Regardless of whether Zhan is aware that he loves Jian Yi isn’t really the most important part of this chapter.
Jian Yi is in a constant internal struggle that his emotions and his sexual orientation, is wrong, or disgusting. Which is common for the average day youth now. Coming out of the closet is a BIG deal especially infront of your crush whom is also your best friend, and has ALSO been there since you were a kid.
Losing Zhan is like losing a part of Jian Yi, he’s lived a life being next to him, and only being attracted to him. In his lonely life yeah he has classmates, pals and a mother, but his attraction to those around him has never been close to touching what he shares with Zhan, and his mother is clearly busy trying to protect her son, which means she is out of the picture alot.
Being ACCEPTED, is probably one of the biggest things Jian Yi needed. To be assured that what he feels isn’t wrong, and that he isn’t disgusting for being gay, and in love with his best friend.
It would be great if Zhan told him he loved him back, but keep in mind, that he accepted Jian Yi for who he is, for what he likes, and doesn’t seem to want to shy away from him after all that. It would be great if they could become lovers but honestly, sometimes a deep friendship can be more meaningful than a careful relationship.
That’s disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get– why would– I’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It’s none of your- you have- the nerve, the audacity, Ben is my boss, technically. And he is terrible, face-wise. And how- how- do I know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with him? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off? Hmm check and mate.