otp: like this

Dabi working at McDonald’s headcanons 

  • hates this uniform and hates this job
  • the first thing he said when he walked through the door on his first day was “where’s the clown”
  • says “oooops” everytime he drops the meat
  • “my bad” he says as he picks it from the floor and puts it back in the hamburger
  • when people try to pay with too many coins he says “I don’t know math so you’re gonna have to count all that on your own”
  • they change their mind every single time
  • walks to his coworkers who were already working there before him and tells them “from what animal does this meat come from. you can trust me I’ve probably eaten worse things”
  • yells a soft and steady “aaaaaaah” through the mic when he gets bored 
  • “our french fries are not even french”
  • when someone asks for an ice cream he makes sure to heat it enough that it’ll melt the moment they try to eat it
  • “it wasn’t melting when I gave it to you also don’t know what refund means good luck next time”
  • when he has to go make sure that kids aren’t going crazy in the playpen he just casually sneaks in like
  • “how you doin’ here you gremlins”
  • “how old are you? five? when I was your age I was already six”
  • when someone says that they want to speak to the manager he just says “the manager is dead”
  • if they insist he actually calls the manager who goes “Dabi…” the moment he sees what the situation is
  • Dabi is like “hey Bob”
  • the only reason why he doesn’t get fired is because during his job interview he said that the reason why he wanted the job was to keep his mind focused in something that wasn’t mass murder
  • “I would like a milkshake” “they fucking suck but sure why not we all have to die of something”

Imagine if you will, Gav’s our favorite hacking frontman-ing gremlin, strapped to a chair at the mercy of a rival crew going, 100% seriously. “YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ME, SELL MY ORGANS ON THE BLACK MARKET, LIGHT THE PENTHOUSE ON FIRE, TRASH MY ROOM, BEAT UP MY FRIENDS, I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING JUST DON’T HURT MY LAPTOP. DON’T HURT HER, SHE’S NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG, SHE’S SO GOOD AND SHE PROCESSES STUFF SO FAST AND SHE HACKS INTO STUFF REALLY WELL AND I LOVE HER, KILL ME INSTEAD JUST BE GOOD TO HER, SHE DESERVES SO MUCH.” and Geoff is trying to rub his throbbing temples with bound hands because this is shaping up to be the third time this month Gavin’s blown trade secrets for his fucking computer. Doesn’t matter if he weaseled his way out of captivity and killed them rival motherfuckers before any of that sensitive information got out, its still annoying.

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