otp: she's pretty great

mum's been watching parade's end
  • mum: that cumberbund person? (this isn't the benadryl crabbiecakes meme manifesting in my mum, she regularly appelates celebrities and other people she doesn't really care about with weird mondegreens, or do I mean malapropisms? I digress) the one who was in the movie that was a play?
  • me: bendover crappysnatch? august: osage county?
  • mum: yes. he's quite a good actor, isn't he?
  • me: yes.
  • mum: terribly unattractive though.
  • me: right though?
  • mum: he looks - he looks - I don't know -
  • me: like an anaconda in a flesh toned balaclava? like a horse in a man suit? his face is a foot? he looks like the x-files theme tune sounds?
  • mum: yes, all of that, but i was going to say he looks like an axlotl had a baby with an otter
  • me: oh
  • me: my
  • me: god

i tried to explain harry styles to my mother (who knows nothing about one direction). what i said was that he is a part of the world’s biggest boyband, he wore glitter boots, had a princess party wearing a heart shirt, eats fruit on stage and tells off his bandmates for objectifying women. her response was “ok, so he is a person who wants to be human rather than being defined by his gender.” doesn’t that about sum it up?