otp: saved me from the monsters

1000+ words of parent!phan headcanon:

because parent!phan makes me so weak !

- phil brings up kids over dinner one night, startling dan so much that he chokes on his wine for a few seconds. it’s surprising; between the two of them, dan’s usually the one to discuss domesticities like that. “kids? are you sure?” phil’s smile is hesitant, but there’s an excitement in his eyes that’s contagious. “yeah, i think i am. a little dan junior running around might be fun.”  dan rolls his eyes even as happiness surges through his heart. “ok , first of all, we are not calling him that.” the next morning, phil wakes up to a surrogate agency flyer taped to the coffee pot, with an appointment date scrawled on the bottom in dan’s messy script.

-once they decide on a surrogate, dan insists that phil be the one to send in his DNA. he claims it’s because he doesn’t want their child to have his proneness to existential crises, but it’s really because the cerulean shade of phil’s eyes is a genetic miracle that must be continued.

- they spitball baby names to each other on a constant basis, going so far as to attach a dry erase board on the refrigerator to keep track of all their options. “winston” tops the list, courtesy of phil. there’s also “delia”, “elizabeth", “christopher", and many more, gathered from childhood memories or favorite books and movies or even heard in passing as they walked through town. “child susan” is crossed out several times, as is “phan”. dan takes baby names very seriously, thank you very much.

-phil’s room gets remodeled into a nursery, filled with toys and clothes that arrive in boxes under dan’s name. he makes sure to order from both the “girls” and “boys” section from harrod’s - there’s no way in hell he’s going to let gender roles affect his kid.

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Really dumb royalty/fantasy OTP AUS

-Im royalty in hiding and i need to get to the coastline can you give me a ride i’ll compensate you when im back in powe- wait am i gonna have to hide in the big ass hay pile? NO WAY I’LL WALK.
-You think I’m slaying this dragon to save you, but honestly the heads gonna look super cool on my wall and the local wizard said they’d pay me if i get them some claws… so sorry about the mix up BYE.
-We should probably run AWAY from that giant monster but you think its just misunderstood and just needs love and attention. Why did i even bring you, you ALWAYS DO THIS.
-Listen, I’m buying this potion for a /friend/, why would /I/ need a growth potion hahahaha (character must be very small for this)
-I refused to marry the heir to our ally’s throne, and my dad the king understands but he wants to know why and i can’t exactly say that our allies kid is butt ugly and super rude… long story short i know you’re some random servant but please just marry me so my dad thinks i’m already too in love to marry the other person.
-(Alternatively) “No way am i marrying some kid i don’t even know dad, and i love you but you can’t make me-” *Sees other person* “…well helloooo there. You’re the ally’s heir?… Just… gimme a few days, I think I’ve changed my mind.”
-I may or may not be deserting the royal army, can i just stay in your cottage for a few days? Like, about the amount of time before they sail too far away to come get me back?
-Yes, I am a werewolf. No, I am not going to transform for you. *Points to not full moon/sun* Does that look like a full moon to you? No, it doesn’t. Now. Leave. Me. Alone.
-I swear I’m not lying, I fell asleep in a fairy ring and I really have no idea how i ended up in your stable without my pants. Please don’t kill me.

2

in the stories you’ve read as a child, there is a girl and there is a monster and the girl always falls in love with the monster. the girl’s love for her monster is so pure it becomes his salvation. 

your story is different. you fall in love with a boy who has so much good in him and he loves you so much. you think your story is over and this is your happy ending but you forgot that your story isn’t a fairytale,

it’s a tragedy.  

you fell in love with a boy and your love couldn’t save him. you fell in love with a boy and your love drove him mad. you fell in love with a boy and turned him into a monster.

6

“I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man…”