity, but in friendship and camaraderie. And I have no doubt that that is exactly what will happen. I love you guys with all of my heart, I really do. God Bless you all!

Wanna Say That Again, Bitch?

I love bitches who think they can change my mind about my OTPs by saying, “they aren’t gay! Seriously, not everyone is gay! You can’t make them. Its not right!”

Well, I have a news flash for you bitch, I don’t fucking need you to validate their sexual orientation. I am quite aware that they are not gay, but me pairing them together, writing endless fanfiction and making up scenarios in my head of how they would kiss is not harming anyone.

Let a fangirl live. I don’t care what you think because your bullshit has no space in my bubble of OTP happiness.
I’m just gonna be here, filing my nails and sipping my tea as you try to prove an invalid point :)

Originally posted by vivid-vodka-visions

“You love her. And for what it’s worth, she feels the same.”
“Supergirl loves you” 
“I would be jealous of anyone you loved. James I am…” 
“For what we’re trying to do here together. For us.” 
“What’s so bad about falling?”
“He’s the most caring, committed, passionate man I’ve ever known.” 
“I think he’s the truest hero I’ve ever known.”
“How about you go find a certain ex-photojournalist with a penchant for tight shirts who makes you smile more than anyone else I’ve ever seen do?”
“You make a better hero” 
“I care about you a lot, James Olsen”
“I don’t wanna let go”

@ CW WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS?!?! 

I saw this post floating around assigning Hogwarts houses to different Greek Gods and I have to say, Aphrodite wouldn’t be in any other house but Slytherin. Here’s why:

Let’s start with one of my favorite things about her, she started a war without lifting a finger all because she refused to be second best in the beauty pageant; her weapons were her words and her cunning mind, knowing exactly what to say to get what she wanted. Ever hear of something called the Trojan War? The one about the wooden horse and Helen of Troy, not the virus or the condom, just to clarify. Anyway, you see, when this hero who did this one thing (because this post is about Aphrodite) Peleus married Thetis, a sea-nymph, all the gods were invited, except the goddess Eris (I’ve seen her as Slytherin but honestly I see her more as a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw but that’s another topic).

So Eris goes back to Mount Olympus and writes about it in her diary and puts a piece of her soul inside of it and Harry, wait, wrong story. No, Eris didn’t go cry about not being invited. She sends a gift to the newlyweds out of the kindness of her heart, a golden apple with the inscription, “For the fairest,” placed upon the banquet table for all to see. Immediately every single goddess argues that it’s their beauty that made them the rightful owner of the apple.

So eventually they all thought, “Hey, I have a brill idea. Instead of asking a mirror, let’s go ask 11th Century’s Hottest Man Alive, Trojan’s very own hunk, Orlando Bloom, I mean, Paris.”

You know, the guy who basically kidnapped Helen, Helen of Troy, who just so happened to be married to the King of Sparta. But being a total babe, and probably a lot to do with being a shepherd without a lot to offer anyone but his good looks and sword fighting skills *wink, wink* might have had a little to do with his bad judgment.

But this about Aphrodite, so anyway, the owner of the golden apple was narrowed down to Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite. And the goddess Dione who didn’t make the cut, even though in some myths she is the mother of Aphrodite and was probably all, “I, like, invented her, you know what I mean?”

So instead of asking the women why they thought they deserved the apple, or even judging them by their looks, Paris is like, “Well, I’ll choose who is the fairest of them all, if you can tell me how I’ll benefit from choosing the winner.” He probably flashed a charming smile and then asked, “Contestant number oooooone, what can you give me so I’ll pick you as Queen Bee?”

Hera totally cleared her throat and said, “because I am a Queen, bitch. Also, if you choose me, everything the light touches will be yours. I can make you ruler of this flat world. You’ll live like a king. You will be a king!”

“That’s not good enough! Contestant number two, do you think you can top giving me the world?”

And, Athena was like, “Dude, really, I’m the goddess of being a badass. Why just hand you the world, when I can make you victorious in every battle and you can seize the world yourself? They’ll write stories about your heroics and bravery during battle forever. Women will flock to you and statutes will be built in your honor. I mean, Brad Pitt is going to outshine you in your own story, but I just can’t help that, he’s Brad Pitt. He’d have the whole package if it wasn’t for those weak ankles.”

And Paris was like, “If Brad Pitt is going to be shirtless then I’m screwed and I do like the idea of being more than looked at as a hero instead of just a hot piece of ass. Contestant number three, what can beat having the world in my hands and flocks of women at my side?”

So, Aphrodite being the goddess of love, beauty, and sex (procreation and pleasure, but come on, let’s just call it what it is) happens to be around men a lot in her profession. Aphrodite knew how they worked, she knew what they prayed for, and what they lusted over. She knew of something far stronger than any power that ruling over the world or having the satisfaction of a thousand admirers and she knew Paris wouldn’t hesitate to take what she had to offer him.

So, she looked Paris up and down and said, “From hottie to hottie, look at you, Paris. Doesn’t it make sense that you get together with the world’s hottest woman alive? Plus, you guys are kind of my otp. Think about it, why have the empty love of women who don’t even care to know you, when you can have the love of the most beautiful woman on earth who looks at you as the king of her world?”

And Paris was like, “Yeah! Why have the world when I can be the world to the hottest chick alive even though I’ve never even really talked to her…but oh my god, look at that face.”

Without even thinking about the consequences of screwing with Sparta, Paris said to the three contests, “Hera, Athena, I’m sorry you have to hear me say this to Aphrodite, but, Aphrodite….you are Greece’s Next Top Model!”

Naming Aphrodite fairest of them all, she kept her word and gave Helen to Paris. And they lived happily ever.

Haha, no.

No.

They didn’t.

So, moral of the story, Aphrodite is totally a Slytherin using her resourcefulness to win what she already knew. She also had so much confidence that she would be named a top contender that she knew her empty promises of happily ever after would get her what she wanted. Her cunning ambition for winning said apple was to basically just say, “I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m popular.”

Not to mention her self-preservation to remind others who they’re messing with. You don’t scorn the queen bee.

Aphrodite is romanticized because of her title as goddess of love, but she is smart, and clever, and manipulative, and vindictive, and kind, and loving, and determined, and powerful, and a motherfucking Slytherin.