Do you recall the time you asked me if I remembered how it feels like to look at the clock in anticipation because I know he’s right out there waiting for me? And I said no, because nobody had ever made me feel like that.
I know now, I do. I know how it feels like to have a home outside of your house, to have a shelter to hide from rain, to have an oxygen tank by your side when life became too suffocating. He’s my pole star to enlighten the way when I’m lost. He’s my pillow I gently put my head on when to live turns into carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders. When everything shatters and falls apart he stands even firmer, I don’t know how he does that. When every wall I lean on tumbles down, he catches me. When every time I reach out my hand, he holds it tightly.
When I’m in danger, I know he will come for me.
The first time I felt that certainty, the air that came out of my lungs refused to get in. It made me slowly find the ground and notice the sting of the blade that went through my heart. I know it will always be a part of me now.
When I’m with him, I feel invincible. As if I’m a superhero of those comics he enjoys so much to read. Like I can defy gravity and fly to stars, like I can defeat my nightmares, and, his too.
How do you love someone? How do you love someone so badly, so terribly, so desperately? How do I learn to always have an open frailty for everyone to hurt me?
I always thought needing someone was a weakness. Then he taught me to need is to be human. None of us have armours made of iron and steel.
I know now, Allison. Can you hear me? I know now.